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"I'm sorry", said St. Peter, "but I cannot allow you to enter. Although our records indicate that you were a good man, we do have a documented account of your having taken the name of the Lord in vain."
"I?? I took...oh... yes, I believe I know the event to which you are referring. There were extenuating circumstances. May I explain?"
"Certainly."
"Well", the minister began, "as you know, I was always an avid golfer, and, immodest as this may sound, I was rather good. One day I was playing in an amateur tournament, and I was in an excellent position. I was leading my nearest opponent by a stroke on the final hole. All I needed to do was match him on that one hole and I'd win a trophy that I wanted more than anything in the world. I teed off. It was a BEAUTIFUL drive...best I've ever hit! And as it was rising into the air, it hit a crow! In mid air! And it dropped to the fairway, a scant hundred yards off the tee!"
"I see...and that's when you cursed?"
"No."
"No? Well...continue."
"I tried, as we say, to 'shake it off', and I hit a three wood off the fairway. If I may say so, it was a MAGNIFICENT fairway wood stroke. Long and true...it was going to the green! And then it hit a gopher hole and stopped, one yard short of the green!"
"And THAT'S when you cursed!"
"No!"
"Hmmm...continue..."
"Well, I decided on a pitch-and-run. I hit it. It was PERFECT! It rolled towards the cup...it was going in! And it hit an earthworm! The ball died, ONE inch from the hole!"
"I see! And THAT'S when you cursed!"
"NO!"
"DON'T TELL ME YOU MISSED A GODDAMNED ONE-INCH PUTT!!!"
---Golf is merely landscaping with the wrong tools.
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