PLANET ARET
. . . CONVERSATIONS IN POETRY . . . . CONVERSATIONS IN PROSE . . . .
...a friend is a stranger waiting to be met...
Lost
THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
PLANET ARET
. . . CONVERSATIONS IN POETRY . . . . CONVERSATIONS IN PROSE . . . .
...a friend is a stranger waiting to be met...
Lost
August 17, 1998
like nobody knows me
nobody sees me
nobody knows I am here
like nobody feels me
my heart is beating
but nobody seems to care
like nobody hears me
my mouth is moving
it's just like I am not here
like nobody knows me
nobody is me
nobody's everywhere
you ever feel like that? like no one sees
you in real life? i find myself looking
at the people in the cars next to me when
i'm stopped at red lights. i just want to
look in their eyes for a minute, see if i
really exist.
eye contact scares people away from me... females I know tell me it's sometimes the opposite... I am a shaggy dog most of the time these days, so I can blame it on "appearance", but it's not... it's the pain in my eyes when I see they are afaid to care... afraid of the hope they see flash in my eyes before the pain reflects their fears...
this isolation is tearing at me, chewing
on my soul. i don't want to be this alone
anymore, but i am lost. someone give me a
"you are here" map for my life. i've lost
mine. it was tattered and faded, anyway.
you are here... I am here... that's as far as I can draw a map for the moment... I'm feeling the depths I'm reading and doing my best to rise out of them... concentration... sheer will... I will float... I will rise...
I will let the tears fall from my eyes
but not to drown me in my pain
to wash me clean, to start again
I feel the knife spinning in my heat
I feel the storm blowing me apart
I feel the ice berg cutting my hull
but I want to feel wonderful
I might not get what I want tonight
but I will not give up my desire
and I will go to sleep and I will dream
and I will keep rising higher
now I'm hanging on the high wire
the thread is frayed and almost gone
the hope needs to rest, I need to cry
tomorrow I'll carry on...
tomorrow I'll carry on...
so i'm feeling lost today. i watch people
a lot, but i feel as i'm not a part of the
human race anymore. it's strange since i'm
a nurse and touch people constantly in the
course of my work, but they don't touch me
back.
the nursing detachment you had to learn to survive your profession may be backfiring on you... you are well trained in the skill of detachment, of impartial interaction during emotional crisis... and you may be using those skills to keep yourself isolated in your personal life... maybe...
maybe not... but I've known the experience... it's easy (for me at least) to be objective and detached - the good counselor - the professional manager - the care-giving is a job we go home from... and we sometimes forget how to care-give at home because we learned how to care-give with less risk... not that we don't feel our jobs, but we do have techniques to stay professional so we can *do* our jobs... and then, it's easier to do that all the time... because there's less risk... oh, the risk, *that's* what we learn to avoid in our caring professions... that deep dark risk of totally losing all control by losing ourselves in another person - making it personal...
maybe this is the trap you've known... maybe not... seeing the words helped me realize I can fall into it too easily... and have...
i feel invisible.
I see you...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Could you put your light on please, it's kind of dark tonight.
And I feel a little lonely, yes, I need a little light.
Could you put your light on please, let me hear a friendly sound.
I could make it through 'til morning if you could let your light shine down"
~ Harry Chapin ~
... a friend is a stranger waiting to be met ... a friend is a stranger wanting to be met ... a friend is a stranger willing to be met ...
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