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Lyrics:
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Safe Sex (P. Vomit, F. F*cker)
The Deadly AIDS bacteria can be carried through your $perm
So it's suggested that you bag your one-eyed wonder worm
Rubber raincoat on my d*ck, it looks like an imposter
It resembles the fisherman from Gorton's of Gloucester
I tried on a ribbed c%ndom, of which I'm not a fan
'Cause it made my c%ck look like a sheepskin Michelin Man
My purple-he@ded swamp-inspector doesn't wear latex
Because I've found a new way, a new kind of 'safe sex'
Chorus:
I tried a shot at phone sex to pacify my b%ne
But I ran out of spare change and j*rked off to dial tone
If there's a red mark on your peni$ and your b@lls begin to chaff
It's time to practice safe sex with your favorite vault or safe
I keep my four legged lover in my bedroom closet
I take her out each evening to make a night deposit
Thirty-four to the left and eighteen to the right
I open the safe door and h&mp with all my might
Although she has cold feet I wouldn't call her frigid
She accepts my liguid assets and always keeps me r*gid
So don't be scared of AIDS and be a chronic peni$ wacker
Buy yourself a safe and let your d*ck be a safe cracker
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Foreplay (P. Vomit, F. F*cker, J. Sh*t)
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Vacuum Cleaner Love (F.F*cker)
When I have a lonely we*ner
I get out my vacuum cleaner
In my closet there she sits
She's got a hole but no t*ts
Gives a bl%w j%b like no other
Then it cleans rugs for my mother
Chorus:
Electrolux - really s*cks
Filter Queen - Makes me cre@m
Sanitare - eats it rare
Black and Decker - chews my pe(ker
Girls are just a fuck*n' pain
My vacuum sw@llows - won't complain
I pump her hose down to the bag
She deep thro@ts but still wont gag
No more c*mshots in my eye
Because my vacuum s*cks me dry
Chorus:
During my last Hoover f*ck
A stray bolt of lightning struck
My vacuum got supercharged
Down the tube my b@lls discharged
Guess the suction was too strong
'cause my d*cks now three feet long
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P.T.L. (Part Thy Leg$) (F.F*cker, P.Vomit)
Jimmy did a sermon on the fall of Adam and Eve
Then he stole the contributions to buy himself some be@ve
His soal won't rise to heaven, just the me@t between his thighs
He's j*rking off so much his forearm's bigger than Popeye's
Chorus:
Jimmy and his followers don't believe in coitus
They have one basic rule "putz punding never hoit us"
She has a paint-by-numbers face and the b*tch's name is Tammy
Against Jessica's soft chin her husband's b@lls did rammy-slammy
You want to save your soul? Give Jim your v*rginity
The C*nt, The Mouth, The A$$ are his Holey Trinity
Chorus
So if you want to be a preacher grab those bucks from every hand
Then give 'em to a wh%re who can pacify your gl@nd
Then say 'I have sinned' and recite another psalm
But the only god you worship is thr%bbing in your p@lm
Chorus
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Sh*t Stains (F.F*cker)
From my @nus bursts a steaming log
Smells so good, that f*ckin' putrid log
Brown banana that's a bit overripe
I admire it then give my a$$ a wipe
Flush the toilet, fece$ goes down down the hole
But it scrapes the bottom and it scrapes the bowl
Chorus:
Big stools give me a$$hole pains
I don't care, I lick the stains
$hit $tains
Slurping streaks from my porcelin paradise
I think I ate Chinese, I taste the f*ckin' spice
Plunging deeper towards the hole
Burrowing downward like a mole
Lapping $hit up with my tongue
A helpless fool for human dung
Chorus:
Mon-Bo's and White Castles gave me gas
Now d*arrhea splatters from my a$$
I dive in head first and lick the rim
It gives me a beard like Hillbilly Jim
I can chug d*arrhea by the gallon
But I rather eat a $tool from GG Allin
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In Tenths Mutilation (P.Vomit)
Heeeee can strike any time and you'll never know when
And when he gets you, he'll chop you in ten
On ten pieces of flesh this madman will dine
Unless it's Rick Allen - then it's just nine
If he's mistaken and you're cut in eleven
He'll go to Quiet Riot and correctly slice Kevin
He's just an ol' cut-up and you'd best remember
He'll deci-mate you - he loves to dismember
Chorus:
If you listen to W.A.S.P. for inspiration
If you hold King Diamond in great adulation
If you think Vince Neil is god's greatest creation
You'd better be aware of In Tenths Mutilation
He'll cut you in ten, he'll slice and he'll dice
But for a green card, he'll carve 'ju up nice
He bought Ginsu knives and thought he got stiffed
'till he got the bamboo steamer as a free gift
The knives worked out great - they cut right thru tin
And they still cut tomatoes into slices so thin
If someone's behind you as you run for your life
You'd better start praying if he has a paring knife
Chorus
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