A Southern Gentleman who is a father is quite blessed indeed.  He not only has the pleasure of a woman who loves him enough to bear his children, but he has his own offspring to continue his line, and to nurture in his example.

A Southern Father should accept his responsibility early, before the birth, even before the conception.  Sex is not a casual matter to a gentleman, because a gentleman is accountable for his own behavior.  A true Southern Gentleman does not make sex into recreation.  He chooses his sexual partner for life, and honors her by marrying her before accepting her sexual pleasures.  

When he chooses to have sex with a woman, he accepts the possibility that he may be creating a child, and that if he does, that child is his responsibility until it is old enough to be a man or woman of its own.  Having sex is a choice, and the Southern Gentleman accepts the consequences of his choices.

A gentleman accepts the duties of a father.  Those duties include:

Financial Responsibility

Whether conceived properly in a loving marital relationship under the bonds of fidelity, or conceived in a moment of foolish passion, the gentleman must accept that conceiving a child is a choice in which he has participated, and for which he must be accountable.  Intended or not, the child is his responsibility, just as much as it is that of the mother.  The gentleman would never consider balking at this responsibility.  Any male who would fail to support his child, or blame the mother for the child's conception, is certainly not a gentleman, and indeed, not much of a man.

There's very little else to say here.  Whether the couple is married or not at the time of the conception or birth, or whether they divorce as the child is growing older, or if they hold to traditional tried and true mores and are married from before conception until death do they part, the father of the child must be financially responsible for raising that child until the child reaches the age of majority and can support himself or herself.

Now, in this day of political correctness and equal opportunity, some will argue that the father is only responsible for 50% of the child's financial support.  If women are truly interested in equality, then that must be true, it is equal.  But no loving father will allow his child to be shorted in life because of his partner, or former partner's failure to provide equally.  Equality and women's rights have no place here.  The real issue is taking responsibility for your own children.  No gentleman would deny that to his child.

Emotional and Behavioral Support

Praise your child.  Provide a positive home for your children.

When they've tried their best, tell them they've done well.  Start this on the day that they're born.

I firmly believe, and know that there is scientific evidence to support this, that a child starts learning his life's patterns, his reality, the day that he's born.  What he sees of the world is clearly imprinted in his brain in a way that probably cannot be changed, by the time he is four years old.  His measure of the world, it's morals, it's truths, it's goods and evils, are set by what he sees in his father and mother.

Not by what they say to him, but by what he sees them do!  If he sees Daddy steal, then his reality is that stealing is acceptable behavior, no matter what Daddy says.  If he sees Daddy tell lies, then his reality is that lying is acceptable behavior, no matter what Daddy says.

If he learns that asking for something persistently will get it eventually when Daddy gets tired of saying "no" then he comes to believe that there is no such thing as a definite "no".

Before you have children, try training a dog.  That sounds really ugly, I know.  But I learned a lot from training my dog.  I learned that if I teach my dog that begging at the dinner table is wrong, but then I slip him some food, then all of the teaching is a waste of my time, and the dog's.  I learned from training my dog that I had to be consistent.  If it was wrong yesterday, it had to be wrong today, and wrong tomorrow, and wrong every time.

I recall seeing a parent recently tell her child to not let a neighbor's dog in the yard.  Then she just ignored the child when he ignored her.  She taught that child a lesson, although it was not her intention.  She taught him that the rule makers don't enforce the rules, so you can ignore the rules and do what you want.  Imagine the trauma that child is in for as an adult when he comes to realize that the reality of life does not match the reality that he was raised with.

Teach your children well.  When they are young give them definite rules by which to live, but explain the reasons behind the rules.  As they get older, allow them to use their own judgment in making decisions.  This is important, because you cannot be there forever to make their decisions for them, or to espouse rules.  Teaching a child judgment is probably one of the most important lessons that you can teach them.

Do all of this with love.  Be firm, but reasonable.  The Southern Father would never strike a child.  Some people believe that an adult should never spank a child.  To the extent that this can be avoided, I would agree, but I know from my own experience of raising children that there were indeed times when, in my judgment, minor physical pain was an important consequence when the natural consequences of some behavior was not likely to occur soon enough for the child to connect it with his behavior.  Some will disagree with me, and I welcome that disagreement.

But the use of the superior strength of an adult to subjugate a child is wrong.  A gentleman would not use his strength against a child, or a woman.  This is wrong!

Establishing a Moral and Ethical Foundation

Children do not learn from what they are told, they learn from what they experience.

As stated above, if a man behaves in a certain fashion, the child learns at a very young age that this behavior is reality.  He or she learns to mimic the parents behavior.

From the day of the child's birth, your behavior must be precisely that which you want from the child.  If you want the child to obey the ten commandments, then you must obey the ten commandments, and never justify yourself for breaking the rules.  The child will live the life that you teach him or her.

The Southern Father and Mother must live the example for their child, and have no unreasonable expectations that the child will live in any way other than the example that they set for it.

Provision of an Honorable Name and Household

In most communities, large and small, the names of the people that can be trusted, and those who cannot, are well know.

I was raised in a town of 50,000 people, in the vicinity where my ancestors had lived for nearly 250 years.  My family name, as unusual a name as it may seem to be, was well known and held in high regard.  That was a gift that was given to me by my father, and his fathers before him.

I moved to Houston, the fourth largest city in the United States.  I was amazed to find that among the four million people living in Houston, the family names of people who can be trusted, and people who cannot be trusted, were well known throughout the community.  It seems that a respectable name knows no limits set by the size of the community.

My father warned me that a good reputation takes years to build and only one careless action to destroy.  I know this is true.

If you were blessed with a family name of good repute, do all that you can to uphold that name, for the sake of your children.

If you were not so blessed, then it falls on you to reverse that misfortune for your children's good.  Many of us are the descendents of scoundrels and prostitutes who came to America to escape punishment, or perhaps as punishment.  Yet wonderful reputations have been built on such weak foundations, and you can be the gentleman who brings such honor to your family name that the misdeeds of your forefathers are soon forgotten, or laughed off.

Understanding One's Heritage

A Southern Father should teach his children to be proud of their heritage.  As my father in law used to tell his children before they left the house on a date, "Don't forget who you are."

We are the descendents of men and women who made their way through difficult times to develop a land of kindness and hospitality.  Yes, many of us are the descendents of slave owners, but pride in our heritage does not mean that we condone the ownership of other human beings as property.  Our forefathers lived by the acceptable morals of their day, and today we disagree with those morals, but we do not hide from their behavior which was considered righteous at the time.

A Southern Father will teach his children that we are a nation founded on the belief that "all men are created equal."  He will teach his children that our forefathers believed that slave ownership was moral and justified, and that this view was commonly held throughout the United States of America, and much of the world until the early days of the 19th century.  Today, we understand differently, but we cannot condemn our forefathers for doing what they believed was moral and just (and was sanctioned by law until after the War for Southern Independence.)

Our Southern Heritage is not one of hatred of the Negro, but is one of pride in kind treatment of all people.  Today's Southern Gentleman would never condone slavery, or segregation, or discrimination as appropriate behavior.  But I, for one, will not condemn my ancestors for their behavior that does not fit today's ethics.