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What Led Me to
Thailand:
My Decision to be
a Conscientious Objector
and My
Alternative Service in Thailand
Robert
Wootton
I was a
college student during the tumultuous 60’s and the Vietnam war. After
several years of soul searching what to do, I decided I could not be
involved in killing. So applied for the status of “Conscientious
Objector”, but it took two years of wrangling with the Draft Board to win
my case and then to get my “alternative service” accepted. Of the
many options I had, I chose to go to Thailand as a teacher. I went
there in 1971 and worked 2 years to fulfill my service obligation and then
continued working another year because I liked it so much. I came
back to America to get a PhD and then went again to Thailand for another 3
years to learn and enjoy more of the Thai culture and Buddhism.
During this second period I learned “Nuat Boran” (Thai Massage), seeing in
it the Buddhist qualities and practices I had learned in the first
period. A third trip in ‘92 was devoted to further study of Thai
Massage.
What I
did was called “alternative service”. It was alternative instead
of military service. As a conscientious objector I refused to
have anything to do with the military, even as a so called
“non-combatant.” But I was quite willing to serve my country in
another way – which was in fact provided for by the law but they didn’t
want anyone to know it. The law that allowed the draft was called
“The manpower service act” and it provided for a number of ways to serve
the country: basically anything for a non-profit organization that was for
the health or welfare of the country. The military was listed as
only one of several types of service, but of course that is all the law
was ever used for.
The
idea of making everyone including women do some kind of national service
has been around for awhile and I believe has some merit; some other
countries have it. But this being basically a warrior culture we
only think one serves the country when one kills a so called enemy.
We don’t recognize service to Country in doing things like educating
children, helping poor communities make improvements, helping in nursing
homes etc, like VISTA and like the Peace Corps. [About the Peace
Corps, General Hershey who was the head of the Selective Service during my
time said that “alternative service for a conscious objector must be a
hardship, not a junket in the peace corps.” In other words, a
punishment for not going along. So I was not allowed to join the
Peace Corp for my alternative service and VISTA wasn‘t invented
yet.]
Anyway,
I felt I had talents in language and teaching and I could serve America
better by being a peaceful worker among the people of a foreign country
than being a soldier.
It was
a messy two year ordeal for me to get the status of “Conscientious
Objector”. My local Draft Board in Georgia automatically refused it
and all appeals and I then had to refuse induction and face court
trial. The headquarters in Washington, DC decided I would win a
court case because of the stack of documentation I had of all the
infractions and mismanagement my local board did in my case and so they
ordered my local board to give it to me. My local draft board was in
a poor very conservative cotton farming county. They thought I was a
communist.
After
finally being granting the CO status, in accordance with the law, I
submitted several proposals for doing an alternative service, but the
Board ignored them and ordered me to work as a janitor in a Hospital in
Atlanta. It took another arbitration with someone sent done
from headquarters for my proposal to be considered and accepted. My
proposal was to work as a volunteer teacher in some school overseas.
There were several organizations that supplied teachers and aid to schools
around the world. I decided to go with a program call Volunteers in
Missions by the Presbyterian Church. I was given the choice of
Kenya, Turkey, Iran, Berlin (I spoke German), and Thailand. They all
sounded good, but finally Thailand seemed like the best for me.
During the 2 years it took to get the CO, I got a Masters Degree in
Language Education at the University of Georgia, so I was trained to teach
languages and was interested in learning languages. I knew that the
Thai language is tonal like Chinese and I thought that would be unique to
learn, plus Thailand is Buddhist and I had some curiosity about that
religion.
I spent
3 years in Thailand then teaching, came back to the US and got a PhD in
Linguistics, and went back to Thailand for another 3 years, again teaching
but more doing various projects, living in villages, and studying in the
Buddhist monasteries. I still think those were the best, most
important years of my life. I don’t know how much I helped the Thai
people, but what they gave me is priceless and shaped my
life.
I think
I was a good ambassador for America, dispelling some of the Ugly American
images they got from the military presence there during the war and the
tourists. I learned to speak Thai and integrated into the culture
and religion and made many good friends. My Thai students,
colleagues, and neighbors were so happy that someone appreciated them and
their culture and went to the trouble to learn their language that they
were always doing things for me. But then that’s the kind of people
they are, generous and genuine, and I’m sorry that soldiers and tourists
don’t get to know them.
Now I
am a bridge bringing some valuable things of Thailand to America.
That was President Kennedy’s ideal for the Peace Corp – taking good will
to other countries and then bringing understanding back to America to
create a climate of mutual understanding and respect among nations so we
would not have to go to war.
The
decision process:
I want to go to explain now more
about my decision and the process of becoming a conscientious objector
because that is relevant to young men today. I am glad that I had to
make a choice and decide what I believe and what I stand for. That
is one positive thing about the draft. But I was lucky that I could
go to college and mature a little before having to make that
decision. I am glad that I am on record as being against war and the
use of killing to deal with situations both in my personal life and in
foreign policy. And I am glad for the circumstance that lead me to
Thailand and that I was mature and educated enough and free to take
advantage of being there and learn from it. I am sorry for all the
young men, including even my cousin, who were in Thailand at the same time
but were prevented by their military situation from appreciating where
they were. That is the tragedy for everyone that so many young men
are put in situations in foreign countries that give both them and the
natives of that country negative images to live with for the rest of their
lives. That cannot lead to peace in the world.
I
entered college in 1965 when the Vietnam War was just beginning. I
was raised in a very conservative community and religion with traditional
parents, though they were well educated. When I was in high school
we were required to read books about how bad communism was. And of
course the news always told about people trying to get out of their
countries and come to America the “land of the free” and about what good
things America was doing around the world to help poor countries. I
bought all of that. I also wanted to become a preacher in my church
and I thought everyone in the world knew America was the best
country. So at the beginning of the war I didn’t think anything
about it. I assumed the President knew what was best and we had to
defeat communism. We forget now that it took several years for
people to even start to question the war. Growing up after WWII I
saw soldiers and convoys and heard about war and assumed that I would be a
soldier and there would be another war.
College
studies [I majored in Philosophy & religion and minored in French
& German] lead me to think and question (which is why conservatives
have always wanted to control education, it’s dangerous). Then the
summer of ’67 I went to Europe to travel all over and study in
Germany. (That was when the student movement in Europe began in
Paris and Berlin, and I was accidentally there, but that is not the main
thing.) I fully expected people in other countries to ask me about
how wonderful America is and tell me they want to come live in
America. Instead I found people quite happy living where they were
and in fact questioning some things about America. It was a real
wake up when someone confronted me and said “Why are you Americans so
stuck on yourself?” I began to see the world was a lot bigger with
more diversity than I had thought and it couldn’t be reduced to us good
guys and them bad guys.
My
senior year in college I went back to Germany to study philosophy and
religion in the University of Freiberg, a beautiful old city that still
bore destruction from the war and occasional sights of maimed
veterans. I knew that when I returned to America I would face
certain draft into the military and have to make a decision about what to
do. I toyed with enlisting and going to officer school to get some
benefits from it. But as that reality sunk in and I thought
seriously about it, trying to visualize myself in the military and what I
might be required to do, I felt revulsion and realized that all my values
were against it. Killing is wrong and doesn’t solve anything.
Thinking in Christian terms then, I could only see Jesus as the peacemaker
working to defuse situations through compassion and healing. I
thought more important things make a country strong than its military,
like justice, education, good health care, goodwill, the arts, happy
citizens. If all our resources are diverted from domestic well-being
to making military might, then there is nothing left worth
defending. We must change our perception of the world and
priorities. I saw from every angle that my beliefs and values lead
me to want to stand for something more positive and creative than
fighting.
But the
rules for conscientious objector status are that one must either belong to
a certain religion or have a personal religious belief that prevents one
from going into combat. It is easy if one belongs to a religion like
Quaker or Mennonite that have stated church policies against
fighting. But I was in a fundamentalist church that glorified the
military – which the more I thought about it was a contradiction, a slap
in the face of Jesus. My parents couldn’t understand why I wanted to
be different and make trouble for myself - and them if the community found
out.
Without
church support I had to show that I had a personal religious belief that
had legitimate foundations and a history. It took some thinking, but
once I got into it, it was easy. I could honestly state my beliefs
about life and my convictions against violence and war and show how they
fit with my religious view and how they evolved from personal experiences
and my studies both at school and on my own and people I knew. And I
could also point to a history of being a mediator among friends in
situations of conflict and refusing to fight back one memorable time when
a bully attacked me at school. I had felt a little guilty that maybe
I was a coward, but then I realized I had convictions at an earlier
age. I had never been impressed by toughness in speech, physique, or
manner and always felt that kindness accomplished more than threats.
The people I respected the most were Gandhi and Martin Luther King and I
was inspired by the theory of non-violent action for social
change.
I
discovered I already had a religious-like belief and way of being and I
was now being given the opportunity to give it an official name.
Thus the process was good for me; through it I discovered who I am and
honored it. Declaring myself a conscientious objector was both a
spiritual and existential act; it was self discovery and
affirmation. The process leading to that decision took about 3
years, but the decision seemed so obvious and natural once I finally made
it and filled out the application with my written testimonial
statement.
On
occasions when I think back on it now I feel a warm smile. I don’t
fault those who made different decisions if that was right for them.
But I feel sorry for those who were not allowed to make a true decision
for themselves and discover who they are before they were thrust into
impossible situations. It is an enormous thing for an 18 year old to
do. I am glad I had until I was 21. And I am thankful to
people who helped me because that is too big a thing to do alone.
First help came from the Quaker organization, American Friends Service
Committee which had informative publications and counselors to talk
to. Then a Campus Minister, who was skilled in the various problems
and issues we 60’s students faced, guided me through all the legalities of
the process. He gave me the technical understanding and confidence
to go through all the appeals process and finally refusing induction, a
criminal offence, which was necessary to force recognition of my claim,
and then the ensuing Grand Jury and FBI inquiry with the threat of 5 years
in prison. All the way, the head of the Local Draft Board, kept
saying, “You are throwing your life away.” It was a learning
experience about the law and our government, which I admit taints my view
today.
How
Thailand helped me
Now back to Thailand.
Having begun to discover my values, Thailand turned out to be the perfect
place for me to further develop my manner of being. After the ups
and downs of adjusting to a different world, I found myself completely at
home and still think of it as equally home. Having lived in Europe,
Asia and America, I consider myself a citizen of the world and wish
countries would get over their jingoistic fears and fighting. I do
not believe any country is perfect; all the ones I have lived in have
their shadow sides and their nationalistic distorted views of the rest of
the world. I like different qualities from all the countries I know
and find I carry them all in me. Living and especially working in
Thailand I found I was in some ways inescapably a product of America: my
work ethic and my sense of justice. But I resonated with and admired
other qualities in Thai culture: their generosity, their unhurried
patience and joy of just being, their graceful manner of moving and doing
everything, their sense of respect. Their lives are people-centered
rather than materialistic.
The
most endearing, profound and lasting things that affected me came through
the pervasive spirituality in Thai culture and some incredible Buddhist
elders. One story is illustrative: Within a few months after
arriving in Thailand I befriended a man from India who introduced me into
the sizable Indian community in Thailand. When a young Swami came
from India to give teachings, I was invited to accompany him for a
week. I was much impressed with instructions he gave me. A
Thai Buddhist monk, the abbot of an important monastery, heard about the
Swami and wanted to meet him. I accompanied the Swami to this very
special meeting. The Swami was full of enthusiasm for how the
ancient wisdom (that is common to both Hinduism and Buddhism) is
applicable today, sharing his personal insights and ways of
teaching. The Buddhist monk said very little, he was so delighted
and intent on hearing what the Swami was sharing. The Buddhist monk
was much older, smaller, and less robust than the Swami, but his
countenance was so radiant, peaceful and inviting I felt gladdened just to
look at him. After the visit, walking out of the monastery, the
Swami turned to me and said earnestly, “That man is a saint, if you have a
chance to study with him, do it.”
I did
get the privilege to study with that Buddhist monk for 2 years. The
widow of a former American ambassador to Thailand and China, then in her
mid 80’s, who had stayed in Thailand to study with this monk, made the
arrangements for me. I found out this man was the teacher for the
King of Thailand and held many important positions beside running a large
monastery. He must have been extremely busy, but he always had an
air of peaceful patience, quiet attentiveness, and interest in everything
and everyone around. This profound non-judgmental presence and
awareness was a quality I met in many Thai Buddhist monks and lay elders,
especially a Thai yoga teacher I studied with later. It is an image
and ideal that has stayed with me even if only as a question, how can one
be that way? I must say that I have also met this quality in a few
monastics and priests in other religions including Christian as well as
some wise elders in America. But Thailand is where it struck me the
first and strongest and where I got some practical guidance and support
from a culture that is conducive to that way of being. (I must add
that I am speaking about Thailand as it was over 30 years ago before the
onslaught of so-called modern development.)
It was
not so much the instructions and teachings as his manner that affected
me. He had a quiet way of conveying in a few words more than I could
fully comprehend but still gave me inspiration as over the years I saw
deeper layers of what he meant. I remember one evening all he said
was, “A quiet mind is a bright mind and the bright mind sees.” That
was his summary of the whole topic of meditation. He was also very
simple and practical, which is a common virtue in Thailand. He
taught me a very simple meditation, mindfulness of breathing.
Nothing dramatic happened, but I noticed after a few months that I felt
less reactive to daily frustrations and enjoyed life
more.
When I
later encountered “Nuat Boran” (Thai Bodywork) and learned it, I
recognized another Thai art form that shown with the gracefulness,
efficiency, wholeness and even playfulness that marks the Thai manner of
doing things. Americans today are impressed with the “yoga” in Thai
Bodywork. But I see in it the Buddhist meditation, compassion, and
presence. Imagine the healing power of the touch of someone with the
presence of that venerable monk I described above. Not that many
people who did Thai Bodywork did it with that degree presence, but when it
was there it was noticeable - and healing. This presence can attend
any modality of bodywork and make it more effective. But combined
with the graceful dance of Thai Bodywork it is awesome. That image
is my ideal and inspiration. The best of Thailand brought back to
America. That is the fruit of my “alternative service” as a
“Conscientious Objector” to war.
Here are some web site
about Conscientious Objection which I wish had been available when I was
considering it.
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