At a clinic for changing one’s sex,
a young woman ran into her ex.
Now he was a “she”,
and she was a “he”
their reactions were strong — and complex.
Mary E. Moore
Appalling Limericks
Virtes, Cox & Newman, Eds.,
Sam's Dot Publishing, 2007
To make his own smelling sense keen,
a man tried a Rottweiler gene.
The experiment failed
and he ended up jailed
for humping each bitch that he’d seen.
Mary E. Moore
Appalling Limericks
Virtes, Cox, & Newman, Eds.,
Sam's Dot Publishing, 2007
An old plastic-type surgeon unknown
had a practice which hardly had grown.
For his lack of success,
he offered a guess:
“I just leave well enough quite alone.”
Mary E. Moore
An extremely smart dexterous fellow,
my old cat was especially mellow.
When he was alone,
he’d answer the phone
and then purr at the fruitless cry “Hello!”
Mary E. Moore
Brightwater Limericks
Finalist, Cat Limerick Contest,
May, 2006
When I’d perched on the toilet to pee,
a young cat was attending to me.
As I stood up and flushed,
toward my lap it had rushed,
then swirled headlong to life number three.
Mary E. Moore
My shrewd little poodle’s inventive;
to safety on stairs he’s attentive.
When his towel’s in his teeth,
partly dragging beneath,
he climbs backwards. He knows its preventive.
Mary E. Moore
Brightwater Limericks
Finalist, Pet Limerick Contest,
June, 2006
I thought doggie was safeguarding me,
when one morning a knock came at three.
Getting rid of the stranger,
I withdrew from the danger
stepping barefoot to puddles of pee.
Mary E. Moore
Brightwater Limericks
Honorable Mention,
Pet Limerick Contest,
June, 2006
Failing diets, the youth was obese
But his mother was chief of police.
She put him in jail,
Saying, “Here is a scale.
Losing fifty will win your release.”
Mary E. Moore
Brightwater Limericks
First Prize,
Food and Diet Limerick Contest,
July, 2006
I loved burgers with cheese as a boy.
Chocolate milk ane ice cream were pure joy.
Now I’ve changed what I eat.
It may look like I cheat . . .
But they’re substitutes made out of soy.
Mary E. Moore
Brightwater Limericks
Honorable Mention,
Food and Diet Limerick Contest,
July, 2006
There are champs on the diamond or court,
on the course, or on fields of some sort.
But I am no slouch
on the livingroom couch
at the time-honored indoor-type sport.
Mary E. Moore
Brightwater Limericks
Finalist, Sports Limerick Contest, August, 2006
Feature Article, Richard Harrison
Venice Gondolier Sun, Sept 24, 2006
In the past, winning athletes drew cheers
and the losers could tolerate jeers.
But now Little Leagues flower
and if their prospects sour,
the losers may burst into tears.
Mary E. Moore
Brightwater Limericks Audio
January, 2007
Loving mothers may harbour a flaw
whose expression can render nerves raw.
When their children date
and marry a mate,
“Mother, dear ” becomes “Mother-in-law”.
Mary E. Moore
Brightwater Limericks Audio
January, 2007
Separation, annulment, divorce:
are today simply matters of course.
Wedding vows should be changed,
and the words rearranged
to "till whim us do part." Cuts remorse.
Mary E. Moore
Brightwater Limericks
First Prize,
Family Limerick Contest,
September, 2006
He said, “Mission Acomplished!” before.
Later, “Making good progress” galore.
All Bush’s conclusions
are downright delusions.
Now, “It’s hardly a real civil war.”
Mary E. Moore
Brightwater Limericks
2nd Prize, Politics Limerick Contest, Oct., 2006
Bush Limericks Contest,
A 2nd Prize, November, 2006