| Dr. Warshak's Recommended Reading on Divorce, Child Custody, and Parenting |
Each of the following books can be purchased by clicking on the title. You will be taken to amazon.com where you can purchase the book for an amazingly reasonable price. The list is not comprehensive; neither are the comments following each title. But I hope to give some idea of why I like each book, and why I think you might find it helpful. (Clicking on a title does not obligate you to buy the book. You will be taken to amazon.com where you can read a description of the book and then either order it or not.)
Books for Parents
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In this now classic book, Dr. Warshak helps parents shield children from the crossfire of divorce and separation. If your relationship with your children has deteriorated, this book is the roadmap to healing. | Order your copy from Amazon.com by clicking on the cover to the left or the title link below Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive Ex |
Ex-etiquette was co-authored by a mother and her child's "bonus mom" (step-mother). These women found a way to pull together for the sake of the children and they now share all their practical advice. This book will change the way we think about parenting after a breakup. Packed with wisdom, original insights, and essential tools that will ease tension between households and give you the skills to create a better life for the entire family. A very practical book that you will consult over and over again. Don't pass this one up.
We're Still Family : What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents' Divorce by Constance Ahrons, Ph.D.
Dr, Ahrons has done it again! Absolutely essential for everyone concerned with divorce and its effects on children. Grounded in scientific research and years of clinical experience, a leading authority on divorce presents a compassionate and refreshing antidote to doomsayers who exaggerate the perils of divorce. Filled with insights and advice that will pay huge dividends to divorced parents and their children. An astounding accomplishment.
Embracing Your Father: How to Build the Relationship You Always Wanted with Your Dad by Dr. Linda Nielsen
If you are, or know of, a father whose relationship with his adult daughter is not all it could be, give them both a gift and buy this book for the daughter. Even if they have not spoken for years, this book shows how the grown daughter can transform her impaired relationship with her dad, and most important, why this will bring her happiness and fulfillment.
The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart by Constance Ahrons, Ph.D.
When this book was first released it was ahead of its time. I consider it one of the most important books on divorce written in recent years. Grounded in an important research project and years of clinical experience, The Good Divorce presents a refreshing alternative to the view that divorce inevitably creates severe damage to parents and children. It is because she recognizes the potential destructiveness of divorce that Dr. Ahrons has spent a career learning how to help people weather this passage with dignity. Parents in the early stages of separation will find her discussion of the natural course of divorce especially helpful in understanding what they are going through and in maintaining perspective and hope. Several years ago I had the honor of co-leading a workshop with Dr. Ahrons and I learned that in addition to her skills as a researcher, therapist, and author, she is an outstanding teacher. Get this book and learn from a master whose vision of divorce is decidedly 21st century.
Between Love and Hate: A Guide to Civilized Divorce by Lois Gold, M.S.W.
This is a book I wish I had written. It has got to be one of my favorite books for parents before, during, and after divorce. In her foreward to the book Dr. Joan Kelly says it could have been three separate books. She is right. You get an excellent discussion of the emotional stages of divorce, of how to create an optimal postdivorce coparenting relationship, and of how to successfully negotiate your divorce agreement. This belongs in the library of every divorced parent. Buy two, one for you and one for your ex.
Between Parent and Child : The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication by Dr. Haim Ginott
Finally this classic is back in print in a revised edition. This book was an incredible best-seller when it was first published, and has inspired many, many subsequent books on child rearing. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish credit Ginott as their inspiration for their own wonderful books on child rearing (see below). Dr. Ginott taught a generation how to understand and communicate with children in a manner that fosters self-acceptance and builds true character and self-esteem. Buy this now. After you read it, you will want to get Ginott's Between Parent and Teenager and Teacher and Child.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
This mega-best-seller deserves its status as perhaps the all-time favorite of parents. I love this book because it teaches parents how to communicate with their children in a manner that promotes mutual respect. If you want your children to feel understood by you, this book will show you how to accomplish this. If you want your children to respect you, and comply with your instructions out of respect and not fear, read this book. The authors have a gift for presenting clear prescriptions for effective communication. You will find their advice applicable to all relationships. Try a new method of communicating with your ex. You may be surprised by the results.
No Easy Answers: The Learning Disabled Child at Home and at School by Sally L. Smith
The Misunderstood Child: Understanding and Coping with Your Child's Learning Disabilities by Larry B. Silver
If your child marches to a different beat, or has an individualized learning style that does not quite fit prevailing classroom methods, the two books above will show you how to help your child achieve success and preserve self-esteem.
The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated "Chronically Inflexible" Children by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D.
The Bipolar Child by Demitri and Janice Papolos
The two books above will help parents rise to the challenge of raising children who have major difficulty tolerating frustration. If your child has terrible tantrums and maddening meltdowns, these books are for you.
Child Custody: Building Parenting Agreements that Work by Mimi E. Lyster
Want to save a lot of money? Want to help your attorney help you? This book gives clearcut worksheets to help you fashion a custom-made parenting plan tailored to the circumstances of your family. This is clearly a workbook, which means you have to fill in the blanks. If you don't have the time or patience for the task, perhaps this book is not for you. But if you like a do-it-yourself approach, this book is the best I know of to walk you through the steps of creating a viable parenting plan.
Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex by Julia A. Ross and Judy Corcoran
Whether or not you think your ex is a jerk, all divorced parents can benefit from this practical guide to coparenting. Clear writing, sensible ideas, plenty of examples, and useful summaries. You might find your own behavior changing as a result of this book's advice. Notwithstanding my recommendation, I do have some reservations about this book. If you buy it, you should be careful to keep it out of your children's sight. They don't need to know that you think their other parent is a jerk.
Families Apart : Ten Keys to Successful Co-Parenting by Melinda Blau
An award-winning book with warm and wise advice. Practical suggestions to help parents take the high road and protect their children from animosity.
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D.
O.K. Strictly speaking this is not a book on divorce, child custody, or parenting (although it does have a chapter on parenting). But if you heed its lessons you will become a better person, a better parent, and a far more effective exspouse. Dr. Branden shows why self-esteem is the foundation of psychological health and happiness. He offers concrete guidelines for parents who aspire to high self-esteem in themselves and want to inspire this in their children.
This is a list in progress. More books will be added periodically. Feel free to email with your suggestions.