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 For March 10 & 11, 2007
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If you want to subscribe or unsubscribe etc. easily, just see the "housekeeping" section at the bottom of this message before the sig.
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If you live in the US, be sure your computer, clocks etc., ALL correctly switch over to DST at 2AM Sunday. Make sure your PC, which may have the old DST settings, does so. Our technologically semi-literate fools in Congress have once again "fixed what ain't broke" and now the "Law of Unintended Consequences"' will rule.
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Grandma changed:

In the dim and distant past
When life's tempo wasn't so fast,

Grandma used to rock and knit,
Crochet, chat and baby sit.

When the kids were in a jam,
They could always call on Gram.

But today she's in the gym
Exercising to keep slim.

She's checking the web or surfing the net,
Sending some e-mail or placing a bet.

Nothing seems to stop or block her,
Now that Grandma's off her rocker. 

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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932.
 
The depth of the Great Depression.
 
I was down to my last nickel."
 
"I invested that nickel in an apple.
 
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
 
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
 
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
 
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
 
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
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Crip Humor ~ By and For the Severely Euphemized 
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I was gong to give my girl one of those heart balloons
for Valentine's Day.  But she said she didn't want an
angioplasty.    (Mike  Wheeler)


...and Poetry from the Archives........

My Quickie-P-300 is candied teal
Your van with a lift is white
Let's share wild valentine kisses
All through the starry night

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My wheelchair is red
Your crutches are blue
Keep up your strength
Till I'm through with you

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My wheelchair is electric
Your arm uses batteries
I can definitely be yours
For the simplest of flatteries

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My wheelchair is manual
You're hard of hearing
I can shout love poems
No matter who's steering
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Some of Saturday's Birthdays:
 

1628 -Marcello Malpighi  physician: pioneer in working with the microscope
 

1903 - (Leon) Bix Beiderbecke 'young man with a horn': jazz cornetist: groups:  Bix Beiderbecke and His Rhythm Jugglers; Bix Beiderbecke and His Gang. One of my Mom's jazz heroes.
 

1918 -Heywood Hale Broun  sportscaster: ABC Sports; son of U.S. journalist Heywood Broun
 

1920 -Jethro (Kenneth C. Burns) entertainer, musician: mandolin, banjo: Homer & Jethro: The Battle of Kookamonga, Don't Let the Stars Get in Your Eyeballs
 

1940 -Dean Torrence singer: group: Jan & Dean: The Little Old Lady [From Pasadena] ,Dead Man's Curve ,Surf City ,Honolulu Lulu
 

1940 -Chuck Norris (Carlos Ray Norris ) karate champion, actor
 

1958 -Sharon Stone actress: Last Dance ,Casino ,The Specialist ,Basic Instinct ,Total Recall ,War & Remembrance series, Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold ,King  Solomon's Mines
 

1964 -Prince Edward (Edward Antony Richard Louis) royalty: Earl of Wessex and Viscount Severn: son and youngest child of  Great Britain's Queen Elizabeth II and the Duke of Edinburgh
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History Happens:
 

1791 -John Stone patented the pile driver on this day.
 

1849 -Abraham Lincoln applied for apatent for a device to lift vessels over shoals by means of inflated cylinders. Lincoln received the patent in May, 1849.
 

1876 -Alexander Graham Bell sent the first clear telephone message -- into a nearby room -- to his assistant, Mr. Watson. "Mr. Watson, come here, I want you!"
 

1903 -Harry C. Gammeter of Cleveland, OH patented the multigraph duplicating machine.
 

1913 -William Knox rolled the first perfect 300 game in tournament competition.
 

1941 - The Brooklyn Dodgers announced that their players would wear batting helmets during the 1941 baseball season.
 

1956 -Julie Andrews made her TV debut, appearing with Bing Crosby in the musical, High Tor .
 

1986 - The price of a seven-stick pack of Wrigley's chewing gum went up from a quarter to 30 cents, the first price hike  in six years.
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From Teddi
 
There are more churches in Las Vegas than Casinos. During Sunday services at the Offertory, some worshipers contribute Casino Chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings; some are hoping to win. Since there are so many Casinos, the Catholic churches send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted for the respective  Casinos the chips belong to, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the Casinos turning chips into cash.
 
He is known, of couurse, as 'The Chip Monk.'
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Are you Over the Hill ?
 
You may be headed that way if . . ..
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
At the breakfast table, you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
Your back goes out but you stay home.
You wake up looking like your driver's license photo.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
When happy hour is a nap.
When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
When you step off the curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
You look for your glasses for half a n hour and they were on your head the whole time.
You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
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'I'm getting a divorce,'' said Jack to his buddy Bill.  "The wife hasn't spoken with me for six months." Bill thought for a moment and then replied, "Just make sure you know what you're doing Jack, wives like that are hard to find.''
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On the phone with a golf buddy who has asked him to play, a guy says, "I am the master of my home and can play golf whenever I want. 
 
But hold on a minute while I find out if I want to."
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Sadie was divorcing her husband Moshe.
 
After two months of waiting, her case was finally being heard in Court.
 
The judge asked Sadie, "So how old are you?"
 
"I'm 45 years old, your Honor."
 
The judge replied, "Please answer my question honestly.  How old are you?"
 
"I'm 45 years old, your Honor," answered Sadie again.
 
"Well," said the judge, "you're not being truthful.  It's written down here that you were born in August 1940 and that means you're almost 67."
 
"But your Honor," replied Sadie, "I'm not counting the last 20 years with my husband."
 
"Why not?" asked the judge.
 
"You call that living?" replied Sadie.
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OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....

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Housekeeping:

While I write some of what appears in my newsletters, mostly it is stuff that's merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible, attribution is given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at all,  is ALWAYS included. Written permission(s) (email-I can't handwrite) are sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be there, should be differently attributed, or is objectionable in any way, please let me know by simply writing to me . In no event is any income derived, and so the following notice is included:

*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, any copyrighted work in this message is distributed under fair use without profit or payment..
[Ref. Fair Use ]

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"Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't."
- Pete Seeger


Home is where the grab bars are.