...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS
... BEING SOME EXCERPTS FROM RAMBLINGS OF THE VARIOUS CHARACTERS WHO LIVE, VISIT, OR WANDER THROUGH THE LAND OF AH ...
THE LAND OF AH
... we're off to see the magic, the wonderful magic of ah ...

...we hear the magic lives inside so it is wherever we are ... wherever whenever whomever we are, the the magic's where it always was...
...inside the heart inside the mind inside... inside of us when we dare not to hide... we're off to see the magic, the wonderful magic inside...
changes

K wrote ...

>Things are changing. Not just with me, but with everyone. Our little
>group is falling apart. I'm not happy. Life just isn't doing it
>anymore. R is finally happy and doing well, and I can't find it
>in myself to be happy for him. I guess my heart's just not in it. I
>quit smoking... I went from a pack a day to nothing. Five days without
>smokes. I'm doing okay with that.
>
>But Christ, I wish so much that I could be happy. I wish I didn't lay
>in bed every night and cry myself to sleep. I used to use the men in my
>life as inspiration, but now I'm too scared to get involved... too
>afraid of getting hurt. I just have to keep reminding myself that it'll
>be okay. That if I just be myself and do what comes naturally, the rest
>will follow. It's just hard to remember that when I cry because my
>heart and soul feel so empty.
>
> -K.
>
>--
>"Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore.
>You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've
>got their strict attention."


I have more to say about the story and your other posts, but time is limited today as I prepare for my move so I'm starting here and I'll be uncharacteristically brief (maybe)...

YAY for the non-smoker... I am happy to hear the withdrawals are not too severe or if they are, you're strong enough to handle them... even more happy you're big (yes big) enough to handle them alone... I hope you see that withdrawal from intimacy is similar - though much more challenging... but give it at least a month or two and then it won't be as much of an addiction (hopefully) and it'll be more of a pleasure (more desire, less need)...

I too find inspiration in intimacy, but I've learned to find it in imagined intimacy too... so when I am alone, the ethereal (fantasies) in my brain can inspire me to write and feel and love myself... and exppressing the loneliness and the pain becomes a positive feeling after it's expressed because I imagine that the expression of it - the words I can share - is a step toward the end of the isolation and pain... progress... and I do it all by myself...

hope this makes some sense to you...

you are not alone when you feel lonely... many people are sharing the feeling... don't bottle it up, let it out... tears are ok... words are even better for me... I shed both... and singing is the physical lover I take whenever I am alone (ever sing for yourself?)... and exercise reminds me that, even though this body is not sharing, it is still alive and growing... these are some of the ways (the main ways, sometimes the only ways) I survive loneliness and being alone for a while... though usually I'd much rather be sharing...

love yourself... in every way, love yourself... you can be completely independent... you don't need someone else to do anything for you... prove it... and then you can share because you want to, not because you need to... giving without needing... that is the gift you can give yourself...

I hope you understand... newsbee

     to be free... to be truly free
     one must learn how to live without need
     how to satisfy self in every way
     and only then can one share freely
    
     to love... to truly love
     one must learn how to love without need
     how to satisfy self in every way
     and only then can one love freely



... a friend is a stranger waiting to be met ... a friend is a stranger wanting to be met ... a friend is a stranger willing to be met ...

WHERE THIS JOURNEY BEGAN        FURTHER INTO THE LAND OF AH

THE LAND OF AH
is a garden in NEWSBEE'S UNIVERSE and a part of
THIS PLACE

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