LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS
BEING SOME EXCERPTS FROM RAMBLINGS OF THE VARIOUS CHARACTERS WHO LIVE, VISIT, OR WANDER WHERE THEY WILL GO TO WRITE
LETTERS TO STRANGERS
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[ FROM THE HURTS EMAIL GROUP] Hi... I've been away from most of my mail recently because I'm trying to get my offline life more settled (finding a job and a new place to live is taking priority over everything)... I'm also still dealing with hurts, old and new... I'll bring some thoughts about them here eventually... we've all got them... hurts, I mean... a lot of people seem to hide them well and some claim to not have any... maybe they don't... maybe some people are or lucky... or so wise... or so alone... it seems to me that if sharing is the object, then trust must happen somehow... and trust, no matter how small, risks hurt... for me, being a child who chooses to trust unconditionally as much as possible, hurts come in huge waves, massive explosions, sudden quakes, and often... well, as often as I dare trust... I don't think most people mean any harm... I don't think anybody who's ever hurt me meant to hurt me... in fact, I believe that the bottom line is I hurt myself whenever I hurt because it is my choice to trust... it is my choice to give the power to hurt me to someone else... I keep hoping to find another child who won't hurt me... most people tell me I've been alive way too long to call myself (or consider myself) a child... that can hurt if I put too much importance on those opinions... I believe we are all children, the distinction being time in body, and size in most cases... and as far as I can tell, adults or grown ups distinguish themselves from children by a long list of arbitrary and often changing rules that do little more than control and confuse them and living... that hurts... and I don't want to buy into the pretenses or games, so most people tell me I've lived a rather strange life so far... not including the years before this body was eighteen, I've lived without income for almost half of this life... that may be one reason I am so unattached in the physical world... existentialism is not practiced much in the West, where I've lived... I'd like to continue practicing and I may continue this later, but right now I must violate some of my more flexible ideals and go out to try to play the game and find some sort of income producing activity... looking for a job is an interesting experience... definitely fraught with hurts... rejection is not fun alone... but then, I want to share and have so much more to say... then again, maybe I shouldn't... continue this here, I mean... I ramble on like this on my web pages, but nobody is forced to receive the words there... in an email group, I'm filling someone else's mailbox... that might not be wanted and all these words might bring someone to unsubscribe from the email group... then they might miss out on some sharing they might really enjoy - or need - just cuz I rambled on like this... and every unsubscription is a sort of rejection too... but then, if I don't reach out the group will be relatively silent and you might feel rejected cuz you reached out and nobody responded... so thank you for reaching out and putting some words into this group... maybe my words will inspired some more... feel free to pass this along anywhere it might do some good or if you feel it might attract some others... I don't think anybody wants to hurt, at least not consciously... sometimes I feel sorry for myself and bring on hurt by closing my eyes to foolish choices or at least less than the wisest choices I could make... but then, I want to trust others... the child inside me wants to trust unconditionally... and I don't know how to do it withut risking the hurt... so I do... honest love, ric (home on the web) (more email groups) "we don't see things as they are so much as we are" ~ Talmud ~ -----Original Message (edited for my gardens) ----- Date: Friday, January 12, 2001 11:24 AM Subject: [hurts] Forgiveness I came across the following and wanted to share it with you all..... Forgiveness Ask any psychologist and he or she will tell you that many patients are depressed because they can't bring themselves to forgive. Someone they trusted has hurt them badly. They keep chewing on that hurt and never letting it heal. You have three choices for handling unfair pain: 1) You can try to deny it and make believe it never happened. 2) You can try to get even, but... getting even is a loser's game. 3) You can forgive, which is hardest by far, but it's the only healthy way to cope with the situation. Forgiving is love's toughest work. But you can make it easier if you don't confuse forgiving with forgetting. You do not have to forget in order to forgive. Besides, some things should never be forgotten, lest we let them happen again. To really forgive someone, go ahead and feel the pain. And when pain is undeserved, we tend to feel it even more deeply. At the same time, we may feel resentment, even hatred. We shouldn't be afraid of these feelings, but we shouldn't dwell on them either. These are the feelings that can lead straight to depression. To begin to heal yourself, start seeing the person who hurt you as weak and needy. Don't excuse the person, but begin to try to understand. This brings you to what may be the most important step of all: One of the most creative ways to forgive I've ever seen comes from a woman whose letter said: I have strengthened my prayer life by weeding my flower bed. I used to have names on all the weeds and really would hoe, chop, and mutilate people who had frustrated me. Now my weeds are still named, but instead of chopping them, I gently pull them and pause and pray for them. I call it the love approach instead of the angry approach. I also have added to my list those who need extra encouragement through prayer and not just my "hit list." You may want to try this woman's approach to weeding resentment, dislike and even hatred our of your life. In addition, here are some more tips: It helps to be concrete. Don't try to forgive someone for being what he or she is. Forgive people only for what they do. Forgive in verbs, not nouns, one thing at a time. And remember, forgiveness only works when you are ready. It's good to remember this when we want someone to forgive us. You'll forgive when you decide that you've had enough pain..... There is no easy way to forgive. Forgiving is a type of spiritual surgery. You slice out of your past a cancer that shouldn't be there. And surgery is never easy. In short, forgiveness reverses the flow of hurt pouring silently but painfully out of your past. Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. Yesterday is a canceled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, and today is cash. We shouldn't crucify ourselves between two thieves, regret for yesterday and fear for tomorrow. The key is realizing that what has passed is in the past, and it won't do any good to whip yourself any longer. To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else... To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself... To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being... To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less, trust more, and freely give the love inside of you. To Post a message, send it to: hurts@eGroups.com To Unsubscribe, send a blank message to: hurts-unsubscribe@eGroups.com [ THE HURTS EMAIL GROUP ] [ is for anyone who hurts and wants to write about it ] [ or read others feeling hurt ] to subscribe, send a blank message to: hurts-subscribe@egroups.com ... a friend is a stranger waiting to be met ... a friend is a stranger wanting to be met ... a friend is a stranger willing to be met ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS is a garden in NEWSBEE'S UNIVERSE and a part of THIS PLACE  EMAIL
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