In a bold move aimed at combating Global Warming the EPA is requiring excessively flatulent individuals to wear undergarments with a sewn in charcoal filter. Regular users of high rise elevators and taxi cabs let out a sigh of relief. The first groups to be refitted by the EPA are Vegetarians and the excessively smelly who've been turned in by their friends and loved ones by calling the EPA's hotline 1(800)4ASSGAS anonymously.
Unlucky Bunny Spontaneously Self Combusts!
| Mr. N. Ready Bunny
shown here after his arrest for inciting a one bunny riot in protest of welfare reforms and mandatory job training. |
"It was unbelievable!"said one
eye-witness to this bizarre and tragic incident. "Looked as if the Hand of God
reached down from the heavens and delivered justice!" said Agent Sulley of the EPA.
"We (the EPA) required this individual to comply with the Personal Anti-Smog &
Smell Regulations that many in this country are going to have to act in accordance
with," stated Agent Sulley.
In her report Agent Sulley indicated that she knew it would be
difficult to deal with Mr. N. Ready Bunny when he became purple with rage upon receiving
the news that the Personal Anti-Smog & Smell Regulations would apply to his person.
Unfortunately nothing could be done to calm this individual. His rage escalated unabated.
The tantrum he publicly displayed was both humiliating for the stature of the EPA and also
for the public that bore witness to it. Perhaps a better location could have been chosen
to confront Mr. N. Ready Bunny. However, it was known that he could be located at the
County Court House where Mr. N. Ready Bunny was engaged in two hundred fifty seven civil
suits (all frivolous). The Honorable Judge Soloman stated,"It's a sad day for this
county. A real shame Never Ready burst into such a rage that he burned up! The tax-payers
will be paying for this mess for years! The marble floor in the lobby is indelibly
stained, all the wood paneling is ruined and the interior requires a fresh coat of paint.
And that stench! What a horrible smell!"
The County Coroner is investigating the incident and studying the ash that is the remains
of Mr. N. Ready Bunny. Temper Tantrum is the expected cause of death. It is fortunate that
no one else perished in the blaze. Many, however, suffer rashes and strange illnesses as a
result of inhaling fumes.
Even before completion of the EPA's investigation it was concluded that the environmental hazard posed by the contamination of the entire Court House of a highly toxic bio-hazard that is the greasy sooty remains of Mr. N. Ready Bunny will cause birth defects in poultry, rats, and unborn children. The County is ordered to demolish the structure and pack it into 55 gallon drums for disposal in a toxic waste landfill. "We would rather the waste material was launched into space and sent to the galactic core, but the funds are just not available", said Agent Mudler of the EPA. It has yet to be determined the extent of the risk to those living in the fall-out zone and just how much got into the jet-stream and what risk that poses for the already battered ozone layer.
The United Nations General Assembly has ordered a study to determine the impact of the pollutants generated in this incident and the possible effects to future generations. Also for study is how to prevent spontaneous self combustion.
