[This is the text of an actual e-mail message]
From: XXX To: webmaster Subject: Posession
I am posessed by the devil. I was originally misled into believing that I was mentally ill but now I know that it has been the devil talking to me all along. Basically the external voice I heard has become an internal voice. The devil can control what I think and how I feel. I still seem to have awareness as myself but I'm never certain if what I am thinking is from me or has some purpose that I cannot comprehend. It seems impossible for me to do good works. Everything somehow gets turned around and no matter what I do I come out in the wrong.
For the moment I can still pray but most of my higher mental functions are gone. I cannot remember scriptures that I read over and over again. I pray continually but because of my sinful ways I don't know if God is listening to me anymore or not.
I know that Jesus died for our sins but it also says that Jesus did not come to abolish the law. That and the text that says that every kind of sin will be forgiven except sin against the holy spirit. These scriptures concern me because I don't know if the sins I have committed will be forgiven or not. I know that the devil has people on earth who are doing his will. I am not one of them but I feel that this is what the devil wants of me. I am still praying and still seeking a way to resist. I think this is the end times when the only people who are allowed to work are those with the devil's number. I know that I can only do the most menial labor even though I was once a professional.
I am seeking any information I can obtain that might help me. I don't know if what has happened to me is posession or if I have somehow given myself to the devil. I don't know if it happened because of my sins or because I became vulnerable by isolating myself and left the devil's deciples opportunity to entrap me. I do know that I am bound by the devil and every day is a struggle. I sometimes think that I am in purgatory and that I must suffer for my sins until God judges me.
I continue to practice confession and attend church but I have not had good luck in finding a priest to help me. I have trouble trusting people and I cannot control my responses in a face-to-face situation. I'm sorry to say that I have exhausted the approach of doctors and I havn't been able to find a pastor that I feel I can trust. In today's world people turn us in the direction of mental health professionals instead of dealing with the crises of faith.
I believe we make a big mistake when we place our trust in human organizations rather than God. Some very bizarre things have happened to me that have taken my faith in human beings away from me. I am using E-mail as a last resort to see if I can obtain any information that might help me. Part of my crises surrounds questions about my faith.I don't understand, if the church has the power to throw out demons and cure the sick, why they don't commonly practice it. I have been in mental institutions and as far as I can see there are many of the posessed there at all times. Also I am confused by the fact that my confessions do not result in relief even though they say my sins are forgiven. I am truely remorseful and penitent but I am not freed. My experience tells me that there is something going on in this world that is not commonly understood or spoken of. I do not raise these questions out of disrespect but I mention them because I simply don't know the answers and because I see posession amongh the menatlly ill and I want to make others aware of it. I know that it is the control of the devil that is continually tempting us and seeking to enslave us. I also know that there are actual people who are doing the devil's will because they believe they have no choice. Maybe nobody wants to communicate about this aspect of religion. I understand that worship should be a celibration of God's love. I am just looking for answers.
Any information or feedback would be appreciated including other places I might search for answers.
Sincerely; XXXX