The Home of Roger V.,

The Home of Roger V.

FROM A DOG'S PERSPECTIVE...by Bubba Jones

From the knees up all humans look alike... see one, you've seen them all. That's why we rely on our sense of smell. It's kinda like the DNA of odor... or fingerprints...we call it smell prints.
My human, for instance, smells like gas, oil and kerosene when he's working in the shop. Sometimes he smells like fresh cut grass and freshly turned garden soil. This smell arouses the excavator instinct in me so I help dig the garden when he's not looking.
His woman human (we don't call our females "women"...there's another word) always smells like coffee, perfume and cats. Two out of three smells being good is alright.
Humans lay on a soft thing called a bed. We let them...even though the beds are really for dogs. Especially the pillows... even more so when we've just come in from a rainy day but right after a good shake-off in the living room. We must always be sure, though, to jump down, lay on the floor and look innocent when we hear them coming.
When humans meet they extend paws and shake each other. I guess they haven't learned to stick their noses in the area where their tails should be. That's our way of shaking hands...most don't understand that. I tried to teach my humans how to do that but they are so touchy!
Squirrels and cats are made for one thing... for dogs to chase. Be careful, though, to never catch one. They get so cranky! I caught the first squirrel I ever chased...I was just a puppy...Two of his buddies joined in and they beat me up. Final score: 3 squirrels 112...Bubba Jones 1.
Being the owner of a retired mailman I can give you a few safety tips for when you meet a strange dog.
1. Talk in a soft, soothing voice. To decide your friendliness or aggresssion we listen to your tone of voice.. .not your words.
2. Never reach out to pet a strange dog no matter how friendly he seems. Your hand reaching towards him may be taken as a sign of attack.
3. When approached by a dog showing any of these signs of aggression talk in a soft voice, slowly back up, put something between you and the dog and don' make eye contact. Signs of aggression are: raised hackles... baring teeth...low growl...head lowered... direct eye contact staring. A dog considers your staring as another sign of pending attack.
4. Don't let him circle around behind you. This is a scared dogs favorite position for attack.
5. Don't trust humans who say "He won't bite!" He's not your dog...you didn't raise him from a puppy and he doesn't think you're wonderful. There are only two kind of dogs who won't bite...dead ones and toothless ones. And, some of the toothless ones will gum the Hell out of you...as well as slobber all over you!
Dog owners and parents of small children have a common fault. They both love theirs dearly, think they're wonderful and exceptional.. and expect everyone else to feel the same way. It doesn't work that way. We should all keep our dogs (and children) under control, especially around strangers, and raise them to be good citizens.
SOME BUBBA JONES SAYINGS...
You may know Karate...but I know BITE! ... Remember, Dog is man's best friend...but...Dog spelled backwards is also man's best friend ... We react to love and kindness just like humans do ... Do you know the difference between fur and hair? Fur stops growing... hair doesn't ... The best way to make friends with a dog is to scratch him where he can't ... All food left on the edge of a table or counter is put there to test the dogs jumping or reaching skill. I always pass my tests ... Some people don't believe in love at first sight. I guess they've never seen a puppy ...Cats have a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film ...
2/12/03
This report is just in from ELSA The Dog in Lynden, Wa. ... "Another trick that will attract your owners attention is to stand and stare, late at night, at the door and make a low, strong growl with the fur up on your back. This is guaranteed to get your master up off the couch." Sounds like Elsa is training him well...I'll try this...after dinner. Always secure dinner first.
5/31/03
More from Elsa...she want's to know why tall dogs aren't afraid to walk in wet grass. Because the snapping turtles can't reach them.
This missive from a writer named "Garfield". "Why are you so demeaning to cats? They're Gods creatures, too." Yes, they are. So are houseflies. Which reminds me: INFORMATION OF GREAT VALUE...Dogs, like humans, are left or right handed. Information of little or no value: So are cats.
NOTICE to humans: Never feed yourself first when your dog is hungry. NOTICE to dogs: Always look hungry.
(From a guest writer)
Dear Daddy;
To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet it's probably raining.
But, if the dog is soaking wet it's probably raining real hard.
If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way it's probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this you have to leave the dog out all the time, especially if you have bad weather.
Sincerely...The Cats.
How does a dog change a light bulb?
BORDER COLLIE: Just one and then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
ROTTWIELER: Make me.
MALAMUTE: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
JACK RUSSEL TERRIER: I"ll just pop in a few while I'm bouncing off the walls.
LAB: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeze leet me do it... Huh? Huh?
POODLE: I'll just blow in the Border Collies ear. By the time he's through rewiring the house my nails will be dry.
BOXER: Who cares? I'll just play with my squeaky toys.
COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
POINTER: I see it! There it is...right there!
And, of course, the cats point of view. "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light?"
10/26/03
Did you ever notice when you blow in your dogs face he doesn't like it. When you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window. ... I knew a seeing eye dog that was sadistic. He did imitations of cars sc reeching to a halt ... A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of ... The great pleasure of a dog is when you make a fool of yourself with him he will not only not scold you, he will make a fool of himself, too ... A dog is the only thing on this Earth that loves you more than he loves himself ... Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog the scenery never changes ...
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and feed him two of them...The economy is getting bad. A can of Alpo is nearly $3.00. That's $21.00 in dog money... If your dog is fat you aren't getting enough exercise...A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around in his bed three times before laying down. ...
HAVE YOU SEEN MY DOG BUBBA JONES? ... by RogerV
The front gate was accidently left open and Bubba was gone. After whistling and calling...with no results...I got in the car and went looking for him. I drove around the neighborhood but couldn't find him. I finally spotted a neighbor couple out for a walk so stopped and asked them if they'd seen Bubba. "Yes", she answered. "He's right behind your car...he's been following you all over."