THE DARK CONTINENT

"JAMBO!" That’s Swahili for, "Hello!"

Yes, Swahili.  Spoken in the countries of Tanzania, Uganda, Somalia, Sudan, and Kenya. A list which covers a) some of the countries African countries I’ve been to and b) some of the nastiest "tourist" spots in the world.   Mind you, not everything was nasty.  There were several nice aspects too, which I will get to in short order.  Let’s begin with, "The Three S’s."

The Three S's - sun, sand, and safari.  When I stepped off the airplane and set foot in Africa the first time, I expected to see what everyone else has seen in the movies.

The Daaaaaark Con-tin-ent.

Mys-teeeeeer-i-ous Aaaf-ri-caaaa.

You know, chimpanzees trying to steal my luggage and giraffes blocking the single lane dirt road from the airport.

Hah!  Didn’t I wish!  What I found was a pile of concrete rubble that some guy in a grass skirt said was the baggage terminal and where another guy in a grass skirt - for a "minor fee" - told me my baggage was lost.   From there I went to the "hotel" where a clerk who prattled on in a mixture of French and tribal-something told me that I couldn't check in without luggage.

Welcome to Djibouti, first stop on our African tour.

Before we continue, let’s discuss where we are.

AFRICA

A continent over four times the size of the continental United States; as of last week, Africa has about 58 countries (don’t laugh! - it could change by next week).  Over 200 different languages are spoken across the land.   Population estimates are between 250 million and 400 million. The one common thing you can say about Africa is that there is no common thing.  Kenya drives on the left hand side of the road, Sudan (on Kenya’s north border) drives on the right.   Electricity is different from country to country, TV is different, the people are different, even the land is different.  Plush green forests give way to vast grasslands dotted with massive mountains that are snowcapped all year long.  A massive desert area larger than Australia, rivers so wide you cannot see the other side, a land filled with life and wealth in abundance.  Sounds pretty nice, eh?  Hmmm, well, maybe.

I argued for half an hour with the reception about checking in without luggage before I realized that they didn’t really care if I had luggage or not.  What they really wanted was another "minor fee" for carrying those bags to my room.  So, after negotiating an exorbitant tip of 50 cents, I was checked into my room, after which I "allowed" the bell-boy to carry my room key to the door.  During the 18 months I lived in the region, I visited that fine establishment no less than six times, and each time was a pure joy... NOT!

DJIBOUTI (pronounced ji-boo-tee)

Sandwiched between Somalia and Eritriea, Djibouti is a tiny country that rests on the "horn of Africa," the portion of the continent that juts out into the Indian Ocean just south of the Red Sea.  I can only define Djibouti as "Somalia with electricity." Calling it a "dump" would be more accurate than you think.  It is the only country I've ever been to where I could not tell where the trash dump ended and the landscape began.  The countryside was covered with litter.  Very sad.  On the upside, the snorkeling there was phenomenal.   Since practically no tourists go there (gee, I wonder why), the coral reefs and beaches were nearly untouched.  The contrast between the litter covered land and pristine sea is probably the most remarkable thing about Djibouti.

Fondest memory - Going for a drive in the countryside and having a pack of 200 baboons surround and walk all over the car. Great photos.

KENYA (ken-yuh)

A country of remarkable beauty.  Kenya contains the Masi Mara, the northern part of the Sarengeti Plains, as well as numerous parks, mountains, and forest areas.  I had the pleasure of going there just as the annual wildebeest migration was finishing. Imagine a herd of over a MILLION animals moving together.   My time on safari was a photographic dream, every kind of creature you’ve heard of plus some you haven’t were all there.  It was like a zoo in reverse, with the animals walking around free and the humans in cages.  Elephants, hippos, gazelles, zebra, oryx, and warthogs, just to name a few.  At one point, a female lion in a pride we were following walked so close to the jeep that I could have reached out and touched her on the head (and lost my hand immediately afterwards!).  Watching a herd of elephants tromp along beneath Mt. Kilamanjaro is a sight I will never forget.  The eastern coast of Kenya lies on the Indian Ocean and has one of the most picturesque beaches and ancient fortresses I’ve ever seen.  All in all, Kenya was a delightful place that I would highly recommend to any visitor.

Best moment - Sitting around the camp fire on the Sarengeti Plains and listening to the snort of zebras in the dark trying to get away from the lions, then being told by the guide, "Don’t worry! Lions prefer zebra over human anyway!"

UGANDA (you-gahn-duh)

Remember Edi Amin?  The Entebbe hostage crisis?  The Israeli commando force blowing up half the airport on its way in and the other half on its way out?  Well, they left one heck of a mess behind and typical of most African countries, nobody felt like cleaning it up (for 25 years!), even for a minor fee.  I spent a week working out of shot up hangers to the back drop of blown up MiG-21 fighters.   Outside of the trashed airport, Uganda is a plush green country of rolling hills, and overflowing grasslands.  The river Nile starts it’s journey north from Lake Victoria, tumbling through Uganda in a series of wild water rapids and waterfalls.   Most of the waterfalls are national parks, which are open to the public - for a minor fee, of course.

Best animal experience - When a baby chimpanzee climbed up my arm and started grooming my hair - don’t know what it was looking for, but it screamed almost as loud as I did.

RWANDA (ruh-wan-duh)

Don’t know if there is much I can say about Rwanda except it’s not very high on my list of "gee, I’d like to go back there" places.  Basically, ravaged people in a wrecked country, although the aircraft view of the countryside would never have told you that.

Happiest moment - Leaving, and I wasn’t even charged a minor fee for that.

ZAIRE (zai-air)

Another country of contrast - rich and bountiful green in the countryside, appalling squalor and filth in the cities. Zaire has an astounding bounty of natural resources, minerals, diamonds, and metals are just about everywhere.  The hotel I stayed in used malachite tiles for the floor!  Yet just up the road there were thousands of people living beneath pieces of wood leaning against a wall.  I spent more money that I should have at the markets, beautiful craft work at incredibly low prices.  The contrasts weren’t limited to the living conditions either.   The walls at the airport were painted with "Americans go home!", yet at the hotel there was a sign at reception that said, "We accept US dollars cash ONLY for payment!"

One of my most memorable experiences in of my African travels occurred at the Kinshasa, Zaire, airport.  I got off the airplane to discover that we had to walk to the terminal.  It wasn’t far, but as I approached the terminal, I could see a huge crowd of locals pressed up against the windows inside the building.   My steps kind of faltered when I realized that the object they were watching so intently was ME.  Upon looking around, I discovered that I was the only white faced person in sight.  Since I had to go in sometime, I just took the plunge, and dove into the crowd.  I was immediately surrounded by people tugging on my shirt sleeve and pulling on my arms, each touching their stomachs and mouths and saying, "Food - food - money - money - food - food -money - money...."

No sooner than I had gone ten steps into the crowd did some kid yell something real loud and start elbowing the crowd away from me.  It was my self-appointed escort, who latched onto me like dirt on a pig.  He saw the black case I was carrying, pointed at it and said, "Kom-pu-ta?"  I nodded yes and he started shoving the beggars away from me with great gusto and fervor.  I found out later only the wealthiest people in Zaire had computers, much less laptops.   Obviously, the little tyke was looking for a "minor fee" for his services.  He rather efficiently herded me through passport control and customs, even helping me stop a Customs Official from stealing my computer out of my hand!  (The jerk grabbed the case handle and started to pull furiously, "Give me! Give me!" I pulled back and said, "No way! No way!" - I won.)  After only an hour and a half, I was through customs and shown the door, at which time my escort looked at me expectantly.  Since he had done a fairly good job of keeping the beggars from tearing my selves off, I slipped him US5$ for his efforts.  His eyeballs went "BOING!", he looked up at me in what I could only describe as awe, and was out the door in world-record sprint time.

Boy was that a mistake.  Not the five bucks, which turned out to be a month’s normal wages for a Zairian, but giving it to him inside the airport.   I stepped outside and was immediately surrounded by another crowd of skinny people tugging on my shirt saying, "Food - food...."

This time I was "rescued" by what I thought was a nice taxi-cab driver.  Despite the crowd’s efforts, I was hustled into a taxi and whisked out onto an empty road.  I sighed, shook my head in disbelief, and leaned back to relax, only to have the taxi driver turn around and say, "One hundra fiffy dollah to hotel!!"  Yep!  US$150 to take me 12 kilometers, and he wouldn’t even consider negotiating.  Seems that computer I was carrying proved I was made of money.  Only problem was, I DIDN‘T HAVE $150!  I had $60 in cash and that was it.  That rip-off artist even stopped the car and refused to take me the rest of the way until I paid.  Finally I convinced him I only had $60 plus travelers checks, which he said he’d take.  I said sure, I’ll cash it in the hotel.  He drove me to the door, I got my bag (‘cause I wasn't going in without it!), and we went in to the reception desk. Fortune finally decided I’d had enough and smiled on me.  The receptionist spoke English.  I asked if he could speak the same language as the taxi driver and he could.  "Then tell him to TAKE A HIKE!  He's trying to scam one hundred and fifty bucks off me for the trip from the airport!"  He turned to the driver and started screaming furiously, to which the driver disappeared out the door faster than my escort had.  (Good thing I got my bag, eh?)

Ah, Zaire, what a lovely county.

By the way, I had to give the receptionist a minor fee for doing that.

Biggest smile - Came right after seeing the look on the driver’s face. "Take a hike!" HAH!

FINAL THOUGHTS

I spent over three months in six parts of Africa.  The areas that acknowledged the tourist trade were absolutely wonderful to visit, the areas that didn’t give two warthog‘s backsides were absolutely horrible.  And therein lies the most characteristic thing about Africa, there is no in between.  Wonderful or horrible, pristine or littered, filthy or verdant, Africa is a land of contrasting extremes teetering on the edge between modern advances and nature’s furies.  I won’t forgot the way the lioness sauntered three feet away from me on the Sarengeti Plains, nor can I forget the sights of human savagery in Rwanda.  Intense memories are part of the African experience.  But I think my absolute fondest memory is from my last day there.  I almost missed my plane because I was late getting to the airport.  You see, a herd a giraffes was blocking the road.  And to top it off, the taxi driver asked if I could get him some cigarettes from the duty free.

I said, "Sure... for a minor fee."

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