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LETTERS TO STRANGERS
...WORDS I HAVE POSTED PUBLICALLY IN VARIOUS PLACES IN RESPONSE TO OTHERS WORDS...


...a friend is a stranger waiting to be met...

War

EDITOR'S NOTE... and a bit of background... I changed the names in this post... usually I just omit them, but I think this one would have lost a lot if I omitted the names, so they've been changed... as it's often said, to protect the innocent, and guilty... I think we're all both, but that's just my opinion...

what isn't just opinion is what was happening in the newsgroup at the time...

Rachel and Benny are engaged in a flame war along with Peter, Mary, and others at the time of this post... Many are not fighting and wish it would stop... Patty responds to Robert, another who does not want the war of words to continue, hoping her caring about Benny and acknowledging his feelings will be enough to stop the war...

Patty asks Benny, "what more do you want?"... if I were Benny, my answer would be, "I want the public attacks on me to stop"...

I tried to make the point it takes at least two to make a war and both sides need to stop if the war is to stop...


August 28, 1998

Patty wrote...
>Very wise words from Robert indeed, the comment about flames etc.
>
>"A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still."
>
>In all genuine caring I know you were hurt, you've made that
>abundantly clear, but there comes a time to let go, some people
>won't ever make an apology, and in waiting for one you miss out
>on life. I'm thinking of you Benny.
>
>I hope that you are able to let things go and settle back in and
>enjoy the group. We all know that you're angry at Peter and Mary,
>for flames, threats, and disclosures. We have heard you, and
>we've heard you again, and again and again. What would you have
>us do? We can't make them take it back. Isn't it enough to know
>that we've listened, that we've heard, and that we are sorry that
>you were hurt, offended, and scared for your physical safety?
>
>Alice, your writing is superb, keep doing it.
>
>I now seem to be getting posts again. I was getting so few that I
>didn't realize that there was a lot of cross posting going on...so
>thank you to all the people who identified this. Also, I was
>invited to join another group, and I thought maybe everyone had
>left :-(, and I couldn't access this new group. So, I was feeling
>lonely and I thought asl had picked up and gone elsewhere and left
>me with all these weird crossposters. But, now you're all back,
>and I feel much reassured. :-)
>
>Patty
>

perhaps, Patty, if you make the same plea to Rachel to let go of the hurt and get on with enjoying the group, she will hear you... I don't know if Benny did, I hope so... I have made the same suggestion to both of them...

thank you for returning with the same sensitive wisdom and understanding that I remember loving about your posts last month...

honest love, ric

when you hold on to pain, you turn bitter
when you hold on to fear, you turn sour
when you hold on to doubt, you risk turning quitter
when you hold on to hate, you're in your final hour

when you hold on to love, you find forgiveness
when you hold on to truth, you find peace
when you let go of what bothers you, it stops...
but hold on and there's no release

it's kinda like the old joke...

patient: doctor doctor, it hurts when I do this...
doctor: so don't do it...

what do you do when your friends won't listen
and they tell you that you don't care
what do you do with the friend's you're missing
when they tell you it's you they fear
what do you do when your friends are hurting
and you know that they are hurting themselves
what do you do for your friends disserting
you put them in books on empty shelves

and wait till they listen, and wait till they hear
and wait till they believe you really care
and wait till they stop being afraid to see
  we don't have to fight when we disagree...


and here's another question that puzzles me today
maybe it will be clearer in rhyme
  if you don't consider someone your friend...

then why give them so much of your time?


oh I could come up with many good reasons
but they'd just justify what does not make sense
some people are hurting, some people are fighting,
some people are still sitting on the fence

but still in this group where support is the point
why are these fights stinking up the joint?
from the same voices that said "let us support"
it seems the same voices are yelling "abort"

I ask - why ask others to take their flames away
when those who live here seem to want flames to stay?
don't you know that what makes this group when it thrives
is knowing it does not matter who drives

but so much effort is put into control
he said and she said and who played what role
I was asked to mediate, to help yesterday
but now even my friends don't hear what I say

the truth is the same and it's still all I've got
and it doesn't matter if you like it or not
when you say one thing and do the opposite bit
you are yourself defining the word hypocrit

I said it to friends on both sides of the fence
but fear and anger and pain are so dense
that nobody's listening and nobody hears
  and it seems very much like nobody cares...

so look at your intent and then your actions
and see how you divide this group into factions
and see what that does to the support you seek
and think about turning the other cheek

(like maybe start practicing what you preach?)


I hope that my words do not fall on deaf ears
I hope that you dare to rise above your fears
I hope that you accept what you like right here
and stop trying to make what your don't like... disappear
  it's just not fair...
  it's just not fair...
  it's just not fair...

I hope that my words will get you where you care
I hope that you dare remember love forgives - peers
  I hope we don't think we're better than anyone else around here...
  it's just not fair...
  it's just not fair...
  it's just not fair...

  and it's sure not what I come here...
is anybody listening?
will anybody hear?
  these fights are not why I come here...
so you see less of me when you're fighting
  does anybody care?...

  for my friends, if I have any left here...

honest love, ric

And if peace is what we pray for and if peace is what we give
Then peace will be the way we are and peace the way we live
For there still is time to turn around and make all hatred cease
And give another name to living, we could call it peace
~ John Denver ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The woman smacked her whining kid and he shrieked all the louder.
Then he looked out through dry eyes and scratched her leg again.
Her husband was shaking him as I passed by.

On TV that evening I saw all three of them picketing the White House
carrying a sign saying -

FAMILIES
AGAINST WAR
AS AN INSTRUMENT
OF NATIONAL POLICY

Peace Teachers by Harry Chapin

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"It's hard to tell the truth
When no one wants to listen
When no one really cares what's going on
And it's hard to stand alone
When you need someone beside you
Your spirit and your faith must be stong"
~~ John Denver ~~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"imagine all the people, living life in peace"
~ John Lennon ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I'm gonna' sit and watch the web, that you will build this day
Will it be a thread of love you weave, it's yours to show the way"
--John Lodge, Eyes Of A Child Part II--

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