Marriage is like a pair of shears Oft times
working in opposite directions, but punishing
anyone that comes between them.
- Sydney Smith
One advantage of marriage It seems to me Is that
when you fall out of love with him Or he falls out
of love with you It keeps you together until maybe
you fall in again.
- Judith Viorst
Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the
enemy.
- Gary Busey
The more you invest in a marriage, the more
valuable it becomes.
- Amy Grant
We all have a childhood dream that when there is
love, everything goes like silk, but the reality
is that marriage requires a lot of compromise.
- Raquel Welch
A sound marriage is not based on complete
frankness; it is based on a sensible reticence.
- Morris L. Ernst
Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as
much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply
that we don't have as much money. That was a true
but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total
instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage
- Gloria Steinem
To dance with a man is to concentrate a
twelvemonth's regulation fire upon him in the
fragment of an hour. To pass to courtship without
acquaintance, to pass to marriage without
courtship, is a skipping of terms reserved for
those alone who tread this royal road.
- Thomas Hardy
Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
- King Vidor
They have to convert our agenda into something
aggressive. Two guys wanting to be happy together
are invading their marriages. Helping a kid who's
getting beaten up at school is promoting
homosexuality. If you gave me a million dollars, I
wouldn't know how to promote homosexuality. Do I
hire Don King?
- Barney Frank
U.S. Representative
Defense of Marriage? It's like the old V-8
commercial. As though if this act didn't pass,
heterosexual men all over the country would say,
[smacking head] 'I could have married a guy!'
- Barney Frank
U.S. Representative
Okay, conservatives have changed my mind. Allowing
gay marriage, I have been persuaded, will destroy
the family, weaken Western civilization, turn
America into Sodom and Gomorrah, increase the
trade deficit with Japan, endanger the family farm
and promote tooth decay. The impeccable logic of
conservative opponents is simply too powerful to
deny.
- Stephen Chapman, Chicago Tribune columnist
same-sex marriages. The name implies that the
value of heterosexual marriages goes down once you
let homosexuals into the institution There goes
the neighborhood. I don't buy this realtor's view
of relationships. Gay and lesbian couples who want
to wed aren't trying to assail the grounds for
marriage. They're trying to share them. If
anything, they want to stabilize the gay
community.
- Ellen Goodman
Syndicated Boston Globe columnist
I think men who have a pierced ear are better
prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain
and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
Is not marriage an open question, when it is
alleged, from the beginning of the world, that
such as are in the institution wish to get out,
and such as are out wish to get in?
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The cure for love is marriage, and the cure for
marriage is love again
- Unknown
Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for
the free peanuts
- Jeff Foxworthy
In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager
rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a
collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a
reformer.
- H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver
If there were something called Marriage Reserve,
I'd sign up for it in a heartbeat. That way I
could sleep with other women on one weekend each
month and two weeks in the summer, and my wife
couldn't do crap about it.
- Mike Wilson
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half
shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds
outside desperate to get in, and those inside
equally desperate to get out.
- Michel de Montaigne
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what
it is I'll get married again.
- Clint Eastwood
They say love is blind...and marriage is an
institution. Well, I'm not ready for an
institution for the blind just yet.
- Mae West
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have
in-laws.
- Unknown
Car Manufacturer's formula for a successful
marriage : Stick to one model!
- Unknown
The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without
having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
- Alan Patrick Herbert
Marriages are made in heaven. But, again, so are
thunder, lightning, tornados and hail
- Unknown
Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by
marriage.
- Dr. Karl Bowman
All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the
art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest-never viscious or
cruel. Good battle is healthy abnd constructive, and brings to a marrriage
the principal of equal partnership.
- Ann Landers
A simple enough pleasure, surely, to have breakfast alone with one's
husband, but how seldom married people achieve it.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is
when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
- Dave Meurer
Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife.
- Euripedes Antigone
From Lee Daniel Quinn's book, Quinn's Devious
Dictionary:
MARRIAGE, n.
[1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of
history;
[2] a word that should be pronounced as "mirage";
[3] an event, for the upper middle class, is the
only adventure left;
[4] a very good way to promote civilization - if
you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get
a bad one you will become a philosopher
{Socrates};
[5] a process much like a cafeteria - you
carefully look over the choices, select what looks
the best - and pay later;
[6] an event which is called "tying the knot" -
unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;
[7] a word which always means commitment - but so
does insanity;
[8] a ceremony favored in England - it's the only
way to beat their cold winters and lack of central
heating;
[9] something that changes the demeanor of a
driver - there is no longer any effort needed to
keep both hands on the wheel;
[10] the only permanent cure for love;
[11] is only compatible when the man makes a
living and his wife makes living worthwhile;
[12] the only adventure open to the cowardly;
[13] something which is called a feast -
unfortunately, sometimes the appetizer is better
than the main course;
[14] a group which consists of: a master, a
mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two;
[15] the alliance of two people, one who never
remembers birthdays, and the other who never
forgets them;
[16] the process that turns a female from an
attraction into a distraction;
[17] a legal custom which turns a man into the
captive audience of his wife;
[18] that ceremony which makes more strange
bedfellows than politics;
[19] a rite where two people, under the influence
most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most
transient of passions, are required to swear that
they will remain in that excited, abnormal and
exhausting condition until death do them part;
[20] occurs where a man gets hooked by his own
line;
[21] in America, is the only legal method of
suppressing freedom of speech;
[22] is made out of two toothbrushes but a single
tube of toothpaste;
[23] is just a three-ring circus: engagement,
wedding, and suffer;
[24] the process of finding out the kind of guy
your wife would have preferred;
[25] a condition where no wife gets what she
expected, and no husband expected what he was
getting;
[26] the ceremony which provides a man with
something that, sooner or later, he will find he
can't blame on the government;
[27] a tradition which would suffer considerably
if men had to pay the minister the same fee they
will eventually have to pay the divorce lawyer;
[28] is much like a pair of shears, so joined so
the parts cannot be separated, often moving in
opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone
who tries to come between them;
[29] the continuous process of getting used to
things you never expected;
[30] a status which depends upon two to be
successful but only one to turn into a failure;
[31] is a book in which the first chapter is
written in poetry and the rest of the pages is
prose;
[32] a bargain, and a sensible person understands
that someone must get the better of any bargain;
[33] in Japanese is called "Judo" - the art of
conquering by yielding. This is the western
equivalent of "Yes, dear";
[34] a confrontation which always demands the
greatest understanding of the subtle art of
insincerity possible between two human beings;
[35] is not a word, but a sentence;
[36] a delightful form of combat where you get to
sleep with the enemy;
[37] an investment that pays big dividends if you
manage to keep up the interest.
These marriage definitions are just 37 of 5,000+
definitions appearing in Quinn's Devious
Dictionary. Available from him at words@iop.com
for $25 (postage paid) in the USA. Follow this
link to see the first chapter.
-
The following was adapted from Speaker's
Sourcebook II by Glenn Van Ekeren:
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's
when two people have been looking at each other
for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.
- Sam Levenson
For two people in a marriage to live together day
after day is unquestionably the one miracle the
Vatican has overlooked.
- Bill Cosby
I pay very little regard...to what a young person says on the subject of
marriage. If they profess a disinclination for it, I only set it down that
they haven't seen the right person yet.
- Jane Austen
The kind of marriage you make depends upon the
kind of person you are. If you are a happy,
well-adjusted person, the chances are your
marriage will be a happy one. If you have made
adjustments so far with more satisfaction than
distress, you are likely to make your marriage and
family adjustments satisfactorily. If you are
discontented and bitter about your lot in life,
you will have to change before you can expect to
live happily ever after.
- Evelyn Duvall and Reuben Hill
When You Marry
Marriage -- as its veterans know well -- is the
continuous process of getting used to things you
hadn't expected.
- Tom Mullen
The middle years of marriage are the most crucial.
In the early years, spouses want each other and in
late years, they need each other.
- Rebecca Tilly
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many
men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get
married.
- Katherine Hepburn
The trouble with some women is that they get all
excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
- Cher
Never say marriage has more joy than pain.
- Euripedes Alcestis
One man's folly is another man's wife.
- Helen Rowland
Love is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence
- Henry Louis Mencken
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of
hope over experience
- Oscar Wilde
Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we
love, and they blossom when we love the ones we
marry.
- Tom Mullen
If there was strife and contention in the home, very little in life would
compensate for it.
- Lawana Blackwell
"when two people are under the influence of the
most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most
transient of passions. They are required to swear
that they will remain in that excited, abnormal,
and exhausting condition continuously until death
do them part."
- George Bernard Shaw
Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that
almost certainly (in a more perfect world' or even with a little more care
in this imperfect one) boyh partners might be found more suitable mates.
But the real soul-mate is the one you are married to.
- J.R.R. Tolkien
