Listing-style Jokes
The Top Ten Lists
Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen is in
Trouble
10. Sometimes stays in bed till after
6am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find
pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in
full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells,
"Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he
goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a
radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash
of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk
to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for
"driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat
backwards.
Source: Fwd from Sarah Craft
Top Ten Reasons Churches Don't Ask
Clown Ministries to Return
10.They force people to smile during
the 8 am service.
9. It's hard to say with dignity,
"The sermon today will be given by Brother Umpa-Doody."
8. Whoopee cushions inevitably
appear under the pew cushions.
7. Sermons take a lot longer when
they are in pantomime.
6. Clowns wearing blue curly wigs
might be confused with elderly women.
5. Many denominations do not recognize
seltzer water baptism.
4. Dribble glasses might be used
during the communion service.
3. They have to pay janitors extra
to get silly string off the ceiling.
2. The junior highers pop their
balloons during closing prayer.
1. They realize they have enough
clowns working there already.
(Source: Fwd from Sarah Craft)
Top Ten Reasons God Created Woman
(As an equal opportunity joker and
since I agree with Adam when he said "Wow!",
this is a list from the woman's
side with love to Christian women everywhere...... from Rusty.)
10. God worried that Adam would
always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one
day need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Men don't want to see what's
ON television, they want to see WHAT ELSE is on!)
8. God knew that Adam would never
buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve
to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never
make a doctor's appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never
remember which night was garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was
to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam
would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation
indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught
him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not
good for man to be alone!"
1. When God finished the creation
of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better
than that."
(Source: Fwd from Tony Haefs)
Great Truths About Life That Little
Children Have Learned (Top
10 plus a bonus!)
1. No matter how hard you try, you
can't baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your
Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't
hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask a 3-year old to hold
a tomato.
5. Don't wear polka-dot underwear
under white shorts.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is
cutting your hair.
7. Puppies still have bad breath
even after eating a tic-tac.
8. Never hold a dustbuster and
a cat at the same time.
9. School lunches stick to the
wall.
10. You can't hide a piece of broccoli
in a glass of milk.
11. You can't trust dogs to watch
your food.
(Source: Dennis Campbell)
Great Truths about Life That Adults
Have Learned
1. Raising teenagers is like trying
to nail Jell-O to a tree.
2. There's always a lot to be thankful
for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here
thinking about how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3. Reason to smile: Every seven
minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
4. The best way to keep teenagers
at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out
of their tires.
5. Families are like fudge ...
mostly sweet with quite a few nuts.
6. Middle age is when you choose
cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
7. The more you complain, the longer
God lets you live.
8. If you can remain calm, you
don't have all the facts.
9. Eat a live toad first thing
in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.
10. You know you're getting old
when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while
you're down there.
(Source: Dennis Campbell)
Top 10 reasons college is like preschool.....
10. You cry for your mother.
9. You cross the street without
looking for cars.
8. Snack time is a necessity.
7. You bundle up for the
outdoors without caring what you look like because everyone else looks
as stupid as you do.
6. YOu stay at home and play
games with your friends.
5. You wear your backpack
on both shoulders.
4. You wear big mittens.
3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate
activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You look forward to grilled
cheese sandwiches.
(Source: Fwd from Tony Haefs)
Top Ten Product Placements in Upcoming
Summer Blockbusters (1997)
The selling of computer technology
has gone far beyond ads in "Byte" and the occasional taxicab placard at
Comdex. This year, computer companies are getting more aggressive with
their marketing dollars. The proof? These planned product placements in
the upcoming summer blockbuster movies:
10. In "Batman and Robin," Bat Signal
replaced by Internet Explorer logo
9. In "Speed 2: Cruise Control," Diba's
belly-button Internet appliance worn by Sandra Bullock
8. "The Lost World": Microsoft pays
to have Jeff Goldblum eaten by T. rex while waiting for PowerBook to boot
7. Netscape pays Bruce Willis to discover
"The Fifth Element": JavaScript
6. "Titanic": IBM's Deep Blue supercomputer
predicts path of icebergs; ship changes course; and they all live happily
ever after
5. "Men in Black:" Will Smith replaces
CPU in alien mother ship with flawed Pentium II; ship misses Earth, crashes
into Venus instead
4. "Austin Powers": uses Palm Pilot
to keep track of dating life
3. Apple puts all its summer marketing
money into product placement in the guaranteed mega-smash, "Free Willy
3" (targeting the wealthy 8- to 10-year-old, computer-buying demographic)
2. "Mortal Kombat II: Annihilation":
free AOL CD-ROMs used as deadly throwing stars
1. "Air Force One": Harrison Ford launches
thermonuclear attack on Seattle with brand-new Oracle Network Computer;
Larry Ellison in cameo as Secretary of Defense
Source: E!: The Entertainment Network
Top Ten Things People Won't Say . .
. (HUMOR)
Top Ten Things People Won't Say When
They See the Christian Bumper Sticker or More Subtle Fish Symbol On Your
Car:
10. "Look! Let's stop that car and
ask those folks how we can become Christians."
9. "Don't worry, Billy, those people
are Christians -- they must have a good reason for driving 90 miles an
hour."
8. "What a joy to be sharing the highway
with another car of Spirit- filled brothers and sisters."
7. "Isn't it wonderful how God blessed
that Christian couple with a brand-new BMW?"
6. "Dad, how come people who drive
like that don't get thrown in jail?" "Dad, can we get a bumper sticker
like that, too?"
5. "Stay clear of those folks, Martha.
If they get raptured, that car's gonna be all over the road!"
4. "Oh, look! That Christian woman
is getting a chance to share Jesus with a police officer."
3. "No, that's not garbage coming out
of their windows, Bert -- it's probably gospel tracts for the road workers."
2. "Oh, boy, we're in trouble now!
We just rear-ended one of God's cars."
1. "Quick, Alice, honk the horn or
they won't know that we love Jesus!"
By Mike Higgs
Jokes assembled
from various sources by Rusty Ivey.
are
"listed" as funny.
Come on in & list your name among the
others, 
...then
see who the "others" are.
Now, where would you like to go? To the
Top
of Page;
Good
Laughs; Telling
the Tales- The
Long of It, The
Short of It; Listing
the Laughs- The
Top Ten Lists, The
Long Numerals, Among
the Unnumbered, The
Vocabulary List; or Home?
Want to find out more about Jesus
Christ?
If you want some great places on the net
to buy stuff you already need and want, check out:
(an effort to keep from having banners
everywhere).