I am not much of a picture taker.  The only pictures I have of Nancy after she came to live with  my family and me are her school pictures.  Nancy came to our family at the age of 5½.  She left us 2 or 3 weeks after her 17th birthday.  Hence, we have 12 school photos and her 8th grade graduation photo.  The first photo was taken a month or 2 after she arrived.  The last photo was taken a month or 2 before she left.  During this time, Nancy grew from a frightened, very emotionally withdrawn child into a beautiful, caring, loving, person.
    Nancy worked very hard at overcoming her first 4 years of trauma.  She constantly dealt with her fear of physical pain, with her fear of neglect, with why her biological mother had done such terrible things to her, and with what all this meant to her as a person.
 

Nancy age 5
    Nancy came to live with us during the Saugus, Massachusetts school systems' Christmas vacation. 1977.  She was one very small, scared child who had been so badly hurt physically and emotionally by the adults in her life, she had no idea what a normal relationship with another human being was.  She had built a huge thick wall around herself so no one could ever hurt her again.  As a result, she could not relate to another person either.  Nancy even opened a refrigerator door right into my stomach.  She was looking right at me at the time, but she didn't even see me.  I just didn't exist.
    When Nancy cried, there was a blood curdling sound containing years of pain and fear which came from deep down inside her.  Just the thought of punishment brought out this sound.
 

Nancy age 6
    After Nancy was with us for several months, she began to realize she was not going to be abused, nor neglected, in any manner.  When she came to this realization, she began to heal herself.  Instinctively, she knew she had to learn to be a 6 year old child.  She started back at day zero.  I watched Nancy become an infant, a 6 month old, a year old, a 2 year old, a 3 year old, a 4 year old, a 5 year old, and finally, a 6 year old.  At this point, most of her behavior was age appropriate.  During this period of growth, Nancy used the toys in the house for play therapy, not for ordinary childhood play.  When she played with the dolls, she didn't love them, she beat them.  Then she told herself this was not the right thing to do.  Finally, she would tell the dolls how sorry she was and she would never hurt them again.
    Nancy had terrible dreams about her biological siblings.  She remembered bad things happening to them.  She was scared Paul was dead; she had no idea what had happened to Arthur;  and she thought her baby sister had not been given enough food to stay alive.  Nancy could not remember what was real or not real.  By accident, my friend thought she had found Nancy's brother, Paul.  After demanding social services tell me if this boy was Paul and where he lived, I discovered all 3 of Nancy's siblings.  I insisted a meeting be set up between Nancy and them.  Once Nancy saw Paul, Arthur and Kimberly were all right the nightmares stopped.
    With the help of a social worker, who told me more than she should have, I was able to tell Nancy what was real and what was not real in her memories.  As she was able to place the pieces of her life in place, Nancy became more emotionally stable.  Now she could start working on the why questions.  Nancy wanted to know why her biological mother did such terrible things to her.  I told Nancy her mother was sick in the head.  This way, Nancy knew she was not to blame for what her biological mother did to her.  This way, Nancy could feel her mother was not an evil person, just a sick person.  This way, I hoped, Nancy would not feel she had come from "bad genes."  This way, Nancy could feel one day her mother might get well.

Nancy age 7
    Nancy was doing pretty well now.  She was making friends.  I could be a few minutes late in picking her up from some place without her going into an absolute panic.  She was starting to be very good with my friend's babies.  She would play with them,  learned how to change diapers and learned how to feed them.  Nancy was never required to do any of these things.  She just wanted to do these things.  Nancy was also becoming very good at loving and caring for animals.
    However, one day, Nancy told me she had "seen and talked" to her biological mother, Marie Leona (Lee) Lackey, on her way home from school.  This happened for several weeks.  I was not sure what was happening.  Nancy's behavior was deteriorating.  She was acting more fearful.  Then I discovered an older child was really bothering her.  When I put a stop to it, by having the child's mother keep her child away from Nancy, Nancy no longer "saw and talked" to her biological mother.

Nancy age 8
    This was the year Nancy was adopted by us.  She was excited about being adopted.  Nancy knew adoption meant she would be a permanent, equal member of our family for ever after.  But she was worried about one thing.  Nancy knew we could change her name to anything we wanted.  I told her she would always be Nancy.  She was happy with this knowledge for awhile.  Then she began to worry because her last name would be Launt.  I asked her if she didn't want the last name of  Launt.  Nancy said she did want the name of Launt, but Nancy Ann Launt would not be the same person as Nancy Ann Lackey.  I told her, then we would just add Launt to her name.  We would not take away any part of her name.  She would be Nancy Ann Lackey Launt.  She would have 2 middle names.  She thought that was great.  She now was sure she would always be the same person.  When the judge asked her if she wanted to be adopted by us she said, "YES!"

Nancy age 9
    Just after Nancy's 9th birthday, we moved to Elizabeth, Colorado.  We moved because my husband, Bob, got a new job with Martin Marietta Denver Aerospace.  All the children were excited about the move, but scared at the same time.  Debbie and Robert were scared because they had never moved before.  Nancy was scared because she was afraid we would move and leave her behind.  The children had a 15 minute walk to and from school each day, but for 2 months before the move, I drove them each way.  This way Nancy knew, as soon as she got out of school each day, she had not been left behind.
    When she got to Colorado, Nancy loved it.  She liked living in the country.  She liked the school.  She liked her teacher.  She made friends.  One of the projects in her class was to stand up and tell everyone about your family history.  When Nancy stood up to tell about her family history, she told terrible stories about what her mother did to her.  The teacher was very worried about what Nancy was saying.  She called me to find out if  Nancy was talking about me.  I told the teacher Nancy was adopted and these were things her biological mother had done to her.  I told the teacher, it was all right to let Nancy talk, since this was her history.
    This school project made Nancy start asking questions about her nationality and religion versus our nationality and religion.  She was French, Polish and born into a Catholic family.  We were Irish, English, German and protestant.  Now she felt a little different, all because of a school project appropriate for biological children, but not adopted children.

Nancy age 10
    Now Nancy had many friends.  She had them over to the house. She had sleepovers at their houses.  She was very sensitive to relationships within a household.  Whenever she felt uncomfortable within a family, she would call me to remind me of some imaginary work she should have done at home, but which she had forgotten to do.  Nancy would then ask me to come and get her and bring her home so she could "do her work".  Home was safety and security.
    We had a foster daughter for a few months.  The 2 girls used to have discussions about who had the worst experiences in their biological homes.  One day, Nancy told me she was very worried she would grow up to be like her biological mother, Marie Leona (Lee) Lackey.  I told Nancy, she had lived with her mother for 4 years.  In those 4 years, she had seen how not to treat people, especially children.  I then told Nancy, she had been living with us for longer than that, for 5 years.  In those 5 years, she had seen how to treat people, especially children.  I told her, she had the ability to choose the type of person she wished to be.  She had the ability to choose how she wished to treat people.  Nancy was very happy to hear this information.  She never brought this worry up again, until after she had contact with her biological mother.  Nancy made her decision.  Nancy became a loving, caring person.

Nancy age 11
    Nancy was involved with Girl Scouts and her friends.  She wanted her own dog.  We found an ad in the paper for golden retrievers.  Nancy met Samson, an 8 week old golden with curly hair.  He was the shy one of the litter.  She picked him up and just carried him around with her while she looked at all the other puppies.  Sam never moved.  She carried him out to the van and home.  He slept on her bed at night.  The next thing I knew, Nancy was asking for another tooth brush.  I asked her why she needed another brush.  She said she had to brush her teeth before she went to bed, so Sam's teeth, also, had to be brushed before going to bed.  This was before anyone ever heard of brushing a dog's teeth.
    Nancy was not doing well in school this year.  As with many children who have a lot of emotional baggage, Nancy was wise beyond her years in many things, but was generally immature for her age.  Her teacher told me she was close to failing.  If she did not do better, she would not be ready for junior high the following year.  I talked to Nancy about this problem.  She said she wasn't sure she wanted to go to junior high.  She didn't think she was ready to be with the older kids.  I told her there was nothing to be scared about.  She said she would have to think about it.  I said, if she didn't do better in school, she would have to repeat the sixth grade.  If she did just a little better, she would be able to go to junior high.  Nancy thought about it.  She proceeded to do much worse in school.  Nancy had a way of instinctively knowing what she needed in order to emotionally grow.  I understood what Nancy was telling me, hence, I told the teacher to retain her in the sixth grade.  Nancy's decision to repeat the sixth grade proved to be the right decision.  The next year Nancy did much better in her school work.  She matured a great deal and finally, she looked forward to going to the seventh grade.

Nancy age 12
    Nancy was continuing to gain confidence and to feel more secure.  However, when my husband and I start yelling to each other, not at each other, over frustration concerning his job traveling and the conflict it created with my job, Nancy got scared.  She informed me the neighbors across the street could hear us.  She told me they are complaining about us disturbing their television watching.  This was nonsense.  Since we lived out in the country, the house across the street was almost a city block away.  But we took the hint.  I quit my job.  Hence, no more frustration over job conflict.  Hence, no more yelling  Hence, no more "complaints" from the neighbors across the street.
    Since Bob was traveling so much, when I decided I wanted a knitting room in the basement, I knew I would have to build it myself.  Nancy wanted to help.  She turned out to be a very industrious worker.  She was very good at pulling stuff down and very good at helping to put up studding and walls.  She was extremely proud of what she was doing.  She was especially proud that we two women were doing this project without any men.
    Three days after we finished this room, plus a laundry room and closet, Bob found out he was going to be transferred to Phoenix, Arizona.  The kids were not happy about this move, but no one, including Nancy, was scared about moving.  She knew she would not be left behind.  All that they asked, was that we move before the school year was over, so they could meet the kids in school before the summer vacation.

Nancy age 13
    We were living in Buckeye, Arizona, out in the country.  We had calves, goats, chickens, ducks, geese, and horses.  No one in the family could figure out how to milk the goats until Nancy tried.  She just sat down and out came milk.  She was the only one who could get the eggs from the geese.  She could do anything with any of the animals.  When one of them needed medication or bandages, Nancy was the one who could hold the animal still while I did what had to be done.  She made friends quickly.  She was always busy.
    It was about this time, Nancy received a letter from Arthur, in which he gave her their biological mother's address in Massachusetts.  Nancy had never given any indication she ever wanted to have contact with her mother.  She never asked anything about her.  Now Nancy began to wonder what her biological mother was like.  If her mother had been sick in the past, was she well now.  Plus, Nancy's nose was a little out of joint, knowing both her brothers had contact with her mother and she did not have contact.  Nancy did not know whether she should write her mother.  She did not know whether her mother would want to hear from her.  She was very scared, if she did write, whether she would receive a reply.  She finally asked me, if she could write her biological mother.  I said, of course, she could.  Nancy wrote the letter and mailed it.  Then she was a nervous wreck wondering if she would ever receive an answer.  It was a couple of months, but an answer finally came.  Nancy said her mother did want to hear from her and her mother did love her.  Nancy immediately sent another letter to her mother.

Nancy age 14
    Nancy had discovered boys now.  She, also, developed a best friend, which she had never had before.  Nancy had never allowed anyone to get emotionally close to her until now.  She was developing a very strong sense of what she felt was right and wrong.  She was developing the courage to stand up for her rights.  She was developing confidence she could do whatever she wanted to do.  She even refused to go on the class trip to Disneyland because she thought it cost too much.
    She continued to write to Marie Leona (Lee) Lackey.  She continued to worry she would not get an answer to each letter.  But an answer would always, eventually, come.
    Bob's job transferred him to Maryland.  He left in February.  When I came here to look for a house, I had a special order from everyone in the family.  Nancy's orders were to find a house in the country and a house with more than one floor.  She wanted a bedroom far away from ours so she could play her music louder.  After Nancy's eighth grade graduation, in June, 1987, we moved to Fort Washington, Maryland.

Nancy age 15
    Nancy immediately made lots of friends.  She became a real social butterfly.  She was the typical teenager with the phone permanently attached to her ear.  She worked at the snack bar at the community pool.  She got a boy friend.  However, a few months later she came to me to tell me she did not feel safe with him.  He tried to get her to do things she did not want to do.  She was afraid he would hurt her, if she refused him.  Nancy was still afraid of physical pain.  But she liked him.  She did not want to hurt his feelings by telling him she did not want to go out with him anymore.  I told her what mattered were her feelings of safety, not his hurt feelings.  She decided to break up with this boy.
    Nancy was now calling her biological mother, Marie Leona (Lee) Lackey, on the phone, instead of writing.  She was excited because her mother was not sick anymore and wanted Nancy with her.  When I happened to overhear Nancy's end to some of these conversations, I noticed Nancy was asking questions.  If she did not receive an answer she liked, she kept pushing until she got the answer she wanted.  Nancy did not seem to notice she was the one who always placed the phone call.  She was just happy to know her mother wanted her.  But when Nancy applied for baby-sitting jobs, she usually told the woman interviewing her, she was an abused child.  I have to assume from this, she was once again wondering if she would abuse children as her biological mother had abused her.  However, I got glowing reports about her ability to care for children from the parents who hired her.

Nancy age 16
    Nancy still had the same boyfriend for almost a year now.  She felt very safe with this boy.  She had many friends and spent hours on the phone being the local Dear Abby.  Nancy felt she could come up with a solution for all relationships which are not working.  Nancy was drawing and doing very well.  She did a portrait of a girl, which was very real looking. However, whenever her teacher made any critical comments, she resented very much his telling her how to draw.  She felt she knew best.  She felt she was an adult and capable of taking care of herself.
    Arthur came and spent a couple of weeks with us during the summer.  He and Nancy had a great time.  It was the first time they had seen each other, since we left Massachusetts.  He told Nancy, she should have nothing to do with their mother.  He said she was a liar, when she told them the bad things in the past had not happened.  He said she had not changed.  Nancy did not listen to him.
    One day, Nancy informed me, she had finally convinced her biological mother, Marie Leona (Lee) Lackey, the man she was living with, Richard Lackey, Nancy's biological uncle (her father's brother), and her brother Paul to come to Maryland for a weekend to visit her.  I offered to put them up at the house.  Nancy said they would be staying in a motel.  She asked me if  I would be willing to meet her mother.  I said yes.  When the weekend arrived, Nancy went to the motel to spend the day with them.  When she came home, I asked her what they did.  She said they just stayed in the room and laughed and giggle and tickled each other.  She said she had a really good time.  She said her mother didn't want to meet me, so when they came to get her the next day, would I mind not coming out to the car.  Nancy told me her mother said, she should not have been taken away when she was a little girl.  Her mother, also, said Nancy should be living with her.  Nancy said she was beginning to think she should because her mother needed her.
    After giving me a special birthday party, in order to let me know she still loved me, Nancy just kept dwelling on going to live with her biological mother.  She finally told me it was time for her to go.  I could not give my permission.   If Marie Leona (Lee) Lackey was afraid to meet me, I just couldn't feel she had changed.  Also, I knew all Nancy's contact with her had been initiated by Nancy, not her.  I was afraid of Nancy being abused again.  However, I could not tell Nancy my feelings, because she would not have listened.  I told Nancy she could go when she was 18, after she finished school.
    But Nancy had decided it was time to go.  The friends she discussed this with agreed with her.  They felt she should be with her biological mother.  I know this from writings I found in her room after she left.  Nancy, also, received this message from the media.  Being with the biological parents, never being removed from the biological home, searching for the biological parents, needing the biological parents in order to fully know yourself was the media fad at that time.  To Nancy, everyone told her she should leave us and I would not give her permission to go.  So she started to run away.  We stopped her 3 or 4 times shortly before her 17th birthday.  Nancy, the child who was normally cooperative, became a very uncooperative, unruly child.  She created as much trouble as she could to make us angry at her.  This way she could say to herself we did not love her so she had every reason to leave.
 

Nancy age 17
    She dumped her boyfriend with no warning and no explanation to him.  She abandoned all her friends.  Two to three weeks after Nancy's 17th birthday she walked out the front door into a waiting car.  I talked to her once.  I saw her once.  Then I never talked to her nor saw her again.
 
 

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