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THE NEVER-READY BUNNY!

The Never-Ready Bunny with his Hand Made, Jack-Pine Fife.

The Never-Ready Bunny, after a tragic fife accident, waiting for help to arrive.
Looks a little Purple.

This Hare’s a grump since he never gets to hump and must manually pump. Thinking himself a bruiser instead of a loser... Decided he must kick some rump. In a violent clinch, he suffered a rectal pinch, and came away with a stump.

So there he sits rife in his discontent with his custom hand-made jack pine fife, of which he is so proud, that he is compelled to play it loud. Thinking that he is impressing the crowd, all the while they are just trying not to laugh out-loud. It’s the pursuit of his life to play this fife! But, he can’t even support a wife…

How is this short hare to multiply when he only knows division by means of historical and rhetorical revision? Anarchy and chaos seem to be his mission. Delusions of grandeur and dreams of power are among his hare-brained schemes as he aims his rifle from the bell tower. To satisfy his need to make everyone cower. Because his mood is sour since his prospects are dour.

Finding no place with an intelligent race, he must deny truth. Who wants to admit they’re uncouth? In past history he hides. There it is easier to reside. In history he can be a hero and win the throne. After all, why face being a zero who’s overgrown. Vast imaginary spaces free of failure and self-hate await this ingrate. In a glow of pride and delusion, casts himself a soldier of the revolution. Off to save the day in a pretend sort of way, a war he’ll fight with all his might. An approaching horde of enemy he spies! Wanting to capture them by surprise, under brush he lies. When they are near, he darts out without fear, but slips a fart and everyone dies.

This bunny's greatest life achievement was potty training . . . Into the bowl with full control he can urinate, even on occasion defecate.  Boy! Isn't that great.  Though, sometimes he's in the bathroom awfully late.  You don't think he'd masturbate?  Now, since his greatest achievement is complete and he uses the pot, he's a snot who gripes a lot for a wipe.

Why does this rodent live at his mommy’s home? He’s completely grown! Shouldn’t he be out on his own? Perhaps he’s just lazy. Couldn’t be that he’s a slob and can’t hold on to a job. Life there sure must be crazy.

His parents should make him move out. Of course he’ll throw a tantrum and scream and shout. After his throat is finally horse, sit there and pout. Trying to be kind his parents will surely change their mind. At home he’ll stay, most certainly in their way. But, they didn’t send him away much to their dismay.

This poor bunny has a permanent frown. His mood is sure to bring everyone down. It’s odd, but it would require an act of God to make his frown turn upside-down. How much of what is best in life has he missed because he is always pissed? Maybe is just that he’s never been kissed? Could a frown be caused by a cyst?

If he believes you’ve done him wrong, as if on que he’ll sing his only song "I’ll sue you!" all day long. His desire to gain wealth this way, will guarantee a place in hell, which really is just as well. All your money he’ll want. What a greedy little runt! Someone should give his bunny-tail a punt.

His rules are the only ones that apply. If forced to obey by the law "What an outrage" he’ll cry. Forget fair play and free-market competition. That’s not okay! He’s important and you’d just better listen! Mr. Bunny has a need to create a rude deposition. Anger one and all! It makes him feel ten feet tall! Could be he’s neutered and hasn’t even one ball.

This hare’s head is becoming bare! What a dud, the constant anger has restricted the flow of blood, now the hair is no longer there!

This demented bunny does stalk! Behind his prey he’ll quietly walk keeping a lookout sharp as a hawk, and even into their windows he’ll gawk. If his secret affections are spurned, his resentment and anger will burn. His moods like milk that has turned. Since he is no prize (except in his mommy’s eyes) a girls interest he can not rise. Maybe he should try guys.

He should be in jail! But, to no avail because his mommy will just post his bail. Make it your likes ambition to avoid this cross-hare’s vision!

Legal:  The never ready bunny is purely fictional. Any likeness to persons alive or dead is purely coincidental and truly sad.

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Last modified: January 10, 2001