The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes (Part 1)
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1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do a blonde's braincells die?
A: Alone.
3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: So you can park in the handicap zone.
14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They are both fucked when they're on their back.
16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
17. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to re-train them.
21. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
21a. Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) Like, I dunno!
26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head into the jar.
31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.
32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
38. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
41. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
45. Q: What is the mating call of a brunette?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (Goods and Services Tax in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts (or bra)?
A: Tits Go In Front.
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