The Home of Roger V.,

The Home of Roger V.

EXTREME PATRIOTISM and other mostly true stories...
The Mount Baker Lady and I fly a 3 foot X 5 foot American flag, in the front of our house, on a 40 foot mast. On national holidays we also display 12 more smaller flags. In the summer I am often seen wearing a white T-shirt with Old Glory imprinted upon.
We have two cars. Hers is red...mine is blue. We park them both in our front yard. No driveway. We only need to get a white pickup truck to park between them.
There they are, in our front yard for all to see...two Toyotas.

Little Melissa comes home from her first grade class and tells her father that they learned about Valentines Day. "Could I send a valentine to someone nobody likes?" she asked. "Yes, of course" her father answered. "Who do you want to send one to?"
"Osama Bin Laden" she answers.
"Why him?" was the shocked reply. "Well...I thought if a little American girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think we are not all that bad...and start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he would love everyone a lot. And then he would start going all over the place telling everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her fathers heart swelled with pride as he told her what a fine thought that was.
"I know" she answered. "And once that gets him out in the open the marines can blow the shit out of him".

A helicopter was flying around the Seattle area when an electrical storm disabled all of the instruments.
Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew towards it, circled the building and displayed a hand drawn sign that said "Where are we?"
People in the building drew a sign and held it up saying "You are in a helicopter". The pilot smiled, waved, then consulted his chart and headed directly fir the airport. After landing the co-pilot asked how "You are in a helicopter" helped him determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft Building as they gave me a technically correct but completly useless reply".

THIS JUST IN FROM WASH. D. C.: Immediatly following the Super Bowl game President Bush called the Patriots and complimented them on a great game. Al Gore called the Panthers and told them they were screwed.
Bill Clinton called Janet Jackson.
5/2/04
A few days ago Sugar B was dragging me around the park on our daily walk while Bubba Jones, who had already had his turn, screamed and hollered for the dog abuse police as he waited in the car. He is impatient. I spotted a nice looking potato laying alongside the trail so picked it up. Upon scrutinity I found that it is a rock. Smooth, oblong, just the right color. Even up close it looks like a potato. The Mt. Baker Lady likes baked potato's and keeps a 10 lb. bag of them in a cool back room. Often late at night she'll bake a potato for a snack. I have cleaned the potato and carefully placed it in her bag. Can hardly wait until our next baked potato dinner! Will advise you of the outcome as soon as results are in...unless you can hear the screaming from there.
As good as Bubba Jones is at catching cheetohs that I toss him I may let him sign to play the outfield for the Seattle Mariners. Problem, though, is that he can't hit. Batted .167 in the Puppy League last year. Wait...that should qualify him as a Mariner...what?
Myself and my construction and demolition engineer (Bubba Jones) have switched our area of operation. Back yard is all done up and the garden is in. We are now constructing a 4 foot board fence around the front yard...tiring. I have already been chastised by our three squirrels for messing with their summer home, the maple tree. Have advised them that the fence will incorporate the tree base and not replace it. Peace reigns. Our local skunk family, however, I will listen to more closely if they complain. Will instruct Bubba Jones to be quite respectful also.
This just in...page six of photo's shows Merle Squirrel snacking at his feeder in his maple tree. This is also the scene of many epic battles between Bubba Jones and Merle & Pearl Squirrel.
Have you had enough of Patricia Heaton yet? I have. She's the talent challenged actress who plays the frumpy no personality housewife " Deborah Barone" on a loser called "Everyone Loves Raymond". A sitcom about a self centered Momma's Boy played by so called comic Ray Romano who is about as "funny" as Jerry Seinfeld. It would be O K if Patricia stayed in Baronesville but she's popping up at us in as many commercials as she can find, too. Now there's a movie featuring her in the works. Give it a rest Patricia...you don't have to make it all at once.
Talk about Patricia Heaton being a pain by insisting that we need to see her face all the time...I have two more nominees for "sick and tired of seeing your face". How's about "I'm too cute for words" George Foreman trying to sell you everything? Then there's squeaky voice slicked down Billy May wearing a 30 lb. wristwatch and jumping on camera shouting his name as if anyone cares. Foreman, Heaton and Mays should be put in a locked room together and be forced to watch each others commercials. About a week should do it.
5/4/04 This didn't take long...some results are in on the great potato rock caper. Minerva Luthy, representing The National Potato Commission, out of concern for the reputation of potato's, wants tp know if I can paint it orange and convince the Mt. Baker Lady it's a sweet potato. Unfortunatly, Minerva, I will have a tough enough time convincing her I don't know anything about it.
Dave Klein, Highline class of 56, warns that I may want to "start wearing body armor and a helmet as potato lovers are extremly dangerous when deprived of an anticipated treat."
I shall alert my Teddy Bear to watch my back when I sleep.
However, although there has been no retribution yet said potato rock was in the oven last night. When I got up this morning it was sitting on top of the stove wrapped in foil. Many fork holes poked in the foil...that's what she does to see if it is done.
Nothing has been said. She sleeps peacefully...I don't. Will report more later when this issue is resolved.
6/9/04
She has finally confesssed. After I did. Admits she was fooled...said potato rock sat around in foil after the failed bake attempt because she couldn't understand why it was so heavy. Case closed.

Did you know that a "Jiffy" is an actual measurement of time? One tenth of a second. By the time you can say "I'll do it in a jiffy" it's too late. Move faster.
Remember...knowledge is power.
IF your family name is ROBERTS we may be related. You, me, Doris and Brushy Bill. Doubdtful on Josef Jerome "Mouse Breath" Roberts though. He's my little orange tom cat...quite a hunter but destined to be a kitten all his life.
Doris Roberts is one of my favorite actresses. Currently plays the role of the domineering mother in the loser, "Everybody Loves Raymond (except RogerV)".
You all remember "Brushy Bill" Roberts...huh? He came out of Texas in 1949 declaring he was Billy The Kid. Claimed Pat Garret let him go...killed someone else in his place. It took until around the year 2000 for forensics (through DNA testing) to prove it wasn't true.
Roberts was my mothers family name. Her dad was David Luther Roberts... his dad was Jerome David Roberts...we all came down from Levi Roberts and Elizabeth Lambert-Roberts. No...doubdtful she's our Elizabeth of another page on this site. Maybe, though. Worth thinking about.

A recent report on The Discovery Channel tells us that "In some states autos are growing 50 percent faster than the population." Amazing. I've been watching mine and he hasn't grown an inch. Does put on weight, though, the first of the month when I gass him up but my wallet loses weight accordingly. Balances out.
7/31/05
More on Roberts. Her full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts, this famous lady. You've probably never heard of her by that name but I'll bet you'll recognize her as "Barbie". Huh?