It's "E-3 the Extra Testicle". Just click on the testicles.
For info on the album, send mail to pungent@att.net
Lyrics:
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E-3 the Extra Testicle (P. Vomit, F. F*cker)
You know that it takes balls to come to earth from way out there
And this dude has a couple and he also has a spare
They call this guy E-3 and he was born in outer space
If he had one more ball, he'd be walking to first base
Chorus:
E-3 is phoning home, he's summoning his cousin
The total sum of balls they'll have will number half a dozen
For E-3 to play sports sure takes a lot of guts
He's fifty percent more likely to get hit in the nuts
Does he carry left or right? His tailor had no clue
When E-3 replied "Yes - and in the middle too"
Chorus:
Hungry squirrels in winter dig at E-3's odd shaped cup
And it takes him a little longer to scratch his balls when he wakes up
You know a better poker player you can never find
He'll always beat your pair because he's got three of a kind
Chorus:
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Sgt. Leppers Falling Parts Club Band (P. Vomit)
I found 20 ears along the way
10 Leppers lost their ears today
Torn lips that were rather vile
A Leper had wiped off his smile
Someone get some Krazy Glue
To patch together all these smears
Sgt Leppers Falling Parts Club Band
We’re Sgt Leppers Falling Parts Club Band
Can someone help me find my toe?
Sgt Leppers Falling Parts Club Band
Less ears than Mr Vince Van Gogh
Sgt Leppers Falling, Sgt Leppers Falling
Sgt Leppers Falling Parts Club Band
I think I lost an eyeball, it’s rolling there downhill
We’ve got no auditory sense
I left my head upon a bus
No longer need a comb
I need a Surgeon who likes to sew
There go the teeth – look out below!
Lepper singer’s gonna sing a song
He hopes he doesn’t lose his schlong
Ink is running on his tattoo
He’s cracking up it sure appears
It’s Sgt Leppers Falling Parts Club Band!
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Quick Shooter (F. F*cker)
A premature ejaculator's last resort
Is to have sex while thinking about a sport
I tried every cock ring and numbing cream around
I thought football but my sperm would punt on first down
I figured with basketball I could not quibble
But you're not supposed to shoot before you dribble
I don't last through foreplay I'm such a quick shooter
I'm lucky when I make it to the first hooter
Quick shooter!
In the first minute of hockey I paid the price
I was called for too many semen on the ice
Boxing came to mind doing a chick with B.O.
My happy ending came like a Tyson K.O.
I thought of wrestling, but when I thought of Sable
My jizz tapped before the Dudley's got the table
I think of plumber's crack to stall my quick shooter
But my pipes drain quicker than a Roto Rooter
Quick shooter!
Perhaps thoughts of horseracing could prolong my fun
Except that my spunk always jumped the starting gun
I switched to track & field but I couln't stay hard
How long Marion Jones takes in the 60 yard
If sex was golf my load would be so premature
That even before I swung I'd be yelling "fore"
Scheduled a therapist to see my quick shooter
I came way too early to meet my sex tutor
Quick shooter!
With rodeo I fall off when I grab a breast
My cowboy's the quickest gun in the east and west
I envisioned every damn sport from A to Z
I tried 69 but only made it to 3
Sports weren't working so I tried numbers as a fix
The first one I thought of? 36 24 36
My doctor says to stop my one eyed quick shooter
The one and only solution is to neuter
Quick shooter!
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Heaving on a Jet Plane (P Vomit)
Well the plane is rolling it ready to go
But there a scent of cheese from the next row
The guy that's to my left smells like a sty
There's some turbulence as we go airborne
The lunch I'm given is something to mourn
"Let's make a U-Turn" my stomach cries
Chorus:
So pass a large bag to me
My puke is churning like a rough sea
I open my mouth and unleash a putrid flow
I'm heaving on a jet plane
Oh no- there goes my lunch again
Digestion's inverse flow
Now my bag is full, it's chunky brown
But I'm not done so I use the ground
My nose is running -I've got this flem-ball string
I'm straining my guts, my face turns blue
The guy to my left moved to isle two
This acrid discharge crowns my shoetops king
Chorus
The plane joins in, it's like a gang spew
Two hundred cooks making upchuck stew
When you think they're done, there's more on the way
I've got dry heaves, I start to moan
It's like puking your ribs out bone by bone
My inner organs may see the light of day
Chorus
I'm heaving on a jet plane
Oh no- there goes my lunch again
Digestion's inverse flow
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Altar Of Sodomy (F. F*cker)
Waiting the hour the church admits harboring pedophiles
A figure in black with funny collar is porkin' kids in church aisles
High priest awaiting steeple in hand delivering his sermon
Behind the pulpit he's whacking in public worse than Pee Wee Herman
The Father wants a piece cause he's had no sex and his balls are blue
He's planning a threesome saying "piece be with you and also with you"
Altar of sodomy, if you're an altar boy you must sit, stand and kneel
Your rear end will feel like it's on a Rotisserie Made By Ron Popiel
Altar of sodomy, it's a dick in the eye and a nut in the tooth
‘cause you know that it’s awfully dark, in that confessional booth
ENTER TO THE REALM OF SPHINCTER!
The priest's behind the holy water
Don't bend over to pick up that quarter
He'll teach you at catechism
To take communion of his jism
Your ass will need its own chauffeur
Or a mass will occur in your sphincter (SPHINCTER SPHINCTER SPHINCTER)
This fudge packin’ priest got caught, and it nearly wrecked him
They found that all of his donations went in the rectum
He sees butt cheeks and can't resist the temptation
One poke in the can will end your search for salvation
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In the Navy – (Special 10 ˝” Mix) (P. Vomit)
In the Navy, you can serve your fellow man
In the Navy, serve them kielbasa in the can
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
In the Navy, you'll get more help than you can hope
In the Navy, each time you drop the shower soap
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
In the Navy, you can batten down the hatches
In the Navy, you won't munch on any snatches
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
In the Navy, you can lend a helping hand
In the Navy, you can help to stroke his gland
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
Chorus:
We want you, we want you, we want you as a new recruit
We want you, we want you, we want you to play skin flute
In the Navy, you won't need a Motor Inn
In the Navy, to bounce some balls off of your chin
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
In the Navy, your career will get a nudge
In the Navy, curing bacon, packin' fudge
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
In the Navy, rub your deck down with KY
In the Navy, the “e” in “deck” should be an “i”
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
In the Navy, everyone will get their fill
In the Navy, especially the rear admiral
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
Open Rap
In the Navy, eyeglasses may be prescribed
In the Navy, good chance that you will get cockeyed
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
In the Navy, go for physical inspection
In the Navy, inoculate with beef injection
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
In the Navy, at many games you know you'll rule
In the Navy, playing handball and pocket pool
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
In the Navy, seriously train as an internist
In the Navy, you will be "practicing in E(a)rnest"
In the Navy,
In the Navy, In the Navy
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Member With No Member (F. F*cker, P. Vomit)
http://www.stanford.edu/dept/news/stanfordtoday/ed/9705/9705fea601.shtml
Billy's kids never had a daddy, just another Mommy
And she fooled them all these years by wearing a salami
On this man who was a woman, nature played a cruel hex
There's not that many husbands who wear their wife's Kotex
Chorus:
If she was on the Gong Show, she'd be gonged by JP Morgan
Billy always had a piano, but she never had an organ
They had sex in the dark, so her wife would never know
That she was screaming for more from a violin bow
No one knew why on ladies night why she would drink for free
Or why the piano stool smelled like "Chicken of the Sea"
Chorus
She fooled the other members by concealing a banana
No one was suspicious as they played "O' Suzanna"
She tricked them all the time, her true sex was never known
But she did bring up some doubts by playing slide meat trombone
Chorus
A cucumber in her shorts, which she had customized
She called Farmer Brown and had the vine stem circumcised
The boys in the band knew that something was amiss
When Billy sat on the urinal just to take a piss
Chorus
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Strip Search(F. F*cker)
http://www.usdoj.gov/usao/nye/pr/2003apr08a.htm
Frank is a traffic cop in New York
Who pulls over women he'd like to pork
Ladies beware if Frank catches you speed
He's gonna need to see your puppies freed
Chorus:
Strip search ... He'll read you your rights
Strip search ... Unless he sees headlights
Strip search ... It's a misdemeanor
Strip search ... Till you stroke his wiener
This guy is no Columbo or Kojack
He's cruisin the streets for the nicest rack
Better drive straight 'cause if you're a weaver
You'll be required to show your beaver
Chorus:
Strip search ... The case will not be closed
Strip search ... Till you're fully exposed
Strip search ... You will have a rap sheet
Strip search ... If you can't swallow meat
If Frank catches you driving from a pub
He's going to unzip his billy club
And when you're suspected of D.W.I.
You'll only beat it by showing hair pie
Chorus:
Strip search ... You're guilty as charged
Strip search ... Unless his dick's enlarged
Strip search ... You'll be on the chain gang
Strip search ... If you don't show poontang
Don't even so much as roadkill a mouse
Or you'll be removing your bra and blouse
If Frank sees a moving violation
You'll get a hot beef inoculation
Chorus:
Strip search ... You're going up river
Strip search ... If you don't deliver
Strip search ... You're license's suspended
Strip search ... Till you get rear ended
Frank learned don't judge a book by its cover
When you stop traffic to find a lover
Cause it was "officer down" due to shock
When a hot transvestite showed Frank her cock
Chorus:
Strip search ... Get up against the wall
Strip search ... He needs a booty call
Strip search ... When you're pulled off the road
Strip search ... You'll get the penal code
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Wacko Jacko (F.F*cker)
Michael was once known for wearing one sequined glove
But now he's known for the practice of man-boy love
Now you know it don't matter if you're black or white
As long as you're in Boy Scouts you can spend the night
If you're under 10 don't go to his room alone
He'll probe your sphincter with an Elephant Man bone
When you're playing in Neverland he'll cop a feel
He's had more balls on his chin than a circus seal
CHORUS:
Just beat it, beat it, beat it
He's turned off by pussy or tit
It's Barney's friends that put him in heat
He gets wood watching Sesame Street
Just beat it, beat it
Lisa Marie tried to make him an honest man
If it was up to him he'd marry Peter Pan
He tried to caulk the Caulkin and Bubbles the Chimp
When it came to Lisa Marie his dick went limp
In a marriage hoax she took Michael as her groom
But then she caught him jerking off to Romper Room
He hangs his surrogate's baby from balconies
Michael's ass can hold a string of poloponies
Just beat it, beat it, beat it
Has no use for beaver or clit
Sponge Bob's fans will get him hard as a rock
They can I.D. the mark on his cock
Just beat it, beat it
Starting out chocolate he got bleached vanilla
His face is scarier than his movie Thriller
Born with a big schnoz and pubic hairs on his dome
He lives by the phrase "keep your nose to the grindstone"
There's plastic surgery from his head to his toes
If he was a horse he'd never win by a nose
His proboscis has disappeared without a trace
Michael's gone and cut off his nose to spite his face
Just beat it, beat it, beat it
His rod smells of little boy shit
He'll sit on faces from here to Tokyo
To find one lie like Pinocchio
Just beat it, beat it
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D.A.S. (Song About Dyslexics)
(P. Vomit)
She told me to come over and play with her yppup
I told her I like felines, so I petted her yssup
She told me she likes ping-pong so she paddled each llab
I told her "watch the hair" so she shaved each one dlab
Chorus:
To give dyslexics hard-ons like a can made of nit
Let them read sleaze mags that mention boob and tit
She told me "I'll flip over and we'll try it yggod"
I told her "woof woof woof" and I stuck in my krod
She told me she can deep throat, she has mastered that lliks
I told her "OK, prove it", so we did 96
Chorus
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French Roast (F. F*cker)
I won't French kiss, drink French wine or eat French bread
When you need France it rolls over and plays dead
Greasy hair, berets, attitude and big beeks
It's a country full of pencil necked geeks
You can invade France, plunder, pillage and rape
They'll kiss you on both cheeks and serve you some crepe
The French always surrender rather than fight
Their national flag should be colored in white
CHORUS:
Going to war without the French is like deer hunting without your accordion
I wish the population of France would all consult with Dr. Jack Kevorkian
The whole French military act like they're queer
You'd think all their tanks were stuck in reverse gear
The French Navy was scared as they went to sea
They pissed their pants and capsized with their own pee
France's Air Force could never get into the sky
Because it's a known fact that chickens can't fly
They see the enemy and run for their life
The French fire less bullets than Barney Fife
CHORUS
Looking for volunteers to fight in Iraq
No one showed up whose name was Francois or Jacques
When the allies called the French Foreign Legion
They yodelled pretending to be Norwegian
The French could have beat Iraq single handed
Giving up by parachute as they landed
When the Frenchmen raised their arms (they don't shower)
The dead would stack high as the Eiffel Tower
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Buy a Vowel For My Bowel (P.Vomit)
The lyrical composing process of Intense Mutilation
Is something that's now subject to some clarification
We eat alphabet soup and then take a hearty dump
Then make words out of whatever came out of our rump
Then we got bad news that lead to this discussion
They're skimping on the vowels - our words look like they're Russian
We need help from our fans, whom we hope we can coerce
e-mail us lyrics to use next time, as our second verse
Chorus:
I guess that wraps it up, we're throwing in the towel
But help us for the next time - I need a Vowel for my Bowel
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Thanks for reading all the lyrics!
Listen to another track off the new album right here.