OF PAPYRUS AND PYRAMIDS

"BAKSHEESH!!!  BAKSHEESH!!!"  No, that's NOT "Hello!" in Egyptian, but it’s the next best thing.  It means, "Money! Money!", or to be more specific, "Bribes! Bribes!", which will bring an Egyptian running faster than anything else.  A sprinkling of cash makes everything move smoother in the "Land of Ancient Times."  That and a great deal of patience.

So pull out a month’s supply of that patience, we’re going to glorious Egypt!

EGYPT

A land of wonders and a civilization that has a written history that goes back some seven thousand years.  Modern Egypt has a population of about 54 million people.  It was "founded" at its current borders in 1879 as a British protectorate, negotiating its independence in 1922.  Its capital is Cairo, a massive sprawling complex that is home to some 15 of those million.

The first thing that happens when a tourist goes to Egypt is you are told to stand in line and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Meanwhile, the customs officials are going through every single person’s passport page by page, to "make sure" your passport is in order and that you haven’t been to a country on the "we-are-not-friends-with-them" list.  A little baksheesh applied here will vanish in an instant, and your passport will still be scrutinized just as much, so save it, you’re going to need it later.  Once through the line, you find out why it took so long.  The luggage has been unloaded from the plane and an army of bagboys has already grabbed your suitcase(s) and is waiting for you to show them which of the tourist busses a mere 50 meters away is yours.  You of course don’t know because you haven’t slipped some baksheesh to the tour guide to tell you.

Eventually, you’ll get away from the airport with most of your luggage, a bit of your patience, and some of the money you arrived with.  In the hotel it’s baksheesh to the busboy to take your luggage into the lobby, baksheesh to the concierge to watch the luggage while you go pay baksheesh to the reception for checking you in, and baksheesh to the bellhop for carrying your luggage to your rooms.   Finally, you‘re ready to go see the sights (after stopping by the exchange bureau to get some more baksheesh!).

CAIRO (pronounced kai-row)

Incredible.  A sea of humanity and high rise buildings.   From the top of the Ramesses Intercontinental Hotel (32 stories up), all you can see are multistory buildings all the way out to the horizon.  As far as the eye can see - concrete and mortar.  And not high quality stuff either.  Shoddy brick work and slapdash construction.  Buildings in Cairo are not built as a whole, they are built floor by floor.  When someone has the money to add a floor, they do.   But only the frame.  It’s up to the residents to bring in bricks and make walls.  Below the building tops is the mass crowd of humanity. The streets are packed with people scurrying to and fro, each in their own little neighborhood.

Almost all the attractions in Cairo are quite far apart.  What ever you do - do NOT drive in the city - you WILL be in an accident if you do.  Walk or take a taxi.  And since everything is so far apart, you’ll probably be doing the taxi or tour bus bit most of the time.  If you do take a taxi, don’t sit up front, especially at night.  Egyptian drivers don’t use their headlights.  (Not even for baksheesh.)  They only flick them on and off every few seconds.   Picture this - you are hurtling along an alleyway at 100 kph, the driver blissfully happy about blindly roaring through the dark, and when he finally decides to give the lights a flick, what do you see?  A bus - coming straight at you (with no headlights either).  See why you don’t want to sit up front?

The only thing worth visiting in Cairo is the Museum of Antiquities, where the funerary items from King Tutankhamun are displayed; the Giza archaeological site, where the Sphinx and the famed Pyramids of Cheops, Chelpron, and Mycerinus are located; the Kaln Al Khalili market; and the Grand Mosque.

The Pyramids are a grand spectacle, a reason to trip to Egypt in themselves.  And the sound and light show each night is worth the "drive of terror" to go see.  Since every visitor to Egypt comes to see the pyramids - and take pictures - you have to stand in line to buy a photo permit before entering. Once that transaction is complete, a crowd of "helpers" will follow you around to point out the best angles, pestering you until you hire one (for a little baksheesh) to shoo the rest of them away.  And as friendly as the locals may be, be careful about shaking hands.  You will probably find a "gift" - "For you my Friend!" - in your palm.  Usually a trinket or chain or something, which they will not take back, but they will take some baksheesh for.  Still, the Pyramids are incredible.

The Kaln El Khalili market is the perfect example of the Hollywood stereotype - a warren of streets filled with stalls and people hawking anything and everything.  If it exists, it’s for sale.  Heck, even if it doesn’t exist it's still probably for sale.  A favorite item for tourists to take home are papyrus paintings.  Exquisite and colorful, they look wonderful when nicely framed.   But don’t buy one in the market.  Chances are you’ll be buying banana leaf, not papyrus.  It looks close to the same and most tourists would never know, but banana leaf should cost less than half of papyrus.  And check everything else you buy closely too.  Those "Ray-Ban" sunglasses are really "Ray-Fan" sunglasses.  Hey, what to you expect for a dollar?

As for the Museum of Antiquities, it’s a treasure trove of ancient history, with the Tutankhamun exhibit as the crowning glory.  Again, everyone goes there so you have stand in line to buy another photo permit.  It’s just a shame the lights are kept so low and you aren’t allowed to bring a flash or tripod.  Of course, you could always spend some baksheesh on the photo sampler at the museum stall right by the exit door....

Cairo you can do in two days, the rest of Egypt takes much longer.  If you are limited on time, head for Luxor and Karnak, then on to Aswan and Abu Simbel.

LUXOR (lucks-or) and KARNAK (car-nak)

Luxor is the ancient city on the east bank of the Nile across from the Valley of Kings and Valley of Queens.  The Egyptians believed that the west bank of the Nile was the land of the dead because the sun set in the west.   Hence the pharaohs were always interred on the west bank, either in the Valley of Kings, or in some funerary monument like a pyramid.  Luxor and Karnak are the cities where the pharaohs were prepared for their final journey to the underworld, and the monuments there are spectacular beyond compare.

THE GREAT TEMPLE OF AMUN (ah-moon)

The largest religious complex anywhere in the world.   The main temple has 122 pillars that supported a roof 75 feet in the air. Each of the pillars are big enough around to have 50 men stand on top of. Over 5,000 years old and you can still see the colors of the paint on the sides.  As with everywhere else in Egypt, you have to stand in line for a photo permit.  The difference here is that as you enter the temple area, a single guide is "issued" to you to take you around and tell you all the history.  As the guide explains - the service is free, but you may offer some baksheesh if you think it was worth it. As it turns out, it is worth it, if nothing else for the peace and quiet of not being besieged by a dozen others all wanting to offer the same service.  Like the Pyramids of Giza, there is a sound and light show that is as equally spectacular.  Of all the sights in Egypt, this is the one I recommend the most to visit.

THE TEMPLE OF LUXOR

The last stop before the Underworld for the pharaohs.   Yet another massive structure demonstrating the architectural skills of the ancients.  The main difference with this one is it’s close to the market place in town.  A fun way to see both is to hire one of the horse drawn carriages that line the streets. The drivers will follow you around if you walk anyway, so save yourself the badgering and just hire one.  But don’t get in until you haggle out a price, and expect the price to go up once you get on board.  My driver started at 40 Egyptian pounds, agreed to 15, then raised the price back to 20 when we got on.  Then he picked up his nephew, "He good boy, give him baksheesh," and raised his price to 30 because we had the honor to have his nephew stare at us.  When we started to talk about how much we really would give him, he kept interrupting the discussion, "No, no! Too little! 20 for ride, 10 for Hahbibi, 10 baksheesh!"   ("Hahbibi" means "baby" in Arabic).  Finally, I asked my friend, "Parlez vous francias?" and she said, "Oui!" then we started talking numbers in French.  To which the driver slammed on the brakes and yelled, "NO! NO! Speak English! No understand!!"

Heh, heh, heh.  No understand French, eh?  Gee, too bad.  We agreed to pay 20 for the ride, including baksheesh, and give the little boy (not the driver) two for being cute.  Then we hopped out and made a dash for the temple.

THE VALLIES OF THE DEAD

There are three areas on the west bank where underground tombs were built, the valleys of Kings, Queens, and Nobles.  Most of the tombs are closed to the public, undergoing restoration or excavation, many however, are open for viewing, provided you have a guide.  Guess how you get a guide?  You got it - baksheesh.  And for a little extra baksheesh your guide will set up some mirrors to reflect sunlight into the tomb for your viewing pleasure.  Believe it or not, it’s actually a good investment.  The paintings inside the tombs are incredible.   Thousands of years old and they look better than almost every building in downtown Cairo.

ASWAN (az-wan) and ABU SIMBEL (ah-boo sim-bell)

A wonderful lake side resort area.  Of course, there didn’t used to be a lake there.  That happened after the first Aswan Dam was built in 1902, and deepened in 1971 when the High Aswan Dam was completed.  There are several temples on the area, some of which are viewable from a boat ride around the lake.   The most famous temple though is the Great Temple of Ramesses II, renown because the enlarged lake behind the High Dam would have left the temple underwater.  Modern engineers actually disassembled the entire structure, brick-by-brick, moved it to a new location at a higher elevation, and reassembled it.  And they did a great job of it too.  Can you imagine how much baksheesh that took?

Egypt is one of those strange places that revels in its history and disdains the Western "new" civilizations, despite needing western money and technology to protect and preserve that history. Very few of the people I met there had any concept of conservation or concern for the future.  You want to take pictures in a forbidden area?   Sure, slip me five pounds, and I’ll look at the interesting bush over there.   Everybody was "on the take."  Even so, Egypt is a fascinating country that I’d say anyone with an interest in history should go to at least once.   Just make sure you’re prepared to hand over cash every time you do anything.   Only, make sure you break the habit before getting on the plane home - that way you won’t get a funny look from the stewardess when she serves you dinner and you try to hand her some baksheesh.

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