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Today is Wednesday October 10 the 293rd day of 2007. There are 82
to go. The Sun is at 16-17
Libra The moon is waning.
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If you want to search for anything sent in the last couple of years, read some jokes, or see what the weather is like here, try the web site: <a href=" http://home.att.net/~martysjokes/index.html "> Joke Site</a> You can even check out any Amber Alerts. If you want to subscribe or unsubscribe etc. easily, or see the Fair Use disclaimer, just see the "housekeeping" section at the bottom of this message before the sig.
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If you want to search for anything sent in the last couple of years, read some jokes, or see what the weather is like here, try the web site: <a href=" http://home.att.net/~martysjokes/index.html "> Joke Site</a> You can even check out any Amber Alerts. If you want to subscribe or unsubscribe etc. easily, or see the Fair Use disclaimer, just see the "housekeeping" section at the bottom of this message before the sig.
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Love this ad
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From Ernie, since I used to live there, and know
how stunning it is to look at the Wasatch
Good one from Dave Hamilton.
Dispute between neighbors
A city councilman in Utah , Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the east
mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built
a new home.
The new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark
Easton , mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they
enforced the lower roof line ordinance. The new neighbor had to drop the
roof line, at great expense.
Recently, Mark Easton called the city, and informed them that his new
neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn't like
the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to
Mark's home to see the vent view, this is what they found...
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A city councilman in Utah , Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the east
mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built
a new home.
The new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark
Easton , mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they
enforced the lower roof line ordinance. The new neighbor had to drop the
roof line, at great expense.
Recently, Mark Easton called the city, and informed them that his new
neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn't like
the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to
Mark's home to see the vent view, this is what they found...
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Bumper Sticker
My country invaded Iraq, and all I got was this expensive
gasoline....
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THE DEER HUNT
1:00 am Alarm clock rings
2:00 am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:30 am Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up
3:00 am Leave home for deep woods
3:15 am Drive back home and pick up gun
3:30 am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
4:00 am Set up camp. Realize that you forgot the damned tent
4:30 am Head out into woods
6:05 am See eight (8) deer
6:06 am Take aim and squeeze trigger
6:07 am "Click"
6:08 am Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
8:00 am Head back to camp
9:00 am Still looking for camp
10:00 am Realize you don't know where the camp is
-Noon- Fire gun for help. Eat some wild berries
12:15 pm Ran out of bullets. 8 deer come back 12:20 pm Strange feeling in stomach 12:30 pm Realize you ate poison berries
12:45 pm Rescued!!
12:55 pm Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped 3:00 pm Arrive back at camp 3:30 pm Leave camp to kill deer 4:00 pm Return to camp for bullets
4:01 pm Load gun. Leave camp again
5:00 pm Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you 6:00 pm Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in camp.
6:01 pm Load Gun
6:02 pm Fire gun
6:03 pm One Dead Truck
6:05 pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer!
6:06 pm Suppress strong desire to shoot partner
6:07 pm In doing so, stumble and fall into fire 6:10 pm Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire
6:15 pm Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods
6:25 pm Pick-up boils over. Discover bullet hole in radiator
6:26 pm Start walking
6:30 pm Start crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35 pm Meet great big Bear!
6:35.5pm Take aim
6:36 pm Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:36.5pm Lose all control of bodily functions.
6:37 pm Climb tree
9:00 pm Bear departing, wraps gun around the tree
9:03 pm Feeling relieved that bear is gone
9:04 pm Start climbing down the tree
9:05 pm Fall out of tree
-Midnight- Home at last
-Sunday- Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly tearing hunting license into itty- bitty pieces, place into envelope, mail to the Game Warden with very clear instructions about what to do with it!
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Bill was a little rushed one day and mixed his Viagra and
Rogaine...He ended up "hard-headed"
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When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.
~ Henry Miller (1891-1980)
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When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.
~ Henry Miller (1891-1980)
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Zany Personal Ads
Occult-Vegetarian-Ambidextrous-Truck-driving juggler wishes
to meet woman of similar interests.
Undercover Espionage Agent - 29 - would like to meet
nice woman 18-30 for romantic, lasting relationship. Don't
bother to write, I already know where you live.
Handsome, but not wealthy gentleman can only afford a 5 line
personal add. I'm a smart good-looking nice guy who'd like to meet
pretty, sensitive woman. call me at...
Idiots need love too - If you enjoy walking into movies after
they've started, throwing out good furniture and locking your friends
in closets, we already have three things in common! Let's get together
and find out how many other negative personality traits we share.
Financially Unstable Man - I owe everyone money. If you're
not one of my creditors, I'd like to meet you. Send phone, mine was
repossessed.
Compulsive Liar - Seeks beautiful woman to share my million
dollar chateau on the French Riveria.
Man, Nonsmoking, Nondrinking, Noneating, Nonbreathing.
Actually, I'm dead. I need someone to bury me.
Seeks SWF to tell me what SWF means.
Large Woman Seeks Larger Man - So I will look smaller
in comparison. Photos a must.
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Little Known Fact About The Catholic Church
There are more
churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services
at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash.
Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get
chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the
Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting.
Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the
chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash.
at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash.
Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get
chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the
Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting.
Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the
chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash.
And he is known as:
The Chip Monk
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Philosophy Questions and
Dumb Answers
10. How do I know
anything really exists?
- Kick it *really* hard.
- Kick it *really* hard.
9. What is
the essence of being human?
- Not understanding the opposite sex.
- Not understanding the opposite sex.
8. If a tree
falls in the forest and there's no one there to hear
it, does it make a sound?
- How would I know ?... Ask " no one " .
it, does it make a sound?
- How would I know ?... Ask " no one " .
7. How do I
know I'm not just a brain in a vat, hooked up to a
computer simulation of life?
- Look in the mirror. If you see a grey, spongy thing in
a glass container, you are.
computer simulation of life?
- Look in the mirror. If you see a grey, spongy thing in
a glass container, you are.
6. Can our
minds exist separately from our bodies?
- If they could, we'd just send our minds to work and
sleep in every morning.
- If they could, we'd just send our minds to work and
sleep in every morning.
5. Is there
a God?
- A billion Hindus can't be wrong.
- A billion Hindus can't be wrong.
4. What is
the nature of Knowledge?
- I'm still trying to figure out the nature of high
school.
- I'm still trying to figure out the nature of high
school.
3.
What is the meaning of life?
- All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.
- All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.
2. Why get a
Philosophy degree?
- It's more respectable than a theatre degree, but you
still get to drink lots of espresso.
- It's more respectable than a theatre degree, but you
still get to drink lots of espresso.
1. So, we
won the war in Iraq, or what?
- We lost...so we pay...so Iraq won !
- We lost...so we pay...so Iraq won !
...rewrit by
rubin
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OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....
OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....
Housekeeping:
While I write some of what appears in my newsletters, mostly it is stuff that's merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible, attribution is given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at all, is ALWAYS included. Written permission(s) (email-I can't handwrite) are sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be there, should be differently attributed, or is objectionable in any way, please let me know by simply writing to me . In no event is any income derived, and so the following notice is included:
*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, any copyrighted work in this message is distributed under fair use without profit or payment..
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"If you want the present to be different from the past, study the past."
- Benedict Spinoza (1632-1677), Dutch philosopher
Home is where the grab bars are.