THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
LETTERS TO STRANGERS
...WORDS I HAVE POSTED PUBLICALLY IN VARIOUS PLACES IN RESPONSE TO OTHERS WORDS...


...a friend is a stranger waiting to be met...

Suicide

February 2, 1998

>> hi
>>
>> i'm probably the youngest person here. anyway i just brought a
>>pack of cigarette and a pack of budlight. now that i have these two
>>things i'm sure i could make it through this then i'll get more to
>>make it next week. i'm not a smoker but today i converted. i used to
>>drunk, i stop but i sure can't go through my disappointing life alone.
>>since i have no one that could understand me at least i don't have to
>>go throught this by myself. what i really want is to die but then
>>you can't kill yourself. i'm really nothing, i'm just taking space.
>>i'm not good enough for anyone or for anything. the only thing i
>>have going for me right now is school at the rate i'm going with
>>1.8 GPA i bound to get kick out then i'll have nothing except a life
>>that i don't want. you know what that will be my last straw, i'll
>>just make sure i do right this time.
>> anyway i don't know why i'm here maybe it's because this is the only
>>place that no one will think i'm crazy. not that i'm looking for
>>anyone to say anything to me because i know how worthless i am so i
>>really don't need anyone to try to cheer me up because nothing you
>>can say could make me feel better or change my life.
>>

> hi
>
> i do appreciate the people that have respond to me although i
>can't say i have read all the respond simply because i know that people
>say things, nice things just to make you feel better although i want to
>feel better. i don't want to feel any pain anymore but this is all i
>got in my heart i don't have any other feelings and i have been to
>counseling, read books and i have change a lot of things in my life
>only to have something else comes up and mess it up for me. no words
>can take my problems away or make me feel better about me or my life.
> you people dont even know me how could you say you care perhaps it's
>because you people do not know what you are talking about, i mean no
>disrespect to anyone but it's just how i feel. if words could take my
>life away then i'll welcome it and if it in fact could make me love
>myself and make me feel good then i'll live my life base on word alone.
> but it doesn't so what i'm i suppose to do but wait till my day come
>although i wish it to be soon because i'm so tired of everything and
>the only strength i have left in me is the strength to end it all.
>

Before You Go

  you say you're leaving...
that you will soon be gone
you say you don't have the strength
or the will to carry on
well will you do this one thing for me
  before you go...

just look into my eyes and let me know
all the things inside you that will never grow
all the stuff inside that will never show
just let me know you once... before you go

you say you can't go on
with life the way you are
well please before you're gone
would you get in my car
and just take this one last ride with me
  before you go...

just answer one last question so I can know
the truth inside you that will never show
the love inside you that will never grow
just let me know you once... before you go

I mean, what have you got to lose
if you're dying anyway
you don't have to do a thing
just let the music play
you can even close your eyes
ignore the words I say
but I just have one last request
before you go away

just let me touch your heart so I can know
all the dreams torn apart that will never show
all the seeds you are that will never grow
scattered wherever winds may blow
just do this one thing more
then you could just ignore
  will you do this one thing for me? - oh I hope so...
just let me know you once.. before you go

...   ...   ...

I'm just one more soul
choosing to hide on a shelf
you say you're worthless, well
would you let me decide for myself
give me that much respect, maybe it's not true
maybe I'll find something you don't see inside of you
  or maybe I'll find out that I am worthless too...
  we're all gonna die... this is true...

but before we do I just have to know
and I'll never know if I don't try it once
before I go
so I'm asking you to tell me
I'm letting my heart show
is it worth anything to you?
please let me know
just let me know you once
before you go

...   ...   ...

  you say you're leaving...
you just can't go on
well will you do one thing
for me before you're gone
let me look into your eyes
let me touch you so you'll know
I really cared - I really shared -
yes it is real and we were here -
will you do this one thing for me?... oh I hope so...

just let me know you once
just let me touch you once
just let me hug you once
just let me love you once
  just let me hold you once... then I'll let go...
just let me know you once... before you go


For You (Before You Go)

......

and for anyone leaving or thinking of leaving...
if the words have any worth to anyone at all, then you,
You, have worth - for you inspired them...


you don't have to believe it
that is you choice
there is nothing more powerful
than your inner voice

and no matter what I say
nothing I can do
can make you believe
anything is true

  but this is what my inner voice says to me...
no matter what you say or do
  I am real... I am here...
I am giving this to you
I am... even if you choose not to see
I am... even if you don't believe in me
I am... even if I am alone
and that may be the only truth I've ever known

and I hope you choose to feel the wind that's blown
  here in words - I've tried to express it...
in reading's silent tone
this may be all I will ever be
and all I can do is hope you choose to see
I am here... and I care... because I want to
because it is what I want to do
and what you share tells me about you
maybe very little, maybe it's not true
but I still choose to care about you
  babbling on in the way I do...
  just because I can...
just because I want to believe
  there's something worth caring for - in You...
so I care because I can... and I want to

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