...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS ... LETTERS TO STRANGERS
... BEING SOME EXCERPTS FROM RAMBLINGS OF THE VARIOUS CHARACTERS WHO LIVE, VISIT, OR WANDER THROUGH THE LAND OF AH ...
THE LAND OF AH
... we're off to see the magic, the wonderful magic of ah ...
...we hear the magic lives inside so it is wherever we are ... wherever whenever whomever we are, the the magic's where it always was...
...inside the heart inside the mind inside... inside of us when we dare not to hide... we're off to see the magic, the wonderful magic inside...
3am rant
>I had a fairly good night tonite, i mean i kept busy, and i was fairly happy
>for most of the night, but now the loneliness creeps in. Its not bad, i mean
>not like it was a few weeks ago but still, i can feel it lurking in the back
>of my mind, waiting to plunge me into the self pity and sadness i was
>starting to grow used to. Bah, i'm not going to feel sad tonite. I've had a
>good night, and i want to end it on a positive note. Any ways, the nite
>started out as most of my fridays do, with j coming over for a few hours
>and me trying to convince him to come out with me and A. J goes home,
>and me and a-- go out to lazer quest, where the object of the game is to
>blast the other people in the maze.. we hadn't done it in years, and well...
>it was pretty damn fun. Plus, as a bonus, i actually won. It was a ego boost
>for me, and i got to mock A, who came in close to last. It was round 11
>when we left, and we went to a strip club. I didn't particarly want to go, i
>needed the money for an up coming trip, but since A was driving, i didn't
>really care. We went there, and it kinda made me sad. I don't know, i just
>started thinking about past girlfriends, and lost chances with others, i
>wasn't turned on at all. I kept wondering what those girls dancing on stage
>where really like. Did they have hobby's? Did They go to school?
>Why Dance for these Pigs, There's gotta be a better way to earn money?
>i wanted to talk to them, and i wanted to get to know them. i wanted
>anything then to be sitting at the bar, leering at these girls. I don't know..
>its not right. I didn't want this. I want someone i can really talk to,
>someone who understands, someone to hold me, someone to make me laugh.
>I don't know what i want anymore. I just know i haven't found it.
>
>--
>While many people are stocking up on food and water in preparation for the
>collapse of civilization in the year 2000, I'm stocking up on guns and
>ammunition, so that I can take the food and water from those who didn't
>quite grasp what was meant by 'collapse of civilisation'.
welcome to honesty, you appear to have found yours :)
seriously, I applaud your introspection here... I've experienced very similar feelings when out in clubs, whether they are strip or other night club places... I call it the meat-market feeling... and it is very sad... and very lonely... sitting or standing there wondering why everybody is acting like they are cool and having fun... wondering how many of them feel exactly as I do somewhere deep inside, just afraid to show it... believing that the superficial "party" conformity is better than getting real, exposing vulnerability and loneliness
and sadness and confusion, and not being smiley-happy people... it's like a drug though... and when the drug wears off, nothing's changed... everybody goes home to their same lives, happy or sad, alone or not...
the change cmes when we are honest and risk real sharing... risk the feeling of being rejected and laughed at for expressing sensitivity and exposing the pretenses... being called a party-pooper is no fun either... but maybe somebody - it only takes one after all - feels just like me and is waiting for me to reach out...
a million rejections, a zillion humiliations... but it all has to be worth just one truly shared experience and true friend/lover/partner in life...
I hope :)
I'll know when I find her...
newsbee
"The truth is that when you 'trust no one',
there is a tremendous amount of hope
that you can trust someone."
~ Chris Carter, TV Philosopher ~
... a friend is a stranger waiting to be met ... a friend is a stranger wanting to be met ... a friend is a stranger willing to be met ...
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