PLANET ARET
. . . CONVERSATIONS IN POETRY . . . . CONVERSATIONS IN PROSE . . . .
...a friend is a stranger waiting to be met...
No Place Is Safe
THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
PLANET ARET
. . . CONVERSATIONS IN POETRY . . . . CONVERSATIONS IN PROSE . . . .
...a friend is a stranger waiting to be met...
No Place Is Safe
August 17, 1998
until you are comfortable within yourself
you can not be comfortable anywhere else
and one you call your body and soul home
you're walking with comfort wherever you roam
yes you bring your comfort wherever you roam...
no place is safe anymore.
no place do i feel comfortable, wanted.
i know it's just my own perception
that's screwy. i know this, yet it doesn't
matter. all the words inside me struggle
to come out and i only let a few out at a
time. even then i edit, or try to, the
pain out. who wants to hear about my
pain? i'm sick unto death of it, why
shouldn't you be, too?
because I see through it, or try to... some of what I see is my imagination, some may be literal empathy, and some may be drawing on my own experience and feeling the energy we share... I believe all of us who've experienced similar feelings are connected by the energy of those feelings no matter what distance or time seems to separate us...
and yes, I believe it is your perception... for you are welcomed here... and if your comfort doesn't come, perhaps you are looking at it askew... what is uncomfortable may be within you... and you are definitely smart enough and sensitive enough to introspect... so tell me, why are you uncomfortable?...
i've listened while people tell me how
horrible it is to feel numb all the time
and i long for that horror. give me numbness,
please. take away all these things i feel too
deeply, too strongly. take them away from me
before i lose my mind.
and if you really wanted it, you would find it... perhaps this is the discomfort... realizing that you do not really want to die or turn off your senses, but you've found yourself stuck in a loop of longing and fear and pain and despair and longing... you share your mind well here, denise... and we will do our best to keep it for you until you want it again :)
a couple of months ago something awful happened
to me and when it was done all i could do was
lay in my closet and scream. i talked to angels
sometimes, begged for death, pleaded for release
from my feelings. it didn't work. i was unable
to function except to work. had to work. no other
option. couldn't go really crazy, just couldn't.
so i'd go to work and feel safe for a while, pretend
to be normal and feel the lie inside me like a knife
at my throat.
you express the feeling of a lie so well for someone with a conscience and a true heart... for a lie and a true heart are incongruous, incompatible... they can not mutually exist... and without a true heart, I don't know how anyone can feel comfort... so the lie must be exposed and remedied with truth for the heart to live... as I see it...
i've proven to myself that i can save myself. i don't
need anyone to put me back together when i shatter
into a million pieces, right? but when i glue myself
together, i find pieces missing and pieces out of
place. i can do it myself, but at what cost?
at the cost of losing the belief that you need someone else -and- losing the fear that if you do it yourself you'll never need anyone else again...
and when you get there, you find nothing has been lost and nothing has changed except there's more comfort, more peace, more security, and more to offer of yourself... independence - total emotional and psychological and physical an spiritual independence - does not destroy the dream of true love that is so wrapped up in "cant live without you" (thank you Harry Nilsson)... when we realize we *can* live without another, we can start to truly love honestly and freely...
and i sit here alone and wonder how i went from housewife
with children and responsibilites to other people to this
woman i am now. what do i do about the missing pieces?
what do i do with the feelings that won't go away?
build on them... release them to poetry and seek another who will treasure the memories and help you build on the pices of the puzzle that remain...
just my suggestions, for what they're worth...
... a friend is a stranger waiting to be met ... a friend is a stranger wanting to be met ... a friend is a stranger willing to be met ...
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