self
ok, so here is more of my unsolicited advice... first, remember - do as you please, if my words or anyone's words make sense to you then make them your own... then you can follow yourself to where you want to be...
K wrote ...
>It's odd. Richard is an incredible friend. I realize that sometimes
>it's hard for me to deal when he gets emotional. Hell, it's hard for me
>to deal when i get emotional! But for some reason I don't feel
>physically attracted to him anymore. I love him to pieces, I just... I
>guess I can't handle it anymore either.
handle yourself... figure out what you really want from you, from life, and then you can really start exploring what you want from others... share when you want to, but don't just share cuz you feel lonely or don't want to be alone...
>I'm going to not date for a while. Then I won't have to worry about
>what whoever can or can't handle. That's what set it off last night - I
>had a moment, almost cut myself, and Karl couldn't handle it. I'm so
>tired of having to tiptoe around people. If I want to cut myself, sleep
>around, be a goth, get high, whatever, I want to be able to do it. I
>don't want to be afraid to be myself just because someone else doesn't
>like it.
be yourself... if that means hurting yourself, ask yourself why you want to hurt yourself and maybe you'll stop and find more pleasurable ways to do what you want to do and be you... I hope you don't hurt yourself, but it's still your journey to experience and your choice to make...
again, be yourself... those who don't accept you, those who judge you, those who try to change you - don't really care about you - they care about how they feel and what they want from you... your true friends are those who accept you as you are, those who encourage you to explore yourself and experience life and choose your own way... and when you want to share intimacy, remember... it is best to always try to choose lovers from amongst your true friends...
>I finally got a self esteem.
keep it... protect it... and most of all, nurture it... you deserve it, and a lot of it...
>Yesterday J- said I was beautiful.
thank her, but remember you are beautiful no matter what anybody says as long as you remember to believe you are... and you should believe you are, because you are... I remind myself to believe I am positive and worthwhile and beautiful by writing and singing and listening to music and by doing things to help others... this makes me feel beautiful... find ways to remind yourself that work for you...
>She's gorgeous, and I have so much respect for her, so it made me feel
>really good about myself. And lately I've been dressing nice and taking
>the time to look presentable. I'm not the ugly duckling that I was in
>high school.
>
> -Karen.
>--
>"As a matter of fact, I swallowed one of these about two hours ago.
>And the explination is that it is, in fact... my hand."
for me, honesty and openness is beautiful, so you are beautiful through your words... in the physical world beauty is a temporary and ever-changing facade... anyone can put on the mask... some have more of the mask on naturally according to the times... some centuries ago, beauty was plump and vacant... a century ago it was aristocratic and snobbish... these days it's tall and slender and aloof and pouty... but through it all, I think honesty and vulnerability remains the essense of what appears beautiful for us humans... we say babies and most docile trusting animals are beautiful...
when you look in the mirror (and remember this comes from someone who's never seen you), look into your eyes and see the heart and intentions you have - see your dreams and all you want to become... see the hope and belief that you can do it... see the doubts and fears and right next to them see the will and courage to face them and overcome them by not giving them power over you... see the person who writes your words, expressing and exposing yourself as you do - honestly, vulnerably, without meaning to or wanting to harm anyone...
and you will see beauty...
newsbee
"When I was a young man,
I worried about what people thought about me.
When I became a middle aged man,
I didn't worry at all about what people thought about me.
When I became an old man,
I realized they weren't thinking about me at all."
~ Unknown ~
... a friend is a stranger waiting to be met ... a friend is a stranger wanting to be met ... a friend is a stranger willing to be met ...
