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What Cancer Can't Do
Cancer is so limited....
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot quench the spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection.
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Just some thoughts:
You know it's funny. Folks you thought would be there for
you 100% aren't.....but others (the ones you'd least expect) are your biggest
supporters. I've just been absolutely overwhelmed with the caring and concern
of so many special friends and family members. And I never, ever forget how
very fortunate I've been so far with chemo. No, I don't feel absolutely 100%
great and those days when I'm just draggin' aren't my favorites. Yet when I
hear others speak of how sick chemo made them, all I can say is THANK YOU,
GOD. Hey, let's face it -- it's bad enough knowing you've got cancer,
undergoing surgery, chemo and being bald. That in itself adds up to a pretty
gigantic emotional roller coaster ride -- a ride that not only affects you, but
everyone around you.
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August 12, 2005:
Had a hot lunch date with a cute 20 year old male. I've
known Michael Weesner since he was a tiny baby. What a joy to see the fine
young man he has grown up to be. He's home on vacation this week and took the
time to take an old bald headed lady out to lunch. Love you kiddo.
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Always when I worked I had a housekeeper. After I retired a few year ago I
decided I could do it myself. Last January I fell and broke my left knee cap.
Well, that kinda put a stop to any kind of house cleaning on my part. Hired
someone who called herself a "housekeeper" but, WOW, did she leave a lot to be
desired. Kept looking and finally last week an ANGEL appeared in my life. I
found Patsy. Not only did I find a housekeeper; I found a good friend and she
has got my house absolutely sparkling. That's enough to make anybody feel
great. Wanna meet my angel? Here she is:
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August 19, 2005:
To The Cancer Center for a blood test and a visit with the
oncologist. White blood count a little low which accounts for the occasional
bone weary days but, all in all, a good report.
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August 26, 2005:
Chemo #3....and I remembered to take my camera. Here I am all hooked up
getting that "nasty" stuff. Note the nice view out the window. I learned
today that The Longview Cancer Center has been there for approximately 15
years. (Yeah, I'm nosy -- I just ask all kinds of questions.) Some of the
nicest people are there as volunteers and they make the rounds offering snacks:
soup, crackers, drinks, etc. The signs say "For Patients Only" but they always
try to feed Ronnie, too. :o) WOW, today they were serving Bodacious Barbecue,
potato salad and baked beans and, of course, I didn't pass on that. YUMMY!
..........and I just gotta introduce you to my fave chemo lady, Charlotte.
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August 29, 2005:
Back to Longview for a Nulasta shot. Sure glad Hurricane Katrina didn't
interfere with my trip -- a little rain on the way home, but that was it.
Stopped by The Women's Health Botique -- thought I might get a little crazy and
buy another color wig. Well, scratch that thought. Evidently I am just
destined to be GREY!!!!!! The dark wigs looked just awful!!!!!!! Found one
auburn one I could have lived with, but Ronnie has such an aversion to RED
hair, I couldn't do that. OH WELL!!!!
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Just some thoughts:
I should have mentioned before now that I've had a wonderful MENTOR throughout
this adventure. My first cousin's daughter - does that make her my second
cousin? Whatever, she's 33 and was diagnosed shortly before I was. She has
taken the first step on everything and led me along the way. Her name is Mindy
and she has been such an inspiration to me. Here's a picture of her and her 7
year old son. You can read her story here:
Mindy's Story
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Why has Chemo been so much easier for me than it has others? I don't
know..........but, folks, I go to sleep at night saying "Thank you, God" and I
wake up in the mornings saying "Thank you, God." I never for a moment forget
how blessed I am.
September 10, 2005:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! .....and what a grand day it was: phone calls, visits,
cards, gifts, etc. from family, real life friends and also internet friends.
NOPE -- don't mind a bit telling you how old I am. I'm 61.
September 16, 2005:
Chemo #4. YEA -- this is the half way mark and the last of the Adriamycin &
Cytoxan treatments.
September 19, 2005:
This is the day for a Nulasta shot. Nothing like an 80 mile round trip just
to get a shot. OH WELL. Texas temperatures are not supposed to be 100° in
September......but that's sure what the thermometer said today. Guess I should
have
gone on home instead of stopping at the Dollar Store. Geez, didn't think I was
gonna make it back to the car. Then had to sit there awhile before I could
drive home. Not sure if it was the shot, the heat, or a combination of the two
-- but I was sure light headed and shaky.
September 29, 2005:
Red blood count is dropping a bit, but not enough for a shot or medication.
My nails are darkening down close to the cuticles, especially the thumbnails
and big toenails. This is caused by the Adriamycin. Looks like my days of not
shaving my legs are over. The hair is growing back AND I had to pluck a couple
of chin whiskers the other day. Now that I could definitely live without. Oh
well.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please visit the
and click on the pink button that says FUND FREE MAMMOGRAMS. You can visit
and click once a day and each click helps women who can't afford a Mammogram.
October 7, 2005:
Chemo #5. I must admit I was a little nervous anticipating this one since it
and the next three are a different medication from the first four. Prior to
getting
Taxotere
(the new medication),
Dexamethasone
is prescribed to help prevent reactions. The most common side effects of
Taxotere are fatique, muscle pain, numbness or tingling in hands and feet and a
rash on various body areas.
October 8, 2005:
Hey, this may be better than a sleeping pill. I was told to rest if I was
tired. Heck, I fell asleep in the bathtub this morning and then had another
nap this afternoon. So far no other reactions at all. Fingers crossed hoping
that continues to be the case.
October 14, 2005:
Geez, I've been feeling progressively worse all week. In today for blood tests
and both red and white counts are low. Got two shots: Aranesp for the red
blood count and Nulasta for the white. Along with being just totally
exhausted, I'm having deep, achy pain in my lower back and hips. NOPE, this
isn't much fun at all. I've been trying to get by without pain pills.......but
I'll take one before going to bed tonight. And I forgot to mention that along
with feeling so lousy, my taste buds have gone totally BONKERS. Everything
tastes like cardboard. Needless to say, that doesn't make eating too
enjoyable. But, even at that, I'm so very thankful that I've had no nausea.
October 19, 2005:
Finally feeling a tiny dab more human -- made it through the day without a
pain pill. Heck, I even managed to empty the dishwasher BUT it took two tries
to get it finished. OK, I admit I'm not superwoman -- I called my
sister-in-law and asked if she could take me to see the oncologist tomorrow.
October 27, 2005:
OK, I'm quite sure I'm going to survive. I feel really good today. Weather is
fantastic and Jaz & I were outside for awhile. Hey, I even did some laundry
and baked a cake. Of course, I can't help but dread going back tomorrow for
another treatment.
October 28, 2005:
Chemo #6. On the way to chemo today, Ronnie and I were discussing where to
eat when we finished. I mentioned Chinese (knowing full well that's not an
option for him) Sometimes meals are provided for chemo patients. (I think
various sales reps fund it.) What a nice surprise when Chinese food was served
today. Quite tasty. YUMMY!!!! I got what I wanted and Ronnie opted to come
home and eat leftovers.
October 29, 2005:
Woke up with heartburn and by early afternoon my back and hips were aching.
And, once more, EVERYTHING tastes like cardboard. But, at least this time, I
know what to expect instead of it being such a surprise like last time.
November 7, 2005:
CHEMO IS NOT FOR SISSIES!!!!!!!!!
What a week! Guess I just thought I knew what to expect. Last Sunday I was
in the kitchen slicing tomatoes and next thing I knew I was on the sofa and
Ronnie was calling 911. Fortunately he was standing behind me and caught me
before I fell. (Last thing I remember is thinking "this tomato sure is hard to
slice.") I was already feeling somewhat better by the time the ambulance and
medics arrived. Blood pressure was low, low, low. Ronnie really wanted me to
go to Emergency Room, but I just couldn't see that being on the agenda since
after 10-15 minutes it wasn't quite so low.
The next day my sister-in-law took me for Nulasta shot (white blood count) and
I talked with Dr. Koya. OOOPS -- he agreed with Ronnie that I should have gone
to ER. Oh well. Seems I probably didn't eat enough or drink enough throughout
the day and that may have caused it.
The rest of the week was pretty much miserable: achy pain in back, hips and
down the back of my legs -- absolutely no energy and everytime I got still I
went to sleep -- it was like every inch of my body was tired. For once, no one
had to urge me to take pain pills. I can assure you, this was not the most
stellar week I've ever had in my life!
Went back Friday for Aranesp shot (for red blood count). Went by myself, but
was totally 100% exhausted when I got home.
By Sunday I knew I was gonna live. THANK YOU, GOD. Today I feel just real
close to human. Cleaned the kitchen and did most of the laundry. YEAH. If
this continues, I'll have almost two weeks of GOOD before the next chemo. I
can live with that.
November 11, 2005:
Appointment with Dr. Koya.........and I took a new friend with me. Earlier I
mentioned my angel of a housekeeper. Well, she works for another lady, too --
AND small world, that lady also has breast cancer. Her name is Janet Mathews.
We've been eMailing and talking on the phone. The more we talked, the more
ironic it got. She lives 30 miles from me in the town where my granddaughter
goes to school. Janet's daughter and my Jena are in the same grade and she
also knows my son and daughter-in-law. WOW.
She hasn't started chemo yet so I thought it might be helpful if I introduced
her to the chemo ladies and showed her around a bit. Yes, it's quite possible
to have a nice social visit at the doctor's office. Then we had lunch at a
little out-of-the-way Chinese restaurant that I had never heard of. It was
great. Finally, someone who likes Chinese as much as I do.
I thoroughly enjoyed the day, BUT was I ever exhausted when I got home. Let
Jaz out to do her business and then hit the recliner. Guess the neuropathy
side effects of chemo finally kicked in because my feet/ankles were swollen and
tingly/numb feeling. Kept getting cramps in my toes -- that doesn't feel good
at all.
November 15, 2005:
I'm so tired of being tired! Oh, did I mention that it looks like Taxotere is
going to do away with the rest of my eyebrows and eyelashes? BUMMER! Not gone
completely, but they are ever so thin.
Today has probably been the most mentally/emotionally BLAH day I've
had........but I'm quite sure tomorrow will be better. YEAH, it's just gotta
be. My taste buds are almost back to normal, but I'm sure that Chemo #7 on
Friday will make everything taste like cardboard again. OH WELL -- after that
ONLY ONE MORE TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!
Nobody ever said this was going to be easy. It's just something I had to do.
I know, I know, I've done a bit more complaining in the last couple of
weeks........but even at that, I feel so fortunate that it's been easier for me
than it is for lots of folks. I'll never be able to thank everyone for the
prayers, notes and well wishes that I've received. And, you know, I truly
believe that one can just NEVER have too many prayers. Faith comes in there
right along with the prayers. I don't know how folks can get through life
without prayers and faith...........and certainly I don't know how they can get
through something like CANCER without them.
November 18, 2005:
Chemo #7. Can't help but wonder if reactions after this one are going to be
as traumatic as last time.
November 23, 2005:
I have an answer to that last question. NOPE, not too bad. Joint/muscle
aches but I felt good enough to go by myself Monday to get the Nulasta shot.
Well, my hunka black dog, Jaz, rode with me. Must admit it was a pretty tiring
trip and we both took a nap when we got home. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I
feel as if I could write a book on things I'm thankful for. Just to scratch
the surface, I'm thankful for life, love, family and friends. And so very
thankful that chemo is almost over -- only ONE more to go.
But, I do have one complaint -- wouldn't you know my CARDBOARD taste reaction
would be kicking in here right at Thanksgiving. We're going to my
sister-in-law's tomorrow and she is a fantastic cook. Eating without tasting
is just no fun at all.
I just realized that while I'm saying what I'm thankful for that I don't have a
picture anywhere of my kiddos. They are all the loves of my life (of course,
along with Ronnie) My two sons, their wives and my granddaughter. Sure wish
Denise had been here for this picture but she and Todd will be here for
Christmas and I can get a picture of everybody then.
November 27, 2005:
For sure this wasn't the best Thanksgiving I've ever had. Sure enough
everything on that beautifully presented table tasted like cardboard and I felt
so bad that I couldn't help with the preparation and cleanup. After a couple
of hours, I just had to give up and say "Let's go home." Came home and napped
for almost three hours. Friday and Saturday weren't much better BUT today I'm
feeling somewhat human again.
November 30, 2005:
It's been a pretty great week and today I had an appointment with Dr. Koya.
He's such a sweetheart. You know, for all the advice I had saying "Go to
Houston or Dallas or Tyler" I'm so glad I opted for The Longview Cancer Center.
There's just no way I could have gotten better care anywhere. Those folks are
practically like family now. And how often do you get a sweet, sweet hug from
your doctor when you leave his office? I won't see him again until January
5th.
December 9, 2005:
Chemo #8 and the
LAST ONE!!
Guess I was more excited than I realized because I didn't go to sleep 'til
after 2:00 a.m. and then woke up the next morning just bouncing off the walls.
My thought on July 15 when I was going for Chemo #1 was "my gosh, it's going
to be almost Christmas before I'm finished." Now here we are at that time and,
all in all, it hasn't seemed that long at all........BUT, oh how thankful I am
that it's over!
December 12, 2005:
Went for a Nulasta shot today. Yes, I'm a bit achy and tired and everything
tastes like cardboard.........BUT you won't hear me complaining. By Friday or
Saturday I should be feeling pretty danged good and after that it's all UPHILL!
January 17, 2006:
What an optimistic statement I made back on December 12. I'm not sure why,
but that 8th and final chemo was probably worse than the other seven combined.
If the first one had been that bad I might have just thrown in the towel and
said "that's it -- no more." But, hey -- bad as it was -- I survived. Loved
having the kids here for Christmas even if I did have to rely on them to do
more than usual.
Finally, finally I'm feeling just real close to human again. I'm here to
assure you "THERE IS LIFE AFTER CHEMO!" and I'm ready to get on with it!!!
God is good!
Breast Cancer - The Beginning
Breast Cancer - Chemo Continues
Breast Cancer - Life After Chemo
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