


heers! In tumult and uproar again, so the senses whirl around like weather vanes in a storm. The wild noise has thundered into me such a feeling of well-being that I really begin to feel a little better. To have ridden so many hundreds of miles so as to bring you into the obliterating frenzy! Mad heart! You should thank me for it! Rage and then take it easy! Refresh yourself in confusion! How are you?
—the first line of the play Sturm und Drang, Storm and Stress, by Friedrich Maximilian Klinger, from 1777, the era from which America’s ideals of freedom came.

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Me, talking to critters at age four.


(Me at age ten, my fifth-grade school portrait. “OK, kid, try to look as hyperthymic as possible...”)
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Me, now.
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ivacious, earthy, gregarious, and soulful... Doesn’t that sound like your ideal person? Wouldn’t you love to surround yourself with people like this?

Well, here’s how:
The above description would apply to most of those who have what science calls “hyperthymic personalities,” and I’ve long called “chronically manic personalities.” And yes, that means exactly what it sounds like. Just as chronically depressed personalities look like depression diluted to the degree that would be within the range of people leading normal lives, chronically manic personalities look like a manic state of mind, diluted to the degree that would be within the range of people leading normal lives. (And, as the following shows, mood disorders are so common in the USA that they certainly aren’t aberrant.) That means that hyperthymic personalities tend to be attractive for reasons that are the opposite of the reasons why many find chronically depressed personalities unattractive, along with some other brilliant qualities.
In essence, what hyperthymics tend to look like, is the celebrities who attract hordes of groupies, charismatic smart creative and idealistically caring, but also tending to have plenty of artistic-temperament-style behavior problems, such as boozing, doping, irascibility, flamboyant eccentricities, and irresponsibility. If you surrounded yourself with all of the celebrities who attract hordes of groupies, you sure would tend to associate with people who have artistic-temperament-style behavior problems, so you could very easily seem to have a subconscious codependent attraction to artistic-temperament-style behavior problems. Yet the only groupies who are attracted to the boozing and doping, are those who want to share the booze and dope.
I talked about this with one of my soul-mate boyfriends, who said that he noticed this too and thinks of our kind of people as “the beautiful people” because of our soulfulness, depth of insight, compassion, earthy folksy warmth, freedom of spirit, and the celebrating of all this by trying to share it with others. Dr. Peter Kramer, in his book Listening to Prozac, wrote, “Psychiatrists have begun to recognize a normal or near-normal condition called ‘hyperthymia,’ which corresponds loosely to what the Greeks called the sanguine temperament.” The Merriam Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary defines sanguine as, “having blood as the predominating bodily humor; also : having the bodily conformation and temperament held characteristic of such predominance and marked by sturdiness, high color, and cheerfulness.” Sounds exciting, don’t it? Dr. Kramer goes on, “Hyperthymia is distinct from mania or hypomania, the disorders in which people are grandiose, frenetic, distractible, and flawed in their judgment. Hyperthymics are merely optimistic, decisive, quick of thought, charismatic, energetic, and confident.” The list of adjectives describing hyperthymics from Dr. Hagop Akiskal, that Kramer gives, is, “‘irritable,’ ‘cheerful,’ ‘overoptimistic,’ ‘exuberant,’ ‘overconfident,’ ‘self-assured,’ ‘boastful,’ ‘bombastic,’ ‘grandiose,’ ‘full of plans,’ ‘improvident,’ ‘impulsive,’ ‘overtalkative,’ ‘warm,’ ‘people-seeking,’ ‘extraverted,’ ‘overinvolved,’ ‘meddlesome,’ ‘uninhibited,’ ‘stimulus-seeking,’ and/or ‘promiscuous.’ They are habitual short sleepers, even on weekends.”
Along with this are the brilliant qualities that these people tend to have, that they tend to be very smart and/or creative. The On Being Bipolar - Home Page describes hyperthymics as, “bright, intelligent, intuitive and creative creatures. My psychiatrist jokes that people wish that they could experience hypomania so they could feel the energy that oozes from you,” so we tend to really make a mark in society.
George Becker wrote about the Romantic era of Central European culture, in the beginning of the 19th Century, which included Sturm und Drang literature, “The aura of ‘mania’ endowed the genius with a mystical and inexplicable quality that served to differentiate him from the typical man, the bourgeois, the philistine, and, quite importantly, the ‘mere’ man of talent; it established him as the modern heir of the ancient Greek poet and seer and, like his classical counterpart, enabled him to claim some of the powers and privileges granted to the ‘divinely possessed’ and ‘inspired.’”
As Romantic philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer wrote in The World as Will and Representation, “Learning does not take the place of genius, because it also furnishes only concepts; the knowledge of genius, however, consists in the apprehension of the (Platonic) Ideas of things, and is therefore essentially intuitive.” Or, just in case you think that “Platonic idea” sounds too philosophical and theoretical, a hyperthymic friend of mine called what hyperthymics tend to have a sense for recognizing, the “crux” of things.
A CNN special on genius, ended with Dr. Sanjay Gupta saying, “The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said that talent hits a target that no one else can hit, but genius hits a target that no one else can see.” Here you could see both creative thinking, and flash-of-insight thinking.
When Luck Runs Out, a book from 1985 by Robert Custer MD and Harry Milt, says about pathological gamblers, who are very likely to be hyperthymic, “Put them to the task of working out a practical problem or throw them into a brand-new situation, and you’ll see how quickly they come up with an answer, a solution, a way out. It has less to do with abstract reasoning than it does with ‘figuring out the angles,’ ‘getting the point,’ ‘seeing the pitfalls and the advantages.’ They seem, also, to have an uncanny ability to know what is going on in another person’s mind, to anticipate what he is going to do and to plan their next move accordingly.”
The quick thinking is flash-of-insight thinking, which is very intuitive, as are panache and “reading” other people, sensing what’s going on in their minds. Panache wouldn’t be panache if it came from “mere” talent, learning, prolonged thinking, abstract reasoning, etc. And you’d be amazed how similar panache and verve are to scientific innovativeness, including the art of medicine. “The point” of something, is the practical way of saying “the [Platonic] idea” of it.
Since I have a hyperthymic personality myself, for most of my life I felt inherently different from most people, but similar to certain others, as if either you’re one of us or you’re not. That did indeed turn out to be the case. I’ve also discovered that learning about us could be very useful to anyone, both possibly in understanding yourself, and in helping others answer questions that they’ve always had. For example, you might think that it’s very distinctively different when someone gets agitated (at himself, or anyone or anything else) about something trivial, by going hysterical for a few seconds to a few minutes, and then suddenly acting like everything’s normal again as if he suddenly snapped out of a brain malfunction. (You could recognize this especially easily if you have that intuition that really sees the Platonic Ideas of things, because the basic idea of how that comes across is, “Intuitively, what’s wrong with this picture?”.) Yet my ability to recognize this has greatly impressed at least one person, as well as answering his life’s biggest question, of what makes his mind different from most people’s, though for a very particular reason he should figured that out a lot sooner than I did.
And if you’re one of us, your idealistic-artist soulfulness could make you want to help others, especially when that won’t cost you much. The sharing of this good feeling with others, was something that I did a lot of when I was in college, giving moral support to chronically depressed guys, which is how I first became interested in the whole subject of depression. Here’s some stuff which tells exactly what that’s like, out of, believe it or not, the Bible. The prelude is Song of Solomon 1:5,6:
I am black, but comely,
O ye daughters of Jerusalem,
as the tents of Kedar,
as the curtains of Solomon.
Look not upon me, because I am black,
because the sun hath looked upon me:
my mother’s children were angry with me;
they made me the keeper of the vineyards;
but mine own vineyard have I not kept.
And then, in Song of Solomon 2:8-15, which tells what it’s like to share such good feelings with such a hurt, depressed person:
The voice of my beloved!
behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains,
skipping upon the hills.
My beloved is like a roe,
or a young hart:
behold,
he standeth behind our wall,
he looketh forth at the windows,
shewing himself through the lattice.
My beloved spake,
and said unto me,
Rise up, my love,
my fair one,
and come away.
For lo, the winter is past,
the rain is over and gone;
The flowers appear on the earth;
the time of the singing of birds is come,
and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land:
The fig tree putteth forth her green figs,
and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell.
Arise my love, my fair one,
and come away.
O my dove,
that art in the clefts of the rocks,
in the secret places of the stairs,
let me see thy countenance,
let me hear thy voice,
for sweet is thy voice,
and thy countenance is comely.
Take us the foxes,
the little foxes,
that spoil the vines;
for our vines have tender grapes.
There you have it, vivacious earthy gregarious and soulful, as well as poetic. That guy was certainly a lot of fun, exactly my type, though by modern standards his nurturing relationship to his hurt wife would mean that he was codependent. Oh, well.


As I start out my My Story webpage: Have you ever noticed that some people have an extra warmth and sparkle that most people don’t have? These people could be described as perpetually enthusiastic and outgoing, so they’re exactly the sort of person you’d want to surround yourself with. This is the sort of spark that either you’ve got it or you don’t; you can’t fake it. This is something like the infectiously full-of-life character of the facial expression of Nikola Tesla in his Victorian-era photo below, and that ain’t no typical Victorian-era portrait. You also may have noticed that these people tend to be not only smarter than most, bright brilliant and sharp, but they also tend to have both a warmth and a deep-level awareness that most people are clearly lacking, so these people could seem unusually idealistic and cosmopolitan. Their entire personalities can have an intense, expressive, deep quality that could be called “histrionics of the soul.” They could also be unusually successful in life, as enthusiastic bright people tend to be. You may have wished that you could be like that, or maybe, perhaps, you are. Maybe you’ve always felt that compared to you, most people seem dull, square, obeisant, unimaginative, and basically half dead, and you just couldn’t figure out why. Well, this may be it.
(Engineers and scientists aren’t a bunch of nerds. This photo is of Nikola Tesla, born in 1856, inventor of the AC motor and plenty of other things.)
Just compare that to the usual Victorian-era portrait,
and you’ll get the idea.
DIG IT!!!!!!!Yet, of course, the pathological aspect of this could cause a good deal of damage, especially since it doesn’t take much malice to cause some real destruction. Hyperthymic Personality Disorder, “tend to be rash and show poor judgement,” is probably the only personality disorder that could, for the most part, be excused away with, “Oh, well, everyone makes mistakes,” though since HPD is basically a weakened version of mania, HPD is actually a lot more pathologically selfish than most personality disorders. Drug and alcohol abuse has got to be the most common example of this. The more that you’ve been close to this, the more that you could relate to:

One’s wildest dreams would be that since addiction depends so much on choices made at different time, the addicts whose lives would be in danger don’t really have to die. As Pathways from the Culture of Addiction to the Culture of Recovery, by William L. White, a Senior Research Consultant at Chestnut Health Systems/Lighthouse Institute says, “The culture of addiction can play a role in both initiating and sustaining substance abuse disorders.”

Not only that, if you’ve been treated as codependent for any reason, including that those who you’re attracted to tend to have the same behavior problems as do those celebrities who have hordes of groupies, you’ve probably come across a strange thinking which says that victim blaming is good as long as it’s followed by, “and if you performed more effectively you could have fared better, so be as optimistic as possible that you could do better next time if only you did things right.” You may also have noticed how dangerous it is for a society to believe in such overgeneralized directing of responsibility to victims. Taking response-ability for one’s own welfare, one’s own problem, seems to be The American Way. You may have also realized how much better the relatively powerless would feel about themselves, if they stopped blaming themselves for not being able to win their own battles well enough. This reductionism seems good, since the more that such a conflict is reduced to how the person with the problem could most effectively take care of his own problem, the more that the personal responsibility for the problem would go to the person who’s the most motivated to deal with it effectively. The whole reason why the thinking of codependents seems self-defeating, is that some people are so lacking in self-regulation, that the tenderness that tries oh so dedicatedly and desperately to persuade them into stopping that self-destruction, doesn’t work. Simply because even recovering addicts with this much personal support, pose this much of a danger, those who try to help them seem to want to let themselves in for trouble, that what they really want to do is to go on codependent “rescue missions.”

I call that problem-solving approach “victim correction as a panacea,” which is basically synonymous with “self-help,” since self-help means that the person in trouble is the one who provides the help. Anyone else helping, even those who are morally responsible for the problems, would be others-help. Self-help can’t make a balanced assessment of who is personally responsible for what, since not all legitimate personal responsibility would help oneself. This is all very systematic. As the Philadelphia Grand Jury report on their Archdiocese’s enabling of pedo-priests put it,
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The homepage of the Mental Illness—What a Difference a Friend Makes website, by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, says, “An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older—about one in four adults—suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.” As the title suggests, this website is about getting the friends of the 26.2% of the American adult population, to support these people rather than stigmatizing them. The ways in which one friend treats another, is one of the few sociological factors of this huge social problem, that we could honorably take seriously. If we take the other sociological factors seriously, we could seem to be trying to manipulate like untermenschen, and/or to restrict the übermenschen.

The main point of all the red-blooded, übermensch, self-empowering psychological approaches, is that self-reliance is the most effective way to solve problems, since those who have them have the most reliable motives to solve them. This also avoids manipulating like mollycoddles, and restricting the redbloods; it seems that we must fear the untermenschen and their victim-power, and mustn’t fear the übermenschen and their freedoms. Neither of these seems just optional.
Amber Frey said that she’d like to become a self-help guru, “I feel there’s something I have to share and I feel almost like I need to. There are so many women who can relate. They’re questioning how I got through this to where I am today.” Yes, the ex-mistress of a murderer worthy of Death Row, who handled her own problems like a real American, resiliently and perseveringly, would be the ideal self-help guru. A woman who attended a class she gave, commented, “I think there are a lot of sociopaths out there, and she has a lot to share with women who run across unsavory characters.”
Frey, in her book Witness, For the Prosecution of Scott Peterson, tells of how her situation was certainly different from those of the typical besieged women who try to get guidance from self-help books, yet in the end she must rely on the same conceptions of personal responsibility. When she first met him she found him very attractive, not because she’s attracted to trouble, but because, “The Scott at my side was outgoing and personable and charming and very much able to take care of himself, and clearly everyone really liked him.” But others who’d talked with him, or with her about him, could sense that maybe he wasn’t so trustworthy after all. She also gradually got to be skeptical of him, though at first she thought about these feelings, “Why was I bent on destroying such a promising relationship?” Very soon after she met him, he became big news nationwide as the husband of a woman who’d just disappeared. Most of the women who’d refer to self-help philosophy for advice on lovers who may or may not mean trouble, don’t get such an unambiguous sign of guilt, and are left having to intuit whether continuing to associate with them would constitute “letting oneself in for trouble,” or getting rid of them would constitute being “bent on destroying such a promising relationship.”
Yet no matter how different from, or similar to, other women’s problems her situation may have been, they could all be inspired by her transcendent spirituality that let her accept what she couldn’t change, as well as self-reliant determination in changing what she could. Especially when dealing with the responsibilities that came from her single motherhood, she very much had the attitude of, “Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; So that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.” For example, she wrote, “I saw the hand of God in this, too,” and, regarding the strength she showed during her taped conversations with Scott, “‘It’s not me,’ I said. ‘It’s God—God is giving me the strength.’” Repeated in this book, including at the very top of the blurb inside of the book cover, and just inside of the dedication opposite her picture, is the New International Version translation of I Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.” Likewise, at the beginning of the last chapter is a picture of her holding her new baby, opposite Philippians 4:13, “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” In the last chapter, a few paragraphs after quoting Matthew 5:38-45, the part of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus said to turn the other cheek and, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” (This left out Matthew 5:48, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”) she says that when she was asked whether she forgave Scott, she answered, “I forgave him a long time ago,” and, “I don’t think I had a choice. Until I forgave Scott, I felt I couldn’t move forward. I felt I wasn’t free to get on with my life.”
Regarding her courageously changing what she could, in making a success of her single motherhood, one of the things that she said to Scotty was, “I worked forty-plus hours a week—because I wasn’t going to ask for any help from anyone. And I did this on my own. I went to school. I had my baby. I did this all with her.” This conception of personal responsibility is supposed to be based on self-empowerment. rather than based on fear.
This is very much a self-help version of serious Christianity. Any common sense should be able to see that Bible verses that talk about temptations and relief from them, means (especially women) not having any premarital sex. If a woman yields to temptation, gets pregnant, and the father won’t marry her, she’d be obligated to give the baby up for adoption. These verses certainly don’t mean women having premarital sex, becoming single parents, and then God would make sure that in raising their children they wouldn’t need any help from anyone, even the interdependent help of an egalitarian marriage. Yet the sort of spirituality that Frey advocates, seems to mean self-help, self-efficacy, self-empowerment, self-reliance, self-responsibility, self-motivation, anti-moralism, etc. For example, a change-what-you-can-and-accept-what-you-can’t version of the thirteenth chapter of I Corinthians, which includes, “Love... keeps no record of wrongs... always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres,” would pretty much boil down to, “Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is not as I would have it.” You turn the other cheek and love your enemies if you can’t change however they affect you, so serene acceptance of their sinfulness would make you free to get on with your life. If your attempts to succeed are as strong as their weakest link, they may have to be perfect. This could let you cope with just about any sinfulness, with God providing a way out so you can stand up under it. Robert Ingersoll wrote, “If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane,” and that blanket forgiveness might sound insane, but if one who lives in a society with rampant depression, strictly and unquestioningly expects himself to forgive sinfulness that he’s powerless to change, that would be very pragmatic!
This could be called neo-Buddhism, the big difference between it and Buddhism being that it re-engineers both übermensch and untermensch human nature, while neo-Buddhism wouldn’t dare play around with the red-blooded human nature of those who do have the power to change what they want to. Since AA founder Bill Wilson was a stockbroker, and the Big Book was written during the Great Depression, AA-style self-help is basically a stockbroker lecturing those living in the Great Depression that they should just take response-ability for their own welfare, and stop whining. Sure, Amber gave Scott a copy of The Purpose-Driven Life, but all could make their own purposes as non-Fundamentalist as they want, even though “the feminization of poverty” means more of a burden, and more guilt feelings, than do non-dysfunctional Fundament Christian marriages. A Fundament Christian writer derided AA-style spirituality as treating God as a “genie in a bottle” that grants the wishes of spiritual people without their having to make the required sacrifices, but if you’re a person in trouble, you may need to have that level of optimism just to keep trying. For example, the “Today’s Gift” e-mail from the Hazelden addiction treatment center for November 26, 2006, was headed, “Today’s thought is: Bring Any Request to God.”
The conjectural victim-blaming that’s applied to those who seem to be codependent, could be applied to her. Dr. Robi Ludwig’s book Till Death Do Us Part: Love, Marriage, and the Mind of the Killer Spouse, says in its section about Scott Peterson, both, “Of course Amber Frey was by no means perfect—she had her share of hard knocks in the world. She was lonely and had a history of looking for love in all the wrong places. Scott was not the first married man she had been involved with. In fact, the man she was involved with prior to Scott was also expecting a child with his pregnant wife. It seemed Amber had a propensity for dating men with pregnant wives. That being the case,...” and, “For example, Scott suffered from low self-control and egocentricity, and yet part of what made him so exciting to Laci and the people who loved him was his hedonistic approach to life.”
A renowned psychologist, rather than pop psychologist, wrote this. Amber having had her share of hard knocks, is supposed to constitute a noteworthy imperfection of hers. Though she said firmly that when she dated him she didn’t realize even that he was married, it seems that on a subconscious level she could somehow sense not only that he was married but that his wife was pregnant. Currently, if psychoanalysts say that they know what subconscious desires really motivated you to do something, and if you disagree you’re in denial, this would sound ridiculous, but if a self-help guru talks in exactly the same way about your supposed codependent desires, it would seem that if you dismissed this, then you’d be horribly self-defeating. Conceivably, if Amber had met Scott a year previously, she wouldn’t have found him as attractive. Plenty of other people found his vibrant yet self-centered disposition attractive too, but that doesn’t matter. For her to now succeed as a self-help guru she’d have to see herself in the same way, since she can courageously change herself, and since she can’t change anyone else, she must serenely accept them. That might not sound like the sort of thing that a professional, scientifically-based psychologist would propound. Yet in the real world, bare-bones pragmatism, of the sort that comes from groups that train addicts’ friends and loved-ones to adjust and adapt to the realities they create, has got to matter. The classic Freudian belief of, “Sexual repression is the cause of all our problems, and if you disagree with this then your disagreement comes from sexual repression,” doesn’t sound plausible now, but a belief of, “Those who are weak passive and/or manipulative, are the ultimate cause of all our problems, and if you disagree with this then your disagreement comes from your being weak passive and/or manipulative, and/or mollycoddling those who are,” does. Also, it’s a lot easier to sell, “You’d better take your very self-destructive subconscious desires seriously, even if I can’t prove them!”, than it is to sell, “You’d better take your neurotically inhibited subconscious desires seriously, even if I can’t prove them!”
If the AA slogan “Powerless, but not helpless,”
means that even if you’re powerless your genie-in-a-bottle God would help you, then if you don’t have faith in this genie you’d seem to be “acting helpless,” so you’d better change.
uch is Victim Correction as a Panacea~

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As the above says, this is Al-Anon approved literature, for Alateen. You couldn’t make this stuff up! Persuasion to think like this works best with Groupthink, but if you, on your own, must deal with a devastating reality in order to fit in and function, then you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do, and our self-responsible cultural norms would provide the Groupthink. As Addiction: Why Can’t They Just Stop?, by John Hoffman and Susan Froemke, says, in a survey of addicts’ family members, “...the words that everyone used were powerfully negative: ‘devastating,’ ‘abusive,’ ‘horrible’.” Serenity, indeed!
Whether or not you live with an addict, etc., whatever you must do to take care of yourself, is whatever you must do to take care of yourself. Self-help means that if it’s your problem, then you provide the help. Victim-blaming doesn’t require a belief in a just world, and is most important when someone must self-motivatedly take response-ability for injustices. As Dr. Thomas A. Harris wrote in the preface of his I’m OK—You’re OK, “To many people [psychiatry] is like a blind man in dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there,” but Al-Anon-style psychology-psychiatry, neo-Buddhism, is productive, does produce contrived serenity and courage, whereas telling addicts’ family members, “You’re OK, even if his addiction really bothers you,” wouldn’t: mindless formula, mindful victims. Attention must be systematically focused on how the victims could most effectively take response-ability for their own welfare, since attention given to anything else would be unpragmatic. For an exemplary alkie’s kid who looks like Archie, to preach, “I’ve stopped blaming others and I’m looking at myself!”, should seem like wryly Kafkaesque theater of the absurd, but instead that seems very pragmatic and honorable. They’re just trying to help him take care of himself better, which he really needs. No self-responsibility for victims sounds nice, but all of it would help them. No matter what any Al-Anon or Alateen members may whine about, one could respond, “But to look at yourself instead of blaming others would benefit you, by changing what you can and accepting what you can’t!” That’s reality, not victim-blaming. This doesn’t intend to blame or criticize you or be morally bankrupt, just make you more well-adjusted and spiritual. Even if this requires more Stoicism than some Stoic saints had, if that’s what reality requires, then that’s what it requires. (These saints’ self-control shows that it’s possible, and Al-Anon-style self-control isn’t moralistic.) The alkies aren’t controlling Al-Anon members in the authoritarian, anti-freedom sense; that’s the way that life sometimes goes. We all must adjust to our realities. That’s inherent to life. To end the description of each and every traumatic experience with, “So now I’m supposed to just shut up and deal with this reality, since doing so would benefit me,” might sound like the punch line of a sick joke, but the bottom line must always be pragmatic and well-adjusted. That’s how victim correctors are supposed to operate, since correction is good, and a lack of it is self-defeating. This is the language of letting go. Unless what happened was so extreme that this would sound untenable, trying to correct the person who caused the problem, even assertively, could very easily seem or suggest: unrealistic, unreliable, stupid, conditional, optional, half-hearted, limited, judgmental, troublemaking, “on principle,” moralistic, unattractive, sophistry-rewarding, altruistic, controlling, whiny, mollycoddling, intellectualist, pathetic, resentful, maladjusted, negative, blaming, subjective, unproven, emotionalistic, manipulative, passive, etc., while trying to correct the person who has the problem in ways that would help him “take care of himself” better, could very easily seem or suggest: realistic, reliable, wise, necessary, vital, steadfast, limitless, forgiving, peace-making, pragmatic, trendy, marketable, success-rewarding, “getting on with life,” self-empowering, gutsy, achievement-oriented, down-to-earth, proud, competitive, well-adjusted, hopeful, solving, objective, self-justifying, practical, self-reliant, active, etc. Al-Anon would probably say that the reason why they’d expect members to accept whatever alkies do is that their disease of addiction makes them not guilty by reason of insanity (Addiction might as well be as involuntary as Alzheimer’s.), but if a non-addict caused a member a big problem, the only things that would really matter would be the victim’s serenity and courage, and the same is true for self-help in general. Coping with reality requires that the realities be interchangeable. What could possibly keep victim correction in check, limiting self-responsibility to what’s reasonable?
(Cartoon generated by “Build Your Own Meat”)
“Archie” was taught to have great confidence in the self-reliance and self-determination of the individual. Instinctively, Americans would tend to be a lot less offended by Al-Anon-style victim correction, than by the whining and the victim-power that it corrects. That self-help formula feels right, helpful, beneficial, self-empowering, resilient, self-efficacious. Victims’ counselors care about them. This empathy requires correcting them, saving them from their own negativity and passivity. After all, “Oh, you poor thing!”, treats people as things. Victim correctors only want addicts’ kids, etc., to be more self-efficacious, serene, etc. The nescient majority has no problem with this level of victim correction, with just expecting people to “get on with life” despite realities this lurid, which seem to be just acceptable losses. The middle-class approach is about solving problems self-reliantly and realistically, so we should teach the same self-responsible ideas that it does, instead of the petty bourgeois approach, which is palliative. Coping with reality means overlooking some realities, and such pragmatic and red-blooded cultural norms have to be very powerful. As White House press secretary Ari Fleischer unabashedly said after Bush admitted that the Iraq-Niger-uranium documents are fake, “Yes, the president has moved on. And, I think, frankly, much of the country has moved on, as well,” a top-notch professional attempt to get the public to conform to letting go regarding Bush’s Machiavellianism. (Fleischer is rebelling from his petty bourgeois family, who obviously can afford not to adequately appreciate why, in the real world, sometimes when others cause you problems it’s necessary to move on rather than whine and intellectualize.) Caring about social problems is so passé, so 1960s, even caring about our rampant depression. During the Vietnam War, defending it by telling opponents to move on, would have seemed morally bankrupt, rather than unconditionally resilient. As Al-Anon shows, it’s possible for pragmatists to expect someone to move on from, let go of, etc., literally anything that he can’t change.

That’s how all cultural conditioning and social pressures work, including that of all those strange foreigners who can’t think for themselves. (BTW, those who think for themselves wouldn’t conclude that for 15% of the adult population to suffer a serious depressive disorder in any given year, is only natural.) Depression is the only dread disease of which many of the causes seem sacrosanct.
Nothing that an Al-Anon or Alateen member could possibly say, could possibly counter expectations that are based on what the real world objectively requires. This moral bankruptcy requires you to toe the line, even when the choices that caused the problems have nothing to do with addiction. No matter what any problem parent might do that could traumatize his kid, he absolutely could change himself, and absolutely can’t change anyone else including the parent, which is all that the zeitgeist of The Serenity Prayer cares about. A priori, that’s all that you could care about. That mustn’t seem repulsive. You mustn’t really care about “the elephant in the living room” if you can’t change the elephant. If you think that that’s revolting, then that would be very unserene, discouraging, etc. Obviously, that, like Bontsha the Silent, is far from a natural way to think, though it could be called “cognitive therapy” (“Behavior Therapists and Cognitive Behavior Therapists... concentrate on a person’s views and perceptions about their life, rather than personality traits.”), which has been called, “a natural alternative to anti-depressant medication.” The above is the fully-approved outlook, since it’s very effective in preventing depression. All that you’d need to give self help advice, would be a tape recording that says, “It would really do you a lot of good if you changed what you can and accepted what you can’t! That’s just the way the real world works!”, and you’d play that over and over as the person describes his own trauma. Any reasonable alternatives to victim correction as a panacea, could seem too unrealistic, fallible, subjective, passive, defeatist, untermensch, etc., for the realities that one must deal with. Pragmatism leads to happiness. Victim-correctors, therefore, are the ones who really care about victims.
If one were to apply what On Speculation and Manipulation in Therapy says, “When it works, justice is always very particular. It proceeds on a case-by-case basis with a careful weighing of the facts and an equally careful examination of the underlying logic of key arguments,” certainly the specifics of what addicts’ kids must deal with, would argue for someone else being to blame. Yet blaming others wouldn’t accomplish anything, and would divert attention from solving one’s own problems. It’s your problem, so what are you going to do about it? You’d better just serenely surrender to the inevitable. If we showed an understanding acceptance toward everyone, including the people who have the problems and aren’t dealing with them adequately, nobody would solve them, and the victims would be weakened in the long run. For these people to get on track in taking care of themselves, is the only thing that really matters. If everything must be pragmatic, nothing can be sacred. “I’ve stopped blaming others and I’m looking at myself!”, is inculcated humility, expedient and well-adjusted, without coercion or authoritarian obeisance so this is pro-freedom. Even if the reason for the “negative thoughts” that the victim is washing his own brain of, is that he was unfairly overpowered, that wouldn’t be an authoritarian brainwashing, so his sincere opinion could still seem to be dirt that’s to be washed away and replaced with what he’s supposed to believe. The October, 2007 issue of Counselor, the Magazine for Addiction Professionals includes an article that says, “rigid fidelity may produce an adverse effect,” but for those who must deal with realities like this, rigid fidelity is as necessary as are adequate resiliency and coping skills. Naïveté doesn’t work. Victim-blaming optimistically and determinedly looks for very necessary self-motivated solutions, so, in the words of the Downing Street memo, “the intelligence and the facts” must be “fixed around the policy.”
Reductionism is key. Ambrose Bierce defined platitude as, “A moral without the fable,” and the self-reliant, self-responsible, morals of victim correction sound a lot better without the fables, which would have told of what the people had to deal with self-reliantly. The central message of any self-help approach for people in trouble is that to help yourself: No matter what caused your problem, you absolutely must focus your attention on correcting yourself, since you absolutely can change yourself, absolutely can’t change anyone else, and absolutely must make your life productive (whatever that requires). The real world requires certain things. Everyone must play their part. The only choice that you have is either you do whatever it takes to deal with your problem, or it doesn’t get dealt with. The only legit question is, “Can I change this?”, so no injustices could seem profound. As long as they happened in the past, they’re past history. Addicts’ friends and loved ones are the ones who are motivated to correct themselves, and they need more motivation to: change, empower themselves, accommodate to reality, be well-adjusted and productive. That’s only natural. Everyone, not just fundamentalists, must take this sort of spirituality literally. Focus on self-responsibility. Only the person who has the problem, is reliably motivated to deal with it as well as possible. We could live without moral responsibility (which we can’t count on), abstract principles like morality, etc., but can’t live without victims taking response-ability for their own welfare. Some things are luxuries; some are necessities. Addicts’ kids shouldn’t feel bad about themselves, guilty, etc., but when dealing with what their alcoholic parents do the kids should look at themselves rather than blaming others, so as they do this they should choose not to feel self-blame, and, of course, simply looking at themselves means simply looking at what they should have done better. Their self-help mentors would simply check to see how well they’re doing in following these instructions. (It’s no wonder that Should Statements are one of the single-mindedly self-responsible cognitive distortions of modern Western depression!) If one rationale for victim correction doesn’t work, it’s replaced by another. As “Mary Smith” wrote in her suicide note, “All [my psychologist] could do is nitpick about how I need to feel small + helpless,” though Mary obviously had a gutsy personality, which is typical of the self-empowering “thinking” of victim correction: plenty of all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, mental filter, and disqualifying the positive. To paraphrase British prime minister David Lloyd George, such teens cannot conquer the chasms in their own lives by gingerly taking one step at a time.
And, of course, when they look at themselves to see if they have the “defects of character” that AA’s Big Book really goes into, i.e. resentment anger and/or fear, then alkies’ kids would probably find that they feel plenty of untermensch feelings, but Al-Anon doesn’t consider correcting them to be self-blame. As British author Douglas Adams wrote, “When you blame others, you give up the power to change yourself.” As Susan Faludi wrote in Backlash about writings on codependency, “Norwood’s self-help plan, modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous’s twelve-step program [through Al-Anon], advises women seeking the source of their pain to refrain from looking beyond themselves, a habit she calls ‘blaming.’” Self-responsibility is necessary for victims. Backlash mentions “puerile serenity,” though contrived serenity is what’s pertinent! And we’d better not have a backlash against this knee-jerk, unconditional absolutist one-dimensional uncompromising and unquestionable (but very self-helping and self-motivated) victim correction! As Bush said in May, 2005, “In my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.”
Though this conviction and ideology expects people to accept a laissez faire self-responsibility that’s as extremist as the self-responsibility that Enron propounded when it seemed so red-blooded, not only would Al-Anon not seem to be extremist wing-nuts, but if you firmly disagreed you could seem to be an extremist wing-nut. As Enlightenment-era economic philosophers wrote, being productive must override everything else. Most victim-blaming (a.k.a. self-responsibility) can’t seem bad. Those who deviate from these expectations are those who’d seem to be the authoritarians, the judgmental controllers. One can’t say “no” to realism, including, “Like Archie, you should stop blaming others and look at yourself, to improve yourself and your chances!” As Libertarian Ron Paul explained Social Security,“ ...we have taught them to be dependent,” and a single-minded blaming and correction of any victims would have the same unconditional, gutsy and pro-freedom appeal. Social Darwinism protects us from all parasitism, which could only hurt the parasites. No doubt this thrilling philosophy also regards the Americans with Disabilities Act as tyrannical, so either handicapped people get jobs without the ADA, or they’ve been taught to be dependent. Realists can see the dangers that the weak would pose, unless they make great efforts to be self-reliant anyway and succeed. We mustn’t reward failure, victimhood, etc., or the weak could get what they wanted without earning it and the strong might not be motivated to achieve, so we must assume that the weak wanted to fail. This isn’t absolute power; “Archie” and those who are just as helpless can change some significant things. Such “imperfections” don’t seem nearly as scary as do comparable problems from the guv’mint. Helplessness isn’t tyranny.
The Al-Anon formula for self-help, laissez faire Social Darwinist ideology, and what “self-help” must mean in a society with rampant depression, are based on the same ideas, and come with the same frame of reference. You simply must accept whatever you get, that you’re powerless to change. As long as you can’t change what you’re afraid of, the more fear you’d feel, the more self-control you’d need in order to cope with reality. While “Archie’s” situation is certainly atypical, a society that has rampant depression yet stresses response-ability for one’s own welfare would have to make that personal response-ability, that unconditional (though each situation gives opportunities for rationales for this personal response-ability, that victim correctors could focus on). All of the advantages of “the invisible hand,” apply to the lives of “Archie” and everyone else in trouble. (If you weren’t aware of our rampant depression with self-blame, you might think that things just take care of themselves.) All of these supposed forms of individualism must indoctrinate their followers into believing in counterintuitive absolutisms such as the above, the ideal being complying with the Al-Anon “Serenely accept and courageously change” formula applied to any realities. That’s living in the real world. You do what you can. Beat the hardcore blues. No self-care could seem onerous. Whatever happens is, therefore, “life on life’s terms,” “reality,” etc. Self-responsibility serves the greater good, is a moral obligation that we can’t afford to forgive. “I’ve stopped blaming others and I’m looking at myself!”, “Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is not as I would have it,” etc., are, in the end, Social Darwinism that resolutely ignores its own consequences. You get whatever you get.
Things simply have to keep functioning. If you don’t successfully deal with your own problems, who will? We must think realistically, so whatever shapes our realities shapes how we must think. If you don’t go along with the victim correction as a panacea, then that would seem to be your untermensch pathologies, character defects. Pathetic resentment is the ultimate enemy. Whatever is necessary for one to deal with his own realities self-reliantly becomes absolutely necessary, so otherwise he’d be inadequate, dysfunctional, etc. Even if he does plenty, if it’s inadequate to deal with his realities, he’d seem to be inadequate. The weak can be such a drain. Victim-blaming has advantages, such as: conventionality, pragmatism, realism, objectivity, exalting red-blooded strength, avoiding moralism, preventing manipulative and vainglorious machinations, faith that we get what we deserve, and confidence that the person who’s the most motivated to solve a problem is the one who’s in control. All that we’d have to do is treat the weak as a bunch of selfish manipulators, and we could have a de facto law of the jungle without having an official law of the jungle. Everyone must conquer their own doubts, their own “negativity,” for their own good, focusing on correcting themselves. Correcting women, poor people, etc., as if they fit the stereotypes of choosing to be weak for “fun” and/or profit, is intended to benefit them, strengthen them. Normal give-and-take, opinions about rampant depression, etc., seem too prone to manipulation, cowardice, etc. Simple wins.® Success and failure are objective, and questions of, “What’s unacceptably wrong?”, aren’t. (You’re expected to have realistic coping skills, so simply proving that what happened was wrong, isn’t enough.) That’s the real world; sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don’t. It’s astounding what one can get away with, if what we really care about is the supposed whiners, manipulators, etc. Acting pathetic is the old (pre-Reagan) way of doing things. Weakness isn’t competitive, or fun. If those judging you keep hearing from your society, that supposed victims are really manipulators, attention-seekers, whiners, etc., then that would be how those judges would be likely to judge you. (Prejudice acquires a new meaning, like Ron Paul’s: “Sometimes you have to pre-judge, since you can’t prove cunning untermensch machinations, and you should be optimistic that they could have succeeded if they really wanted to.”) Coping with reality must mean overlooking some realities. Even “Archie” doesn’t have to live in fear. You don’t deserve more than what you won. Your attention would be on what you should be doing better, not on the magnitude of the social problem.
Self-help programs like this, even those that apply to situations of unambiguous victimization, are top sellers. The alkies aren’t controlling Al-Anon members in the authoritarian, anti-freedom sense; that’s the way that life sometimes goes. We all must adjust to our realities. That’s inherent to life. This is the exciting self-reliant freedom, can-do courage, and failsafe well-adjusted forgiveness, that we’ve gotten to know and love. If it feels good, believe it. (Fighting and/or caring for the underdog might feel good, though, but we must understand how this would mollycoddle them.) Addictive personalities would feel right at home. Hans Johst said, “When I hear the word culture, I release the safety catch on my revolver,” and intellectualism could cause similar feelings, even when the supposed intellectualism is a concern about the sociology of what leads to our rampant depression. We must all be motivated to deal with our own problems independently resiliently and resourcefully. We’ll get more chances to succeed. That simply is the unconditionally self-responsible role that we must play, to keep our society functioning with plenty of self-motivation, unconditionally. If people could get what they wanted by manipulatively playing the victim role, then that’s what they’d naturally do. Simply being morally right, has never earned or achieved anything. If you’ve “really failed,” you could become a projection screen for others’ beliefs about failures. Conformists firmly believe that certain things are good, so are blinded by ideology. (“Sure, approximately 15% of the U.S. adult population suffers from a serious depressive disorder in any given year, but if you act like what’s causing your problem is what contributes to our rampant depression, that’s just your manipulative ploy!!!”)
Many want to correct victims (who can’t afford intellectualism) because they care about them, more than do the petty bourgeois who say vaingloriously that they care, but aren’t realistic or confident about the individual’s self-reliance. (Manipulative ploys usually don’t work, especially in the long run.) These are the victim-fixers. We must stand up for self-reliant freedom. You can’t prove most manipulative, passive-aggressive, codependent, etc., machinations, so “presumed innocent of machinations until proven guilty” is out of the question. Whenever tenable, see problems as the victims’ free choice, eagerly believing that we have self-determination! Before the Reagan/Thatcher Era, caring about the causes of our rampant depression would have seemed only natural, but now, truly caring about most of them would seem to reflect a dangerously untermensch character. The weak have victim-power. Real power is honest, victim-power isn’t. Even if it had been proven what normalized helplessness contributes to our rampant depression, those who are well-adjusted would have to respond to it with, “Sure, what’s happening to you is the sort of thing that’s been proven to contribute to our rampant depression, but everyone knows that when that sort of thing happens to you, you’re just going to have to deal with it.” The red-blooded, pro-freedom, and pro-self-reliance cultural norms behind this are sacrosanct, so naturally we accept the consequences. Both the logic and the consequences, are predictable and stereotypical. As “Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is not as I would have it,” says, we mustn’t try to re-engineer aggressive human nature, and must re-engineer passive human nature. Expecting victim-fixers to give up victim-blaming, would be like expecting addicts to give it up. Sure, William Styron wrote, “To most of those who have experienced it, the horror of depression is so overwhelming as to be quite beyond expression, hence the frustrated sense of inadequacy found in the work of even the greatest artists,” but if we were guaranteed safety from what causes our rampant depression, anxiety disorders, etc., we wouldn’t have enough motivation to earn and achieve.
Faith in anything would make one happier, including faith in this. People tend to believe what they want to believe. No matter what happens to you, if you didn’t have faith in your opportunities to succeed you’d seem unpatriotic, while, “I’ve stopped blaming others and I’m looking at myself!”, is patriotic. (“The weak are at fault,” is the last refuge of both the scoundrel, and the sociopath.) Optimism that you’d succeed if only you were good enough, seems mandatory. Response-ability for one’s own welfare would work for everyone, and keeps everyone self-motivated. All three of these forms of responsible “individualism” would preach the basic ideas of the same self-reliant and self-responsible platitudes over and over again, like a dogma or cult since free thought regarding this would allow untermensch weakness and manipulative strength, and who’d fix the consequences of that? All this mustn’t ever seem repulsive. This must always constitute the same simplistic dogma over and over again, since certain things must be taken care of by those reliably motivated to do it. This could even answer The Big Questions of Life, since well-motivated and objective personal response-ability for one’s own problems, could lead to more peace and productivity than would moral rules. Motivate, motivate, motivate!!! With enough mass hysteria, conformity, compliance, and condemnation of whining, people could think that serious depressive disorders affecting 34,000,000 American adults, consists of either 34,000,000 rather severe character defects, or 34,000,000 rather severe medical conditions.
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Self-responsibility along the lines of the law of the jungle, works: eventually, if you try hard enough (which is along the same self-motivated lines as, “Greed is good. Greed works.”) As Gordon Gekko said, this must be The American Way, since anything else would rely too much on altruism and/or opinion-based restriction, coddle the whiny losers too much, etc. The law of the jungle protects us from untermensch manipulation, parasitism, quitting, etc. The dangers that are feared, are thoughts, feelings, and actions of the weak, the victims. Social Darwinism destroys, but protects us from failures in fixing destruction, and from whiny “weak characters.” Very little pragmatic victim-blaming would seem undoubtedly bad (especially to those who aren’t intellectualist). If your nephew died young because his priest had molested him, you might even put The Serenity Prayer on the homepage of his memorial website, since that prayer tells you how to cope with literally anything. Endurability might seem very basic to life, but in some situations, expecting endurability would be unrealistic. One depression is a tragedy; millions of depressions is a statistic. Victim-blaming develops a life of its own, since that simply is how things must be taken care of, with plenty of reliable self-motivation. The real world will make its demands! Objectivity, Objectivism, means might makes right, since might and victory are objective, and moral wrongness is both subjective and emotionalistic. Sure, Helen Keller wrote, “I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace,” but when we’re in trouble, what we do and don’t want is a bunch of BS. Whatever applies to addicts’ kids, also applies to oppressed minorities, etc., since inadequate adjustment and adaptation to one’s own realities, would cause the same sorts of problems for anyone. When it comes to moral responsibility, the slate is basically wiped clean. The more that you’d care about your own helplessness, the more helpless you’d become. Such realism is tautological, begging the question, “Your dad’s addiction is reality, so if you don’t adjust to it and function with it you’re maladjusted and dysfunctional, since that’s reality.” Everyone must get on with life. As Fleischer, Al-Anon, the beginning of Lee Greenwood’s Reagan-Revolutionary patriotic praise song God Bless the USA, etc., take for granted, victims who don’t do their best to “move on” would seem to be going against basic American expectations for resilient: self-reliance, self-responsibility, maturity, realism, etc. Some things seem to matter, some things don’t, and it soon becomes very obvious that the pragmatic ones do.

As you’d live your life, you’d naturally focus on how you could correct your ineffective reactions, efforts, etc. In the entire world, few could afford not to deal adequately with their own realities, and become losers; problems happen. All three forms of “individualism” would predictably hold that in reality, the ultimate reason for our unnaturally high rates of depression, anxiety disorders, etc., is a whiny and negativist victim culture, and or something else that’s simply mollycoddle. (Anything could be ultimately blamed on the victim not stopping preventing or dealing with it well enough. He’d also have plenty of victim-power.) This offers the hope of unconditional solutions, and in the real world, we can’t afford conditions. This is optimistic that the person who really wants to solve the problem, has self-determination. Satisfying winners’ is productive; satisfying losers’ runs the risk of parasitism, controlling, etc. People must be motivated to win, not whine. If the government didn’t cause it, then it’s a part of freedom. This self-responsibility, and figuring that winner equals worthy, are always objective, but other conceptions of personal responsibility and worthiness, aren’t. That’s the role that good victims will play. As is typical for dogma, the more that you’d disagree, the more that you’d seem to be one of the dreaded, omni-responsible, whiny negativists and mollycoddles. Wanting to be productive, optimistic, etc., is very important. The Fundamental Attribution Error, automatically attributing problems to the victims’ supposed faults, is the same whether the poor are blamed for their own poverty, or Al-Anon members are blamed for their own resentment. “There are no victims, just volunteers.” Each of us must do whatever he must do, yet that’s life, not slavery. Nothing that disagrees can really matter. If the only alternatives that a society had were either rampant depression, or its people not being adequately motivated to try to earn and achieve, then the rampant depression would be the realistic alternative. Victim blaming is always pro-freedom and pro-self-responsibility. Defying this, isn’t [all-American] defiance. All this is very predictable, even when it sizes up addicts’ families. Self-reliant realism, no matter what one’s own realities are, is non-partisan, objective, Objectivist. This is for the individual, even when the individual ends up devastated. No matter how high the rate of depression gets, this wouldn’t seem to be a social experiment, attempt to re-engineer human nature, etc. In the words of William Ryan’s Blaming the Victim, “All of this happens so smoothly that it seems downright rational.”

A study funded by the US government, Political Conservatism as Motivated Social Cognition, found that conservatism is rooted in such neuroses as, “fear and aggression, dogmatism and the intolerance of ambiguity,” and that Hitler, Mussolini, Reagan, and Rush Limbaugh all “preached a return to an idealized past and condoned inequality.” Yet the self-help Newthink would have to say that all of these neuroses are good, even necessary. After all: Working with fear and aggression is realistic when that’s reality. Nazism seemed exciting in its day, very uninhibited and self-confident, fitting Freudian conceptions of normal human nature, which are basically German. Might makes right, since helplessness means that you must serenely accept. “I’ve stopped blaming others and I’m looking at myself!”, shows how easy it is for weakness-makes-wrong to come naturally and seem obligatory. Your beliefs should make you fit in. All this must be done dogmatically and absolutistically, since half-measures will avail us nothing, and no abstractions (self-justifying opinions) could seem as important as realism. This personal responsibility must be as out-of-control as are the realities that one must deal with. “Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is not as I would have it.” Someone absolutely has to take responsibility for each and every problem, no matter how many reasons he may give for why this is morally wrong, since every problem must get solved. Assuming that the weak want and/or need to be weak, are trying to take advantage of the strong manipulatively, etc., can’t be just a temporary trend. Realism gets first priority, and this isn’t just somewhat. The proponents are our friends, our allies, since they fight for self-reliant freedom. No one has a right to defend themselves from personal response-ability for their own welfare. Only strength is material. As Reagan said on April 7th, 1970 about that era’s protesters and activists, “If it takes a bloodbath, let’s get it over with,” and a non-violent version of this would apply to the victimologists and other losers. We must return to a self-responsibility like the pioneers’, old-fashioned übermensch pride and shame (old-fashioned yet exciting enough to attract a staunch, aggressively energized, and anti-“repression,” audience and following). “Archie” believes what he’s supposed to, which is self-empowering. Inequality is realistic and pro-freedom, and loves winners (without caring why they won). A big fear is of the supposed cunning “victim-power” of the untermenschen. They could have so much victim-power, that it’s scary! If you object to sinfulness, that’s really your will-to-power. Strength looks honorable, or at least forgivable. Tough, is good. Populism sounds very folksy and spontaneous. Moral re-armament, standing up for strong self-reliant principles, etc., sound exciting, have plenty of vitality. Being pre-occupied with sexual morality, as our Fundament Christian leaders are, can’t be called whining, victimology etc., though caring about morality that isn’t victimless, can be. A lot of problems could ultimately be blamed on the weak, who should therefore try to empower themselves (which is good). What we need is more leadership and less whining. Gutsiness seems exciting and mentally healthy. It sounds sexy; caring about our rampant depression doesn’t. Confidence feels good. Pathetic resentment is the ultimate enemy. Sturm und drang speakers sound exciting, whether from a podium like Hitler, or on the radio. (Yet this aggressiveness also sounds obviously very depression-genic.) Caring about moral wrongness, other than what religious rules say, could very easily seem emotionalistic: resentful, manipulative, melodramatic, self-righteous, whiny, etc. (the supposed triumph of the manipulative will). If you object to the irrationality and tunnel vision, you could seem to be looking down on the lower-middle-class (which was the Nazis’ main base of support), and outrage about that doesn’t seem to be appealing to pity or playing the victim role. Populism trusts the mediocre. It doesn’t matter that real common sense wouldn’t accept what causes rampant depression. Lower-middle-class people in any country, including Germany, are up against certain (whiny) sorts of people and could seem to be up against others, and must be stolid realists. As cognitive therapists would tell you, having the “wrong” opinions (not just aberrant ones) washed from your brain, could let you fit in much better. Reagan’s “We begin bombing in five minutes,” joke, and his statement of 1965, “We should declare war on North Vietnam... We could pave the whole country and put parking stripes on it, and still be home by Christmas,” showed that he had plenty of spark, which is what made him so popular! Attack politics works, in pressuring people into taking response-ability for their own welfare. Only the (dreaded) intellectual elite could afford to care. Gutter tactics are catchy. Banalities really have to matter. “Utilize, don’t analyze.” (As Hitler said, “How fortunate for governments that the people they administer don’t think.”) Without that self-empowerment, you might not succeed in taking care of yourself. Defying this, is parasitical (one of Nazism’s favorite words). One could be on a single-minded mission to correct victims, whether this be to fight the ignominious and parasitical untermenschen, or to maximize their very necessary self-help, self-reliance, and well-adjusted emotional strength. Weakness is bad, and that’s not judgmental in the Christian sense, or repressive in the Freudian sense. Conventional beliefs mean fitting in productively. “Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is not as I would have it,” is Wagnerian realism, and Wagnerian judgmentalism. (We can’t have one without the other, since someone has to deal with each reality.) Such aggression looks very unexciting to those on the receiving end of it, and they don’t have a choice.
The cognitive distortions of modern Western depression, basically consist of absolutist self-responsible and “I’ll change what I can: myself,” victim-self-blaming. One could really see this Wagnerian level of self-responsibility, in discussions of codependency, which became popular in the 1980s. Self-help means self-reliance. Victim-blaming leads to self-motivated . You’d rather count on greed, response-ability for one’s own welfare, etc., to motivate what needs to be done, than count on moral responsibility, which could also seem manipulative, unchecked in its victim-power, etc. As Reagan said, “Unemployment insurance is a prepaid vacation plan for freeloaders.” “Realism” would require ignoring untermensch realities, which would dishearten, give excuses, divert efforts, manipulate, etc. No matter what hardship, sinfulness, etc., impacts each person’s life, he must deal with it productively; we mustn’t be unrealistic. Realists accept war, and this. A lack of this realism is what would seem neurotic: unrealistic, counterproductive, self-defeating, immature, passive-aggressive, passive, resentful, manipulative, mollycoddle, etc. No matter what are your realities (including extreme ones, hardship, sinfulness), if you have an outlook of, “I’ve stopped blaming others and I’m looking at myself!”, you’d be most likely to succeed in life. Realism cares only about what is, and what must be.
“Archie’s” realism is along the lines of economics, which is called “the dismal science,” since people tend to want to be more productive than they have the opportunities to be. To both “Archie” and economics, if you win you win, if you lose you lose, and we all must accept playing whatever roles our wins and losses will assign us. All must accept and work around inexorable human imperfection, including addictions. Only expecting people to take response-ability for their own welfare, works reliably with no mollycoddle side-effects such as parasitism victimology and pessimism (“You should choose to have a positive attitude, to benefit yourself.”). Whatever realities one must deal with, he must deal with, and whatever he must do to deal with them, he must do. When reality requires that this go to the point of a reductio ad absurdum, then that’s what reality (and self-motivated self-reliance) require. That isn’t the sort of inefficiency, inadequate reward for effort, irresponsibility, parasitism, self-denial, etc., that economics cares about, since people are always motivated to: solve their own problems, optimistically believe that they’ll get what they deserve, take response-ability for their own welfare, serenely accept whatever they’re helpless to change, deny their own maladjusted desires, etc.—and motivation is everything. That’s also the (morally bankrupt) main idea of therapy for codependents: You’re motivated to solve your problems, and that behavior problem isn’t. This is results-oriented, objective, non-manipulative. One’s self-motivation maximizes the efficiency, productivity, utility, chances for success, etc., in his own life, including “Archie” and those in even worse situations throughout the world. They all have autonomy and are taking response-ability for their own welfare, and their helplessness is too isolated banal and “personal” to qualify as real issues. All must work with whatever they’ve got to work with, or they won’t produce enough. Cost-shifting is only natural, if it means personal response-ability for one’s own welfare. Ignoring this realism constitutes a big danger. Learned helplessness leads to great inefficiencies, and we do try to stop these. No matter how natural learned helplessness is, in an adversarial society we must overcome it, since just because you’ve been helpless doesn’t mean that you’ll always be helpless, and you’ll have more of a fighting chance if you’re confident. If we didn’t have these everyday norms, people could get what they wanted through untermensch cunning (which would only weaken themselves in the long run), rather than through earning achieving and winning it. “We are all victims of victims.” Those who are preaching these “shoulds” and “musts” aren’t official authority, but disagreeing would seem heretical. All three of these self-empowering worldviews would insist that no one is entitled to endurability. If your life is with an addict, or is anything else, that’s life on life’s terms! Sure, this only holds the victims responsible, but no one is only a victim. Reality is reality, even when it’s reprehensible. You get whatever you get. Idealism, on the other hand, doesn’t work. This helplessness doesn’t come from the guv’mint.
We must take into account the threshold of human endurance.As William Sloan Coffin said, “One of the attributes of power is that it gives those who have it the ability to define reality and the power to make others believe in their definition,” and that would include, “I’ve stopped blaming others, and I’m looking at myself!”, if those power dynamics had made this self-responsibility pragmatic. We might as well be telling the millions suffering from depression, “You’d better just fix your own choices, since if you try to fix others’ choices, the following is wrong with you....” Facts are stubborn things.You could always count on victim correction. We can re-engineer untermensch human nature, since victims want to react more serenely and courageously. Realists can’t object to blaming the victims, since they’re the ones with the most reliable motivations to solve the problems. Blithe means well-adjusted. No matter what caused your problems, if we tolerated and/or mollycoddled your passivity, weakness, failures, pessimism, victimhood, etc., that would only hurt you in the long run. “I don’t have a problem unless I think I do.” Fairness, or even endurability, isn’t going to happen by magic. This anti-intellectualism, like the anti-intellectualism that led to the Iraq war, is common sense. (As Robert Novak said, “Weapons of mass destruction or uranium from Niger are little elitist issues that don’t bother most of the people.” Elitist means unrealistic.) Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison’s book Exuberance says, “The result of a Pew Carter poll conducted in 2002 of 38,000 people in forty-four countries found that more Americans [65 percent] than respondents from other countries disagreed with the statement ‘Success in life is pretty much determined by forces outside our control.’”
Sure, during that interview of Ron Paul, he was told, “...there are a lot of people that describe you as a flake. And that’s a quote,” and coaching addicts’ kids to believe, “I’ve stopped blaming others and I’m looking at myself!” might sound just as flaky, but if one has to succeed in a society with rampant depression, that sort of unconditional self-response-ability is necessary. Either handicapped people, etc., do whatever it takes to deal with their own problems, or they’re too parasitical to deal with reality. Ex-Nazi Hermann Rauschning wrote in 1939 about the Nazis’ anti-Semitism, “All these elements, so primitive and threadbare in their psychology, are nevertheless thoroughly effective in practice,” and the same goes for treating other wide swaths of people as manipulative and parasitical untermenschen, even if the intent is to pressure them into acting more übermensch.

As Allan Bloom’s The Closing of the American Mind says, “At very best, self-determination is indeterminate.” Yet motivation is , and we all know who’s most motivated to solve any problem. Some nihilistic acceptance is bad; some is realistic. Since few on social security, etc., are cynically parasitical, “We taught them to be dependent,” would require only that we taught them not to solve their own problems well enough that they’d succeed, as “Archie” succeeded. And of course, to care that “I’ve stopped blaming others, and I’m looking at myself!” could teach these others to evade moral responsibility, would weaken those red-blooded self-reliant efforts to succeed. Victim correction gives us objectivity.
Even the most caring person could teach this “independence,” so you could always count on getting victim correction. (It would really do you a lot of good, of course. ) Especially if one is in trouble, his having a productive attitude toward his taking care of his own problems, isn’t a dispensable luxury, while any fairness, is one. We mustn’t coddle maladjustment. Realists accept reality. Reaganomics doesn’t allow for excuses. In the Reagan era, James Watt seemed sane, too.
James Watt’s official Department of the Interior photo
This was also the same Reagan Administration that arranged for many varieties of deadly germs, as well as other military help, to be exported to Saddam, our ally against Iran. Once, Reagan’s ideas seemed extremist, but now they seem as realistic and necessary as, “I’ve stopped blaming others and I’m looking at myself!”, which, after all, would make anyone more likely to succeed.
As Aldous Huxley wrote, “The ends cannot justify the means for the simple and obvious reason that the means employed determine the nature of the ends produced.” The ends of, “Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is not as I would have it,” might seem good, even necessary when the person must pragmatically deal with hardship and/or others’ sinfulness ad infinitum. Yet the means, the requirements that one unquestioningly adjust to hardship and/or sinfulness, are this excessive and pitiless. As Huxley also wrote, “[The psychological revolution] will really be a revolution. When it is over, the human race will give no further trouble.” If everyone serenely accepted whatever they’re helpless to change, no more trouble.
As Emily Dickinson wrote, “Opinion is a flitting thing But Truth outlasts the Sun.” Or, as Homer wrote, “Once the harm is done, even a fool understands it.” Trust your natural instincts (without focusing on your übermensch instincts), that don’t accept what causes rampant depression! Just imagine how different your life would look if those who now respond to the sorts of normalized helplessness that contribute to our rampant depression, anxiety disorders, etc., by saying, “But everyone knows that when that sort of thing happens to you, you’ll just have to deal with it!”, realized how unfit for human consumption it really is!
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“...despite Hitler’s anti-Semitic and genocidal tendencies, he was an individual of great courage... Hitler’s success was not based on his extraordinary gifts alone. His genius was an intuitive sense of the mushiness, the character flaws, the weakness masquerading as morality that was in the hearts of the statesmen who stood in his path.”—Pat Buchanan. The “defects of character” stressed by AA’s Big Book, resentment anger and fear in general, are the same as what Buchanan and Hitler meant by “character flaws,” i.e. not handling one’s own problems (whatever they may be) with enough stolid and self-reliant backbone. “Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is not as I would have it,” as well as, “Whatever your problem is, courageously change what you can and serenely accept what you can’t,” also define “character flaws” as supposed weakness masquerading as morality.

Everybody needs a moral compass, and that’s theirs. It would seem very trendy to expect someone to believe, “My strife is all in my head, and depends on my thinking counterproductive thoughts, so I’ll choose not to feel the strife,” but very un-trendy to expect someone to believe, “My desires that cause others trouble are all in my head, and depend on my thinking counterproductive thoughts, so I’ll choose not to feel those desires,” though both of these are true, for the same reasons. With all cognitive therapy, the more impressionable that one is, the more that he could learn to think pragmatically. Al-Anon’s approach was based on AA’s approach, in which the more impressionable a recovering alkie is, the more that he could get rid of his pathological thoughts. Empirical studies would probably find, for example, that those who are greatly affected by alkies, and who have faith along the lines of, “I saw the hand of God in this, too,” are far more likely to succeed courageously, and to feel serene, than those greatly affected by alkies who don’t have it. The stronger you are, the more likely you are to have what’s exciting, pro-freedom, übermensch, red-blooded, self-reliant, etc., on your side.
Not only are we supposed to hold to:

but also we’re likely to figure that helplessness is the price that we have to pay for the redbloods, the übermenschen, to have their sacred freedoms, even in a society with rampant depression.

It’s pretty safe to say that there’s always an out, in that if the person who has the problem wants to be well-adjusted and non-passive, then she’ll see how what caused the problem is at least excusable, and how much she plays an active role. Something very vital is missing here.

That Alateen comic is part of a series that begins, “At least one child in thirteen lives in an alcoholic home...,” shows visitors from Alateen telling an assembly at the high school, “Alateen taught me how to let go of my father’s drinking problem and still care about him!” and, “I learned that alcoholism is a disease and that I can be happy in spite of my mother’s drinking!”, and ends by saying that though two of the three alkies’ kids in this series go on to get inner peace and confident feelings by letting go and choosing to be happy, the other kid, a contrarian degenerate hippy drug-pusher, ends up in big danger because he refuses to accept this self-improvement. When his dad temporarily sobered-up, the teen is shown wearing a square-looking sweater with a herringbone design,
and with his hair neatly combed.

Obviously he enthusiastically “let go” of any resentment he may have felt about past drinking, but he wouldn’t seem good enough unless he also “let go” of his feelings about present and future drinking. The alkie father didn’t have any addictive cravings compelling him to relapse, but all are simply to accept that his disease made him do it. The whole idea is that at least one child in thirteen lives in an alcoholic home, so at least one child in thirteen would benefit greatly if he learned to deal with such realities in such an unconditional, failsafe fashion.
And though Amber Frey’s self-help book might not have gone into how those who are this helpless should deal with their own problems, you could bet that wouldn’t have said that it’s okay if those in such situations trust their own opinions regarding how unacceptable they are. Also, according to the Bible, God would give far more support to women who stay married to their alkie husbands, than He would to single mothers. Otherwise, any single woman could become a single mother, and count on it that she could do everything through Him who gives her strength. On January 29, 2007, the New York Times reported that 51% of all American women are living without husbands, up from 35% in 1950 and 49% in 2000, and the wrathful Jehovah would have far less of a desire to help them than he’d have to help alkies’ loyal wives.
BTW, someone thought that the following character in one of the comic series off of the same webpage, someone attending an AA meeting, looks like Reagan:
Though during the “Me Decade” assertiveness was considered to be respectable self-help, Frey would probably tell her students that while some people would be receptive if they assertively stood up for themselves, as long as their men have sociopathic tendencies, assertive words spoken to them would be self-defeating whining and passivity. These women simply must have enough backbone to deal with their own realities self-reliantly, so most if not all of the presumptions that civilized give-and-take involve, would seem self-defeatingly unrealistic. Ann Jones, in her book Next Time She’ll Be Dead, satirically summarized the victim-blaming of battered wives as, “Without the wife-beater’s wife there would be no wife beating,” but that’s how victim correction as a panacea has to work, and it does work to correct any inadequacies in women’s survival skills, so that they’d recognize and avoid any unsavory characters.
We’re to have the same faith in this failsafe sort of self-responsibility, that we’d have in any other cultural norms, as if it’s a universal truth that will work forever.

And that means anyone who’d seem suspicious, which includes Frey herself. She had a former boyfriend making child support payments on her oldest child, but DNA tests had just proven that he’s not the child’s father. Therefore, she has a history of being a two-timer. If a woman gets into a romantic relationship with a guy who, at least once in the past, had an affair on the side, and he ends up two-timing on this woman, a self-help guru would tell her, “You should have known that he’d do that on you.” That means that any guy who’d get involved with Frey, “should know” that there would be a good chance that she’d do that on him. If he doesn’t “know” that, then he’d be treated at best as if he has poor survival skills, at worst as if he’s subconsciously asking for trouble. Likewise, Robin Norwood, author of Women Who Love Too Much, quickly divorced a nice but boring man she married. She had thought that if a man bores her, that’s good because he doesn’t excite her supposed desire to ask for trouble, but then she discovered that marriage with that guy was more boring than nice. That would mean that any nice guy who marries her “should know” that there would be a good chance that she’d divorce him quickly....
But that’s how self-help survival skills have to work, under the assumption that if it weren’t for problem people’s lovers or spouses, there would be no people plagued by problem lovers or spouses, so we’ll have to find ways in which the potential victims could avoid the problems. Predicting whether your potential lover or spouse is risky, could require jumping to conclusions, and overgeneralized interpretations. In those situations, you don’t really know much, only about some things that that person has done. From this, it seems that you should “know” if the person has dangerous general tendencies. You could even be blamed if the only danger sign that you got was that your intuition told you that the other person meant trouble, you ignored this, and therefore, you got involved with someone who you “knew” meant trouble! Of course, before people are treated as morally responsible for anything, they’re presumed innocent until proven guilty,
but when it comes to self-responsibility for one’s own problems, we resourcefully and optimistically try to find ways in which one could have done better if only he reacted more pragmatically.
You’ve probably heard those around you make expectations based on such conceptions of personal responsibility. These consistently expect people to take care of themselves independently resiliently and perseveringly, even when this gets unreasonable. You could easily figure that our culture has some strange, and unlimited, imbalances in how it determines what expectations are reasonable, and who’s personally responsible for what. And, of course, your observations could be proven, with some very profound facts. First off, are our astounding, and obviously unnatural, rates of depression and anxiety disorders. The book Antidepressant Treatment—the Essentials, by John H. Greist, MD and Thomas H. Greist, MD, says, “According to National Institutes of Mental Health figures, 20,000,000 people or approximately 15% of the U.S. adult population suffers from a serious depressive disorder in any given year. Of these, over 20,000 commit suicide every year.” To say that as doctors treat the million of Americans who suffer a serious depressive disorder in any given year, they should know this rate since it would help the doctors treat each individual as if their depressions simply are their problems, completely ignores the fact that this involves an unnaturally high rate of helplessness, happening to millions of people, year in and year out.

The book When Madness Comes Home by Victoria Secunda, says that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV says that affective disorders affect 20% of the American population, anxiety disorders affect 25%, and substance abuse disorders affect 27%.
The Learning About Depression webpage on the Zoloft, says, “If you have depression, this sad mood along with other symptoms can last weeks, months, or even years if not treated. Depression isn’t a sign of weakness or a character flaw. It’s a real medical condition, but there are ways to successfully treat depression..., Depressive disorders affect about 34 million American adults.”
When you’ve seen ads and other guides that say things like this, you may have thought, “So how am I supposed to fit in with all this? It seems that: All of that depression is among the biological diseases that are parts of the natural order. The millions of Americans who are prone to clinical depression, are basically powder kegs just waiting to explode when small sparks will trigger them, or instabilities inside themselves will go off. It’s only natural to ask whether depressive disorders affecting 34,000,000 Americans, consists of 34,000,000 rather severe medical conditions, or 34,000,000 rather severe character flaws, that is, flaws of the weak untermensch variety, not of the übermensch variety, which probably did cause a lot of traumas leading to depressions in others. Everyone knows that what’s at fault, is inside the millions of victims. Depressive disorders affect 34,000,000 American adults, so 34,000,000 American adults should take antidepressants or learn to have optimistic outlooks. Sure, depressive disorders affect 34,000,000 American adults, but everyone knows that we must accept the helplessness that this culture regards as normal, since all must deal with the normal vicissitudes of life. If you care a lot that depressive disorders affect 34,000,000 American adults, something must be wrong with you.
“Yet a true awareness of how unnatural are both this and what causes it, would be the ultimate shock and awe! This can’t just be brushed aside! That would have to have to mean moral bankruptcy to the extent of, ‘God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.... Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is not as I would have it.’ According to the Serenity Prayer school of psychology, the fact that the person who has the problem, would simply be held response-able for dealing with it by courageously changing what he could and serenely accepting what he couldn’t, would be a fait accompli. “God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference,” doesn’t necessarily mean, “Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is not as I would have it,” but is necessarily that unconditional, all-or-nothing, and

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Whatever is your reality in a society with rampant depression, you’d better just deal with it and fit in with it, and if you don’t, you could seem to have one or more of the following untermensch character defects: unrealistic, weak, cowardly, unhealthy, manipulative, passive-aggressive, just plain passive, irresponsible, unsuccessful, immature, inadequate, playing the victim role, maladjusted, unpragmatic, counterproductive, controlling, codependently controlling (i.e. controlling others for its own sake), blame-finding, excuse-making, whining, resentful, self-righteous, opinionated, , negativist, defeatist, guilt-tripping, philosophisizing, intellectualist, anti-beloved-traditions, naïve, judgmental, undiplomatic, unforgiving, etc. It’s pretty easy to scare people about the supposed suppressors who get their power through victim-power.

(This is the heading of the section of Al-Anon’s workbook Blueprint for Progress, Al-Anon’s Fourth Step Inventory, for those who seem to be codependent to take a fearless moral inventory of behaviors, including helpful ones, that are labeled as “controlling.” Frankly, just about any helpful behavior in a relationship that’s considered codependent, would be considered “controlling,” as in, “Sure, you think that what you’re doing is trying to help, but supposedly trying to help someone is a great way to control him.” This morality-based “control” is in the same sense of what the Mississippi preacher mentioned by Bobby Kennedy’s administrative aide James Symington, meant by tyranny, “One preacher let me into his church, and told me, ‘You represent a tyranny.’ I said, ‘How do you think black people feel living in Mississippi with no rights?’ He said, ‘Well, it’s better to have a lot of little tyrannies than one big one.’” Control based on one person having power over another, is only a little tyranny. Of course, if those driven into depression, anxiety disorders, etc., by such behavior, instead fixed themselves by taking antidepressants, choosing to think positively, eating more omega-3 fatty acids, etc., that wouldn’t seem controlling, anti-freedom, manipulative, resentful, etc. If you object to sinfulness, that’s really your will-to-power.)

Apropos of that norm, how much lowering of that unnaturally high rate of depression would seem centrist, and how much would seem radical?”
And, naturally, this means...

Certainly you could imagine what would happen if you responded to one of those who figured that naturally you’re simply supposed to adjust to the norms that cause our rampant depression, by saying, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Sure, for depressive disorders to affect about 34,000,000 American adults is a very serious social problem, but in order to fit in, you’ve got to minimize the problems around your somewhat. Therefore, I’ll treat this as if it were just a moderately severe social problem.” After all, if you could care somewhat, then that would make you somewhat discouraged, maladjusted, thinking like a victim, potentially manipulative, etc. It seems that the helplessness that causes our rampant depression, is just some of the inevitable imperfections of life and/or human nature.

This sort of character defect involves mollycoddle ignominious cunning, which might be harder to defend oneself against than would be open and honest aggression, so an untermensch-phobia could become popular. You’d be amazed how many appeals to higher loyalties would seem more moving than would a concern about such rampant depression: expectations that we be pro-freedom, not try to control or restrict others, not seem emotionalist, be forgiving, love an anti-resentment spirituality, be stolidly rock-ribbed, avoid those social sciences, etc.

“Everyone knows” that if you object to the coping strategy described by The Serenity Prayer, you must have a horrible attitude problem. Those who believe in inculcating to alkies’ kids an attitude of, “I’ve stopped blaming others, and I’m looking at myself!”, would be the most insistent that you not reject the zeitgeist of The Serenity Prayer. Well, the entire unredacted Serenity Prayer as originally written by Reinhold Niebuhr, says, “God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is not as I would have i