BRASS BALLS
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships
and many freighters carried
iron cannons. The cannons fired round iron cannon
balls. It was necessary to carry
a good supply and keep them near the cannons. But,
how to prevent them from rolling
around the deck?
The best storage method devised was stacking
them in a square pyramid shaped
base with one ball on top resting on four resting
on nine which rested on sixteen.
Thus a supply of thirty cannon balls could be
stacked in a small area right
next to the cannon. There was only one problem...
how to prevent the bottom
layer from sliding or rolling out from under the others.
The solution was a metal plate called a "monkey" with sixteen round
indentations. But, if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would
quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make the "monkeys"
out of brass...which doesn't rust.
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts
much more and much more rapidly
than iron when chilled. So,
when the temperature dropped too low, the brass
indentations would shrink so
much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.. Therefore,
it was "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!" And all that
time you thought that was a dirty expression.
THE FOLLOWING AD in "The Atlanta Journal"
received quite a few answers...
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE...
Seeks male companionship. Ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good
looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks
in the woods, riding in your
pickup truck, hunting, camping, fishing trips and
cozy winter nights laying by
the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right
way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from
work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Kiss me and I'm yours. Call XXX XXXX and ask
for Dixie.
(over 150 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society)... 4/24/03
In the 1500's, due to a shortage of burial sites, people wound up either
"saved by the bell" or a "dead ringer". Here's
how these sayings came about.
In the 1500's, in England, due to a shortage
of burial sites, the locals
would dig up older coffins to re-use the burial
site. In reopening the coffins
they found one out of twenty five had scratch marks on the inside. They
realized they had been burying people alive. To
rectify this they tied a string
to the wrist of the body and lead it out of the
coffin, up to the surface,
and tied it to a bell. They then hired people to sit by a new grave to
listen for the bell to ring. Therefore a person
may be "saved by the bell", or,
became a "dead ringer". Also, because of the
people who sat graveside
all night came the term, "graveyard shift".
This doesn't belong on this page but I need to
lighten it up a bit. Ants
can lift fifty times their own weight. No big
deal...I can lift fifty times
an ants weight, too. That's because I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
5/31/03
You knew this one but I'll tell you, anyway.
Back before Norway became a
nation it was a group of warlike tribes. Much
like Burien in the 1950's.
NORMAN was the leader of the biggest and baddest
tribe. He had his warriors
go over and beat up other tribes and take their stuff. Pretty soon he had
beat up everybody and united the tribes into one
country that he called Norway.
He then became known as King Norman...the first
king of Norway.
Norman was the baddest because he hired a special
tribe of warriors. Put them
right up front where the fighting was. These
guys acted crazy. Stripped
off their clothes...fought naked...hollered,
jumped around and foamed
at the mouth. Scared the Hell out of the other
side. Too, they were fierce
and merciless warriors. Killed everybody.
Warriors...women...children...
politicians...even the ice cream man.
Their tribal name was BERSERKERS. Hence the phrase "going berserk" for
violent crazed acts. Once Norman had beat up
everybody and unified the
nation he had all the Berserkers killed as they
were too dangerous to run loose.
Some people have no gratitude.
TOP CRIME FIGHTERS...
In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country,
the president narrowed the field to three finalists, the CIA, FBI and
Chicago City Police.
These three contenders were each given the task of catching a rabbit which
was released into the forest.
The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout.
They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three weeks of extensive investigation they concluded
that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned
the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no
apologies...the rabbit deserved it.
The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly
beaten bear. The bear was yelling, "Okay Okay...
I'm a rabbit...I'm a rabbit!"
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