This is based loosley on the Super Nintendo game "Animaniacs". ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 1: The Beginning... the Beginning~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dr. Scratchansniff was pulling himself up the metal ladder of the water tower. At the top, he wiped his forehead on the back of his sleeve. "Whew!", then turned toward the greater task. He opened the heavy door and peered inside cautiously. To his surprise, it was dark and quiet. He stepped in, wondering why things seemed so peaceful- but had the terrible feeling in the pit of him stomach that he was walking into a lion's den. "H- Helloo...?" he called He was grabbed by the front of his shirt and yanked to the floor. "What are you, crazy?!" Dot hissed into his ear. He looked up at the door jam and saw two suction cup darts still quivering from impact, right where his head had been. As his eyes adjusted he saw Dot glaring down at him, wearing an army helmet and armed with a fluorescent Super Soaker. He peered carefully around the back of the couch, and was stricken with awe. They had constructed a huge system of tunnels and forts from mattresses stood on edge like a house of cards, tables lying on their sides and chairs draped with blankets. Every piece of furniture had been stripped or overturned. He looked back at Dot, who put her finger to her lips. "Just follow me-- and keep quiet!" She got down and crawled ahead through a maze of 'lean- to's and 'tents'. Feeling out of place, Dr. Scratchansniff followed, squeezing through the tight spots. Dot started to turn a corner, then jerked back and flattened herself against the wall, squirt gun at the ready. "Vhat? Vhat iis it?!" Dr. Scratchansniff asked. Dot spoke quietly and determinedly, "Payback time." She sprang out and fired-- "Shoom- shoom- shoom!!!" There was a muffled cry of surprise, and a shockwave ran through the fort ahead. "YES!!! Got him!!" Dot cried, leaping into the air. Then, without warning, there was a battle cry, and a flash of black, white, and tan pounced on them, knocking Dr. Scratchansniff's breath out. Before he could get up, he was being pummeled with a pillow. Adding further to the confusion, Wakko ran over and tackled Yakko from behind. They all ended up in a confused heap, with the collapsed walls of the fort on top of them. Someone stepped on Dr. Scratchansniff's face. He closed his eyes and wondered if he could hide there forever, but soon the mattress was lifted, and the Warners peered down at him. "All right!" Yakko cried. "Our first POW!" "Wow! Can we feed him gruel and ransom him to the studio?!" Dot cried, as Wakko tried to tie his hands. "No, no, NO!" Dr. Scratchansniff cried, wrenching his hands free and knocking Wakko onto his butt in the process. Dr. Scratchansniff tried to calm down. "I'm just here to tell you zat Mr. Plotz vants to see you." "Mr. Plotz said THAT?" Yakko asked, awed. "Doesn't sound like our Plotz!" Dot said, surprised. "I know!" Wakko exclaimed, suddenly, "He's probably been brainwashed by aliens! That's it!" He scrambled to his feet and dashed to the door, calling, "C'mon, we gotta save him...!!" Yakko and Dot looked at each other. "Aaaaaaaahhhhhh... remind me not to let him watch 'X-Files' next week." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mr. Plotz sat at his desk, with his head down, then shakily opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle of aspirin. After struggling with the child proof lid for a second, it popped open and the Warners popped out like spring snakes. "Ahhh!" Mr. Plotz recoiled, then got angry. "Why can't you use the door?" He demanded. "Not our style," Yakko said casually with a wave of his hand. Mr. Plotz reached down to the spilled aspirin on the floor and chewed up two of them. "Say, TP, you don't look so good," Yakko said. "Yeah," Dot chimed in, "You look like you've been up all night!-- I mean--" she smiled angelically, "more than usual." "I think the stress is really getting to you," Wakko offered. Mr. Plotz sighed. "Warners... I'm in a very difficult position..." He began slowly. "No..." Wakko solemnly observed. He tied Mr. Plotz's legs in a knot and looped them over his neck. "--NOW you are!" Mr. Plotz flailed about untangling himself, turning red in the face, then lunged for Wakko who ran to Dr. Scratchansniff for protection. "Now, now, Mr. Plotz!" Dr. Scratchansniff made a calming motion with his hands. "Remember how ve practiced this!" "Ooooooh-- right," He said forcedly, and, cooled down slowly. "Warners- no one knows the studio better than you, right?" "I know the studio like the back of my hand!" Wakko peeled off his glove. "Ewww! I still have that wart? Gross!" "Well, a copy of a very anticipated movie script was stolen! We've been getting reports that the thieves have begun shooting the movie already!" Mr. Plotz sighed, and turned to the window. "There are just too many sound stages, and movie sets and backlots out there! Frankly, I can't afford the time or money to hire someone to investigate. I want you to do it." "Us!?" Dot exclaimed. "Like real detectives?!" Wakko asked excitedly. Mr. Plotz nodded gravely. "Oh, Thad, buddy, you will not be sorry!" Yakko said grabbing his hand and shaking it frantically. "We'll recover your script! We'll bring those guys to justice, you'll see!" Wakko jumped onto his shoulder and gave him a big hug, kissing his bald head. "You're not so bad after all! But... have you seen any bright lights in the sky, of found any strange incisions on your body?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Warners were standing in front of a big stucco sound stage. "TP said the first scenes needed to be filmed here, in the 'adventure' studio," Yakko said, looking up at the building. "Okay, guys!" Dot chimed in, "Just follow me-- I've watched a lot of 'Carmen Sandiego'-- well, I saw part of one that morning I was sick-- remember-- I felt so bad I wasn't really aware of what was going on, but I'm sure I picked up some good detective stuff subliminally." Inside, the sound stage was cool and misty and jungley. Suddenly there was a rumbling, and the ground shook and Yakko had to dive out of the way of the gigantic foot of a robotic gorilla. "Woah! Look out-- someone left the equipment running!" "I guess that means they were here!" Wakko exclaimed. "Yeah- c'mon!" They hadn't gone far when something else burst through the bushes. It was Kiki- the gorilla, not the small green pigion. The Warners ran three different directions- because they knew what Kiki was after. "She's the gorilla equivalent of Elmyra!" Dot cried over her shoulder. "Not that Elmyra was that far off!" Yakko quipped. Kiki caught Wakko and hugged him fiercely in delight. "OOO- OOO- OOO!!!" She ooo- ooo- oooed and kissed him sloppily. "'Ew- ew- ew' is right," Wakko said darkly, dripping. Suddenly, something brown and shaggy shot by. "Ruuuuuuuuunt!!!" Rita cried, hanging onto his stubby tail for dear life. Kiki's eyes grew big, and she dropped Wakko like an old toy to pursue Rita. "Hey, are you okkay?" Dot asked as she and Yakko ran over. "Yeah," He said, shaking like a dog to get the ape slobber off. Yakko made a face and held his nose. "Oh, what smells like bananas?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back in Mr. Plotz's office, he had been standing at the window, and watched the Warners disappear into the building. "Yesssss!! I did it! I did it, Scratchansniff!" Mr. Plotz cried. Dr. S turned away and said darkly but quietly, "I still think you should haf told zem ze truth!" "Oh, come on, Otto! It won't hurt them! I've set it up perfectly! Ohhh, I deserve an Oscar for that performance!" "Velllll..." "They think it's for real, and they'll be gone all day investigating our--" he used his fingers to show quotation marks, "'mystery'! And they'll stay out of our hair when all those stars are here for the banquet tonight. I won't have them messing things up again!" He laughed jubilantly, almost maniacally, "And they'll actually think they've helped me!" He slapped Dr. Scratchansniff on the back. "Everything is going smoothly!" "Vell..." Dr. Scratchansniff's expression softened a little. "I guess you're right!" "Of course I am! Now, let's go get ready for this party!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back in the jungle, the Warners had entered a swampy area. They knew they were on the trail of the script- nappers because they found some pages of it in a tree. After swinging on some vines, and running (or technically SWINGING) into Buttons and Mindy, they reached the set of a spooky old temple. "Wow!" Dot said dreamily. "The temple of 'Illinois Smith'! Helloooo Mr. Fugitive!" Yakko led the way into the dark, dank building. They began descending a long staircase. There was a small click, and they looked down worriedly. The stairs became a long slide-- and they slid down the rest of the way, and landed unceremoniously in a heap. "Oooooh 'stunt double'," Dot groaned. "That was cool!" Wakko exclaimed. "At least we got to the bottom..." Yakko said, dusting HIS off. "Hmmm... we should go this way." The three of them started walking down a long passageway. Dot was in mid step, when Yakko grabbed her ankle. She looked down and saw her foot was inches away from a tile switch in the floor. "Woah," Yakko said, a little shakily. "That was close!" "Yeah, who knows what kind of hideous bone crunching booby- trap that could have triggered," said Wakko, eyes shinning. "They must think we're pretty stupid, to not notice an obvious trigger like that--" Wakko said looking back, "I mean--" And there was a click. And he looked down at his own foot on a switch. Walls slammed down on either side of them, and the ceiling began to descend. "Oh, come on!" Yakko said, impatient with the whole situation. "It's a movie illusion! They're not gonna smush us!" Suddenly a spike began to protrude right in front of Dot. "How about 'skewer'!?" To her side, another one with a fake head began to come down. "EWW! That is totally gross!" The ceiling was getting low enough that Yakko had to bend over. "Um, I don't want to alarm anyone-" "I'm too young and cute to be squashed!" Dot cried. They all got down onto the floor, but the ceiling continued. They all screamed. The ceiling stopped. "Are we dead?" Yakko's voice cracked. Wakko reached up and opened a small panel. "Oh, I see the problem-- dead batteries!" He held them out. They were 'Supervolt'. Babs Bunny came in from the left, beating a bass drum. "I keep go-ing and go-ing and go-ing..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After narrowly escaping death, they wandered through the temple, with it's dark rooms, and hidden staircases, and deadly traps, until they encountered something even more gruesome and petrifying and disgusting. It was... it was... IT WAS... "Ralph!" "A- HA! Ise got you kidses now!" Ralph took a clumsy swing at Dot with his net. "Hey, what're ya doin'?" she exclaimed. "Yeah." Yakko put his hands on his hips. "We work for Plotz now!" "Oh- no! Ise not fallin for that trick again!" Ralph slobbered. "Not that it wouldn't be fun to stay and watch your pitiful attemts to capture us, but ahhhhhhhh- I think I'd rather watch 'Lassie' reruns." The Warners got into starting- block position. "Ciao!" Wakko called, as they left an angry Ralph in a cloud of dust. Ralph growled, and started after them. Panting, he yelled after them, "Ise gonna catch youse anyway." "Hey, guys, look!" Wakko said suddenly, putting on his breaks. They were at the entrance of a huge cavernous mine. The ground shook and they turned to see Ralph barreling down on them. They piled into a mine car, and Yakko, with a Cheshire cat grin on his face, released the break and they started to roll down hill, just as Ralph caught up. "We gave that dip the slip!" Dot said, as the mine car began to pick up speed in the cool tunnel, blowing their ears, and Wakko's tongue back. They coasted through stalactite filled caverns, and were jerked around tight corners, and sailed through torch lit passages, until they whipped around a corner, and the track was side by side with two others. To their surprise, another car matched their speed on the furthest track, and they stared stunned at Buster, Babs, Plucky and Hamton. Then on the middle track, a third car sped in. It was the infamous hitchhiker complete with hockey mask and chain saw. "Heh- heh- heh! Fried rabbit!!" He swung his chain saw. "Roast duck!!" Bzzzzt! He swung again. "Bwa- ha- ha!!" His voice rose to a frenzy, "HONEY- GLAZED HAM!" He laughed maniacally, swinging his chain saw wildly. Suddenly, the furthest track made a sharp right, nearly spilling the Tiny Toons out, but carrying them safely away. The hitchhiker was silent and still with his back to the Warners for a second, as the tunnel whizzed dizzyingly by. Then ever so slowly... he... turned. And raised his chain saw high above his head. The Warners screamed in pure unbridled, unequaled, gut wrenching terror. "FRICASSEED-- fricasseed... uh," He lowered his chain saw and thought for a second. "Hey! What are you little freaks?!" Just then, he slammed into the side of a boulder in the middle of his track. Yakko turned toward his siblings pensively. "Just for the record- if we end up in HappyWorldLand, I'm outta here." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~To be continued~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "And now... KJT Dot's poetry corner..." "A-he-hem. 'There once was a Toddler Named Mindy' There once was a toddler named Mindy, Liked walking on cliffs when it's windy, Poor Buttons tried to save her, A gust did us a favor, Her replacement was a girl named Cindy Tttthank you!" *snap, snap snap* "This has been another visit... to KJT Dot's poetry corner." This is based loosley on the Super Nintendo game "Animaniacs". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 2: How Spielbergian!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The mine car raced through the dim tunnels. Suddenly there was a deep fiendish laughter that seemed to come from everywhere at once. "Foolish mortals..." It began, "Now I shall have my revenge on you... for destroying my castle!" And then, high in the air, there was a blinding flash of light, and a blood red puff of smoke, and there, with his cape breezing behind him like a pair of red wings, as he matched their speed, was Dracula. "Hey, nice entrance!" Dot cried. "Do you do birthday parties?" Wakko inquired. "It's our Pennsylvanian pal! Why didn'tst thou keepest in touchest?" Yakko asked. "If we had but known thou wouldst be in town, we couldst have all gone out to meal yonder!" "Well-- I-- I'm so bad about writing letters--" Dracula stuttered, flustered. "No, wait--" He slapped his forhead. "Now you've got me all confused. I am DRACULA!! I am here to DESTROY you!" "By the way, don't you have to be a bat to fly?" Yakko asked, pointedly. "Yeah! And you weren't in any of the 'Illinois Smith' movies, kid!" Dot pipped up. "D'oh!" Dracula shook his fists in annoyment. "Stop pointing out the plot holes!" He pulled what looked like a TV remote control from the vest of his suit, and smiled his yellow grin. "Now, silly children, prepare yourselves to experience the sensation of being buried under tons of stone!!!" "How exactly does one prepare himself for that?" Wakko asked politely. Dracula punched at the buttons. The machinery in the ceiling that dropped stalactites for movie special effects began to clank and whir. He lined it up, with the speeding car and huge stone mass was released. It fell, narrowly missing the back of the ore cart, plummeting to the ground with such force, the mine car jumped several feet into the air. "What're ya gonna do?" Yakko shrugged his shoulders. "You TRY to be nice to somebody, and they walk all over you." He turned to his little brother. "Wakko-- you got any garlic or wooden stakes or a sunlamp or something?" Wakko felt around in his sweater for his gag bag in vain, looked confused for a second, then snapped his fingers and pulled it out of his hat, and dumped it on the floor. "I think so..." He got onto the floor and started pawing through it, tossing junk back over his shoulder. Dracula released the second stalactite. It landed with a thunderous THUD, but fortunately for the Warners, it was too far to the left. Dracula smacked the controls in frustration. "A near miss! Oh vile modern technology- how I hate thee!" The bottom of the mine car was rapidly filling with junk, as Wakko rooted around, only his tail and feet sticking out of the bag. "Oh look!" Wakko sat up suddenly. "My frisbee!" And he disappeared again. "Minor technical difficulties..." Dracula mumbled as he fumbled with the remote. "... okkay, I think I've got it fixed now!" The next stalactite zoomed into place overhead. "Wakko... dear..." Dot began sweetly "Not to sound impatient, but... WOULD YOU SPEED IT UP!?" Just then, the next stalactite was began to fall. It looked like it would be a direct hit. Yakko gasped. Dot bristled. And, just at the right second, Wakko emerged, holding a trampoline over his head. As the stalactite hit the trampoline, Dracula's face stretched from giddy joy, to extreme fear. He screamed, and tried to stop. The stalactite shot straight up and... "You don't wanna know." Yakko said, "It's not pretty." "ALL RIGHT WAKKO!!!" Dot cried, and hugged him as though it had been his heroics that saved them, not just his dumb luck. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They hit a level area of track, and were starting to slow down from a breakneck speed, to more of a sprainneck speed, when they saw something big and blue lumbering behind them, puffing like a locomotive. "Not again!" They chorused. "Duh-- all right! Pull over!" Ralph panted. Yakko looked back at Ralph, who was rapidly catching up to them, then whipped his head around and saw in horror that the track ahead dropped straight down, into the dark depths of the chasm. Neither looked particularly good, but they really didn't have a choice. The mine car reached the top and started slowly over, giving the Warners a long "Splash Mountain"-esque, dizzying look down into the tunnel, before plummeting into the abyss. The Warners were plastered against the back of the mine car, like kids playing 'Jell-o' in the backseat of a car. Ralph stood at the top, staring dumbfoundedly down at them. They dropped down, and down until they were jolted up a short hill, and whipped and jerked around sharp curves and hair pin turns. They couldn't see whether the track ahead went up or down. They shot through a dim lamp lit tunnel. Wakko was leaning over the side of the car, turning green, and looking like he was about to yark up his breakfast. Their momentum carried them up a long, pitch black tunnel, until they came up into the cold night air. They rounded the top, and shot down an infinitely long hill, until they hit a ramp that shot them into the starry sky. The moon was big and full, and they soared up until they were framed perfectly against it. "Look, it's the Amblin symbol!" Dot cried. "How Spielbergian..." they breathed... and then they crashed into it. The mine car was knocked askew, and the Warners fell to the ground in a heap with a thud. Yakko untangled himself from his sibs, and looked up at the gigantic moon (which was really just a big illuminated movie prop), as it swung heavily and wobbled as its cables snapped. "Yikes!!" Yakko was on his feet in a second, yanking Wakko and Dot up. They started burning rubber downhill. The huge mass broke free, and started bouncing (!) thunderously down the hill after them. They could see the far wall of the sound stage, coming toward them all to quickly. They were rapidly running out of running space. They slid to a stop, and looked back in horror, at the huge silvery ball. They ducked-- and the moon bounced over them crashing solidly into the wall, shaking the building and raining bits of plaster onto them. "Whew!" Yakko wiped his forehead with the back of his glove. Wakko collapsed onto the floor. "I thought we'd never make it!" He panted. "But we still didn't find the script-nabbers! We looked through this entire set! They must be done filming here already!" Dot exclaimed. Just then, Wakko from his sublime position, noticed something sticking out from behind the painted starry background. He slowly pulled the pages out, and looked at them. Yakko snatched it and began skimming it. He read stage directions aloud from the bottom of one of the pages. "'Setting: the forest. An old stone castle in the background...'" He looked through the rest, but the continuation was missing. "The 'Fantasy' sound stage!" Dot cried. Wakko jumped up excitedly, shouting, "Come on, let's go!" Yakko, looking smug, folded the pages and stuck them in his pocket. "Ya know, sibs... this detective stuff is no sweat!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hello Nurse, dressed in a long violet dress, opened the door to Mr. Plotz's office. Dr. Scratchansniff, dressed in knee- pants and a poofy white shirt, and Mr. Plotz, in a tuxedo, looked up for a second, stunned. Dr. Scratchansniff cleared his throat awkwardly. "Ah.. Miss Nurse... you look very lovely." He laughed a little, nervously. Mr. Plotz adjusted his red bow tie, and looked at his watch. "Where is Ralph?" He asked impatiently. "Oh, I suppose it doesn't matter. I wanted to have a quick staff meeting, before this party gets underway. Now, this place is going to be crawling with celebrities, and reporters and," he drooled a little, "really RICH people. It's up to YOU," He stuck his finger into Dr. Scratchansniff's face, "To keep everybody happy. You hear? HAPPY!" He began to pace. "I hate these little social things, but we have to have them every now and then-- good publicity, you know. I want things to go off without a hitch. Now, the Warners have been taken care of, they're off on some wild goose chase. If anything goes wrong, I'm holding YOU TWO RESPONSIBLE." Dr. Scratchansniff swallowed loudly. "Yes, Mr. Plotz." "Now, go entertain our guests!" Mr. Plotz ushered them to the door and slammed it after them. He sighed loudly, and sat at his desk. After chewing a couple Tums, he pulled a copy of the script-- the same script he told the Warners had been stolen-- from his desk, and began flipping through it's pages... the only thing that made him happy... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~To be...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "And now... KJT Dot's poetry corner..." "A-he-hem. _There once was a Star named Mel_ There once was a star named Mel, Dot kissed him 'cause he was swell, Her bros. said "Eww", "That makes us spew" But for Hello Nurse they got well. Tttthank you!" *snap, snap snap* "This has been another visit... to KJT Dot's poetry corner." This is based loosley on the Super Nintendo game "Animaniacs". Thanks to my pal Grace "Pocahontas" Lee for her infinate knowlege of Brad Pitt. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 3: Dots and Dashes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~by Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Warners ran all the way to the Fantasy studio. Stepping inside was like entering a completely different world... from the warm late afternoon Burbank sun to the deep cool shade of the forest. The trees were gnarled and leafy, and sunbeams stretched through to the mossy ground where jessamine climbed up the thick trunks and brightly colored mushrooms peeked shyly from under fallen leaves. Suddenly Dot spotted something darting behind a tree. She investigated-- and found a small white rabbit wearing a waistcoat and carrying a large gold stopwatch. Dot bent down to look at him. "Aw, how cute. Are you lost, little guy?" She smiled sweetly. "The Disney studio's just down the street." The rabbit looked at her, nose twitching, then bolted. "Hey wait up!" Dot cried. "Maybe he knows something about the thieves," Yakko said. "Maybe he's one of them-- we gotta catch him!" "Guys, look!" Wakko, who had wandered off a little, cried. He held up three broomsticks. "Great," Yakko said with sarcasm. "We can quit our jobs as detectives and become maids." "Or witches!" Wakko said, holding one of the broomsticks off the ground horizontally- and letting it levitate. "Cool!" Yakko cried, as he and Dot hopped onto their own broomsticks and started after the rabbit. Their chase through the woods was something like the Endor scene in "Return of the Jedi" and the palm- sweating nervousness of the Turbo Tunnel stage in "Battletoads", as they wove in and out through the trees in the shadowy forest. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In front of the banquet hall was a huge chaotic swarm of people. Ralph was no where to be found, so Dr. Scratchansniff was running frantically around trying to greet celebrities, and keep the mob of screaming reporters and fans from flooding the building. Up on the marquee, unobserved, were Sasha, Lana and Kiki; the Girlfeathers, watching awe struck and starry eyed as celebrities passed by. Lana patted her up sweep feather- do. "I tell ya girls. This is the life." "Look!!" Kiki nearly keeled over in excitement. "Here comes another one!" A limo pulled up, and out stepped Teri Hatcher in a burgundy dress, her short brown hair smooth as silk. From high on their perch, the Girlfeathers cooed (to the tune of "Egg Hatcher); "Teri Hatcher, Teri Hatcher, I wanna be, A co- star of Dean Cain, On prime time TV." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Warners caught sight of the rabbit just as he disappeared through a door. They jumped off their broom sticks and rushed through it-- and almost stepped off into nothingness! Wakko and Dot were in front, and somehow Yakko managed to grab them and haul them back up. They weren't really that far off the ground-- but it looked like it! They stood in the door jam and stared out at the top of the fake cloud banks. Where they could see through, it looked like the ground was far below. Here and there shiny massive vines curled up through the sea of clouds, along with crumbling castle towers. "What gives?" Wakko asked confused. "Where'd he go?" "There!" Dot exclaimed suddenly. Yakko and Wakko looked up and saw Sylvester, Furrball and Rita sitting on the-- "Catwalk. Yeah, we get it," Yakko said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "No, over there!" Dot rose onto her tip toes, pointing. There, scampering away on the catwalk was the rabbit. "How do you get up there?" Wakko asked. "Let's follow it on that thing!" Yakko said, a light bulb going on over his head. He leaped over to a huge mechanical white furry dragon, that was just visible through the clouds. He found the control panel on its back, and turned it on. It rose, beating its massive wings. Wakko and Dot climbed on, and they began to soar through the clouds. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hello Nurse and Mr. Plotz were trying to keep order inside the banquet hall. She was trying to clean the pigeon feathers off of Arnold Schwartzenegger who had been mysteriously swarmed on his way in, when there was a sudden collective gasp throughout the room. The room was dead quiet as Hello Nurse turned. Brad Pitt had entered. He stood in the doorway like a Greek god, his dirty blond hair falling to his shoulders. He slowly looked around the room, appraising everybody with his blue eyed stare. He locked gazes with Hello Nurse... and swiftly grabbed her by the waist and pulled her out into the middle of the room and began to tango. They started slowly, then worked up to a dizzying speed. Round, and round they spun, Hello Nurse staring spacily into Brad's eyes. Then they slowed to a steamy, intense slow pace. Brad dipped her low then returned her to her feet, next to a gaping Arnold. As the crowd stared, he walked over and downed a cup of punch. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Warners reached the far wall before the rabbit, and scampered up the ladder onto the scaffolding. Yakko grabbed the bunny by the front of his shirt before he could escape, while Wakko dug a penlight out of his wacky sack and shined it into the rabbit's pink eyes, and they began interrogating him. "Are you the script thief?" Yakko growled. The rabbit, who was trembling stammered, "N- no!" "Are you in cahoots with the robbers?" Dot fired. The rabbit swallowed noisily. "N- no!" "Are you--" Wakko leaned forward menacingly, "A spy from Disney?" The rabbit, with pure terror in his eyes, replied, "N-no! No!" Yakko looked him in the eyes seriously. "You better start talkin'!" The rabbit squirmed, then began, "I-- i heard them planning it! In the lab! Oh please let me go! I-- i didn't do anything!" The Warners exchanged a look of cool disbelief. "They're going to-- to the Jaws set!" The rabbit cried. Yakko looked back at his sibs. "I know where that sound stage is! We're right next to it!" But while he was distracted, the rabbit slipped out of his hands, and disappeared. "Well, we'll go there next! But right now I think we're closer to the far exit!" Dot, said as they stepped into the interior of a gigantic castle. The castle was huge and cool, and full of suits of armor, falling anvils, and nearly every extra from "Alice in Wonderland". The Warners shuffled and cut through the card- men, and had another oh so pleasant experience with Ralph, however, before reaching the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(to be continued)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "And now... KJT Dot's poetry corner..." "A-he-hem. _There Once Was a Squirrel Named Slappy_ There once was a squirrel named Slappy, Her demenor was cranky and crappy, Crossing her means doom, With a resounding *BOOM*, "You gotta do what makes you happy." Tttthank you!" *snap, snap snap* "This has been another visit... to KJT Dot's poetry corner." This is based loosley on the Super Nintendo game "Animaniacs". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 4: The Pirates of Pasadena~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~by Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The sun was just beginning to set, turning the smog brilliant colors when Yakko, Wakko and Dot entered the sound stage. A real little 'ocean' had been constructed, complete with a wave making machine and an elaborate background of a vast blue sky and distant tropical islands, and several actual pirate ships sets. The Warners found a large empty barrel and rolled it into the water. They climbed in and paddled through the cold water toward the nearest ship, elaborately decorated with pirate flags, snapping in the breeze. "Perhaps ye knows too much..." Dot growled. "Ye's seen the curs- ed treasure." Finally they hit the ships side with a hollow *thump*, and they hoisted themselves onto the deck. It looked like a cargo hold, with crates, fishing nets and barrels. Just then Ralph popped out of nowhere. "Ise got youse now!" He cried. "Doesn't he ever get it?" Yakko asked tiredly. They ran, vaulting over crates and weaving around barrels. Up ahead, they could see the next ship. They ran to the edge and leapt across, landing safely on the other deck. Ralph launched himself clumsily across-- and landed in the water with a splash. "Blahh!!" He sputtered, bobbing up and flailing his arms around. "Duhh-- throw me a life saver!" He barked up at the Warners who were watching concerned. Yakko reached into his pocket, pulled out a roll of candy, and carefully dropped one down to Ralph. "Old gag," He said, popping one into his mouth, and offering them to his siblings. Dot politely took one-- but Wakko reached into his sweater and pulled out a real life saver and shoved it into his mouth. "New twist," Dot quipped. Just then Ralph screamed. He'd caught sight of a gray plastic dorsal fin cutting through the water, as it rushed toward him. It caught Ralph and carried him off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Warners continued, looking high and low for the robbers, with no avail. They came upon a blubbering Sid the Squid, sitting on a crate, hiding his face in his hands, hands, hands. "Hey, buddy, what's wrong?" Yakko asked. "All I wanted was to be an extra in their movie," He blubbered. "I would have been perfect... *sniff!* but instead they said I could be an alien extra! Look at me! I'm a *sob* red- blooded American squid..." He wailed. "WHO?! Who's movie?" Yakko pounced on Sid. "Oh... it was--" Glinting for a second in the lights, a fish hook shot down and hooked Sid. "Hey!" He cried as he was being hoisted up. The Warners craned their necks and looked up to the crow's nest but all they could see were two pairs of paws-- one gray and one reddish brown hanging over the edge. Slappy leaned over and scrutinized Sid. "Ewww, a squid! I thought these were swordfish waters! Sorry there, Skippy, looks like you'll have to throw him back..." "Aw, Aunt Slappy!" Skippy moaned. "Or--" Slappy pulled a gigantic serrated hooked knife (that could have been a Klingon kitchen utensil) out of her purse. "-- Cut him up and use him as bait!" Sid did a wild take and shot off into the horizon. Well, more like 'through' the horizon (he crashed through the scenery). "Slappy!" Yakko put his fists on his hips. "That was our witness." "Eh, sorry there kiddos. I have a weakness for raw calimari." "But, Yakko!" Dot asked jubilantly. "Did you hear what he said? They wanted him as an alien extra!" "The 'Sci- Fi' set!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They ran across the ship until without warning, the wooden planks beneath them shifted, knocking them off their feet. They gaped in horror as a gigantic blood red sea monster uncurled its tentacles over the railing-- with Cap'n Mel standing on its back. "Arrr!! Strike yer colors! I be boardin' this ship!" He waved his hook frantically in the air. The sea monster slapped one of its tentacles down, knocking Wakko aside into a cannon. The cannon fired a blank, knocking Cap'n Mel's hat off. Wakko looked at the cannon wide eyed for a second... then... "Faboo!" "Uhhhhhh!!" Cap'n Mel narrowed his eyes and set his jaw. "Ye'll be visitin' Davey Jones locker for that !" "Davey Jones!! He's dreamy! 'Hey, hey, we're the Monkeys!'" Dot sang ecstatically. Wakko grinned maniacally and fired again, hitting the mechanical monster and making it spark crazily. "You scalawags! Land lubbers! Coasters!" Cap'n Mel cursed. The sea monster went haywire, flailing around and sinking into the water. Yakko went to the rail and peered over. "You want a lifeboat or anything?" "Arrrr... a good captain always goes down with his ship." "Uh- huh." Yakko turned and whispered. "Nod, smile and back away slowly." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They soon got to the edge of the ship and jumped across to dry land. They banged out the door and ran all the way to the 'Sci- Fi' sound stage. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back at the party, things had calmed down a little. Hello Nurse stood in the doorway looking out. "Umm... I think we have a problem..." She began. "What is it?" Dr. Scratchansniff asked. "Keanu Reeves has been circling in that bus for the past 20 minutes." Just then, Mr. Plotz came over, and spoke in a low voice. "I want to talk to both of you." He led them to a quiet hallway, and turned and faced them gravely. "I just went to my office and... that script... the same one I told the Warners was missing... well it's been..." He swallowed loudly. "...stolen." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to be...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "And now ... Dot's poetry corner..." "A-he-hem. _There Once was a Mouse Named Pinky_ There once was a mouse named Pinky, He lived in a cage that was stinky, The Brain had a plan, That got out of hand, His only defense was "Twinkie" Tttthank you!" *snap, snap snap* "This has been another visit ... to Dot's poetry corner." This is based loosley on the Super Nintendo game "Animaniacs". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 5: Close Encounters of the Furred Kind~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~by Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Sci-Fi sound stage had the exact feel of a far off distant planet, with its cold, hard ground, starry background, and grotesque, oozing aliens... except that the aliens were standing around a table eating doughnuts and discussing famous alien's salaries. The Warner trio rushed by all that, unnoticed, and went through a door, into a nighttime desert set. Dot put on her breaks, but Yakko and Wakko plowed into her, and she skidded into Ralph's gut, flowing over his waistband, and was thrown back onto her butt. Ralph raised his net high, poised for the capture, a look of triumph on his face, and looked very large standing over tiny Dot. They all jumped about a mile when a resounding voice boomed down from the sky. "I've had enough of your... meddling." The Warners and Ralph stared up, mouths agape like cods, entranced at the Spielburgian sight. A huge silvery space ship was descending massively above them. The cold downdraft blasted them, and the colored lights flashed and shined. "Oooooo..." The Warners said, enchanted. Ralph was the first to move. He started to run, his feet churning and slipping in his haste, and he fell onto his face. Frantically he scrambled to his feet and ran off. "Good!" The deep voice continued, echoing through the vast building. It sounded as though the voice was speaking to somebody to the side. "Pinky! Activate the transporting ray!" "NARF!! Righty-o, Brain!" There was a click, and the Warners cringed, but... Nothing happened. Then something above them squeaked, and they looked up... The windshield wipers were on. "Oh... sorry Brain! Eh- heh- heh- heh! Wrong switch!" There was another click, followed by a massive clanking and whirring. A wide multi- colored beam emanated from the ship and enveloped Yakko, Wakko and Dot, and lifted them off their feet and into the belly of the ship. It deposited them in what looked like a freight elevator. They were ascending rapidly. Suddenly the elevator slammed to a stop. The same deep voice spoke down from above them. "So... we finally meet." The Warners looked up to where Pinky and the Brain were standing, on a platform. The Brain was short, with a little pooching stomach, and oversized head making him look top heavy. Tall and lanky Pinky towered over the Brain, his large blue eyes staring spacily. They were both tiny enough they could have stood comfortably on Yakko's palm. "I believe this is what you're looking for," The Brain said, struggling a little as he lifted the script. "You!" Yakko said with revelation. "You stole the script... but how?" "It was easy with that mob of people... we just slipped in unnoticed." "Wooo, Brain!" Pinky danced around a little. "Did you see all those movie stars? I do love a party, yes, I do, I really do!" "You mean there's a party going on now?" Wakko asked dismayed. "With movie stars?" Dot looked dejected. "And we WEREN'T INVITED?" Yakko steamed. "Our pal, Mr. Plotz is going to have some answering to do... but first we have to deal with you two. What did you want with that script, anyway." "We stole the script so we could produce it in order to earn enough money to execute an intricate plan..." the Brain threw his hands into the air. "To TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!" The Warners looked at each other for a second. Wakko clamped his hand over his mouth, but it was too late to keep the laughter in. The three of them collapsed in hysterics, clutching their stomachs and pounding their fists on the floor. The Brain stomped his foot like a teacher trying to control an unruly class. "STOP IT! What is so funny?!" "Nothing... just that you're mice." "We prefer 'Vertically impaired mammals'," The Brain said, trying to hold onto any shred of dignity. That shot off another round off laughter. The Brain turned toward Pinky. "Everyone is a disbeliever." "Okkay," Yakko said getting up, wiping tears from his eyes. "You're going to take over the world... then what? The Brain's face fell. "Narf, Brain... what do world leaders do all day?" Pinky put his finger in his mouth, pensively. "Pinky, be QUIET!" The Brain's features hardened, and he balled his hands into fists. Yakko spoke suavely. "Mr. Plotz sent us... I'm afraid your plan is over." He, Wakko and Dot took a synchronized step forward, menacingly. "That's where you're wrong. I have taken control of all the machinery on the lot. I am INVINCIBLE!" "But, Brain," Pinky began. "I can see you fine." The Brain shot a glare at Pinky who cowered like a puppy who's been beaten too many times. "Come Pinky." Brain said. Then he turned toward the Warners. "I advise you to stay out of my way." He narrowed his eyes, and went through a door to the right. The Warners followed them and were hit by a wall of heat. "It's like the 'Backdraft' display at 'Universe Studios'!" Wakko observed, holding up his arm to block the intense heat from his face. "Look!" Dot shrieked. They all turned and looked. There, emerging from the midst of the flames, was a huge metal robot. "I told you to stay out of this." The Brain's voiced boomed. The Warners looked around, desperately for a way out. "Follow me!" Yakko said to his sibs. They ran across the fiery sound stage, the robot hot on their trail. They got to the far wall, where there was a huge scrap metal crusher. Yakko struggled with the leaver, but it was stuck, and the robot came closer and closer. Dot and Wakko piled onto the lever to help Yakko. Still the robot was advancing, his huge metallic feet clanging on the floor. Sweat ran down Yakko's face, and he gritted his teeth. The robot was just steps away. Suddenly the lever switched, and the massive crusher slammed down on the robot. Lightning struck its crushed body. The Brain threw the remote to the floor with a clatter. "You've destroyed the robot! That toy shop owner is going to be quite miffed. You haven't stopped me yet!" He grabbed Pinky by the wrist, and yanked him through a door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~To be continued~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "And now... KJT Dot's poetry corner..." "A-he-hem. _The Once Was a Mouse named the Brain_ There once was a mouse named the Brain, He tried to lift the White House with a crane, But Pinky said "Narf!, That'll make me barf!, Can we go to the water tower and ride the train?" Tttthank you!" *snap, snap snap* "This has been another visit... to KJT Dot's poetry corner." This is based loosley on the Super Nintendo game "Animaniacs". ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~Ch. 6: Across the Interstellar Voids, We'll be Thoroughly Annoyed~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yakko, Wakko, and Dot were hot on Pinky's and the Brain's tails as they ran to the door, but then the Warners skidded to a confused stop. The two laboratory mice had seemingly vanished into thin air. They peered down the long shadowy hallway. Wakko stopped in front of a huge picture window. It made him feel dizzy to stare out into the voids of space. Suddenly, a Bird of Prey rocketed by in hot pursuit of an X-wing. "Um, I think something's wrong here..." He began. "'It's the creeping unknown! It's not of this Earth!'" Dot cried out suddenly, pointing into a dark corner, her fur standing on end. Yakko and Wakko followed her pointing finger and saw what looked like Jabba the Hutt... only blue. But then, blubber jiggling, it turned around. "A-ha!" Ralph cried, and swished his net toward them. The Warners divided and tore off in three different directions, zigging and zagging, diving through Ralph's legs, all the time smiling slyly and thoroughly enjoying the chase. But then Hello Nurse stepped slowly out of the shadows, net raised, her lip pouted and her eyes narrow. When Wakko saw her he seemed to loose all control of his legs, and tripped over his own feet, which, like a baby puppy's feet, were still to big for him. He crashed to the floor, never taking his eyes off of her, and lay on the ground for a second panting, until he found himself dangling upside down in Ralph's net. "Wakko!" Dot cried, after witnessing the whole thing. She dashed over in a futile attempt to save her brother. Hello Nurse scooped Dot up in her net. "Well, this is a fine mess you've gotten us into." Dot glowered at Wakko. "Helloooo, Nurse!" Wakko crooned, still captivated by the nurse and fairly unaware of what was going on. At the same time, Yakko caught sight of Pinky and the Brain scurrying up a ladder that led to the lot, lugging a movie reel behind them. He had seen the capture of his sibs too, and for a second felt torn... but then he heard Dot doing her 'cute' routine. "Oh, Mr. In-security Guard!" Dot grinned and batted her eyelashes. "Pweeease wet us out of da netty-wetty! Awll my brother wanted t' do, was give da nurse a big smooshy kiss 'n' say 'Helloooo!'." Yakko grinned to himself as he swiftly climbed up the ladder. They could take care of themselves-- or at least they'd get time off for good behavior. He emerged into the cool night air of the lot, just in time to catch a flash of white, as Pinky and The Brain disappeared into a building. Yakko followed. The building was an editing/screening room, and it looked like a small movie theater with dim lights and lots of red curtains. A film was flickering on the screen, from the humming projection booth. "NARF, down there!" Pinky called down. Yakko looked up with surprise. "How did you find us?" The Brain boomed down. "I thought that insipid guard would take care of you! At any rate... you can't stop us now... our movie has been completed! One final edit and it's ready for distribution!" "How could you have finished already?" Yakko asked, spitting out the words with disbelief. "Just look!" Yakko turned back to the screen, and saw a pirate ship. Just like the one we were on this afternoon... he thought, then gasped as Wakko, in his little blue sweater ran in from the right side of the screen. "So, you filmed us! You used us as pawns in your plan to take over the world." Yakko shouted up to the projection booth. "A movie staring us Warner brothers... and sister," (it was inevitable, he couldn't help adding that) "... hey, Steven, Jean, Tom, Rich and Sherri-- you guys takin' notes?" The Brain switched off the movie projector, and carefully removed his movie. Yakko looked back up shrewdly, ready to deal. "Ya know, we're gonna expect a lot in return... like a partnership when you're the ruler." "Hmmm..." The Brain rubbed his little chin, pondering. "Allright. I'm a fair mouse." He moved back to the wall and pulled down a world map. "Let me see... you and your siblings may rule... " Yakko leaned forward in anticipation. "... Detroit!" "De-troit?" Yakko spat. "That's all!? Deal's off!" He ran to the ladder that lead to the booth. The Brain turned toward Pinky in alarm. "Pinky! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" "Well, I think so, Brain..." Pinky piped up. "But... why DO they call the third hand of a watch the second hand?" "PIN--!" The Brain began, but stopped and thought for a second. "Hmm, an interesting question, even a... humorous... play on words. But, that bothersome... whatever he is... will be here momentarily to stop us! We cannot, nay, we MUST not allow that when we are so close to our moment of victory!" Pinky's eyes watered. "Oh, Brain! That speech was so lovely! So inspiring!" "PINKY! Prepare the robot!" Pinky blew his nose on a tiny mouse-sized handkerchief. "Check, Brain!" Yakko pulled himself up through the hatch with agility. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw what looked like a headless android wearing a suit, propped up on its knees in the corner. The Brain scrambled up the the neck opening and dropped down inside so he could control it and see out at the same time. Pinky peeped out from the pocket, where the movie reel was safely stashed. "I don't believe in resorting to violence..." The robot rose, so that Yakko's eye level was about even with its knee joints. "But I WILL." The robot ran forward, sounding like a stampeding heard of elephants, and Yakko had to throw himself hard to the ground to avoid being trampled. "Another robot?" He asked, sarcastically, dusting his ecru khakis off, as he got up. "The first one was merely a prototype. I had to create this one so I could pass for your average movie producer," The Brain told Yakko. Brain studied Yakko's expression for a second. "What do you think?" "Ooooooh, yeah. You did a good job there." The Brain grew angry with Yakko's unwillingness to admit that he was beaten. "Observe what this suit can do!" The Brain turned toward the movie projector and blasted a beam of fire at it from the robot's hand. For a second the room was bathed in the fire's blue light and intense heat, as the metal turned glowing orange. The Brain turned off the torch, and the movie projector collapsed into a pile of ashes. "Zounds, Brain!!" Pinky threw his head back, laughing, and clapped his hands. "Oh, yeah." Yakko looked at them, coolly. "You'd be a lot of fun on a camping trip... Anybody got any marshmallows?" The Brain frowned irritatedly. "Soon you will see!" The robot leaned down menacingly over Yakko. The Brain's eyes grew wide, and he grinned like a madman (...madmouse?). "You cannot stop me--no one can stop me! I will RULE THE WORLD!" He threw his hands up into the air, laughing maniacally, and Pinky joined in with his crazy laughter. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to be continued~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "And now ... KJT Dot's poetry corner ..." "A-he-hem. _There Once Was a Fellow Named Yakko_ There once was a fellow named Yakko, He had sibs. named Dot and Wakko, Being first born, He was adorned, With the responsibility of wearing the slakkos. Tttthank you!" *snap, snap snap* "This has been another visit ... to KJT Dot's poetry corner." ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 7: How the Mousey Have Fallen~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yakko glared up at Pinky and the Brain in their robot body, feeling helpless. The Brain was ranting about his world domination plans, with Pinky letting out a *zort!* or *gak!* every two seconds. Finally the Brain said, "You'll excuse me... fame and fortune await!" And he started toward the ladder hatch. Yakko quickly scanned the room-- and his eye landed on a jar of nuts and bolts left by the Brain after completing the android. Yakko's eyes narrowed, and he grinned devilishly, as the thought hit him like lightning. In one smooth movement he picked the jar up and chucked it after them. The nuts and bolts rained out like gravel onto the floor; the jar shattered against the wall. The Brain's face contorted wildly as he frantically jabbed at buttons and pulled levers, trying to regain balance. The robot, however, fell heavily to the floor, shaking the entire building. For a second, all was still, then the dazed mice pulled themselves from the crazily sparking wreckage. Then, all at once, the robot went up into flames. Yakko swiped the script off the table and plunged it deep into his pocket. "That's what ya get for using parts from a Pinto!" He cried, as he fearlessly plunged into the flames, and scooped up Pinky and the Brain, one in each hand, and hurried to the hatch. "Huh... "The Brain began to come around. "No! My robot! My movie!" He cried, horrified as everything was enveloped in flames. "Nooo!" Yakko half climbed/half jumped down the ladder, the smoke making his eyes water and his throat sting. He had scarcely gotten to the bottom when the robot exploded; a fireball of light and heat. Yakko felt the heat on his back, and the rain of plaster, as he dashed out the door and, thankfully, into the starry night. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Acme Lab scientist loaded the cage into the back of the van as though it contained dynamite, as the reunited Warner trio, Dr. Scratchansniff, and Mr. Plotz watched. From across the lot, the chatter and laughter of the party wafted over to them. The Brain sat in a corner of the cage, his chin resting in his palms, glowering at the floor. "Don't worry, Brain!" Pinky piped up. "I'm sure you'll think of a GREAT plan to take over the world t'morrow night." The Brain sighed deeply, as though his little heart was broken. "I suppose so, Pinky." His ears perked up suddenly, and he seemed to think of something. "In fact, I'm already formulating a plan... are you pondering what I'm pondering?" "Well, I think so, Brain. But if I dyed my fur black, how would you find me in the middle of the night?" The man loaded another cage, this one with a rabbit that escaped when Pinky and the Brain did. Funny, it was wearing a little suit... and it screamed when it saw the mouse cage. The man slammed the doors. As the van drove off, Yakko pulled the rumpled pages of the script from his pocket and handed them to TP. "Here's your script... sorry if it smells kinda like baloney..." "Oh, thank you, thank you!" Mr. Plotz kissed it and clutched it to his chest. Dr. Scratchansniff cleared his throat. "You should be ashamed of your self for lying to us!" Dot spat. "Yeah! You got what you deserved when it really was stolen!" Wakko looked mad, a rare expression for him. "You owe us big, Thad," Yakko added. "Oh, I do, I do!" Mr. Plotz blubbered, shaking Yakko's hand. "I'll make sure you get rewarded!" Just then Ralph, and Hello Nurse wobbling a little in her high heels ran over, nets at the ready. "YIKES!" The Warners exclaimed in unison. They flashed three big gleaming grins at TP and Dr. Scratchansniff before running into the banquet hall. They whirled into their party clothes, then walked in slowly, drooling and taking in the sights. The room was lit gently with golden light, soft music was playing behind the chatter of voices and silvery laughter, and the whole room smelled fantastically of dinner. And it was filled with glamourous and beautiful people. The Warners realized that Ralph and the nurse had entered and were searching for them, so they dove under the nearest table, and sat next to three pairs of feet. Under the rose colored table cloth they saw Ralph's scuffed shoes walk over. Yakko scooted back as far as he could against a pair of legs wearing jeans and boots. "Dahh, has any of youse three seen any little... kidses... around here?" The Warners looked at each other horrified. How could they not have noticed? "Yeah,buddy," The man whose legs Yakko was leaning against answered. "You just missed them.They ran off that way." "Oh! Duh, thanks!" Ralph said quickly and hurried off. The Warners exchanged a look of surprise, and they stuck their heads out from under the edge of the table cloth to see who'd been so nice. "Hey, guy, I gotta say--" Yakko stopped abruptly, and all six of them stared at each other. The man with the boots had on a blue denim shirt and had light brown hair that was slightly long and feathered. Next to him sat a woman wearing a trendy black hat and gold jewelry, and had a perfect complexion and cheekbones to kill for. And on her left sat a man with long, curly, dark hair and his shirt unbuttoned about half way down his chest. No one moved for a second, mouths agape, then Hello Nurse snuck up and pulled them out from under the table, and dropped them into Ralph's outheld net. They hung upside down disoriented for a second, then Wakko clicked a tiny button on his Bugs Bunny cuff link, and the whirring blades of a tiny buzz saw popped out. Swiftly he cut through the netting, and they fell to the floor. They were about to tear off, when Dr. Scratchansniff ran over. "Vait!!" He called, putting a restraining hand on Ralph's shoulder. "Mr. Plotz said it's okkay, you kidses can stay here at ze party." "All right!" The Warners cried and ran off, looking for opportunities to wreak havoc. They passed a table where Brad Pitt himself, was having a romantic dinner with-- Pocahontas! "But, B.P.," She cooed softly. "You can call me Grace..." She flirtatiously batted her eyelashes at him. Brad laughed softly and leaned toward her, slowly. Behind them Hello Nurse stomped out, slamming the door behind her. The Warners passed the next table, where a waiter was setting a plate of calimari down in front of Slappy Squirrel. The waiter then turned to Slappy's young friend, Jennifer Hurley. "And for you, miss?" He asked holding a note pad. Jennifer looked at Slappy's dinner, turning green. "Just... a glass of grapefruit juice..." Slappy waved her fork at her, appraisingly. "You remind me of a very young Lucille Ball." Just then, the door opened with a bang, and in skipped Elmyra, red hair bobbing. "Squirelly - whirrely!!" She cried, bounding toward their table. Slappy and Jennifer scarcely had time to scream before an anvil clanged to the floor, flattening Elmyra beneath it. Slappy opened her eyes slowly. "Are we dead?" Then, with surprise, she saw the anvil. "Ehh! I know this! This looks like the work of a certain Warner brother." "You rang?" Yakko suddenly jumped out of her water glass. "You do good work, kiddo." "But not as good as you, 'Auntie' Slappy!" "Ehh, you little kiss-up! Get outta here!" Slappy smiled approvingly, as Yakko strutted into the crowd, wearing his suit and top hat and carrying a cane, just looking for mischief. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(to be continued)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 8: Cameos... Definitely Cameos~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ralph, grumbling because the Warners had been allowed to stay at the banquet, took over his job as bouncer at the door. He wore a gruff expression on his unshaved face as a slender teenaged girl skipped up to the door. She was pretty, with her blond baby-fine hair falling to her chin. She wore a form fitting pink dress with a scoop neck and long sleeves, and a matching flower behind her ear. "I can't believe it," Katie said with jubilation, clapping her hands together. "This is so cool!" She tried to peek around Ralph's bulk. "Dah, do youse have an invitation?" Ralph slobbered. Katie kept on chattering. "You see, I've always wanted to be an actress! I heard this was a great place to get discovered!" She clasped her hands together, rose onto her toes, and spun around. "Do youse have an invitation?" Ralph asked again. "Well, no," Katie answered, truthfully. "Dah, then I can't let youse in," Ralph replied. Katie's face fell. "What do you mean?" She buried her face in her hands, devastated. Ralph's gruffness melted, and he was reaching out to pat her on the back when-- "That's not fair!" Katie cried, jerking her head up, revealing flashing eyes of fire. "That's not FAIR!" She growled, and suddenly began to grow taller and more muscular and fur began sprouting all over her body. Ralph just stared up at her in disbelief as Katie clenched her fists and flexed her muscles, ripping to shreds her sleeves, as she threw her head back and howled, fangs flashing from inside her mouth. She turned her head with realization to look at her sleeves. "My new dress! Look what you made me do!!" Katie, yelled furiously at Ralph. Her height increased again, and her muscles bulged. Katie's mom ran over. "Now, Katie," she made calming motions with her hands. "I think maybe you're overreacting." "I'm NOT overreacting," Katie screamed up into the night sky. "I am a TEENAGER!" With that she blew up, taking most of that corner of the building with her. A silver mushroom cloud rose up over the lot. Slowly, Ralph and Katie's mom emerged dazed from the charred rubble. Katie was sitting in the middle of everything, singed but otherwise back to her old self. "'Oops,'" She said nonchalantly. "'Mood swing!'" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Inside, the guests barely noticed the ruckus. Yakko and Wakko spotted Roxann Biggs-Dawson and Jennifer Lien sitting at a table. "Helloooo, Nurses!" They cried, vaulting onto the table, sending their dinners flying. "Boys," Dot said, hopping up and joining them. "You shouldn't be associating with them!" Dot waved her hand toward the women. "They work for our rival network!" Dot turned toward Roxann and Jennifer. "How'd you two get in here, anyhow?" "So, how's life at the UPN?" Yakko asked. "UPN?!" Wakko repeated, and turned to them. "What DO you pee in?" "MWAH!" Yakko kissed the palm of his hand. "Good night everybody!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At another table, Jennifer Tam and David Duchovny were having a serious conversation, with Grace Lee hanging on intently to every word, and Gillian Anderson staring boredly at the ceiling. "Most people won't believe this, but... my modem and computer are--" Jennifer lowered her voice to a whisper. "Possessed by a suicidal spirit." David chewed a bite of green salad thoughtfully. "Actually, I have seen that type of paranormal behavior before. It's more common than the government would like us to think." Gillian rolled her eyes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wakko was having the time of his life. Already he'd reserved spots on the dance cards of both Christina Ricci and Lori Singer, and he'd just finished clearing the buffet table. He let out a mighty belch, contentedly, and scanned the room. Suddenly he spotted something; something that would make the rest of the night, no, the rest of his LIFE, pale in comparison. All alone, sitting at a corner table, picking at his dinner was Don Knotts. Wakko zoomed over to him and jumped onto his shoulders, scaring Don so bad his fork went clattering across the floor, peas flying off of it. "Donnie!!" Wakko cried, kissing the side of his head. "Oh! Would you please sign my autograph book?" Wakko hopped down to the floor. "Please, please!" He cried holding it up, tears in his gigantic, dark eyes at the prospect that Don might say no. "Well, sure, little fella!" Don cried, obviously overjoyed to have a fan. "Where should I sign?" Wakko intently flipped through the pages, then handed it up to Don open to a page that had 'Don's page' and 'Reserved for Don Knotts' written around the perimeter in gold ink. Don signed with a flourish and handed it back to Wakko. Wakko stared a minute, speechless. "Well, careful there! Don't drool on it!" Don wiped Wakko's chin with his napkin. "Would, uh, ya like to sit down and have some dinner with me?" "FABOO!" Wakko shouted, and plopped himself down next to his idol for some chit-chat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At a table on the other side of the room, the famous screenplay writer Linda Tindall was talking intently to Mel Gibson about a new script. "Now," she said. "This is going to be a western-- better than _Maverick_-- heck, better than anything you've ever done!" "It sounds terrific!" He smiled winningly. "Who're going to be the co-stars?" "Co-stars?" She asked blankly. "Yeah, you know... other actors." "Other actors?!" Linda spit the words out as though they tasted bad. Mel was about to say something when a bomb dressed in pink, dropped out of the sky and into his lap. "HELLOOOO, Mr. Man-Without-A-Face!" Dot cried, and plastered his face with rapid-fire kisses. "Aaaaaah!" Mel jumped up and threw Dot down as though she had burned him. "You again! Stay away from me!" He shouted. "What about the restraining order?" "That silly thing?" Dot giggled with a wave of her hand. Behind her, two of Mel's body guards grabbed her roughly by her arms and dragged her away, as she blew cartoon kisses to the petrified Mel. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Several hours later, Dr. Scratchansniff looked up from his table. The room had grown more quiet as the hours has passed. Yakko was dancing with Julia Roberts. Dr. S. sighed. It sure paid to be young and cute. Yakko had made the rounds all night. Dr. Scratchansniff couldn't be sure, but he thought Yakko was getting tired. He knew for sure when he interrupted and suggested they go, and Yakko didn't complain at all; he just suavely kissed the back of her hand and bowed deeply. They set off to the task of finding Dot and Wakko, who, it turned out, had both fallen asleep. Yakko found Dot curled up on a pile of coats, and Dr. S. came across Wakko, his stomach bulging, stretched out across the buffet table. They went out into the cool night air and climbed the water tower ladder, Dr. S. carrying a still half-asleep Wakko. They went inside, and the kids changed into their pajamas, except for Wakko who got into bed in his tuxedo. Dr. S. tucked them in and they began snoring before he got to the door. After all, he thought, they were just kids... and they'd had a long day. Dr. Scratchansniff quietly shut the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to be...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yakko's song "My Baloney" was modified from "Weird Al" Yankovic's song "My Bologna". (It's a parody so at least HE can't sue!!) ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 9: Ode to Baloney~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was late morning when Dr. Scratchansniff again ascended the water tower ladder. Below, the lot was already bustling with people. Dr. Scratchansniff carefully cracked the door open, wondering if the Warner sibs were still asleep, but instead of snoring he heard-- chaos. He hurried in and found the source, relieved it was less of a calamity than he had pictured. Dot was sitting on the floor, her nose inches from the blaring TV set. "Oh... hello, Dot," Dr. Scratchansniff said. Dot seemed completely engrossed in whatever she was watching, and gave no indication that she heard Dr. Scratchansniff. "Vhat are you vatching?" He asked politely, trying to make conversation. Dot, in response, whipped her hand over to a table, grabbed something and thrust it into Dr. Scratchansniff's face, all without taking her eyes off the screen or moving any other part of her body. He studied the box. "_Lethal Veapon 3_...? Isn't that rated 'R'?" Still Dot gave no response. Dr. Scratchansniff sighed, realizing that attempting further conversation would be pointless. "Vell, at least don't sit so close to the screen." Dot didn't move (big surprise), so he grabbed her by the waist and tried to scoot her back. Dot's arms flew around the TV, anchoring herself to it. Dr. Scratchansniff let go and sighed heavily, as though the weight of the universe were upon him. He moved on through the tower searching for an awake sibling. He heard someone moving around in the kitchen and singing. He peered around the corner, where Yakko was dancing around the kitchen singing, opening and closing cabinets as he assembled ingredients on the counter. "Oooo, my little hungry sibs, hungry sibs, Open up a package of my baloney!" Yakko closed the refrigerator door with his hip, hula style, and threw a package of baloney onto the counter. "Oooo, I think the toast is done, the toast is done, Top it with a little of my baloney! "Never gonna stop, fill 'em up, So slimly in my slacks I laugh too much," He began pouring the assorted ingredients into a bowl. "And bust a gut, but I'll soon be back for, My-my-my-y-y woo!" Yakko beat the mixture in the bowl with a spoon, in time to the song. "M-m-m-my baloney!" "Goin' through the market now, market now, I am Burbank's biggest baloney buyer! Runnin' down the shopping isle, shopping isle, Fillin' up my slacks with Oscar Mayer! He closed his eyes and sung as loud as he could for the finale. "My-my-my-y-y woo! M-m-m-my baloney!!" He slid into a dramatic frozen pose, still unaware of his audience. Dr. Scratchansniff cleared his throat. Yakko turned toward the sound, then nonchalantly bowed deeply. "Thank you... thank you..." Dr. Scratchansniff entered the kitchen and peered at the packages of food on the counter. "Yakko, vhat are you making?" "Breakfast," Yakko said. "Duh!" "No, but vhat?!" Dr. Scratchansniff asked, picking up a box of Dots candy and inspecting the gummy contents. Besides that and the baloney, there was also a jar of Skippy peanut butter, a small package of Sunmaid raisins, a box of candy Runts, and a box of Life cereal. "Why, 'Animaniacs Stew', of course!" Yakko grinned and poured chocolate milk into the mix. Dr. Scratchansniff looked at the sticky contents of the bowl and felt sick. He tried to speak seriously to Yakko. "I vanted to tell you, Mr. Plotz has some important news for you." "Oh yeah? Like what? He's finally retiring?" Dr. Scratchansniff was about to answer when he heard Wakko's sleepy voice calling down the hall. "Hey, Yakko? Are my clothes still in the dryer? 'Cause I can't--" He wandered into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes, wearing only his underwear. "AHHHH!!" He screamed when he saw Dr. Scratchansniff, and dove around the corner. "Why," Wakko asked, tortured "Do people always show up uninvited when you're wearing your _Taz-Mania_ underwear?" Yakko and Dr. Scratchansniff just looked at each other. Yakko had a hunch the doctor was rolling his eyes behind those thick glasses. Yakko carefully scraped some of the batter into a waffle iron and closed it, then leaned against the corner and looked at Dr. Scratchansniff boredly, eyes half lidded. "Vell, as I vas saying, Mr. Plotz vanted to thank you kids for recovering the script." "We aim to please." Yakko busied himself with the waffles. "He vants to revard you," Dr. Scratchansniff said. Yakko poured some of the mixture into the blender and turned it on. "It's something you've alvays dreamed of!" He yelled over the whir. "Me and Tori Spelling ship wreaked on a desert island?!" Yakko turned off the blender and pored the thick liquid into some tall glasses. "Where the native women treat us like gods? Rrrrow!" "Vell, uh, no," Dr. Scratchansniff said nervously, wishing Yakko would listen. "SOUP'S ON!!" Yakko cried, putting the strange breakfast onto the table. Seemingly from nowhere Wakko (having found his clothes) and Dot materialized and vaulted into their chairs. Yakko sat down, and chewed up a Lactaid tablet. "You joinin' us, Scratchy?" Dr. Scratchansniff sat, hoping he wouldn't be forced to consume the stew. He wondered if it was 65 years of this kind of food that gave Wakko his cast iron stomach. The Warners each helped themselves to a waffle, which they ate with their fingers. Dr. Scratchansniff cautiously sipped the seemingly gigantic glassful of the stuff that had been set before him. "HEY, HEY, HEY!!!" Yakko shouted at him, shocking him. "Pinkies up," he corrected. He and Dot held up their glasses, pinkies stiffly out, but Wakko thrust Pinky into the air above his head. "NARF!!" Pinky narfed. Dr. Scratchansniff meekly adjusted his offending digit. "So what did ya wanna tell us about, anyway?" Dot asked. "Oh, vell. I think you kiddies vill be very excited about this. You've been talking about it for years, and now Mr. Plotz is going to let you do it. He's letting you go to Acme Acres to visit the Tiny Toons for a vacation!" The Warners' jaws dropped. Food fell from Wakko's mouth. Dr. Scratchansniff was afraid that the silence meant they didn't want to go. "Vell..." he began. "I-- GAHH!!" The Warners grabbed him in a big bear hug. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's time for Animaniacs, And we'll follow in the tracks, Of a cartoon of the past, That has gotten the ax, We're Animaniacs! Off to Acme Acres, To meet the Tiny Toons we go. We'll have fun with the TV stars, Of not too long ago. 'Cause even before us, The Toonsters had their own show! We'll leave Burbank, And join the ranks, Of the Toon Biz from years ago! We're Animaniacs! Like Wakko, Buster hasn't any slacks! Babs is wearing blue contacts! Hamton likes pancakes by the stacks! We're Animaniacs! This story was written, By the Queen of the Universe! The plot may turn out cheesy, But you could do a lot worse! It's time to end this song, But it just has one more verse! We wanna go! Let's start the show! Can we bring Hello Nurse?! We're Animaniacs! Off to meet Plucky and Montana Max! In class we will play jacks, Behind the teachers backs! We're Animan-y, Totally insane-y, This song is so inane-y! Animaniacs! Those are the facts! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Although, ya know, Mr. Plotz really won't be all that unhappy when we go..." Yakko pointed out. "I hope this doesn't turn into one of those cheesy Hanna Barbara specials." Dot said. "C'mon! Let's go pack! Faboooooo...!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to be continued~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 10: Goodnight, Everybunny!~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Warner trio and Dr. Scratchansniff were waiting at the gate of the Burbank- Glendale- Pasadena airport. It was filled with poker faced businessmen and women, pretending to be doing something important on their laptop computers as they sat in the lumpy, orange, coffee stained chairs. "Now," Dr. Scratchansniff said, "Vhen you are in Acme Acres I vant you to visit someone; a fellow p-sych-- psychiatrist and relative of mine, Dr. Squashanstretch! I've already set up an appointment for you!" Immediately the Warner sibs. jumped in with a protest. "Aw, come on, Scratchy!" Yakko exclaimed. "Noo-oo!" Dot cried. "I don't wanna!" Wakko whined. They all began complaining in unison. The argument would have continued if the announcement hadn't come that it was time to board their plane. Dr. Scratchansniff jumped to his feet, and began speaking quickly and nervously. "Now, you be good kiddies," He pulled off Wakko's hat and ran a comb through his hair. "And polite, and quiet..." He replaced Wakko's cap, bill forward, and Wakko immediately turned it backwards again as though it were a reflex, messing up his hair. Dr. Scratchansniff started rummaging frantically through Yakko's carry-on bag. "Yakko, did you bring something to read on the plane? Did you remember Wakko's Dramamine?" He looked up in horror "Did you all bring clean underwear?" "Re-lax, Scratchy!" Yakko said. "We'll be fine!" "Yeah!" Dot patted his bald head, and spoke calmingly. "Don't worry about us! Now you just go home and get a nap, kid!" "Vell..." Dr. Scratchansniff stood up, looking defeated. "Alright..." The Warners began walking away. "Vait!" Dr. Scratchansniff cried. "Oh no! Ve forgot you tickets! Vait!" The turned around, holding them up, giving him withering looks. "Oh, vell..." He trailed off, embarrassed. "Bye!" They called, and hastily boarded the plane. Dr. Scratchansniff watched silently as the plane took off. "They grow up so fast..." He sniffled. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On board, the Warners quickly got chummy with the flight attendants, especially Dot and Wakko (with a devilish gleam in his eye), who helped them explain what to do in case of an emergency. The crew pinched their cheeks, and proclaimed them to be cute. One found some extra flight attendant hats, and made the Warners official flight attendant helpers. Later they helped pass out dinners to the passengers. Yakko followed the stewardesses around, dubbing them, in a loud voice, all his 'special friends'. Suddenly, an older woman with red overly- styled hair, snapped her fingers at Yakko. "'Excuse me! Young man! I need your help!'" Yakko stepped over and smiled patronizingly at her. "'Yes, madam?'" "'My seat belt is stuck!'" She spat the last word. Yakko, screaming in pure terror, ran down the isle of the plane, and locked himself in the bathroom, as far away from her as he could get. He scrunched into a corner, making little mouse- like frightened sounds. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wakko and Dot, after helping serve the meals, got theirs. Wakko ate all of his, plus what Dot didn't eat, then followed a stewardess around as she collected the plates, and finished what was left. Later they hit a turbulent patch, and Wakko, a strange shade of green, ended up joining Yakko, who was amusing himself with his paddleball game, in the bathroom for the remainder of the flight, while Dot stared out the window humiliated ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They arrived in Acme Acres late, where Babs and Buster Bunny-- no relation, as they were quick to point out-- were eagerly waiting for them. Buster and Babs were about Yakko's age, maybe a little older, and looked like small incarnates of their mentor, Bugs Bunny, except that Babs' fur was a light pink, and Buster's was blue. Between them they held a colorful banner; "Welcome Yakko, Wakko and Dot-- the Warner Bros. and sister." After a long exchange of hello's, Babs' dad drove them to a pizza parlor for dinner. They finally agreed on toppings; one with pepperoni, and one, half with everything, and half vegetarian-- including carrot slices. "It's a rabbit thing," commented Babs, as she bit into a slice. It had already been arranged with Bugs Bunny, the principal of Acme Looniversity, and long time pal of the Warners, that they could sit in on some classes while they were visiting. Buster and Babs had tons of other plans, as well, and spoke so quickly they almost interrupted each other. "We have to go watch some classic 'toons in the old cartoon vault!" Babs cried. "And WeenieBurger-- it's our hangout," Buster said. "And Wackyland-- you'll love that!" Babs fired. "And the beach-- remember that treasure map we found that one time!" "And there's the school dance on Friday," Babs reminded them, excitedly. "Dot, you and I'll have to go shopping!" Babs slipped into her glamourous movie star voice, "I haven't a thing to wear, darling." Buster was staring at something, a shocked look on his face. "Look at that..." They all looked. Wakko had consumed all of the pepperoni pizza while they weren't looking. He was in the process of swallowing the pan. It slowly moved down his throat, stretching the turtleneck of his sweater, like a python ingesting it's dinner, and came to rest in his stomach, bulging his little gut out. He burped. Dot and Yakko looked at each other and rolled their eyes. "Wow!" Buster said when he recovered from his speechlessness. "We gotta get this kid and Dizzy Devil together!" "I'll say!" Babs chimed in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yakko and Wakko were staying with Buster, so Dot and Babs went to her rabbit hole. Babs showed Dot around, and set up a little cot for her. Still, they had some time to kill, so Babs said, "Hey, let's watch a movie! I've got tons!" And opened up the doors to her little video tape cabinet. "Wow!" Dot kneeled in front of it. "What're all these?" She asked pointing to a row of tapes on the top shelf. Babs actually turned red. "Oh, those are tapes of Kato Kaelin." "Kato Kaelin!" Dot clasped her hands together. "He's dreeeeaamy!" "I only watch the OJ trial for him." Babs confessed. Dot gasped so loudly it scared Babs. "_Hamlet_... _Mad Max_..." Dot's finger moved slowly along a row of tapes in awe, shaking slightly. "_Air America_... _The Bounty_... _BRAVEHEART_!!!" She snatched it out of the cabinet. "This was only just released in theaters! HOW DID YOU GET THIS!!!!" Babs smiled. "A film editor friend of mine owed me. I couldn't resist! I have every Mel movie on tape." "Babs, you're scaring me... we're too much alike!" Dot gave her a mad hug suddenly, and dashed to the TV clutching _Braveheart_. "'Somebody call my chiropractor!'" Babs said in a strangled voice... but she was grinning from ear to ear. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~more...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~Ch 11: More Fun Than a Warner Oughtta Have!~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The morning following the Warner siblings' arrival, they went to school with Buster and Babs-- Acme Looniversity. They had had little formal schooling-- just a few disastrous encounters with Miss Flamiel, their private tutor... but Acme Looniversity was hardly a normal school! In addition to regular classes, they offered things like "Wild Takes", "'Toon Trigonometry", and "Pointless Eyeball Gags", and Looney Tunes characters like Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and Porky Pig were the teachers. Yakko, Wakko and Dot were very popular with the students, and of course the staff, who had fond memories of their own rises to stardom years ago when the Warner trio was already famous... or is that infamous? The old 'Toons had always heard the legends of the zany Warners who'd had their career cut short by being imprisoned in the water tower. The kids were also prolific in the classes they attended-- especially Tweety's choir class and Granny's Geography (although they wanted to combine the two). Finally it was lunchtime. The bell rang and a tidal wave of students burst into the lunchroom, which was crowded and had the memories of years of school lunches in it's musty smell. Buster, shouting like an announcer over the mayhem, showed the Warners around. "Here we have our world-famous cafeteria!" He waved his hand broadly. Babs grabbed a carrot out of her lunch and spoke into it like a microphone. "It features glaaaaaamourous chain smoking chefs!" The cook looked up and waved meekly. "Beeeeautiful dining rooms," Buster cried, taking the hand off from Babs, who sprawled across a folding table covered in graffiti like a model. "And of course..." Babs slid off the table. "Ah! That unmistakable Acme Loo stench of dead animals! What is it, you ask? Why, the main course!" Babs grinned. "This concludes our faaaaabulous tour!" Buster concluded, and the five of them sat down. "Hey, this is a great cafe!" said Yakko, appreciatively. "Do you have lunchtime Karaoke?" Suddenly, the swinging doors banged open and Elmyra ran in. "Ahh! Cuddley-wuddly-fuzzy-heads!" she screamed, running toward them. "HOLD IT!!" cried Yakko. Everything froze. At this point Yakko reached out of my computer, and yanked me through the screen by the front of my shirt. It was like being jolted from a deep sleep; I suddenly found myself surrounded by 'toons standing in the Acme Loo cafeteria. Yakko confronted me, menacingly, "Karen, if she's," he gestured toward the frozen-in-time-with-a-dopy-look-on-her-face Elmyra, "In this story again-- EVER-- I won't be!" "Yakko," I spat, "I can't give the ax to a main character of Tiny Toons just because you-- and, well, everybody else-- hate her! Just WHO do you think is in charge here?" I stared straight into Yakko's dark eyes, tapping my foot, and he matched my glare, coolly. I was trapped. The answer was all too obvious. "Right," I said, meekly, "I'll fix it, Yakko." My computer screen floated in the air behind me like a window. I could see the text on it-- backwards-- and beyond that the far wall of my den. I reached through and picked up my mouse (narf!) and selected the offending text, then reached out for the keyboard and hit the delete key. "Better?" I asked, sarcastically. "Much," He replied, satisfied. "Hey, can I write a scene?" He got a wicked look in his eyes and started to reach out for the keyboard. "NO!" I vaulted back into my den, and snatched the keyboard out of his hands. "Aw, come on!!" He whined. "Maybe later," I said, trying to be charitable. Yakko shrugged. "Can't blame a guy for tryin! TIME IN!" Next Shirley the Loon floated over. She was young and pretty with spacy blue eyes and yellow-blond hair, an avid collector of crystals and smelled strongly of incense. "Like, totally nice t' meet ya, er s'me junk!" Shirley said, shaking the Warners' hands. "I, like, instantly got your vibrations fr'm th' other side of th' room when you came in, and they were sooo totally cosmic I had t' come over and say 'hi'! I'm Shirley!" She sat down next to Wakko. "I'm Yakko-- or some junk!" Yakko said, smiling winningly. "I'm Wakko!" Shirley giggled. "You certainly are!" "And I'm cute!" Dot said, sweetly, and batted her eyelashes. Then Plucky dashed over. He was a small green duck who wore a white tank top, with the trademark speech impediment of so many cartoon great ducks before him. "Hey, Pluckster!" Buster grabbed him in a head lock. "Just the duck I wanted to see." He stood, turned to Wakko with Plucky fighting to escape and spoke solemnly. "Plucky and I have endured endless ridicule and been treated like outsiders from our peers countless times." Buster closed his eyes and laid his right hand on his heart. Wakko regarded him silently, tongue protruding from his closed mouth. "We are glad to see you are one of us, and we hereby make you an honorary member of our club..." Buster rose on his toes, up to his full height, Plucky still under his arm giving him a dangerous glare and trying to pull his head free. "... The cartoon guys... with shirts but no pants." Babs and Shirley applauded politely, as Buster handed Wakko a medal, while Yakko and Dot, who had quickly grown bored, were playing checkers-- and cheating every chance they got. Wakko read the metal aloud, tears in his eyes at the honor. "... I've got no pants." "That's our motto." Buster told him. Plucky pulled his head free with a *pop* sound effect and a flurry of green feathers. "Great, Buster. So are we gonna go ahead with our plan today? I pulled some strings and got it all ready to go!" "Wow, that's terrific!" "Yeah..." Plucky turned toward Wakko. "Let's see what this little garbage disposal can do!" "Oh no!" Babs piped up. "You guys aren't gonna play--" "That's right, Babs-y-boo! The sounds of digestive tracks gone awry! The fabulous game filled with fun, prizes and indigestion 'Will Dizzy Eat It?'!" Plucky stepped in between them. "Only this time we have a competitor-- so we can charge people to watch!" Babs sighed and hid her face in her hands. "How about another pizza, little guy?" Buster asked, producing one from behind his back and setting it before Wakko. "Faboo!" Wakko cried, and swallowed it whole, getting tomato sauce all over his face. "Thanks! I forgot lunch." He licked his fingers. "Napkin," Yakko reminded, automatically, pointing at the napkin dispenser without looking up from the game. Wakko grabbed the metal dispenser, added a dash of salt, and swallowed it too. Plucky's eyes grew huge. "That's incredi-bubble! 'Wakko' is it?" Plucky asked leaning down to his eye level, putting his hands on Wakko's shoulders. "Don't worry kid; I'll be your coach. I'm gonna make you a star! I'm gonna make you a legend! I'm gonna make-- a lotta money!!!" At that Yakko jumped up, scattering checkers, and pushed Plucky away from his sib. "No way! He's my brother-- I'm his coach!" "What do I have to do?" inquired Wakko. "All ya gotta do is eat!" Buster replied. "Like, stop it, all of you!" Shirley said angrily and stood up. "I think what you're doing is totally wrong! Don't you see? Your using Wakko for your own personal gain!" She walked over to Wakko's chair. "Like, you never asked what HE wanted, er some junk." She spoke gently to Wakko, like an older sister. "Wakko, what would you like?" "No one's ever asked me that before," Wakko said, thoughtfully. "What do you want to do?" She prompted. "I wanna... EAT!" Wakko cried. The four boys ran off to the far side of the cafeteria. "Well, THERE'S a male response for ya," Dot quipped. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to be...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The song "I'm Pukey" is a parody of "I'm Cute". The first four lines were modified from Kim "Yakko's Babe" Robarts' song that appeared in part twenty of "You Are What You See", and the continuation was written by me with inspiration from Grace "Rasing- her- hand- in- class- in- front- of- everybody- and- saying- 'I'm- gonna- puke'" Lee and Mike Duarte. ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 12: Digestive Tracks Gone Awry~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Babs and Shirley spread their lunches out, while Dot, ignoring Babs' warnings of impending doom, bought lunch from the lunch line. While she was headed back to their table Fifi De Fume caught up to her, enveloping her in a cloud of perfume. "Ohhh, Dot!" Fifi spoke with a heavy French accent. "Your brother... he is soooo cute!" She spun around on her toes. Dot stared at her, slack jawed in disbelief, thinking, but I'm the cute one! Finally she asked, "Which one?" Fifi giggled. "You silly thing! Yakko!" Dot made a face. "Would you introduce me to him sometime?" begged Fifi dramatically, as though nothing else mattered. "Oh, please!" She clasped her hands together. "Yeah, sure." Dot said feeling unimportant, and sat down. Fifi sat across from her. Babs bit into a carrot. "Hey, congrats on the success of your show!" "Yeah!" piped up Shirley. "Like, everybody here is a total fan!" "Thanks... but oh, Babs, 'what a pity, don't you understand, that everyday's a rerun and the laughter's always canned?'" Dot asked. "But only until next fall." Babs sighed heavily. "Here we're lucky to even get a cheesy special once in a while." Dot poked at her lunch, unsure of what to say. It looked like some kind of meat with heavy gravy to hide the odd discolorations. She dipped her fork in the gravy and touched her tongue to it. Immediately she shuddered and droped the fork. "Deeeee-sgusting!!!" Babs laughed softly. "I told you!" "Like, that stuff will make you puke!" Shirley commented. "Yes, it's true." Dot's mood lightened visibly and she looked up with a gleam in her eye. "That sounds like a song cue to me!" She stood and began to sing, "I'm pukey, yes, it's true! I really can't help it if I'm gonna spew! When you're sick, it just shows! From the red in your eyes to the drip of your nose! And the puke on my dress, Is from lunch today, yes, And when they," Dot gestured toward the crowd of students that were gathering, "see me spewin', then everyone says," Babs, Shirley and Fifi stood and began to sing, "Oh, sick! Isn't she pukey!? Pukey, pukey, oh isn't she pukey, pukey pukey!?" Dot climbed onto the table. "I'm the one hunched over the toilet! They just washed the floor; it's too bad that I'm gonna soil it! And gonna spoil it! I am constantly sick, And I feel so 'ick'! When my lunch is en route, And the chunkage spews out, Then there just is no doubt, Why the guys like to shout," Dot waved to the guys standing by and watching, including Arnold, Hamton and Fowlmouth, and passed the song off to them, "Make a Gookie!" "Let's face it, I'm pukey!" Dot exclaimed, and grinned, showing her dimples. "Pukey, pukey, oh isn't she pukey, pukey, pukey!?" Babs, Shirley and Fifi crooned, gesturing up at Dot, who curtsied. "Being sick's a thing you can't hide! 'Cause your stomach is churning from the food that it has inside!" Dot held her stomach. "You have to abide, And simply just throw up!" "Or else you will blow up," Babs interjected, matter-of-facty. "About it I'm honest!" Dot sang. "And isn't she modest," Quipped Fifi. Dot continued, "I'm the answer to what's gonna happen if you should eat Comet, You're gonna vomit!" "Pukey, pukey, oh isn't she pukey, pukey, pukey!?" The three backup singers chimed in, and the crowd chorused along. "I feel so nauseous from something that I am digesting!" Dot stuck her tongue out, turning green. "If you want our opinion the lunches are really disgusting!" Babs, Shirley and Fifi sang, holding their noses while Babs held the fork up width the meat dangling from it limply. "I'm pukey." "Who cares!" Fowlmouth cried. "Don't let the feeling of sickness catch you unawares!" Dot warned. "I'm also real sick! Where am I gonna spew?" "Clean it up when you're through!" Babs reminded with a wink. "I am gonna blow chunks, In front of all these hunks!" Dot sang, covering her mouth and turning an unnatural shade of green. "And that's why they're running from you!" Babs, Fifi and Shirley finished, as the crowd dispersed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wakko and Dizzy Devil sat facing each other with their coaches, Yakko and Montana Max respectively standing behind them. Plucky stood aside collecting money from the gathering spectators. "Step right up, it's the eating match of the century!! Our own bottomless pit, Dizzy Devil verses Burbank's legendary little garbage disposal, Wakko Warner!! Right this way, folks!" Plucky cried. Buster stood in the middle dressed as a referee, and waved his arms to silence the crowd. "The official rules! The contestants will be asked to eat various... things. Whoever eats the most, and the weirdest, wins!" Buster cried, and waved at the audience, "You guys are our judges!!" Pointing to a table of ketchup, horseradish and mustard, he continued, "You may add to the objects for consumption these condiments!" A hush fell over the cafeteria. "These what?" Yakko asked, shocked. "Condiments." Buster replied, playing along. Yakko turned and kissed the palm of his hand. "*MWAH*! Goodnight, everybody!" "Let the games begin!" Buster shouted. The crowd roared. Montana Max, leaned forward over Dizzy's furry girth and narrowed his eyes at Yakko and Wakko. Buster pulled a cardboard box onto stage. "First up... a Thanksgiving turkey stuffed with sawdust!" He held it up over his head. "Will Dizzy eat it!?" "Yeah, yeah!" Dizzy leapt to his feet, ecstatically. Buster tossed it into his mouth, and he swallowed it whole. The crowd cheered. "You're up, Wakko!" Yakko tied a bib around his neck and patted him on the head. "And now for Wakko 'The Devourer' Warner-- an ice cream sundae!" Buster produced it and slathered the top heavily with whipped cream. "With a cherry bomb on top!!" Buster lit it and smashed it down. Wakko sat up straight and licked his lips, took the bowl from Buster, held it over his head, and let the contents slide into his mouth. After he swallowed, the room was silent for a second. The anticipation could have been cut with a knife. Wakko's round face puffed into a gookie. The bomb exploded, bulging Wakko's stomach out like a bullfrog's neck. Wakko burped. The crowd went wild. "More dad-gum explosives!" Fowlmouth piped up over the cheer. Yakko could see the rowdy crowd parting as someone forced through. Right in the front was a gigantic drooling kid wearing a beanie. Suddenly a green umbrella conked him on the head from behind, and Slappy Squirrel pushed her way to the front. "Hey you, blue ears-- use these!" She dug sticks of dynamite and other assorted explosives from her purse. "You carry bombs in your purse?" Buster asked, surprised. "Yeah. You wouldn't believe how they clear up all kinds of disputes." Just then the bell rang. The crowd groaned and dispersed slowly. "But we'll finish up tomorrow-- it's not over yet!" Plucky cried frantically, not wanting to loose bussiness. "Just wait till tomorrow," Monty sneered, "We'll wipe the floor with you losers!" The doors to the cafeteria slammed open and Yosemite Sam stalked in. "You varmints-- get to class!" he growled. "You little weasels!" Seemingly out of no where Yakko and Wakko, joined by Dot, flocked him. Dot jumped into his arms, and kissed him passionately. "Aw... you're just an iddy-biddy-baby-man!" She said affectionately, tickling his chin. Yosemite Sam blushed furiously, and giggled. While he was distracted, Yakko and Wakko circled around and grabbed the waistband of his underwear, and pulled it up over his head. All three of them collapsed laughing while he tried to get out of it. They spent the rest of the day in the principal's office... laughing with Bugs about it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to be...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 13: The Thane of the Insane ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After school the Warners had their first appointment with Dr. Squashanstretch. Buster and Babs had sports practice, so they agreed to meet later. Yakko, Wakko and Dot drug themselves to Dr. Squashanstretch's office, and plopped themselves down, scowling, into the big cushy chairs while they waited. Afternoon sunlight streamed in between the slats of the blinds and onto the magazine- stacked coffee table. "This is stupid," Wakko bemoaned, pouting. "Yeah," Dot agreed, and put her feet up on the table with a thump. "We finally get a vacation, and we have to spend it looking at ink blots." "Poor guy," Yakko said. "He'll probably be the one who's crazy after a few sessions with us." Just then the door to the doctor's office opened, and the Warner sibs looked up in surprise as a woman with short, light brown hair stepped out. "Kim!! Babe!!" Yakko cried, and flung himself into her arms. "Yakko!" She exclaimed with as much surprise. "I haven't seen much of you-- at least not since you started moonlighting in this story." Yakko pulled away from her, shocked. "Since I started what?" "Moonlighting." "I most certainly have not!" Yakko spat. He sighed deeply and held his head. "I find the very fact that your mind comes up with these disturbing images disgusting," Yakko lectured. "Yet... strangely attractive!" He said, imitating Groucho Marx, leaning closer to Kim. Kim set him down next to his sibs. "Well I have to go-- I'm just here for a cameo appearance." She leaned down and kissed all three of them on top of their heads. "Bye!" she walked out the door. The Warners cautiously peered into the office. To the right of the door sat a woman at a desk. "Helloooo, Nurse, but we're here to see Dr. Squashanstretch," Yakko said, leaning against the wall, examining his fingernails. The woman stood and turned with a smile. She was tall and willowy of frame, and her long blond hair was up in a loose bun. She wore a forest green sweater, and flowing broomstick skirt of complementing shades. "I am Dr. Squashanstretch," she said with a melodic Austrian accent. Yakko's jaw dropped so hard and so far that it hit his feet, causing him to jump in pain holding first one foot, than the other. Wakko's knees wobbled like Jell-o, and managed somehow to cave in sideways, his big paws getting all jumbled up, so he ended up falling onto his face at the doctor's feet. "You're Dr. Scratchansniff's cousin?" Dot asked incredulously. "Dr. _Otto_ Scratchansniff?" "Yes. He has told me all about you three! Come! Let us begin." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At the end of the session the Warner trio emerged with a combination of seriousness and joy on their faces. "You're the best p-sychiatrist we've ever had!" Dot exclaimed. "I finally realize," Yakko said, pensively, tapping a finger on his chin, "that my objectification of women stems from the fact that I have no positive female role- models in my life." "And," Wakko said with no accent (!), "that I do many things to call attention to myself, because, as the middle child, I feel overlooked." "And I am so vain because I feel that I have to compete with my two older brothers." Dot said, thoughtfully. "Good!" Dr. Squashanstretch appraised. "Zen ve have made much progress!" "Oh, no..." Yakko said seriously, "I think we need lots more sessions!" He nudged Wakko in the ribs. "LOTS more!" Wakko cried, in full accent. "We're still crazy!" Right on cue they started hopping around and bouncing off the walls. "BOING-Y! BOING- Y! BOING- Y!" "Alright, then," Dr. Squashanstretch went to her desk. "I'll make another appointment." "Don't worry kids," Yakko said, aside, with a wink. "We'll never change." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Buster and Babs met them outside, and they made their way to Wackyland. "You guys will just love Wackyland," Babs promised. "It's the wackiest place on Earth!" She threw her hands up in the air, just as the bridge to Wackyland came into sight. "Is it safe?" Dot queried, as they vaulted the barricade. "Why do you ask?" "Oh, I dunno... the barbed wire... the alarms..." "The big signs that says 'Danger, turn back now,' and 'This is your last chance,' and 'Don't say we didn't warn you...,'" Yakko pointed out. "Wackyland is perfectly safe as long as you stay on the beaten path," Buster told them, and gestured ahead to where giant bats were whacking the bridge with baseball bats. "The important thing in Wackyland is to expect the unexpected," Babs said, philosophically. Just then a trapdoor swung open underneath their feet. They stared down into blackness for a second, before plummeting-- up! They shot up until they landed softly on a cloud. They all stared around for a confused second, then realized they were upside down; what had been up was now down, and vice versa. They slid off the cloud onto the black and white checkered floor. It was like stepping, suddenly, into Salvador Dali's mind. It was nighttime in Wackyland, and the moon and stars that hung over head were big helium filled balloons. Dot reached up, giggling, on her tiptoes and grabbed the string of a star balloon. "Babsey!" a voice spoke out of nothingness, and a small door appeared in the air in front of Babs. It popped open and Gogo Dodo hopped out into her arms like a small pet. Gogo vaguely resembled a bird, with light aqua feathers, and a teardrop shaped head and body. He had big black eyes, huge blue feet and a small pink umbrella growing out of his head. "Queen Babs!" he cried, as she gave him a little hug. "_Queen_?" Wakko asked. "Yeah," Babs said, slightly bashfully. "For a little while I was the ruler of Wackyland." "Well, you're not the only royalty here!" Yakko pointed out. "I'm King Yakko of Anivilania, the number one exporter of anvils in the world!" Right on cue, an anvil smashed to the ground behind Yakko, crushing a statue of Jerry Lewis. "See," he said proudly, pointing out the 'Made in Anvilania' tag. "And I'm Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Franchesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca... the third." Dot said grandly. "Well, uh, I'm..." Wakko began. "The... King of Faboo... the Duke of the Demented... the--" "The Thane of the Insane." Yakko quipped. Everyone looked at Buster. The silence hung heavily around them. "'And I've got no pants,'" he said meekly. "Nothing like a catch phrase or running gag to get you out of a scrape," Babs commented. Just then, Running Gag, the little Indian borrowed from Disney, ran on from the left with his bow and quiver. An anvil clanged down on him. "Welcome to Wackyland!!" Gogo cried. "'Home surreal home.'" He hopped out of Babs arms and did a little jig on the floor. "'Oh- doe- dee- oh! Oh- doe- dee- oh! Oh- doe- dee- oh- OH! Ah- ah- ah!'" All six of them began walking around, taking in the sights. They came across a small wooden stand with a strange chanting sound emanating from it. "'Ohwha... taloo... niam... ohwha... taloo... niam...'" "Shirley?" Babs peeked around it. "Like, hiya, toots!" Shirley greeted. She was wearing a red blouse, big clunky earrings, and a scarf on her head. "What're ya doing?" asked Buster. "Shirley is our resident soothsayer," Gogo piped up. "I didn't know this chaper was going to be so Shakespearian." Yakko commented, dripping with sarcasm. Wakko took Shirley's hand and spoke romantically to her. "'What's fair is fowl, and what's fowl... is fair.'" Shirley giggled, as Dot quipped, "Well, Shakespeare is sure spinning in his grave now." "Anybody want their palms read?" Go- go asked, hopping onto Shirley's card table. "Ah- ah- ah!" Yakko burst suddenly. "We've seen that trick before." Gogo winked, and produced a bucket or red paint and a paintbrush. "Actually, could you just do my nails?" asked Babs, holding her hand out. Gogo, in one smooth action, dipped the paintbrush and ran it across her nails. "Thanks!" "Like, how 'bout if I look into your futures instead?" Shirley asked. "Just let me consult my crystal ball..." She peered mysteriously into it while her audience breathlessly leaned forward. "Most crystal balls were made of quartz crystal... " Shirley said, in a trance like state. "Quartz was believed by many, including the ancient Romans, to have healing powers... Quartz is still valuable today for it's unique electrical properties... and it's vibrations make wristwatches more accurate than any mechanical clock..." Shirley seemed to snap out of it, and flipped open a copy of the script hastily. "Like, Karen!" she exclaimed angrily. "This is your Chemistry report! Like, I think your hard drive is on the fritz again, er s'me junk!" Shirley flipped a few pages. "Ah, here we go!" Again she peered into the crystal, and spoke to her rapt audience of Bunnys and Warners. "Like, look out, gang, there's trouble on the horizon, Conflicts between you will soon be arisin'..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ to be continued...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 14: Thirty One Flavors~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In Wackyland, the gang decided that milkshakes would hit the spot, so they stopped in at a small ice cream parlor. They walked into the colorful building, the sugar practically tangible in the air. "You're not gonna do any tired cow- shaking puns?" Yakko asked, having quickly caught on to the logic of Wackyland, leaning against the counter. The person behind the counter, who had their back to them, turned slowly, raising himself up to his full height. He was a gargantuan bull wearing a Ninja- type eye mask, and had nunchucks tucked into his belt. He leaned over into Yakko's face. "Listen," he growled, as Yakko glared at him. "Your style of bovine humor is NOT acceptable, got it?!" "Ewwww! Like, mega- negative hostile vibes!" Shirley exclaimed. "So... what's with the Ninja get- up?" Buster coolly crossed his arms. The bull turned and shot Buster an evil look before answering, "My name is Cowpernicus. I was supposed to be the fifth hero on "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," but they cut me... ya ever wonder why they say 'Cowabunga'?" The group of young toons exchanged an incredulous, wide- eyed look like 'is this guy for real'? "Alright you punks!" Cowpernicus growled. "What do you want to drink. Order up now, or I'll boot yer butts out the door." "Oh, I get it!" Yakko said snapped his fingers. "You're a soda jerk," he stated suavely. "I think we've heard enough from our friend here." The three Warners, in graceful synchronization, leapt onto the counter and began to sing, climbing on Cowpernicus' girth, "We sold our cow! We sold our cow! We have no use... for your bull now!!" Exactly on the word 'now' the Warners split, and three anvils, in rapid succession, clanged from the sky-- clang, clang-- CLANG!!-- the first with 'Yakko' written on it, the second with 'Wakko' (and the second 'k' backwards as Wakko had written it himself) and the third with 'Dot' and a pink bow.) Yakko, Wakko and Dot stepped onto the rubble and bowed. Babs and Buster ran on with a garden hose and sprayed the mess off to the right. When the disaster zone had been cleared, Gogo announced that he would serve the drinks. "Do you have thirty one flavors?" Wakko asked, "I've can name them all." And he began to sing, "Watermelon, Boysenberry, Butterscotch, Kiwi fruit, Cherry, Sour Apple, Pineapple, Chocolate Chip and Raspberry, "Devil's Food Cake, Vanilla Bean, Orange Creamsicle, Caramel Cream, Rocky Road, Pie Ala mode, Sherbert, Mint and Chocolate Dream, "Pistachio, Peach, Blackberry, Mocha, Lime, Grapefruit, Blueberry, Bubble Gum, Tangy Plum, Carrot Cake, Fudge, Grape and Strawberry!" Wakko raised his arms over his head, stretching the last note out, as high and as loud as he could. His mouth formed a little 'o' of surprise when nobody applauded. "Uhhh, that's that other place," Gogo told him, pointing at a building next door. Behind the counter stood Robin, the Boy Wonder, his tights baggy in back, scooping ice cream into a cone. Yakko sighed deeply. "Gimme one Strawberry- Kiwi- Pineapple- PineSol- and- Baloney shake," he shot, and reached into his pocket for his Lact- Aid tablets. Gogo produced a small tablet of paper and a pencil and began scribbling furiously. "Pistachio- Nut- Fudge- Floor wax- and- Brussels- Sprout for me!!" Wakko shouted. "I can't get enough of that stuff." he added, a gleam in his eye. Buster and Babs leaned forward. "Carrot Cake," they ordered in unison, then laughed at their own predictability and decided on one milkshake with two straws. "Hmmm." Dot pondered, rubbing her chin. "I'd get orange- creamsicle, but it would clash with my outfit.... Hey, ya never know when a stud muffin may show up!! I'd like something pink... how 'bout cherry?" "Sprouts and tofu, 'kkay!" Shirley chirped. "Okkay," the Gogo said, making the last few marks on the paper. Then he ripped it off and held it up for them to see. It looked like a geometric equation; 'Find X for each case when D= volume of stomach and E= amount of ice cream and F= amount of waffles consumed for breakfast.' Then it had each of their names followed by X= D- (E-F). Gogo, leaving a bewildered and sarcastic group of customers behind, headed to the oven-- which clearly was on the 'freeze' setting, and took the ice cream out of it. He hopped onto the table top and walked over to the blender, but instead of pouring the ingredients in, threw his arms around the blender, murmuring to it softly and kissed it affectionately. "What is he doing?" Dot hissed, perplexed. "The blender is his girlfriend," Babs whispered back. "Hey, Gogo," Yakko began, "Don't you need to use a blender or a food- processor or something to make milkshakes?" "Of course, silly!" Gogo replied. He pulled a computer out from under the counter and plugged it in. They all watched in wonder as he began typing in the formulas furiously. When he was done, he printed the page. It had five milkshakes on it, and when he set it on the counter before her customers, they popped into three- D. "A WORD processor," he announced, displaying the computer. "Ya know..." Babs began, "I've heard that puns are the lowest form of humor." "Really?" Dot asked. "I thought that was punny!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They all went outside to enjoy the warm late afternoon rays of Wackyland sunlight. Buster and Babs found a quiet place under a tree, and spoke softly, their combined laughter occasionally blowing over with the wind. The Warner trio, plus Shirley and Gogo, found a nice spot in the middle of a clover patch, but as soon as Wakko and Shirley had finished their shakes, they moved over and sat on the banks of the gurgling purple river, the cool water running over their feet. Yakko could hear Shirley explaining to the rapt Wakko about the color of his aura, and how it was possible, if he could stay centered enough, he could burp the entire alphabet. Yakko stirred the end of his milkshake, and sang softly to himself, "My baloney has a first name... it's Y- A- K- K- O..." Dot was lying on her stomach, watching the tiny bugs march and wander on their little highways and cloverleafs (it's a pun-- get it?!) "So," Gogo asked politely, "who are you two going to the dance with?" He hugged his blender protectively. "Oh, Yakko, I was supposed to tell you something!" Dot exclaimed, reminded, and searched for something in the pocket of her skirt. "Fifi wanted me to ask if you'll go with her!" Dot found what she was looking for and held it up. It was a clothespin. She handed it to Yakko, who just stared at it for a second. "See, she's ticked at Hamton because his honey is coming up from Florida for the dance." Yakko, at a complete loss for words for once in his life, looked around for help. Gogo looked at him in what might be a combination of pity and envy. "Hey, don't look at me!" Dot exclaimed. "That's a call I can't make." "What about you, Dot- dot- polkadot?" Gogo asked, changing the subject. "Oh, I dunno. I know this has been discussed before, but why aren't there any hunks in Acme Acres?" "What about Arnold?" Yakko asked. "And get in the way of Arnolda?! Are you kidding?!" Dot looked petrified. Yakko stretched, watching the sun set. Off in the distance against the bold reds and yellows, Pegasus and some other flying creatures frolicked in the fading light. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~More...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The old silent cartoon in this chapter is like "Ragamuffins" or "Babblin' Bijou" in that it is not entirely silent, there are some sound effects, and of course, the Warner sibs. have red noses. >*=o) I'm not sure how accurate A! and TTA have been as far as it's B&W cartoons and the date they were made in, but this one was made sometime before "The Big Buzz of 1933" (TTA, Two Tone Town). ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 15: What a Gas!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Shirley and Wakko, still sitting on the banks of the river, were staring in awe up at the sunset clouds, pointing out different shapes. "Look! Like, is that, or is that not totally a big dragon breathing fire?" Shirley exclaimed, pointing. "And that one!! It's like a bat... eating a piece of pizza! See it!" "Oh, wow." "Hey, and look over there-- OW!!" Wakko suddenly yanked his foot out of the shimmery purple water. "Something bit me!" "Like a fish?!" Shirley asked, wide eyed. "You bet, like a fish!" A voice came from the water. They stared down intently... "The incredible Mr. Limpet!" They cried in unison. "You bet!" The little fish closed his eyes in pride, then disappeared beneath the ripples. Wakko and Shirley looked at each other, wide- eyed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meanwhile, Fifi was creeping through the silent halls of Acme Loo cautiously, looking over her shoulder and peering around corners, as though she were on a secret mission. She opened the door to the cartoon vault ever so slowly, then cringed and froze at the sudden squawk of hinges. She gave a sweeping glance around the hall, she disappeared inside, a streak of purple, and slammed the door, with a terrible screech, behind her. The 'toon vault was dim smelled old-- like libraries and attics. Fifi sneezed as she hunted though the poorly organized shelves and shelves of movie reels. "Vhere are you?" she sung softly, hunting. She moved to the "W"s. "Warner... Warner..." she murmured, running one finger along the grimy metal shelf. She let out a gasp when she found the spot-- and it was empty. The whole stack of cartoons on the shelf above the faded and peeling off tag reading, 'Warner-- Dot, Wakko, Yakko' were gone, leaving their circular ghost in the dust. "Darn it!" Fifi cried, suddenly, slapping her palms onto the metal shelf, stirring a cloud of dust. "All I vanted to do vas to vatch one of Yakko's old cartoons... Just then she realized that there was light spilling out of one of the viewing room doors. She moved over to it, and stepped in, stubbing her toe and nearly tripping over a stack of cartoon reels on the floor just inside the door. She blinked down in surprise at them. On top of them was a tablet of yellow paper and a pencil, as though someone had been taking notes. Dropping to her knees, Fifi slid the pad of paper off, wondering if she dared hope... When she saw the label on the top one, she dropped everything and grabbed it up, emitting a squeak. 'The Warners-- Yakko, Wakko and Dot,' it read, 'in "What a Gas!" 1933.' Fifi hugged it to her chest as she looked through the rest-- they were all old Warner cartoons. She flew to the projector and fired it up. She plopped down in a seat, pulling her knees to her chest and pressing her fist to her mouth, as she though of the object of her obsession. The title screen flickered messily across the screen. It began with a long pan of a picnic, the guests bobbing up and down in time with the music, a little quicker than life. The camera zoomed in on the stage to where a jazz band drawn in ebony and ivory was playing. Foxy was playing the sax, Goopy Gear was banging out a tune on the piano with his head and his knees, and Roxie was singing into a microphone with a plump fuzzy bee buzzing around between the three. Outside of the park Yakko, Wakko and Dot were walking down the street looking less than bright eyed and bushy tailed. Their clothes were torn and patched, Wakko's stomach rumbled audibly, and Dot was flipping through a movie star magazine half heartedly. Suddenly, Yakko stopped them and pointed toward the park. They ran to the gate. Excitedly, they pointed this way and that, then ran off in three different directions. Dot had spotted the band from far off, and she skipped over the top of the crowd, and listened, starry eyed in rapture in the front through the rest of the song. When it ended she waved at Foxy and blew him kisses. Foxy took notice of her, and beckoned for her to come up on stage. Embarrassed, Dot showed him the striped and dotted patches in her skirt. Roxie who had been watching the whole thing waved her hand as thought it didn't matter, and she and Foxy hauled Dot onto stage by her wrists. Roxie produced a dress and pulled it on over Dot's head then added elbow gloves and black shoes with ankle socks. Dot gave Roxie an enthusiastic hug as the crowd applauded the Cinderellian transformation. Foxy cued the band, and they began to play a fast number with Dot dancing along. On the other side of the park, Wakko ran over to the food buffet, drooling. He looked excitedly at the food, rubbing his hands. His lips moved silently for a second, growing more and more jubilant as he read, before the subtitle appeared. 'Oh boy!' it read, 'All my favorite foods; baked beans... raw fresh cauliflower... sauerkraut!!' Wakko dove head first onto the table, slurping the food down, neatly avoiding the foods he didn't like: deviled eggs, potato salad, and anything else with eggs or mayonnaise. He sat at the head of the table, rubbing his stomach contentedly, before noticing the stack of plates, and, shrugging, shoved them into his mouth too. When he was finally done, he hopped down, and took a step, and ran promptly into someone. He solemnly looked up and up and up... Above him stood a woman who had been supervising the food table. She was absolutely gigantic, and was wearing a gargantuan white apron, and a hair net. She tapped a spatula against her palm menacingly, glowering down at Wakko, and pointed to a sign hanging over the table. It read, 'One plate per customer.' Wakko grinned sheepishly. She bent down, nose to shiny red nose with him, threateningly. Wakko took off leaving her in a cloud of dust. She gritted her teeth, and ran after him, lividly. Fifi giggled at Wakko's antics, as he blew raspberries over his shoulder at her. He certainly was cute, but it was Yakko she'd come to see... Next it changed to a pool shot. A sign above a mob of women read 'The Cute Fund: Cheek pinching-- two cents; Kissing-- three cents.' Sitting at a small table below it was Yakko. Fifi smiled at his striped tank suit. A young woman stepped up and smiled at Yakko, shyly. They closed their eyes and leaned in... Just then, Wakko leapt into Yakko's arms, fearfully. Yakko and the woman recoiled in surprise. Yakko glared at Wakko, until he yanked Yakko's ears to turn his head, and pointed at the oncoming angry woman, charging like a bull. Yakko and Wakko bristled in alarm and ran off, Yakko stopping only long enough to kiss the back of the young woman's hand, gallantly. They dashed to the far side of the pool, and around to the back of a small building there, only to find them selves up against a wall, the woman advancing slowly, spatula raised above her head. The boys' mouths opened in a silent scream... ~~~~~~~Yup... it's a cliffhanger... definitely a cliffhanger...~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~Out of the Tower & Out of Their Minds~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ch. 16: Bad Elocution~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By Karen Tindall~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The black and white Yakko on the screen looked madly for an escape-- and spotted a door behind them. He wrenched the door open and he and Wakko disappeared inside, the woman hot on their tails. Only after the door closed, did the camera pan up and show the sign above the door. It read, 'Womens' showers.' Fifi gasped in surprise then giggled wildly as shrieks and screams could be heard from inside. Yakko and Wakko emerged pool side with their tongues dragging behind, and stepped to the side as the woman slid out on a bar of soap and into the pool with an enormous splash and tidal wave that lapped the far end of the pool. The boys grinned at each other and ran off. In the next scene it was nighttime, and three sleepy Warners were riding the bus. They seemed to be dozing off, when suddenly Yakko and Dot opened their eyes wide in utter shock, as though startled by a sound, and stared at Wakko. Wakko smiled bashfully, an 'I'm sorry' look in his eyes, as Yakko struggled to open the window one handedly, holding his nose, and Dot fanned the air with her hand. In the next shot, the Warners were about to go to sleep. Wakko was sitting sheepishly in his bed, Dot was spraying perfume into the air around her bed, and Yakko switching out the lamp with a clothespin on his nose. They all snuggled down into their beds peacefully, pulling the covers up. They lay still, drifting off to sleep. Then Yakko's and Dot's eyes flew open in shock and outrage again, and they sat up angrily, glaring at Wakko, pushing up their sleeves. Wakko smiled in a wishy washy way, waving his hands as though to calm them. In the next scene the water tower was shown from the outside, and the door opened. Wakko was dropped out onto his butt, with a blanket and pillow tossed out after him. The door slammed mightily. Wakko looked at the camera good naturedly and shrugged, lying down and making himself comfortable as 'the end' appeared over him in fancy script. Fifi applauded in the empty theater. She sighed dreamily as she picked up the movie canister and looked at Yakko's picture. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It had gotten dark in Wackyland, and while Wackyland was a fun place to visit...it's not the kinda place you should hang out in after dark. The Warners, Buster, Babs and Shirley waved goodbye to Gogo and his blender, and then faced a predicament; how to leave Wackyland. Wackyland's house rules are that you can't leave the same way you came in. The group stood around as the shadows deepened and looked for a way out, as the main bridge had vanished as soon as they set foot off of it. "Mayhaps we can repel down the side of the gorge..." Dot suggested tentatively, peering into the rocky chasm. The tiny stream they had relaxed by, twisted and turned until it reached the canyon, where the water was white and the rocks pointed. Making things worst, hideous, gigantic worm- like creatures know as Karnaths circled the waters. To tell the truth, Dot was dying to have one for a pet-- but she didn't want to literally! "Sometimes I find that if I just meditate on a problem," Shirley said serenely, "the solution will strike me... like lightening, er some junk." "Great idea, Ben Franklin," Babs said sarcastically, as the looming dark clouds rumbled. "Hey, that's it!!" Suddenly she lunged at Wakko. "HEY!!" Wakko cried as she swept him off his feet. He blushed. "I hardly even know you..." he looked up at everybody. "What can I say? It's the accent." "No, silly, I just need your gag bag!" Babs shook Wakko upside down until his gag bag fell from his person. "My person!? What's that?" "Ah, here we go!" Babs emerged from the sack with a green kite. "What're ya doin',