From: IN%"jrm4227@tam2000.tamu.edu" "Justin Ray Mcelhanon" 8-MAR-1996 17:07:14.23 To: IN%"rPeters@uoft02.utoledo.edu" CC: Subj: RE: 'The Blues Warners' Return-path: Received: from tam2000.tamu.edu (jrm4227@tam2000.tamu.edu) by UOFT02.UTOLEDO.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #9050) id <01I23QIXNE1Q0000FA@UOFT02.UTOLEDO.EDU> for rPeters@uoft02.utoledo.edu; Fri, 08 Mar 1996 17:07:10 -0500 (EST) Received: (from jrm4227@localhost) by tam2000.tamu.edu (8.7.3/8.7.3) id QAA03169 for rPeters@uoft02.utoledo.edu; Fri, 08 Mar 1996 16:06:51 -0600 (CST) Date: Fri, 08 Mar 1996 16:06:51 -0600 (CST) From: Justin Ray Mcelhanon Subject: Re: 'The Blues Warners' To: rPeters@uoft02.utoledo.edu (Sylvester Fox) Message-id: <199603082206.QAA03169@tam2000.tamu.edu> MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: text/PLAIN Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] In article you wrote: : Once again, the news server at the University of Toledo has struck, : denying me my right to receive 'The Blues Warners'. All I have of it : is the introduction, and while not to cast aspersions on Mr Kufrovich's : writing, I would prefer to have the actual story ... Okay here is the whole bules warner enjoy I did [Fade in on a shot of Los Angeles from about 30,000 feet. Quickly descend into the smog bank. View is totally obscured. Dissolve to establishing shots of LAX, South Central L.A., Pasadena, and, finally, Burbank. Cut to a shot of a closed road gate. Pan up to reveal the Warner Bros. Studios water tower.] [Scene: Inside the Tower. Ralph and one nondescript guard are escorting an odd-looking toon wearing prison blues. The shots change to keep them on-screen, but are angles from which we can't see his face. Finally, we arrive outside a large steel door.] RALPH: Da, dis is it. [They open the door and walk into what appears to be a hat check room. As they approach the counter, Paul Rugg walks up behind it.] RUGG: [disinterested] Number? RALPH: Dah, 9799255Y. RUGG: What wing? RALPH: Hey, it's a water tower. Dah, I don't think it has wings. RUGG: Standard release? RALPH: Daah, parole. 65 out of 75, zany behavior. RUGG: Gimme a minute. [Rugg leaves and returns with two boxes full of stuff. As he names each item, he removes it from the box and places it on the counter.] RUGG: One Rorex watch, broken. One unread copy of Playtoon, in bag. [about to say next one, sees what it is, pauses, gets out a pair of tweezers and picks it up with them. Disgusted] One soiled. [Outside, a similar-looking toon, dressed in a black suit and hat, and wearing shades, walks toward the Tower.] RUGG: One black suit jacket. One pair black suit pants. One hat. [punches it out from flat] Black. One pair sunglasses. Two dollars and [shakes envelope containing money ] 23 cents. Sign here. [The prisoner marks a large Y where Rugg is indicating, then leaves. Outside, we see him, dressed in the black suit and wearing the sunglasses, leaving the Tower. He walks up to the other toon and stands about one foot in front of him. Cut to a tight shot of the ex-prisoner as the first chords of the music track play. The caption "YAKKO WARNER" appears at the bottom of the screen. Cut to a tight shot of the other toon. "WAKKO WARNER" appears in the same place. Cut to a wider shot of the two of them as they turn and start to walk away. The caption "THE BLUES WARNERS" appears.] THE BLUES WARNERS By Richard Manning Additional Creative Input by Brendan Dunn, Ron O'Dell, and Andrew Rysavy Inspired by the film THE BLUES BROTHERS written by Dan Aykroyd and John Landis [Yakko and Wakko come back out to the car.] YAKKO: What the... What IS this? WAKKO: What? YAKKO: This... THING! What happened to the Chevy? [They get to the car. It's a black YUGO! Dot is in the back seat.] WAKKO: The what? YAKKO: The Bel Air! The Warnermobile! WAKKO: I traded it. YAKKO: You traded the Warnermobile for this? DOT: No, for a date with Minerva Mink. [rolls eyes] YAKKO: [blink, blink] OK, I could see that. But what the heck is this? WAKKO: This was a bargain. I picked it up at the WB Security auction last season. It's an old WB Security car! They were just about GIVING them away! YAKKO: Well thank YOU, sibs! The day I get out of the Tower, my own siblings pick me up in a WB Security car! [They get in. There's been some flooding recently, and there's a drawbridge just beyond the gatehouse.] WAKKO: You don't like it? [The drawbridge starts opening.] YAKKO: No, I don't like it! [Wakko floors it. Burnout.] DOT: [as they peel out] Boys. Go fig. [They jump the bridge, then start driving off.] YAKKO: @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@h, not bad... WAKKO: It's got a locomotive motor, an EMD 645E3-series V-16. It's got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks. Though it WAS Ralph's car, so the shocks are a little worn out. It's a model that doesn't meet California emissions standards so it actually can out-accelerate a snail. Whaddaya say? Is it the new Warnermobile, or what? [Yakko tries plugging in a CB, only to have the lighter socket explode in a flurry of sparks. He tosses the CB out the window.] YAKKO: Fix the lighter. [Wakko drives to a small building off in Sherman Oaks. It's WB Animation.] YAKKO: What are we doing here? DOT: You promised you'd visit the Penguin the day you got out. YAKKO: Yeah? So I lied to her. WAKKO: You can't lie to a nurse. We gotta go in and visit the Penguin. YAKKO: [very slow and deliberate] NO FU-- [The WB censors come racing out, beating nightsticks in their hands.] YAKKO: Er, ahem, *kaff kaff!* [very slow and deliberate] NO FORNICATING WAY! [The censors grumble loudly and stomp off.] [Wakko and Dot drag Yakko upstairs.] [Dot's about to knock, when...] HELLO NURSE: [other side of the door] Who is it? WAKKO: The Blues Brothers... DOT: And the Blues Sister! [At this point, a crack legal team from Universal Pictures comes racing into the shot, threatening to sue if the actual trademarked Blues Brothers name is used here again.] LAWYER 1: Ipso facto, bill of attainder! LAWYER 2: Ex post facto! Habeus corpus! [YW&D start rolling around on the ground in agony.] YW&D: [in unison] ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! WE WON'T USE THE NAME!!! [The legal team leaves.] HN: Yakko, Wakko and Dot? Come in! [Wakko and Dot drag Yakko into the room.] [Hello Nurse is dressed up in a nun's outfit.] HN: Hello, you three. YAKKO: Helllllloooooooooooooooooooooo, PENGUIN!!! [HN whacks Yakko with a ruler.] YAKKO: OUCH! Hey, why'd you do that? HN: [ignores Yakko] The studio has a problem. The state took a tax assessment of the place last month. They want $5000. WAKKO: How is that a problem for a place like this? HN: You obviously didn't hear how big Plotz's last Christmas bonus to himself was. [HN leans over and whispers into Wakko's ear. Wakko's eyes pop out of his head in a rather big wild take.] [Wakko leans over and whispers into Dot's ear. Dot's ears stick straight out, and her flower flies across the room.] [Dot leans over and whispers into Yakko's ear. Yakko's jaw falls right through the floor and hits the ground below with an audible THUMP!] WAKKO: That's bigger than the Defense Department's annual budget! DOT: [recovering] Shouldn't the parent company pay the taxes? HN: They would, if they were interested in keeping the place, but they aren't. Time-Warner wants to sell the movie, TV, and animation operations outright to Saban. WAKKO: What'll happen to you? HN: I'll be forced to be the new Black Lace Ranger on the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. YW&D: SPEEEEEEEEEEW!!! YAKKO: [sorta dreamy-eyed, distant] Though I wouldn't mind seeing you in costume for that... [HN hits Yakko on the head with a ruler.] YAKKO: OUCH! HN: Excuse me? What did you say? YAKKO: I just said I thought I'd like to see you in MMPR costume. [HN hits Yakko with the ruler] YAKKO: ARRGH! WAKKO: For Pete's sake, Yakko, take it easy. [HN hits Wakko] YAKKO: Wakko! Y&W: [ad lib] Ow! Cripes! Shoot! ARRGH! [continue ad lib] WAKKO: Oh, you fat penguin! [HN smashes the ruler over Wakko's head.] YAKKO: Screw this! [Y&W run downstairs.] DOT: [exasperated] Boys! [Dot follows her brothers downstairs.] [At the bottom of the stairs, we find...] FLAVIO: [In his outrageous accent] Boys, you need to learn not to talk to nurses like that. It is SO outdated... Yakko? Yakko! Wakko! Y&W: Flavio! YAKKO: Hey, you look like you've lost weight! Great to see you again! FLAVIO: Thank you, Yakko! Let us meal! [We're now in the studio commissary. YW&D and Flavio are sitting around, eating. Flavio's eating almost as much as Wakko.] FLAVIO: Friends, things are bad. They're going to sell this place to Saban, and I'll be out on the street. I could NEVER work for Saban! They're so TACKY! That money has to be in the County Assessor's Office downtown within 11 days. YAKKO: They wouldn't turn you out, big guy, would they? FLAVIO: What's one more hippopotamus that's in tune with the times to Saban? WAKKO: Flavio, you and the Penguin are the only family we've got. You're the only one that was ever nice to us. Singin' tunes, and blowin' the harp for us down here. DOT: [aside] I have no idea what that meant. FLAVIO: Well, you might do well to see the newest inspirational speech from Plotz. You had better listen to what he has to say. YAKKO: Flavio, [polishes off his meal] I don't want to listen to no short-arse CEO talkin' to me about profit an' loss! FLAVIO: Yakko, get smart. Get to that meeting. [In the boardroom. The entire Animaniacs crew is here, along with several crews for several other projects.] ANDREA ROMANO: ...and our lurker on alt.tv.tiny-toon.fandom has reported yet another of their standard debaucheries. As usual, it has been printed out and posted on the bulletin board. Well, that covers business. Time for the inspirational speech. [Assorted groans from all present.] ANDREA ROMANO: HEY, hey! Plotz is home sick today. Something about "the worst hangover in history." Instead, Tom Ruegger's going to be giving today's speech. [More general groans. Ruegger glares at those groaning.] [Ruegger moves up to the podium that Romano has just vacated. Romano manages to sneak out before Ruegger starts talking.] TOM RUEGGER: [Excellent delivery, gets his employees fired up] And now, people. And now, people! When I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound. I said, when I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound! What I heard was a jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls! I'm talking about the souls of utter scumbags who read things like that idiot alt.tv.tiny-toon.fandom group! Wait a minute! Though the show take the souls, without them STOPPING their trademark violations, and paying whatever we charge, they will not win! Because it is too late! Too late! Yeah! Too late to get a license, and they chose to do porn with our characters! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Don't be lost when the time comes! Don't be lost when the time comes! For the day of Kids WB cometh, as a thief in the night! AMEN! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Well, well, well!!! [Suddenly, the back wall slides down into the floor, revealing Richard Stone and his entire orchestra, who start playing a song. The staff suddenly gets up and starts dancing around the room while Ruegger sings.] [Suddenly, a beam of light shines down on Yakko's face, and he starts to vibrate and shake oddly. We hear a big pipe organ playing.] DOT: Yakko! Are you all right? YAKKO: [only partially there] The band... the band... RUEGGER: Do you SEE the LIGHT?!? YAKKO: The band! RUEGGER: Do you SEE the LIGHT??? WAKKO: What light? RUEGGER: Have you SEEN the LIGHT? YAKKO: YES! YES! Geez-o-Tap-Dancing-Pete! I have seen the light! [Yakko does a gymnastic tumbling routine down the length of the conference table to Ruegger, and then back to his siblings, much to the surprise of all involved. He grabs Wakko and Dot by the shoulders and shakes them a little.] YAKKO: The Band, sibs! The Band! WAKKO: [confused] The band? DOT: [puzzled] The band? WAKKO: [realizing] The Band? DOT: [enthusiastic] The Band! RUEGGER: Praise Plotz! WAKKO: And Plotz bless the United States of America! [The Warners join in the dancing to the song, then dance their way right out the door. Fade out. Cut to the interior of the Warnermobile, late evening, driving through North Hollywood. The song, "Screwez-moi," written and performed by Fifi La Fume, is playing on the eight-track.] YAKKO: Put the band back together. Do a few concerts, and bam, we'll have the $5000, no trouble! WAKKO: Well... putting the band back together may be a little harder than you think, Yakko. YAKKO: What do you mean? DOT: They all left to get real jobs. YAKKO: Yeah? So you know where they are, right? You said you were keeping in touch with 'em. WAKKO: We got a couple of leads. DOT: A few phone numbers. WAKKO: But how many of them visited or even wrote you, huh? YAKKO: They're not the type to write. You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in touch. I kept ASKING you if we were going to play again! DOT: Well, what were we supposed to do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? We took the liberty of BS'ing you, Yakko. OK? YAKKO: You lied to me. WAKKO: It wasn't lies. It was just BS. [They pass through an intersection, just as the light turns yellow. Suddenly, through the rear-view mirror, we see flashing red lights swing into view. Dot saw 'em through her side window first.] DOT: CRAP! YAKKO: What? DOT: Cops. YAKKO: No. WAKKO: [checks mirror] Yeah. Y&W: [unison] Crap. [They stop.] [Wilford B. Wolf (un-transformed version) comes up to the driver's window. He shines his flashlight around inside the car, looking around. Yakko seems rather jumpy as Wilford shines the light on his face.] WAKKO: What? What'd I do? WILFORD: You failed to stop at a red signal. WAKKO: The light was yellow, sir. WILFORD: May I see your license, please? [Wakko pulls out his driver's license and hands it to Wilford.] [Wilford goes back to the squad car.] [Stereo changes to "Toucha Me" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, as performed by Babs Bunny.] YAKKO: Darnit! WAKKO: Man, I haven't been pulled over since that date with Minerva... YAKKO: Why'd they pull you over THAT night? WAKKO: I was all over the road, but it was Minerva's fault. Of course, she got me out of trouble the same way... [goofy grin] YAKKO: *MWAH!* Goodnight, everybody! DOT: Uh, oh! I'll bet those cops have TTA... YAKKO: TTA? Like Buster's show? WAKKO: No, TTA: Toon. Tracking. Apparatus. It runs a record check in seconds. [Quick shot of Wakko's license info on the TTA screen: WARNER, WAKKO CALIFORNIA LICENSE: W979-2227-49017 CURRENTLY UNDER SUSPENSION WARRANTS OUTSTANDING: PARKG. 7438 MOVING VIOLATIONS: 2379 ARREST DRIVER--IMPOUND VEHICLE] [Wilford returns to Wakko's window.] WILFORD: Wakko, we show your license currently under suspension. Please step out of the car. [Wakko sighs heavily, looks at his brother, and floors it. Peelout. Yakko and Dot get squished back into their seats from the acceleration.] [Wilford dives back into the squad car and starts chasing them.] YAKKO: First you trade the Chevy for a date with Minerva. Then you lie to me about the band. Now you're gonna get me right back in the Tower! WAKKO: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from Plotz. [Wakko tries to skid around a corner, and spins around it, instead.] YAKKO: [while the car is spinning, "You-better-know-damn-well- what-you're-doing" tone] Wakkooooooooooo! [Quick shot inside the squad car. Wilford's driving, and Walter Wolf's in the passenger seat.] WALTER: [on radio] 11 Adam 12, 11 Adam 12, We are in high speed pursuit eastbound Colorado Boulevard. Late-model black Yugo with California plates. Request assistance. [Back in the Warnermobile. Wakko slides around a corner into a parking lot. A sign reads, "Welcome to the Glendale Galleria."] WAKKO: We'd be all right if we could just get back to the expressway. DOT: In LA? YAKKO: [over Dot's line] I don't think THIS looks like an expressway! WAKKO: Don't yell at me! YAKKO: Well, what do you want me to do, Motorhead? DOT: Why don't you try to not be so negative all the time? Try offering a little constructive criticism for a change! YAKKO: Keep out of this, Dottie. DOT: [growls] ["Toucha Me" runs out. No immediate replacement, the eight-track is changing tracks.] YAKKO: Well, Wakko, you got us into this parking lot, so you get us out! WAKKO: [a little nervous-sounding] You want out of here? All right! [Wakko steers HARD to the left. We can't see what he's turned towards, but Yakko's eyes pop out of his head, while Dot starts muttering a prayer and Wakko leans forward with a deliciously evil grin on his face. (See the wonderful one early on in "How The Grinch Stole Christmas.)] YAKKO: [panicky] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Music changes to "Convoy."] [Inside a Toys 'R' Us] CASHIER: [to Mime] Will there be anything else? [The Warnermobile smashes through the wall in extreme slow- motion. The shot is repeated from several angles because it looks good. They then FLATTEN the Mime at normal speed.] CASHIER: I guess not. Thank you for shopping at Toys 'R' Us! [The squad car races through the hole in the wall, followed by about 10 others. Each one runs over and further mangles the Mime.] CASHIER: And here is your receipt! [Back in the car, as we race through the mall.] YAKKO: That turned out well... DOT: Yeah, lots of space in here. [They zoom by a WBSS. We see a quick glimpse of a long line leading up to a table at which Rob Paulsen, Jess Harnell, and Tress MacNeille are signing autographs. Security goons block off the end of the line just as a man in a Caltech sweatshirt runs up, carrying an armload of drawings. He doesn't QUITE make it into line before the security goons block it. The man is essentially clotheslined, and falls on his back, drawings flying everywhere.] WAKKO: Hey, look, the Voice Tour is here today! YAKKO: Clothes and haircuts... DOT: Yeah... WAKKO: Baby clothes... YAKKO: Dot could use those... [Dot punches Yakko in the back of the head.] YAKKO: OUCH! WAKKO: This place has everything. DOT: New Buicks are in early this year... [Wakko makes a hard right turn, so he's no longer headed for the rows of parked Buicks. The cop cars can't make the turn, and skid out, slamming into the brand-new Buicks parked in nice neat rows at the indoor dealership. One of the squad cars is left spinning around on its roof. The Buicks are no longer parked in such nice neat rows.] WAKKO: [points] Our escape. Pier 1 Imports. [The Warners smash into Pier 1 and right on through it.] YAKKO: What the... where are we? DOT: Looks like a Disney store. WAKKO: Oh? [grins that evil grin again] [Wakko starts skidding the car around in circles, doing his best to hit everything in the store. He eventually does, among other things, hitting several store goons in Mickey and Minnie costumes and running over all of the store security staff. This is about two or three minutes of destruction, at the end of which, the store is pretty well gutted.] YAKKO: @@@@@@@@@@@@@@h, Wakko? How is this going to help us escape? WAKKO: It won't--it's just something I like to do! [Wakko, having gutted the store, aims for the back wall and crashes out. Cut back to the squad cars.] WILLY SLAKMER: [driver of the spinning squad car] Hey, they... brokemywatch! WILFORD: I'm gonna catch that sucker, if it's the last thing I do. [The "Peter Gunn Theme" plays in the background. The Warnermobile skids into a parking space outside the place where Wakko and Dot have been staying.] WAKKO: Nice place, huh? [As they walk up to the hotel, Slappy (looks to be in the stage from "Buttermilk Slappy" between full, glamorous Buttermilk Slappy and normal old Slappy) pops out of a BRDM with a soft front right tire and broken headlight, and fires a shoulder- launched Stinger missile at them. It misses and blows up a red Acura parked behind the Warnermobile.] [The Warners don't miss a beat, and walk into the hotel and up the stairs.] DOT: [to a passing Mel Gibson] Helllloooooooooo, MEL! [Mel Gibson turns and runs, screaming. Dot shrugs.] [They climb to the top of the stairs and enter the lobby.] WAKKO: Hey, Don! Anybody call for me on the phone? DON KNOTTS: Well, uh, no! No calls, but some cop left this card, said he'd be back. [Quick shot of the card as Wakko shows it to Yakko. It's Ralph's card, listing him as Yakko's parole officer. They toss it.] WAKKO: This here's my brother, Yakko. Just got out of the Tower. He's gonna be staying with us for a few weeks. DON KNOTTS: Fine, OK! ANDY GRIFFITH: Hey, did ya get me any pickles, boy? [Wakko tosses him a bottle of Vlasic pickles.] ANDY GRIFFITH: Thanks, these have gotta be better than those kerosene cucumbers! YAKKO: Heeyyyy.... haven't I seen you on Matlock? ANDY GRIFFITH: Nope. Must have me confused with someone else. [YW&D enter their room, which is roughly the size of a large closet.] WAKKO: Well, it's not much, but it's home. [Not much is right.] WAKKO: HEY! I heard that! [Sorry!] [A freight train passes by. The tracks run between the bed and the door.] YAKKO: How often does the train go by? WAKKO: So often you won't even notice it. DOT: If you're on the tracks. YAKKO: How're you gonna get the band back together, Mr. Hotrodder? The cops got your name and address. WAKKO: Nah. They don't have my address! I falsified my renewal! I put down 5555 Melrose Avenue. YAKKO: 5555 Melrose Avenue. That's Paramount. DOT: [yawn] Well, I've gotta get some sleep. See you boys tomorrow morning. [Dot lays down on the top bunk to get some sleep.] WAKKO: Hey! That's MY bed! [The night passes. The next morning, we find a horde of cops outside the hotel. Ralph is in the lead. Slappy pulls up in her Russian-made battle taxi, sees the cops massing outside the door, sighs, and leaves.] RALPH: Daah, dis is the lovely home of one Wakko Warner. WILFORD: Thanks for your help, Ralph. RALPH: Daah, yeah. Ya know, I kinda liked da Paramount bit. WILFORD: Yeah, real cute. [They enter the hotel, and proceed to the door to the Warners' room.] RALPH: Daah, stand back... [The building explodes as the Ralph kicks in the door. YW&D emerge from the rubble.] DOT: It's 8:20! We've gotta go to work! YAKKO: Yeah, sorry about the mess! [They take off in the Warnermobile.] [The Warnermobile pulls up outside someone's rather large house.] [The Warners walk up to the front door and knock. Sherri Stoner answers.] YAKKO: Ms. Steinem? SHERRI: Stoner. WAKKO: Ma'am, do you have a Samuel Beckett or a Louis Dunbar living here? SHERRI: Not anymore. They moved out a long time ago. I don't take in boarders. Not for a long time. DOT: May we come in, ma'am? SHERRI: Please. [They all go to the living room.] WAKKO: Did they leave a forwarding address, or a phone number? SHERRI: No. DOT: Did they live quietly? What were their personal habits? SHERRI: They were good boys. But they made a lot of racket at night. Are you dogs? WAKKO: No, ma'am. We're toons. [The siblings get up to leave.] [Outside, as they're starting to get into the car, Sherri comes racing up behind them.] SHERRI: [sounding a little like Nancy Cartwright] Mr. Man! Mr. Man! Mr. Man! YAKKO: Yes, ma'am? SHERRI: They left this card. [hands it to Yakko] Maybe it'll help you. [The Warners look at the card. It's for a band, "John and the John-boys." Cut to the Warners walking into the Dottowa Room at the local Howliday Inn. There is a group on stage, "John and the John-boys." There are maybe two or three people total listening. The band finishes the song. No applause.] JOHN LARROQUETTE: Thank you, you're all wonderful, thank you. I'm John, and these are the John-boys: Matt "The Captain" Kurth, Buttons "Dead" Dogg, Elvis "The Pelvis" Presley, and Sam "Outta Time!" Beckett. We'll be back with the John- boys for the Dottowa Room's two-hour Perry Coma Festival after this short break. 'Til then, don't you go ANYWHERE! [Larroquette and the John-boys come down to see the Warners.] ELVIS: A homma homma, hey Yakko! You're outta tha Tower! Uh huh, you're free, you're rehabilitated. A homma homma, what're ya gonna dew? WHERE'S THAT MONEY YOU OWE US, thankyou, thankyouverymuch? WAKKO: Look, let's get one thing straight here. The reason he got put in the Tower in the first place was his doing insane movies to get the money to cover you guys. [Buttons holds up a sign that reads, "You're kidding."] DOT: Remember that one night at the Motel 6 before we did the opening for Duck Dodgers in the 24th And 1/2 Century? And how there was no hotel left the next morning? BAND IN GENERAL: Uhm... oops... you did that for us?... woof?? YAKKO: That's right, so I don't want to hear any more of this small-change crap! WAKKO: We're putting the band back together. [Larroquette gulps.] YAKKO: You were the backbone--the nerve center of a great band. You can make that live again. John and the John-boys? Look at you in those monkey suits. And I thought I had it bad in the tower. ELVIS: A homma homma, at least we got a change in clothes. You're still wearin' the same stuff you had on 65 years ago, uh huh. [Buttons holds up a sign that reads, "Yakko's not lying, though. We had a band good enough to turn dog crap into fertilizer." He then flips it over. The back reads, "...and I should know!" Yakko chuckles at Buttons and pats him on the head.] SAM: But we'll never get that sound again, not without some more horns. We'll never get Mr. Skipster. YAKKO: Where is he? LARROQUETTE: Forget it. Mr. Skipster is the top maitre d' at the Chez Blanc. He's making a cool thousand a week. MATT: And Runt Runt got up and found himself a home. DOT: Where IS Runt Val Runt, anyway? SAM: He opened up a pet food place with that old groupie cat over on Olympic, and he took Sweet Lou with him. ELVIS: A homma homma, you'll never get Runt and Mr. Skipster out of them high payin' gigs, uh uh! [Sam starts acting REALLY strangely. He turns to one side and starts having a whispered conversation with thin air.] SAM: [whispered] Al! [The conversation continues in the background as we focus on Sam.] SAM: [pause] Al, they want to get the band back together, I can't play ANY instrument! [pause] Al, I can't do that! [pause] All right, all right, I'll do it... [Sam turns back to the main conversation as Yakko says...] YAKKO: Yeah? Well, me and WB, we've got an understanding. WAKKO: We're on a mission from Plotz. [Cut to the outside of the "Curl Up and Dye" beauty salon. Inside, we see the same slightly-younger Slappy as before (she will look like this throughout the film, BTW), doing her nails. As she does, she is reading (with the aid of a Russian-English dictionary) a copy of the manual for the RPG-7 anti-tank rocket. On the table, we see several photos of a fully-Buttermilked, mid-twenties Slappy, looking extremely happy, generally hugging Yakko tightly. Fade out. Cut to the inside of the Chez Blanc. Mr. Skipster (Skippy) is on the phone.] (To be continued in Part Two...) (Continued from Part One) [Cut to the outside of the "Curl Up and Dye" beauty salon. Inside, we see the same slightly-younger Slappy as before (she will look like this throughout the film, BTW), doing her nails. As she does, she is reading (with the aid of a Russian-English dictionary) a copy of the manual for the RPG-7 anti-tank rocket. On the table, we see several photos of a fully-Buttermilked, mid-twenties Slappy, looking extremely happy, generally hugging Yakko tightly. Fade out. Cut to the inside of the Chez Blanc. Mr. Skipster (Skippy) is on the phone.] SKIPPY: Mainly walnut cuisine. No, ma'am, President Nixon no longer dines here. He's dead, ma'am. Private dining rooms are available. [YW&D walk in. Skippy sees Yakko.] SKIPPY: Oh, no, I thought it was supposed to be 75 years. Didn't you get 75 years? [into phone] Uh, no ma'am, not you. And your name, ma'am? Robarts for 27 at 9:00. Thank you. [hangs up] YAKKO: Mr. Skipster, how fabulous it is to see you! You're looking younger than ever. SKIPPY: Wait, you guys can't come in here! YAKKO: Nonsense, my dear fellow! My siblings and I have come to dine, to celebrate my early release from the service of the studio! SKIPPY: Wait, let's talk outside, let's have a can of Acme Diet Walnut Soda outside. YAKKO: Why, no! We seek a full meal, and all the compliments of the house! Come, sibs, let us adjourn ourselves to the nearest table, and overlook this establishment's board of faire! [Phone rings and Skippy answers it as YW&D walk past him.] SKIPPY: Good evening, Chez Blanc. Wait, hey! Uh, sir? Would you mind calling back in about five minutes, please? [Biff and Buffy Vanderbunny (Buster and Babs Bunny) enter as YW&D seat themselves at a nearby table.] SKIPPY: [To the Vanderbunnys] I'm sure we'll have a table for you in just a few minutes... [Yakko whistles for service] SKIPPY: [continues] ...excuse me, please. YAKKO: [yells] HEY! Waiter! [The waiter has been standing in the corner, facing away from the restaurant. We hear an odd zipping sound, then he turns and walks over to the Warners' table. He looks like a cartoon version of Pee Wee Herman.] YAKKO: Bring us a bottle of your finest champagne, 20 shrimp cocktails for my brother, and some bread for my sister and me. WAITER: We have a Dom Perignon '65 at $250 a bottle. YAKKO: In that case, bring us one bottle. And once we pass out... bring us two more! [wiggles his eyebrows, Grouchoesquely] [Skippy races over to YW&D] WAKKO: In addition, I'll have two of everything on the menu. WAITER: Very good, sir. [Waiter leaves to fill the order.] SKIPPY: Come on, seriously, the food here is really expensive! It's five dollars for a glass of water! Come on, let's go outside, I'll buy you a can of Walnut Soda. YAKKO: We're putting the band back together. SKIPPY: Forget it. No way. WAKKO: We're on a mission from Plotz. [An absolutely ridiculous number of waiters come out and start bringing out the order.] SKIPPY: Wait, wait! What IS this? MINDY'S DAD: Waiter, sir, please, waiter! [Skippy goes over to the next table to speak to Mindy's Dad (henceforth MD)] SKIPPY: Yes, sir, how are your salads? MINDY: Hello, Mr. Squirrel! MD: The salads are fine. It's just that we'd, uh, we'd like to move to another table, away from those three... whatever they are. [MD points at the Warners. Yakko and Dot are having a contest to see who can hit Wakko's open mouth with a cocktail sauce-dipped shrimp from further away.] SKIPPY: Why, have they been disturbing you? MD: No, it's just that they, well, frankly, they have a rather offensive odor. I mean, they smell BAD! [Buster beckons Skippy.] SKIPPY: Excuse me, I'll see if I can locate another table for you. MD: Thank you. [Skippy runs over to Buster to speak with him.] [Yakko pours himself the champagne into a water glass.] WAITER: Wrong glass, sir. [Yakko slurps some of the champagne and does a spit take all over the table, then flings the champagne out of the glass, all over Minerva, who is sitting at the table behind him, wearing a white shirt. It rapidly becomes obvious that she is wearing no bra.] Y&W: Helllllloooooooooooooooooo, MINK! [Minerva races out, covering her chest with her arms.] [Dot tosses a flaming steak flambe into Wakko's mouth. Wakko makes a gookie, turns his head, and emits a loud and fiery belch that incinerates the Mime, who happens to be walking by for no good reason.] WAKKO: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! Excuse me! [Wakko waves at MD] [Yakko gets up and goes over to MD's table] YAKKO: [in a very bad Speedy Gonzales accent] How much for de leettle girl? MD: What? YAKKO: De women! How much for de women? MD: What?!?!? YAKKO: Your women! I want to buy your women, de leetle girl, your daughters! Sell dem to me, sell me your children! MD: Maitre d'! MAITRE D'!!! [The Vanderbunnys leave as Skippy goes over to MD] [Yakko sits back down. Skippy goes over to YW&D] SKIPPY: Stop it, stop it! The boss is going to ask me to call Security! YAKKO: You wouldn't do that to me, would you? WAKKO: He just got out of the Tower, he's on parole! You can't call the cops on him! YAKKO: We're putting the band back together. SKIPPY: I said no, never! YAKKO: [to MD] Yo! You much for your wife? Hahahahahahahahahahah! [to Skippy] We're putting the band back together. We need you, man. We need your horn. SKIPPY: I can't, I really can't. DOT: We've got everybody except Runt "Val" Runt and Sweet Lou, and we're getting them next. SKIPPY: No! YAKKO: [sober] If you say no, the three of us will come here for three meals a day, seven days a week! SKIPPY: [defeated] OK, OK. I'll play, you got me. [YW&D leave. Skippy sort of collapses into a chair, face buried in his arms.] MD: Sir... Sir? Sir! Sir! SIR! [Dissolve to a big crowd blocking the road at a bridge. The Warnermobile pulls up.] SCRATCHY: [over a megaphone] Men, vomen, ze svastika ist callink you! Ze mouse iz uzing ze Power Ranger as muzcle against you, und you are left dere helpless! Vell, vhat are you goink to do about it, toon? Just zit dere? Of courze not! You are goink to join mit us, ze American Zocialist Varner Bros. Toon's Party, an orkanization uf dezent, law-abidink toon folk, just like you! ALL NAZIS: I pledge to Adolf Hitler, the immortal leader of our race. And to the order for which he stands. One great cause, sacred and invincible. [Throughout this time, we've heard chants and insults hurled at the Nazis by the crowd. At one point, we see Donald Duck hurl a tomato at one who bears a striking resemblance to Adolf Hitler.] [Two cops walk past the Warnermobile--it's Bull and Roz from Night Court.] YAKKO: Hey, what's going on? BULL: Ah, those idiots won their court case, so they're marching today. Of course, _I_ think Harry should've thrown it out of court... YAKKO: What idiots? ROZ: The Plotz-danged Nazi Party! WAKKO: [disbelieving, amused] California Nazis? DOT: Hmmph! YAKKO: I hate California Nazis. Let's clear the bridge. [Wakko floors it for the standard burnout, and runs the Nazis off the bridge. The crowd cheers them loudly. The Warners continue off.] SCRATCHY: Newt? Fuehrer! Newt, get dat car's license plate number. Ve're goink to kill those... vhatever they vere! [Tight shot of the Yugo's license plate as it clatters down a crowded street. The shot widens to take in the whole scene as Wakko parks the Warnermobile downtown. They listen to Peter Shickele playing something by PDQ Bach on accordion for a while, then toss a few dollars into his case, and walk into a diner. Rita's behind the counter.] RITA: Can I help you three? YAKKO: You got any white bread? RITA: Yeah. YAKKO: I'll have some toasted white bread, please. RITA: You want butter or jam with that toast? YAKKO: @@@@@@@@@@@h, no, I'll have it dry. [Rita gives Yakko an odd look] WAKKO: Got any candy? RITA: Nope, but we've got the best fried chicken around! WAKKO: Oh, that'll do! Bring me twenty fried chickens and a Coke. RITA: You want wings or legs, pal? WAKKO: Twenty fried chickens and a Coke. [Rita gives Wakko an even odder look] DOT: And nothing for me. [sits down and looks CUTE] RITA: Uh, huh. You want anything to drink with that? YAKKO and DOT: [unison] No, ma'am. WAKKO: [over Y&D's line] A Coke. RITA: I'll have it in a minute. [Rita goes into the back room. Runt's here, as is Sweet Lou Dunbar, the recently-retired-from-the-Globetrotters Clown Prince of Basketball.] RITA: We've got three toons out there dressed like real weirdos. RUNT: Huh? What's dat, Rita? RITA: They look like they're from the CIA or something! RUNT: What do they want? RITA: Well, the girl wants nothing, she's just sitting around. RUNT: Dot? RITA: The tall one wants, [pause, imitates Yakko's voice] "White bread toast, dry, with nothing on it." RUNT: Yakko, definitely Yakko. RITA: And the other one wants 20 whole fried chickens and a Coke. RUNT: And Wakko! Hey, the Blues Warners! [Runt romps out of the kitchen] [Rita chases after him] RUNT: Yakko, Wakko, Dot! It's you! Definitely you! YW&D: Runt! [Sweet Lou comes out behind Rita] YAKKO: How're you doing? RUNT: Fine, definitely fine. How was the Tower? YAKKO: Oh, bad. On Thursday night, they serve a wicked pepper steak. RUNT: It can't be as bad as the brussels sprouts at the San Diego Animal Shelter. WAKKO: Or that oatmeal at the Los Angeles County Orenthal James Simpson Memorial Correctional Facility. RUNT: They're all bad. Definitely bad. YAKKO: Runt, the three of us--we're putting the band back together. We need you and Sweet Lou. RUNT: [whispers] Don't talk about that! Rita, she'll kill me! DOT: Ma'am, you have to understand that this is a lot more important than any domestic problems you might be experiencing. RITA: Runt, what ARE they talking about? RUNT: Don't get angry, Rita. RITA: Don't you, "Don't get angry, Rita" me! You're not going back out on the road again! And you're not playing in any more two-bit sleazy dives! You've got a home with me now! And you're not going to go around with your old... whatever they are hoodlum friends! RUNT: But, Rita! This is Yakko, Wakko, and Dot! The Warner Brothers! DOT: And the Warner Sister. RITA: The Warner Brothers? Runt, they still owe you money! YAKKO: Ma'am, would it make you feel any better if you knew what we were asking was a holy thing? WAKKO: You see, we're on a mission from Plotz. RITA: Don't you mention that man here! He made me waste what could've been a worthwhile life searching for a home! Now, this is MY dog, this is MY restaurant. You three are going to just walk right out that door, without your dry white toast, without your twenty fried chickens, without your toast, and without Runt "Val" Runt! (CONTINUITY NOTE: Somewhere along the line, Runt has learned that Rita is a cat, and has accepted it.) RUNT: No, you listen to me! You're a good cat, Rita, the only one I don't tear to shreds, but I'm the dog, and you're the cat. I'll make the decisions about my life. RITA: Runt, think about what you're saying! You'd better think about the consequences of your actions! RUNT: Shut up, Rita. Definitely shut up. [There's a second or two of complete silence] RUNT: I'm going, definitely going. [YW&D leave with Runt] [Rita turns to Sweet Lou] RITA: Well, go on! [Sweet Lou runs out after the Warners] [Another pregnant pause] RITA: [bleep!] [Cut to the outside of a downtown store. A huge mural on the side says that it's "Boo's Music Exchange." Inside, the band is wandering around, looking at instruments, amps, speakers, etc. Yakko is looking over the merchandise on top of a counter when he does a double take, and looks closely at one thing for sale-- it's an Acme Blenderizer. He scratches his head as Runt picks up a guitar to get a feel for it. Suddenly, a steel gate slides open in front of the cash register.] BOO CHARLES: [serious] B'gark, buk buck buckaw, buck b'gark. [more friendly] Buck, bk buck b'caw? YAKKO: Boo! It's me, Yakko. I once rented some speakers from you, for my band, the Blues Warners? LARROQUETTE: Heya, Boo. It's John, of John and the John-boys. Remember me? I bought two amps from you. BOO: [hiding the fact that he doesn't remember] Buck, buck buckaw. LARROQUETTE: Oh, yeah, you do, but not like these. They were covered in thick paisley mink fur. BOO: [suddenly remembers] Buckaw, buck buck b'gark! Buck buckaw, buck brawk b'grk. LARROQUETTE: Five hundred each?!? I paid $2000 per last month! BOO: [slightly embarrassed] Buck buck, b'gark buckaw... YAKKO: Boo, we're here to buy some stuff. We need everything. Pianos, amps, mikes. Gimme the works. [As Yakko is saying this, Randy Beaman has slipped into the store and is now reaching up to try and grab a guitar. Boo suddenly whips out a Walthers PPK and fires two warning shots, each one about one inch from hitting Randy Beaman's ear.] BOO: [angry] Buck! Buck buck, buckaw! [Randy Beaman beats a hasty retreat. Boo shakes his head slowly. Larroquette is looking at an electric piano.] LARROQUETTE: Hey, Boo, talk to me about this piano. BOO: [salesman mode] Buuuck, buck buck b'gark buck buckaw buck b'gark. YAKKO: How much? BOO: Buckaw, b'gark buck buck. YAKKO: $9000 for this piece of crap?!? [Larroquette tries out the piano.] LARROQUETTE: I mean, really, Boo, there's absolutely no action left in the keyboard. BOO: [insulted] Buck?!? Buck buck, b'gark buck buckaw! [Boo slides in behind the piano and starts playing with all the skill of a virtuoso pianist.] [Yakko and Wakko slide onto the piano bench, flanking Boo.] YAKKO: OK, we'll take it. BOO: B'gark. [a little accusatory] Buck, buck buckaw buck buck b'gark. [Yakko and Wakko start looking at their watches, staring off into space, etc.] [Outside a McDonald's. The Warnermobile pulls up, and the entire band explodes out. It looks sort of like that bit with the 1000 clowns getting out of the car you couldn't fit two humans into.] YAKKO: Everybody go inside, get something to eat. I've gotta make a phone call. SKIPPY: Uh, Yakko? Does this phone call concern our first show? YAKKO: Have I ever lied to you? SKIPPY: You said that you slept with some girl named Frankie. YAKKO: Other than that? [Everyone but YW&D sort of deflate at this point, and trudge on into the grease bin. YW&D talk amongst themselves.] DOT: So what're we going to do now? We don't have a show lined up! YAKKO: How much money do we have? WAKKO: I have a quarter. [holds it up] YAKKO: That's enough for a phone call. [snatches it] [Yakko goes into the phone booth. W&D cram in with him.] YAKKO: What are you two doing? DOT: You said you were gonna make a call. YAKKO: I said that. WAKKO: Who ya gonna call? [A very heavily modified 1960s-vintage ambulance races by. A man who looks remarkably like Dan Aykroyd sticks his head out the passenger window.] AYKROYD: [shouting] Ghostbusters? [The ambulance zips through an intersection, and promptly gets CREAMED by a semi coming through.] YAKKO: Remember Pluck Duckman? DOT: Duckman. Booking agent? What about him? YAKKO: Well, he got us some good showcases in the old days. He got us Krakatoa, he got us Bikini Atoll. I got him a date with Shirley. He owes me. WAKKO: Give it a shot. [Slappy appears out of nowhere and NAILS the phone booth with a nice shot from an RPG-7. The booth tips over (with the Warners in it) and the cover comes off the coinbox.] WAKKO: Hey, Yakko! Gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here! [The Warners start to dazedly pick up coins.] [In Nazi Headquarters, Scratchy is here.] [There's a knock at the door.] SCRATCHY: Yes, come in. [Newt comes through the door.] NEWT: Zir! SCRATCHY: Ah, yes, Newt. Vhat did you find out? NEWT: Vell, I called a friend at der Motor Vehicle Department. Tat lizense plate is like a rash all offer ze computer. De car belonks to a known traffic menace. SCRATCHY: Vhat is hees name? NEWT: Vakko Varner. He's got a record a mile lonk. Und he's a Lee-ver-pud-lee-ahn. SCRATCHY: Deed you get hees address? NEWT: Uff courze. 5555 Melroze Avenue. SCRATCHY: Let's go! [Cut to the front gate of Paramount. Scratchy and Newt are kicked out, literally.] SCRATCHY: Anyvon mit zat kint uff recort ees goink to make a meestake. I vant all party members een te deestrict to monitor te ceety, county, und state polize on teir CBz. Mr. Varner ess goink to skrew up. Und vhen he does, he'd better hope te polize get to heem before ve do. [Long scene of the band driving in the Warnermobile. "Satisfaction," as performed by Arnold, is on the radio.] SKIPPY: OK, we've been riding for three HOURS now. Are we there YET? YAKKO: I told you it'd take a little while to get there. RUNT: I want to know the name of the place. Definitely want to know the name. YAKKO: [nervous] Uh, the place... it's... ah... [sees a sign, suddenly confident] Bob's Country Bunker. Here we are. DOT: [startled] Bob's Country Bunker? SKIPPY: Yakko, the sign says, "Tonight Only, The Little Ole Boys, Welcome .fandom Convention!" YAKKO: Blues Warners! It should read, "Tonight Only, The Blues Warners' Triumphant Return!" Must be some kind of mix- up. You guys unload the stuff. Sibs, come with me. [YW&D go in. "Thunder Rolls" is playing.] [Shirley The Loon floats up to greet them.] SHIRLEY: Like, welcome to Bob's Country Bunker. Are you thirsty, or hungry, or some junk? Maybe you'd, you know, like a root beer or something? I mean, the aura of our sushi is like, the ultimate. YAKKO: [cocky] @@@@@@@@@@@@@h, I don't think so. We may have some root beers a little later on. We'll be here all night--we're the band. SHIRLEY: Oh, like, you are? Hey, Bob? This is the band, or some junk! BOB SAGET: [comes out of back room] All right! DOT: [tentative] What kind of music do you usually have here? SHIRLEY: Oh, we've got BOTH kinds! We, like, got Country AND Western! WAKKO: Uh, Yakko? You sure this is the place? YAKKO: Yeah, sure, it's the place all right! [Bob comes over to the Warners.] BOB: Hi! You the Little Ole Boys? YAKKO: That's us! [Wakko and Dot swallow hard.] YAKKO: The rest of the band's out in the parking lot getting our stuff together. BOB: Well, I'm sure glad to have you here. I'm Bob, and this is my bar. YAKKO: Well, it's a lovely place, Bob. BOB: I guess you boys, and girl, want to go get your equipment all set up on stage, don't you? Shirley, go turn on those stage lights and get these boys going up there. LOU: [entering, notices something about the stage] Chicken wire? [Quick montage sequence of the band setting up equipment, Wakko pulling equipment and instruments out of his Wacky Sack, etc.] [The crowd starts to enter. It's quite clearly the .fandom bunch. Among those seen in the group are Brendan Dunn, Kevin Pezzano, Richard Manning, the infamous Nefaria, and the Rizz. Also in the group, dragged in kicking and screaming by Brendan, Kevin, and Richard, is a bound and gagged Keeper.] [Dot keeps eyeing the crowd warily until we get to "Rawtoon".] [The .fanboys see Dot peek out from behind the curtain and start cheering, wolf whistles, etc.] DOT: Yakko, I really don't think we should be playing here... YAKKO: Too late for that now, Sis. We're on! [The curtain opens, and the band is sitting there on stage. The crowd stares at them, not sure what to make of the outfits.] YAKKO: One, two, a-one two three HIT IT! [The band starts playing "Gimme Some Lemmings."] DOT: [spoken] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We're sure glad to be here in Compton tonight. We're the [stumbles over the name a bit] Little Ole Blues Warners Boys Band from Burbank. We hope you like our show. I'm Dot, and these are my brothers, Yakko and Wakko. [The crowd is already starting to get restless as the Warners start singing.] YAKKO: [singing] Well, my temper is flaring And my anger's repressed Gotta find a release Afore I cause unrest [garbled line] I don't know what you want But you better lay off me Cause I'm angry at Dot I'm... So mad, baby! So mad, baby! Gotta... Gimme some lemmings... [The crowd hates it. They start chucking bottles of root beer at the stage. Brendan starts chucking water balloons at Dot, but has bad aim...] BOB: [confused] That's no Garth Brooks tune! [Bob throws the switches to kill the lights. On stage, the music dies. Really quick shot of someone driving a '77 Impala off of a dike, from whence it falls to the bone-dry ground below and explodes. YW&D hold a conference in front of the drum set.] LARROQUETTE: Uh, oh. ELVIS: A homma homma, maybe we blew a fuse. SAM: No way. Those lights are off on purpose. WAKKO: They don't like it... YAKKO & DOT: We noticed. YAKKO: But what else can we play? WAKKO: Rawtoon? [Yakko and Dot look startled, then shocked.] YAKKO: @@@@@@@@@h, I don't think so. I REALLY hate that song, and I don't like doing it... DOT: [eyes crowd really suspiciously. Brendan is trying to get a photo of the ensuing skirt peek.] ESPECIALLY in front of a group like this... WAKKO: It's just about our only chance to get out of here alive... YAKKO and DOT: [resignedly] Oh, all right... WAKKO: [to the band] Rawtoon, in A... [The bass player starts up on the Rawtoon bass line. Bob grins, and turns the stage lights back on. Runt comes in on guitar as Wakko starts singing.] WAKKO: Movin' movin' movin' Though they're disapprovin' Keep them censors movin' Rawtoon! Kids WB's better No matter what the weather Than watching Fox on weekday afternoons All the things we're missin' Ratings t'which the sponsors listen We will be getting back real soon [Yakko starts in on his little bit here. Dot finds a bullwhip and starts cracking it. As a result, Richard tenses up a little and slides a bit back from the stage. However, Brendan and Kevin start to pant, and the Keeper's eyes widen as he stops struggling with his bonds.] YAKKO: Think it up! WAKKO: Write it down! YAKKO: Write it down! WAKKO: Think it up! YAKKO: Think it up! WAKKO: Write it down, rawtoon! [CRACK!] YAKKO: Sketch it out! WAKKO: Paint it up! YAKKO: Paint it up! WAKKO: Sketch it out! YAKKO: Sketch it out! WAKKO: Paint it up, rawtoon! DOT: [yelled] Yaah! [CRACK!] WAKKO: Rawtoon! DOT: [yelled] Yaah! [CRACK!] WAKKO: Rawtoon! YW&D: [spoken, firmly] RAWTOON! [The crowd loved it. They start cheering, yelling, and chucking bottles at the stage. Wakko starts catching the bottles, chugging one or two.] DOT: [into microphone] Theme from the TV show Rawtoon. [a bottle shatters in her face] Thank you. YAKKO: That went well... WAKKO: What next? DOT: Stand By Your Mime? YAKKO: It's all we've got, other than an encore of Rawtoon... WAKKO: Yup. YAKKO: [to band] OK, Stand By Your Mime... [to crowd] This next song is a favorite of ours, and we hope it's one of yours. Sincerely. YW&D: [singing] Sometimes, it's hard to be a writer [The crowd loves it. They calm down for the duration of this song. At one point, we see a 6'4" construction worker from Hoboken, NJ, crying into his root beer.] YW&D: [continuing] Giving all your sightgags to just one mime And if you maim him Oh, be cruel to him Cause, after all, he's just a mime! YW&D & HORN SECTION: [singing] Stand by your Mime Drop an anvil onto his head Or hit him with a dump truck Give him the world's worst luck Stand by your mime And show the world you hate him Keep giving all the pain you ca-a-a-a-an! WAKKO: [singing] Baby! YW&D & HORN SECTION: Stand by your... mi-i-ime! [The crowd goes wild at this point, they're heaving bottle after bottle at the stage. Wakko's catching all of 'em, and chugging 'em, too. He DOESN'T chug the two-liter of root beer that Richard heaves at him, though.] YAKKO: Anything more? WAKKO: I think I'll handle it... or rather, Wakkorotti will... DOT: Oh, no... they'll kill us for sure! [Wakko glares at Dot, then goes out to the center of the stage. A spotlight suddenly shines on him out of nowhere, and he gestures for silence. The entire room suddenly freezes, including two or three bottles in mid-flight.] YAKKO: [stage whisper] WAKKO! What's the song? WAKKO: [stage whisper] That really annoying one... [Yakko gets the idea.] YAKKO: [stage whisper] Ahhhhhh... I see... WAKKO: [normal] And now, ladies [looks around to see if he can find any, without success] and gentlemen [ditto ;-)], I, the Great Wakkorotti, will perform a true classic. [to Yakko] Maestro? [Yakko starts playing the intro to "Achy Breaky Heart."] WAKKO: BURP BWORP BWORP BRAAAP! BURP BWORPBWORP BWORPBWORP BRAAAAP! BURP BWORP BRAP BWORP BWORP BURP BWORP URRRRRRRRRRRRP! [continues similarly to the end of the song] [Halfway through, Yakko plays a piano solo part. Dot comes in and empties the two-liter that Richard lobbed at Wakko earlier into Wakko's mouth.] [Song ends. The crowd goes INSANE! They start cheering, constantly heaving bottles rapid-fire, left-right-left-right, and trying to storm the stage.] YAKKO: I think it's about time we finished up, before they kill us! WAKKO: Close with Rawtoon? YAKKO: Yeah, why not? [They start into Rawtoon again. As we get to the part where Dot is cracking the whip, she's been trying to escape Kevin and Brendan, who have managed to get their arms through the fencing, for most of the song. Therefore, she aims the whip at their arms. Unfortunately, this only encourages them...] [Halfway through the song, we start a guitar solo, while Wakko makes a spoken goodnight bit.] WAKKO: Well, folks, that's all for tonight. You can't stay here, so please don't follow us home. Until next time... [They sing the ending to Rawtoon again.] [As the song ends...] DOT: [screams to the band] RUN! [The entire band takes off with their equipment, and manages to get through the door to the back room and bolt it just as the crowd finally tears down the fencing on the stage to chase them, sorta like Elvis fans.] BOB: [yelling into bullhorn] YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE! THE LITTLE OLE' BOYS HAVE LEFT THE BUILDING. I REPEAT, THE LITTLE OLE' BOYS HAVE LEFT THE BUILDING! DON'T TEAR THE DARN PLACE DOWN! [The .fandom crowd slowly files out. Keeper is left behind for a while, then Brendan and Richard come back, drag him out and toss him in the back of the rented .fandom van, then drive off.] [Bob comes up to the Warners in back as the band leaves] BOB: Kids, I want to tell you that that's some of the best music we've had here at the Country Bunker in a long time. DOT: Well, ah, we're sorry we couldn't remember "Ghost Riders." BOB: Oh, well, heck. You can learn it when you come back. YAKKO: Bob, about our money for tonight? BOB: Oh, yes, that's right. Five hundred dollars, but you drank a thousand dollars worth of root beer. WAKKO: Well, when we first came, the duck, she never charged us for the first round, so we figured that drinks were complimentary for the band. BOB: Well, you figured wrong. Oh, and, by the way, she's a loon, not a duck. YAKKO: We'll just go out and take a collection from the boys. BOB: I would appreciate that. [YW&D go outside. The band has just finished loading their equipment into the back of a school bus that they conveniently appeared as a plot device to separate the Warners and the rest of the band.] YAKKO: Listen, they want us to pay for the root beer we drank, so you boys better leave. The next show is gonna be HUGE. You'll see. ELVIS: A homma homma, Ah say this trip is going nowhere. Ah say we gotta quit, uh huh! LARROQUETTE: WHAT? QUIT? Well, I wish you'd make up your mind. Otherwise, I've gotta call Mr. Malone at the Howliday Inn and get our old job back. MATT: Back at the Dottowa Room? ELVIS: A homma homma, Ah say we give the Blues Brothers just one more chance, uh huh! [Buttons holds up a sign that reads, "Why not! If the shoe fits, eat it! Move over!"] [The rest of the band jumps in, and drives off in the bus.] DOT: The boys look a little upset. WAKKO: Hey, man, don't worry. We've got a couple of days. We'll get the Penguin's tax money. I mean, look. We've got an appointment to see Mr. Duckman tomorrow. Everything's going to be all right. Let's go. [As they head for the Warnermobile, the Little Ole Boys arrive in their Winnebago.] (To be continued in Part Three...) (Continued from Part Two) [As they head for the Warnermobile, the Little Ole Boys arrive in their Winnebago.] [Yakko sees a problem and walks up to the driver's window.] YAKKO: Excuse me, gentlemen. Are you the Little Ole Boys? BRAIN: That's right. I'm Bubba Bo Bob Brain, lead singer, and driver of the Winnebago. I'd like to talk to you, but we're running very late. PINKY: [from the floor area] NARF! YAKKO: I'm Jacob Yakksley, from the California Federation of Musicians Union, local 839. I've been sent here to see if you gentlemen are carrying your permits. BRAIN: Our what? YAKKO: Your union cards. May I please see them? BRAIN: Suppose I tell you that we're not really musicians, we're two laboratory mice posing as country rednecks as part of a complex plan to take over the world. What would you say then? YAKKO: Do you plan on playing in there? BRAIN: Yes! YAKKO: Then, if you don't have union cards... Listen, let me talk to Bob, the owner. I'll see if we can put your band on contract waivers for tonight. I don't want you to move from this spot. Just let me handle this. WAKKO: We'll, uh... we'll talk to Bob. BRAIN: I fear our plan has a fatal flaw, Pinky. A flaw you could drive a heavily-modified Yugo through. PINKY: Zort, Brain. [YW&D start walking towards the Warnermobile. Bob intercepts them before they can get in.] YAKKO: [to Wakko and Dot] Get in, and start 'er up. [Wakko and Dot peel off as Yakko continues on to deal with Bob.] BOB: Now you know you owe me a lot of money for that root beer you drank tonight. YAKKO: Bob, we loved playing here tonight. My sister's writing out an American Excess Traveller's Check to cover the extensive bar tab. BOB: Well, I sure would appreciate it. YAKKO: I'd better check up, see how she's doing. See, I have to sign it too, and [gets into passenger seat] usually sit in the car [closes door] and write it out on the glove compartment lid. OK? Need a pencil, huh huh. [to Wakko] Floor it! [Peelout. They blast off.] BRAIN: Were those... whatever they were from the Union? BOB: What Union? Those... whatever they were skipped out on me owing a LOT of money for root beer. [suddenly notices Pinky and Brain's outfits] What're you two all dressed up for? BRAIN: What do you think? We're the Little Ole Boys. BOB: YOU'RE the Little Ole Boys? Then who were THEY? [Bob piles into his truck with PatB, and they take off to chase the Warners.] [Inside the Warnermobile. YW&D buckle up as they run. They start Bajaing, and the car comes up on a big hill.] WAKKO: Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now! [Wakko floors it. They go flying right through a billboard bearing an ad for "Bonkers". Behind it, in a squad car, are none other than...] WALTER: I don't believe it! It's that Yugo again! WILFORD: Jerks are ours now. [There ensues a long chase sequence that ends in a head-on between the squad car and the Winnebago. Both Bob and Walter end up sitting on the hood of the squad car. Walter pulls out his gun and aims it carefully at Bob.] BOB: [raising his hands into the air] Aw, heck! WALTER: Boys, you are in BIG trouble! [Inside a sauna, lots of steam. We see the Warners sitting next to Pluck Duckman.] YAKKO: Pluck, you owe me. We'll play anywhere, any time, for anyone. DOT: Yeah. Put us in the Double-Up Lounge, or the Crystal, or the Hollywood Bowl. We always cleaned up there! PLUCK: I don't know, kids, I just don't know. Times are different. What did you plan on doing, the same show? Same outfits? You'll scare people away! Don't you ever wear jerseys, too-large pants, or skirts, like other toons? YAKKO: Pluck, you've gotta come through for us. We need five thousand dollars fast. PLUCK: [choking back laughter] Five THOUSAND dollars?!? You three think you're the Beatles or something? Do you realize what size hall you need to fill to make that kind of money? YAKKO: We'll fill any hall in the state. [pause] PLUCK: You familiar with the Universal Ampitheatre? YAKKO: Never heard of it. PLUCK: Nice place. I'll give you a map. That's big enough. YAKKO: Book us for tomorrow night. PLUCK: Whoa, kid. Tomorrow night? No way, something like this, you need to plan the proper exploitation. WAKKO: I know all about that. I've been exploited all my life. PLUCK: I dunno, boys, I just don't know. [long pause] YAKKO: Hey, Pluck? How's your mother? I have some information about you and a certain loon that she might like to know... PLUCK: [gapes] Are you blackmailing me, Yakko? YAKKO: You could say that. [slightly growly] Pluck, we need this show! PLUCK: A man after my own heart. WAKKO: We're on a mission from Plotz. PLUCK: Plotz? All right. I'll get you the room. I'll make the posters, make the place look nice for you. I don't think you kids are gonna make dollar one, but, if you do, I want a piece of the action. YAKKO: Thanks, Pluck. C'mon, boys. [The Warners get up to leave. As they do, we pull back and see the rest of the band also standing up and leaving. Cut to outside WB Animation. Flavio is on, talking to some proto- toons.] FLAVIO: Now, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, they used to live here, just like you. And now, they're having a concert to raise money to help you. So you see, your lazy behinds are in this, too. So jump in, we're going down south to put the word out on the street! [Then, the Warners are in the Warnermobile, driving around, with a huge PA system mounted on top of the car.] WAKKO: [on PA, throughout montage sequence of driving around LA] And it's ladies night, tonight at the Universal Ampitheatre! You two girls, you on the motorcycle, and it's ladies night. Free parking, two dollar cover charge only, folks! [Interspersed with this are shots of Ruegger pinning up a poster advertising the show; Yakki, Wakki, and Smakki asking Rita to put one up; Boo putting one up (upside down); and Brain stumbling across one and reading it carefully. Following this, it's early evening as the Warnermobile's engine sputters and dies as it runs out of gas. Wakko coasts into a gas station. Ted Danson is sitting in a chair outside the door.] DANSON: We're outta gas. YAKKO: Yup. Mind if we fill up? DANSON: Oh, no, sorry, I mean WE're outta gas. The tanker's late. Should've been here hours ago. [Yakko and Dot slap themselves on the forehead, while Wakko leans forward and gently thumps his head on the steering wheel. Cut to the Universal Ampitheatre. The band is starting to set up.] SAM: Nice room. This'll be a great show. SKIPPY: It's too big, we'll NEVER fill it! FLAVIO: [entering the shot, dressed in a suit exactly like the ones the Warners are wearing] You had better fill it, or a lot of people out there will lose their jobs. [Puzzled reactions from the band. Cut back to the gas station. As Wakko tries to lift a giant chocolate bar, Jennette Owen pulls in, driving a red '57 Chevy Bel Air convertible.] JENNETTE: Hello, could you please fill it up with premium and check under the hood? [Wakko point at himself, startled.] JENNETTE: Yes, you! WAKKO: Ummmm... all right. You want me to wipe the dead bugs off the windshield? JENNETTE: No, I'm in a bit of a hurry, you see. [At the show. Time passes.] BAND MEMBERS IN GENERAL: Where the hell are they? [At the police station. Ralph is sitting at his desk, and is handed a poster which has been torn off wherever it was hung.] RALPH: Daah, thanks, Ms. Page. [picks up phone] Dah, Bobbie, get me troopers Wolf and Wolf. [More general confusion at the show. The crowd is chanting.] SKIPPY: [dry] I always enjoyed playing for an angry mob... [The gas station. The tanker has finally arrived, and Yakko's filled up the Warnermobile. Y&D are trying to get Wakko to get in and drive, but he's busy.] WAKKO: [finishing up detailing Jennette's car] That will be 94 dollars. JENNETTE: Here's $95. WAKKO: Here's a dollar change. So, listen, if your date tonight doesn't work out for any reason, there's a motel up there on the interstate. Maybe we could, say, meet? Around midnight? JENNETTE: I'll think about it, Wakko. OK? [Wakko finally gets into the Warnermobile and patches out.] [At the concert site, the crowd is stomping in rhythm.] CROWD: [chanting] WE WANT THE SHOW! WE WANT THE SHOW! [Backstage] SKIPPY: Gentlemen, that's it, I am now leaving. FLAVIO: Wait, does anybody know Minnie the Moocher? LARROQUETTE: No, but I once knew a public defender named Markie Post. FLAVIO: No, the song, "Minnie the Moocher." BAND: Of course... FLAVIO: Hit it! [Song, Minnie the Moocher. There's no way to parody this better than just having Flavio try to sing it. The crowd gets into it very quickly.] FLAVIO: [singing] Hey, folks, here's a story 'Bout Minnieeeee the Moocher She was a low-down hoooootchie cootch. She was the roughest, toughest frail But she had a heart as big as a whale! Hidey-hidey-hidey-hi! CROWD: [responding] Hidey-hidey-hidey-hi! FLAVIO: Hodey-hodey-hodey-ho! CROWD: Hodey-hodey-hodey-ho! FLAVIO: Heedey-heedey-heedey-hee! CROWD: Heedey-heedey-heedey-hee! FLAVIO: Hidey-hidey-hidey-ho! CROWD: Hidey-hidey-hidey-ho! [Instrumental bit continues throughout the next scene. Outside the Universal Ampitheatre, YW&D pull in in the Warnermobile. They park in a tunnel, and get out. On the way to the building, they see the Little Ole' Boys' Winnebago. Wakko pries the door open with his tail, then reaches into his Wacky Sack, and pulls out a large bottle marked "Wakky Gloo."] WAKKO: [holds up bottle] This is glue. Strong stuff. The stuff they glue spacesuits together with. [Wakko pours it all over the gas pedal and seats of the Winnebago, then grins that wonderful evil grin of his again. The Warners take off, running into the building. Back on stage, the song is still going.] FLAVIO: [singing] She had a dream 'bout the King of Sweden He gave her things that she was needin' He gave her a house built of gold and ste-el! [Rhythm changes a bit here] FLAVIO: [continuing] A diamond car with the platinum wheels! A-hidey-idey-idey-idey-idey-idey-hi! CROWD: [responding] A-hidey-idey-idey-idey-idey-idey-hi! FLAVIO: Hodey-odey-odey-odey-odey-odey-oh! CROWD: Hodey-odey-odey-odey-odey-odey-oh! FLAVIO: Scoobilyboo scoobilyboo scoobilyboobilyboobilyboo! CROWD: [starts to fall apart at the very end] Scoobilyboo scoobilyboo scoobilyboobilyboobilyboo! FLAVIO: A zoopzoopzoodilip zoopzoopzoodilip zoopzoopzoodilip zoopzazoy! CROWD: [doesn't make it to the end together, but does a hell of a good job trying to] A zoopzoopzoodilip zoopzoopzoodilip zoopzoopzoodilip zoopzazoy! [Laughter from the crowd. Instrumental bit. Backstage, YW&D race through the ladies room on the way to the stage as the band finishes playing the song.] FLAVIO: [singing] Poor Minn, poor Minn, poor Minn! [The song ends, and the crowd goes WILD. Flavio bows repeatedly, and gestures towards the band, then turns around.] FLAVIO: [to the band] There. That bought you fifteen minutes. [The entire LAPD, Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department, and half of the CHP arrive.] WILFORD: [transformed version, beating a shotgun in his hand] Let's get 'em. RALPH: Daaah, no, I haven't heard these guyses play, OK? WALTER: [shrugs] All right. They're not going anywhere! RALPH: Great. Daaah, OK, let's cover all exits. [sits down at a table with Wilford and Walter as the rest of the cops spread out to cover all the doors] Dah, who wants an Orange Whip? [points] Orange Whip? [points] Orange Whip? Daaaaaaaaaaaah, three Orange Whips. [The Warners pop up in the back of the room. Flavio, who is looking frantically for them, notices, and signals to the band to start playing the intro.] FLAVIO: [on microphone] And now, the management is pleased to present to you, fresh from their sixty-five year tour of Joliet, Calumet City, and the Midwest, from Burbank, California, tonight's featured performers, the Blues Warners! [The Warners come out on stage, and do a cute little routine involving trading keys and such to unlock a never-actually- locked padlock on Wakko's Wacky Sack, from whence he pulls a harmonica, then remove the handcuffs holding it to his wrist, then they slide on their knees to the edge of the stage, and wait for the applause. Dead silence from the crowd.] YAKKO: [nervous] One, two, one two three four. [The band starts playing the bass beat to the first song.] WAKKO: We're so glad to see so many of you lovely people here tonight, and we would especially like to welcome all of the representatives of the California law enforcement community who have chosen to join us here in the Universal Ampitheatre at this time! [The crowd glances over its collective shoulder at all the cops] DOT: We do sincerely hope you all enjoy the show, and please, people, remember, that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive, survive, and get off, there are still some things that make us all the same--you, me, my brothers, [shrug in the general direction of the cops] them, everybody. Everybody. [Song: "Everybody Needs Some Bunny"] YAKKO: [singing] Everybody Needs some bunny Everybody Needs some bunny to love! Bunny to love WAKKO & DOT: [singing] Bunny to love YAKKO: Fuzzball to miss WAKKO & DOT: Fuzzball to miss YAKKO: Jackrabbit to kiss WAKKO & DOT: Jackrabbit to kiss YW&D: [pointing with each "you"] I need you, you, you I need you, you, you I need you, you, you I need you, you, you in the corner! I need you, you, you when the coal is on fire! [Yakko leaps off the stage for this verse, and sings it while walking up and down the center aisle. In the meantime, Wakko and Dot are going through a choreographed routine on stage.] YAKKO: Sometimes I feel I feel a little sad insight When my Babsie mistreats me I never never have a piece of hide! [Yakko climbs back onstage for the rest of this song. The audience starts to sing "you, you, you!" along with the Warners.] YW&D: I need you, you, you! I need you, you, you! I need you, you, you! I need you, you, you! [Instrumental solos for the bridge.] DOT: [spoken] You know, people, when you do find that special someone, hold that rabbit, hold that skunkette, love him, hold him, squeeze her, please her, hold, squeeze, and please that person or toon, give them all of your love, signify your feelings towards them with every gentle caress, because it's so important to have the special someone to hold, kiss, miss, squeeze, and please! WAKKO: [mouthed silently to Yakko] As if she'd know? [Yakko just about doubles over laughing, then recovers in time to start singing again.] YAKKO: [singing again] Everybody Needs some bunny Everybody Needs some bunny to love! Bunny to love WAKKO & DOT: [singing] Bunny to love YAKKO: Fuzzball to miss WAKKO & DOT: Fuzzball to miss YAKKO: Jackrabbit to kiss WAKKO & DOT: Jackrabbit to kiss YW&D & CROWD: I need you, you, you! I need you, you, you! I need you, you, you YW&D: In the corner! YW&D & CROWD: I need you, you, you YW&D: When the coal is on fire! [Instrumental solos to end of song.] [The crowd applauds wildly.] WAKKO: Thank you. That was by request of James Kufrovich. [In between songs, there is a montage of other sequences that indicate a passing of time, with "Soul Whatever-I-am," performed by YW&D, in the background. This is meant to indicate the passing of time in the concert better than they did in the actual movie.] YAKKO: This is dedicated to the great Richard Stone. [Runt plays a very cool guitar solo intro, then the band comes in with the accompaniment part to "Sweet Home Burbank." Immediately after the Warners start singing, the crowd starts to clap in rhythm with the beat, and continues to do so until after we leave the auditorium.] YAKKO: [singing] Baby! Baby, you're really tanked! Baby! Baby, you're really tanked! It's time to head on back to Sweet Home Burbank YW&D: [singing] Baby! Baby, you're really tanked! Hidey-hey! Baby, you're really tanked! It's time to head on back to Oh Sweet Home Burbank YAKKO: Well, one times two is two! Two times four is eight! Come on, baby, I'm in a blissful state YW&D: Hidey-hey! Baby, you're really tanked! It's time to head on back to Sweet Home Burbank! [Bass solo, followed by guitar solo.] DOT: Well, three times three is nine! Nine times five's forty-five! Look there, older brothers, Ralph has just arrived [points] [As they continue to sing, we see a shot of Ralph waving cordially to the sibs, then the Warners sort of hesitantly waving back.] YW&D: Hidey-hey! Baby, you're really tanked! It's time to head on back to Sweet Home Burbank! [Cool instrumental solos as the Warners do a dance routine on stage.] YW&D: Baby! Baby, you're really tanked! Oh, baby! Baby, you're really tanked! It's time to head on back to Our Sweet Home Burbank! [As the Warners head offstage, the band starts improvising solos as they continue to play the song. Backstage, they run into a fairly short, heavyset, red-haired man. They turn around to head back onto the stage and escape him, but he manages to slap a hand down onto a shoulder of each of them.] JAY MAYNARD: You kids were hot. You were great. I've gotta record you. YAKKO: [startled] You're joking. JAY: Joking? Kids, I don't joke. I'm the president of Andronis Records, the largest recording company in Texas. YAKKO: So what? JAY: [handing over a wad of cash] Here's ten thousand dollars, an advance on your first recording session. Is it a deal? YAKKO: [in shock] Uh, yeah, I think it's a deal. WAKKO: [enthusiastic] Yeah, yeah! It's a deal! DOT: [practical] Um, listen, all those cops out there, they're kinda waiting for us. We have to get out of here without being seen. Do you know if there's a back door out of this place? JAY: Sure, I used to be the head bouncer here back in the 80s. There's an electrical service duct right behind your drummer's riser. YAKKO: Look, do us a favor. Take $2500 and give it to Boo's Music Exchange in Sherman Oaks. And give the rest to the band. They deserve it. JAY: You've got it. YAKKO: Thanks. [The Warners dive to the floor and crawl across the stage to the trap door, open it, and climb in. Yakko tugs at Matt's pants leg. He turns around far enough to see and hear.] YAKKO: [just loud enough to be heard] We're gonna make a break for it. You guys keep on playing! [He nods, and the Warners disappear down the trap door. Cut to a shot of them walking down a tunnel. The band can still be heard in the background.] YAKKO: I sure hope this tunnel goes somewhere. [They come around the corner, and almost walk right into Slappy, who squeezes off a few rounds from her M-14. The Warners dive to the ground and avoid getting hit.] WAKKO: Who IS that lady? SLAPPY: [she may be a partially-Buttermilked Slappy, but it's the normal Old Slappy's voice...] Well, Yakko, you look just fine down there, ya yutz! YAKKO: [to W&D] No problem. SLAPPY: You're not gonna get away from me this time. [Slappy cuts loose with her gun. Yakko snaprolls out of the way of the shots. Inside the show, the cops hear the shots and start racing out to find where they're coming from, as do Bob and PatB. Back in the tunnel, Yakko gives his siblings a reassuring look and stands up.] YAKKO: It's good to see you, honey! SLAPPY: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you, stood at the back of a cathedral waiting, in celibacy, for you, with 300 friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Yiddish caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last seven favors with the Godpigeon. So, for me, my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and the common good, I must now kill you. AND your siblings. YAKKO: [falls to his knees, pleading pathetically] Oh, please! Don't kill us! Please please please don't kill us! You know I love you, beautiful! I wouldn't leave you! It wasn't my fault! SLAPPY: You miserable slug. You think you can talk your way outta THIS one? You betrayed me! [Yakko takes off his sunglasses just to show Slappy just how heart-felt this next statement is.] YAKKO: No I didn't! Honest, I ran out of gas! I had a flat tire! I didn't have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn't come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO PLOTZ!!! [breaks down crying at Slappy's feet] [Yakko makes sad Skippy-eyes at Slappy] SLAPPY: [Loses her will] Oh, Yakko. Yakko, honey... [They kiss] YAKKO: [to W&D] Let's go. [He drops Slappy. She lands with a THUD.] DOT: [tips her hat to Slappy] Take it easy! [They pile into the car] WAKKO: It's 8 miles to the County Offices. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of licorice, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses. YAKKO: [points straight ahead] Hit it. [Wakko Hits It [tm]. Burnout. The PA setup slides off the roof. Bob, Pinky, and Brain chase after them in the Winnebago, with Brain driving. Brain soon discovers that his foot is glued to the accelerator, and that the accelerator is glued to the floorboards.] BOB: Shoot, can't this thing go any faster? BRAIN: Um, I think we may have a bit of a problem. [They whip past the police cars, fly off the edge of the road, and go shooting off into a river.] BRAIN: [to Bob] Don't even say a word. Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? PINKY: I think so, Brain, but, if the Winnebago floated, wouldn't it be a boat? BRAIN: Pinky, that's the first time you've ever said something appropriate when I've asked you that. PINKY: Oops, sorry, Brain. [Cut back to external scenes of the chase, with a quick shot of Jennette waiting in bed for Wakko.] [They crash through a police roadblock] [Newt's monitoring the cop channel as Lenny Neeboy says...] LENNY NEEBOY: [on radio] 1986 Yugo, heavily modified. [The freeway splits in a large T-interchange out in the middle of the desert. Wakko initially sticks with I-5, but then taps Yakko on the shoulder, waking him.] WAKKO: [sounding like he did in Potty Emergency] Uh, Yakko, I've... I've gotta pull over. [He promptly kicks the wheel hard over to the right and races off the edge of the freeway, then Bajas across to a "secondary" freeway. They run over the Mime while Bajaing] LENNY NEEBOY: [continues] Northbound on state 99. [As the Mime stands up, a huge pileup of police cars occurs, directly on him. Walter and Wilford's car, which has Ralph in the back seat, goes flying out and crashes into the side of a semi, and stays in it. Inside their car, we see that Walter, who was driving, is upside-down, with his head underneath the dashboard, while Wilford, who has gone back to his un- transformed self, is simply fuming in the passenger seat, with the brim of his hat hanging from his nose.] RALPH: Daah, wanna hand me the mike? Thanks. [into the mike] Dah, this is car... [to Walter and Wilford] what car is this? WALTER: [groan] WILFORD: [weak] Six Niner. RALPH: Dah, this is car 69; we're... dah, we're in a truck, heh heh! [Montage sequence of the chase up north. As they barrel into Sacramento, the police "escort" chasing them has grown to include more cars than produced by Detroit in one year, and have changed to primarily CHP vehicles. Cut to boatloads of police on the Sacramento River, police helicopters circling the area and bicycle cops riding in formation tinkling their little bells. We see about 100 Sacramento police cars blocking the freeway and setting out flares and blockades next to a sign reading "Sacramento City Limits". The Yugo comes barreling down the freeway, exiting at the last minute, and screeching around the corner and over the barricade on the bridge crossing the freeway.] (To be concluded in Part Four...) (Continued from Part Three...) [Montage sequence of the chase up north. As they barrel into Sacramento, the police "escort" chasing them has grown to include more cars than produced by Detroit in one year, and have changed to primarily CHP vehicles. Cut to boatloads of police on the Sacramento River, police helicopters circling the area and bicycle cops riding in formation tinkling their little bells. We see about 100 Sacramento police cars blocking the freeway and setting out flares and blockades next to a sign reading "Sacramento City Limits". The Yugo comes barreling down the freeway, exiting at the last minute, and screeching around the corner and over the barricade on the bridge crossing the freeway.] SACRAMENTO POLICEMAN: Think we should have blocked the exit too? [The police cars slowly start up and swing around one by one up the exit following the Warnermobile. Inside the Warnermobile, Dot is looking at a map.] DOT: Right on Riverside Blvd. [The car zooms on and hangs a right as the road ends at the Sacramento River.] [The police cars fail to make the turn, and continue forward into the river, crashing into the police boats. Roughly 100 cars follow each other, flying off into the river. The ones which were farther back, however, saw the first couple of dozen shoot over the river's embankment, and slow down enough to make the corner--albeit only by sliding around the corner hard enough to leave it high-banked at about a thirty degree angle. Cut back to the Yugo racing down Riverside Blvd. Yakko's been sleeping for most of the trip, but, as the sun rises, he wakes up groggily, then starts when he realizes where they are.] YAKKO: Um, Wakko, we needed to get the money to the _COUNTY_ assessor's office in _LOS ANGELES_, not _SACRAMENTO!_ What're we doing HERE?!? [Wakko's too busy concentrating on his driving to answer, so Dot answers for him.] DOT: Well, we needed to kill seven or eight hours before it opened for the morning, and we couldn't exactly just hang around the waiting room while every cop within 3,000 miles broke down the door, so we decided to mislead them a bit... YAKKO: Ah. Well, could we PLEASE get back to L.A. now? After all, the office is probably open by now... [The Warners have managed to build up a pretty decent lead on the cops at this point. As they blow by an old restored train station, Wakko replies...] WAKKO: No problem. [He cuts left and onto the railroad tracks which parallel the street. As the Yugo thrashes its shocks and springs bouncing along the ties, we watch Yakko and Dot bouncing off the seats, roof, floorboards, doors, windows, each other, etc. Wakko, on the other hand, was bright enough to fasten his seat belt, primarily to avoid sliding away from the wheel in a hard turn. The cops are following them down the tracks, but are several hundred yards behind. The Warners continue past another hard right turn in the road, past a sign reading "Railroad Museum-- Keep Right," and shoot out onto a railroad turntable, stopping on it like they had caught the arrestor cable on an aircraft carrier. The turntable starts to slowly turn, while Yakko and Dot peel themselves off the windshield. Wakko is grinning at them.] WAKKO: [smug] I called ahead, had a friend ready here. [He points toward the turntable's control booth, wherein we see a somewhat geeky-looking, tall, thin, brownish-blond haired young man with gold-rimmed glasses operating the controls. The turntable comes to a stop after turning roughly 225 degrees counterclockwise, and the man in the booth makes an "OK" sign to Wakko, who waves and peels out. Once the Warners are off the turntable, he sets it turning again and bails out.] DOT: [aside, exasperated] That'll be enough with the gratuitous author cameos. [The startled cops are watching out their side windows as the Warners blow by on Riverside Blvd., and don't notice that they're headed straight for the open turntable pit. The lead cars start soaring across it, but they plow headlong into the side of the table itself. The trailing cars do the same thing, but the rotating table keeps pushing the wreckage further around the pit, so the pile doesn't reach track level before a few hundred cars fall in. The final car, a mobile crime lab van, hits the table hard enough to knock the table off its mount, squashing the cars on the opposite side between the table and the pit wall. Nobody is hurt, of course, until a GIANT anvil crashes down on the pile of cars for no apparent reason. Cut back to the Yugo.] YAKKO: Ooh, that's gotta sting. [Another chase montage sequence, this time down I-5 back to Los Angeles. Once again, the police slowly gather behind them as they travel. However, as we return to L.A., the Warners are stopped almost dead by a large fleet of police vehicles ahead of them, all travelling at about 40 miles per hour.] WAKKO: What the...? [Wakko weaves his way up to the front of this low-speed motorcade, then screams when he sees the white Ford Bronco in the lead.] YAKKO: Oh, God, I thought that we were done with all this stuff... [Wakko solves the problem by pulling alongside the Bronco and slamming into it from the side, sending it spinning off the road, plowing into a few million stopped cars on the shoulder with "Go Juice!" banners hanging from their sides. The driver's door of the Bronco pops open, and a football falls out. The Mime, wearing a referee's uniform, blows a whistle.] TOM BODETT: [over a P.A., as the Mime makes weird gestures] Personal four, unnecessary roughness, on the defense, fifteen yard penalty, repeat first down. [Massive booing is heard. Suddenly, the police (both the ones chasing the Bronco and the one chasing the Warners) come through at high speed, following the Warners, and flatten the Mime. Cut back to the Warnermobile as Wakko takes an exit on a blind curve. The cops miss this, and continue racing down the freeway. Now zipping down city streets, the Yugo zooms past an alley, where two cars wait.] SCRATCHY: Zere zey are! [The b.g. music changes over to the "Flight of the Valkyries" by Richard Wagner. Two Nazimobiles pull out of the alley and join pursuit. As they chase the Warners, Scratchy, riding in the passenger seat of the lead Nazimobile, leans out the window and starts shooting at the Yugo. The Warners don't even notice that they're still being followed until Scratchy manages to shoot out their rear window. His following shot pops the trunk latch, causing the trunk lid to pop open and raise the privacy screen. After the trunk opens, all his shots bounce off the privacy screen and come back and hit his car. He stops shooting when he manages to shoot off the right-side mirror on his car, which was directly in front of his groin. The Warnermobile pulls back onto a stretch of freeway which is eerily empty, with the Nazimobiles in hot pursuit. The road ahead is blocked by orange and white barriers and "ROAD CLOSED--MOVIE FILMING IN PROGRESS" signs. The Warnermobile crashes through the barriers, and the film crew scatters to both sides as the Yugo races past a damaged city bus, zooming towards a bridge with a rather large gap in the middle of it. At the last second, Wakko slams on the brakes, and the car teeters on the edge of the chasm. He throws it in reverse, and the Warnermobile does a reverse flip over the Nazimobiles. The car in the back slams on the brakes, starts sliding sideways, and stops just short of slamming into the side of the bus. Dr. Scratchansniff and Newt look out the windows at the Warnermobile as it flies overhead. They don't see the gaping hole in the bridge, and fly off the edge. Newt and Scratchy look worried as the sky outside the windows grows darker, and becomes black with stars. The car levels out and begins to fall. In a side shot, we see the car fall into a satellite with the Fox logo, punching a hole through the solar panel. Cut to an orbital view of the west coast of the United States. The car falls directly towards central L.A., trailing ionized gases. Cut to a side view as the car falls past a 747.] NEWT (to Scratchy): I've always loved you. [Scratchy just sort of stares at Newt. The L.A. skyline comes into view, and a split-second later the car slams into the stopped Nazi car, smashing both into a large hole in the ground. The film crew looks startled, then cheers.] ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: But that wasn't in the script! DIRECTOR: Who CARES? It's better than what ILM sent us! [The Warners start racing down city streets again. At one point, as they race under another freeway, a liquified natural gas truck stuck in traffic suddenly explodes, and a little white Toyota Corolla hatchback comes racing down the exit ramp, followed by a red Viper being driven by someone wearing a gold helmet. The only other cars on the overpass to survive are squad cars, natch, and they see the Warners flying by, then whip down the ramp to follow them. As they do, there's something of an explosion in the front end of the car, and the hood flies off. Oil starts spraying all over the windshield, the engine starts running rougher, and the Warnermobile slows appreciably.] WAKKO: Uh oh. YAKKO: What happened? WAKKO: Think we just blew the turbocharger. YAKKO: Is that bad? DOT: Very. [As Wakko leans out the window to try and see out the front, Yakko stretches his tail out and uses it to wipe off the windshield as best he can. The engine starts spewing out hot metal, which rains down on the pursuing police vehicles. Cut to the LAPD dispatch center, where a dispatcher is directing the chase.] BRYAN CHANEY (DISPATCHER): The use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Warners has been approved. [Cut back to the Yugo. Wakko makes a hard right turn onto Alameda Street. Though the car HAS slowed greatly since the turbo blew, the speedometer is still showing about 120 as Wakko weaves through a crush of pedestrians, who are running around randomly in panicked attempts to dodge the Warnermobile. Suddenly, a semi pulls into an intersection directly in front of the Yugo. Wakko stands on the brakes and just barely manages to make a sliding left turn onto Temple. The cops try to make the turn, but don't remember to late-brake the corner, and start plowing into the side of the semi. As the entire front half of the pursuing vehicles pile up in the intersection, cops start to climb out of their shattered squad cars and fire at the Warners. In the Yugo, Yakko sees something through the oil-smeared windshield and points at it, clobbering Wakko.] YAKKO: [yelling] There it is! [Wakko starts blowing the horn as he steers hard to the left onto a pedestrian-filled plaza, heading for a rather large, shining example of the institutional grotesque style of architecture. As the pedestrians scatter, the squad cars that managed to stop back at Alameda and Temple race around the corner of another building and start heading at top speed for the Yugo. However, the oil spraying from the Warnermobile's shredded turbocharger has created a massive oil slick on the plaza, and the cops slide right through the plaza and on down the street, much to Dot's amusement. Making one final turn, Wakko drives the car straight up to the front doors of the Los Angeles County Office Building, running over several parking meters in the process, skidding to a stop mere inches from crashing through into the lobby. The Warner sibs explode out of the car and start to run towards the doors, but stop as the car literally goes to pieces, falling apart into all its component parts, many of which break into several smaller pieces. Wakko gapes, and takes off his hat, which he then holds over his heart. He looks like he's on the brink of tears. After about one second's pause, looking at the car, Yakko grabs his brother by the shoulder and yanks him towards the door.] YAKKO: [frantic] Come ON! [The Warners race through the doors and slam them shut just as squad cars start to slide to a halt outside the building. For obvious reasons, the kids start shoving vending machines, chairs, trash cans, etc., in front of the doors, then run up to the front desk.] YAKKO: [calm, cool, collected] Excuse me, do you know where we might find the office of the Assessor of Los Angeles County? GENERIC FRONT-DESK INFO-GEEK: [indicates with his hands] Down that hall, first right, take the elevator up to 698. YAKKO: Thanks. [The Warners race down the hall, and nearly miss their turn. Outside the building, every LAPD squad car has arrived in the plaza, and the cops are trying to break down the front doors. Several dozen fire trucks arrive, and the firefighters clear the cops out of the way, and start chopping at the doors with their axes. In the meantime, the CHP starts to arrive. Back inside, the Warners race up to the elevator. Yakko's about to push the "up" button when a green duck wearing a diaper races up and snatches his hand away.] BABY PLUCKY: No YOU push the button, I--awk! [Dot grabs Baby Plucky by the throat, cutting him off in mid- cliche, and holds him up close to her face.] DOT: [furious] We don't have time for this! [She throws Baby Plucky out of the shot as Yakko stabs at the up button. The Warners start waiting for the elevator impatiently, completely oblivious to the perfectly serviceable set of stairs next to them. Outside, the fire crews are just starting to make some headway in chopping through the doors as the SWAT team arrives, chanting, "Hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut!" with every movement. Back inside, the Warners are finally inside the elevator, which seems to be one of those antique hydraulic lifts that depart every Monday for Thursday arrival. They don't look happy, and absolutely pathetic elevator music is playing on the PA. Back outside, as the SWAT team starts to repel down the side of the building (still "Hut hut hut!"ing), what looks to be the US Army's entire 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment arrives, complete with M1A2 tanks, 8-inch howitzers, and AH-64 attack helicopters. Overhead, the sky is filled with B-52 bombers and F-117 stealth fighters. Inside, the Warners are still waiting for the elevator to arrive at the sixth floor. Outside, at the Army's orders, the cops and firemen clear out from the front doors, and a line of tanks lance a volley of shells into the front doors, blowing them wide open. The mass of cops, fire fighters, and soldiers pour into the now rather heavily damaged lobby. Further inside, the Warners' elevator has finally arrived. Yakko and Dot are about to take off for the office, but Wakko stops them.] WAKKO: Hold the door! [Wakko starts digging in his Wacky Sack. Downstairs, the pursuers come racing up to the information desk, screaming and yelling war whoops and the like. They stop on a dime, dead silent.] COP: Hey, did three weird-looking toons just come through here, black suits, black hats, sunglasses? GENERIC FRONT-DESK INFO-GEEK: [now covered in soot and grime] Yeah, I sent them down there! [points] COP: Thanks! [The group starts racing on down the hall, as loud as before. Upstairs, Wakko finds his mallet, and smashes the elevator's control panel into oblivion. The sibs take off, and finally notice the fire door to the stairs, which they quickly start barricading with chairs and trash cans. Downstairs, the screaming mob comes racing up to the elevator, again stopping dead, perfectly quiet, as the lead cop pushes the up button. They wait exactly one second, then turn their heads in unison, see the stairs, and take off screaming again. Back upstairs, the Warners race into the lobby of the Assessor's Office, which is empty, and barricade the glass doors with the secretary's desk, then run up to the entrance to room 698, and slide to a halt just short of the doors. Their jaws hit the floor. Quick shot over their shoulder, showing the doors, which bear a sign that reads "Back in Five Minutes!" Cut to the rampaging mob as they reach the sixth-floor landing, and are joined by the SWAT team, who came down from the seventh floor, where they decided to enter through the windows. They try the door, which is, of course, barricaded, and start shooting it up. Cut back to outside the office, where the Warners are still waiting, a bit impatiently. Back in the elevator lobby, we see the barricaded door to the stairwell burst open, and the Warners' pursuers burst out into the elevator lobby, headed directly for the glass doors. Just as they arrive and start to try to break the glass, we cut back to the Warners. The office door opens, and one of employees of the Assessor's Office sticks his head out, eating a sandwich.] STEVEN SPEILBERG (COUNTY EMPLOYEE): Can I help you? [while the Warners push him into the office and half-push, half-carry him to the desk] YAKKO: This is where you pay the taxes, right? STEVEN: Right... WAKKO: [hands him the ca$h] This money is for the year's assessment on the Warner Bros. Studios, Burbank, California. YAKKO: 5000 bucks, and it's all there, pal. [As Steven does a rough count and writes out a receipt, the rampaging mob of REALLY MAD city police officers, highway patrolmen, county fire fighters, and soldiers arrives.] STEVEN: OK, it's registered as paid, and here is your receipt. [gives the receipt to Wakko.] [Click, three sets of handcuffs are put on the sibs, and Kuh- LICK!, about 10,000 M-16s are cocked, aimed at the Warners. Hold a shot looking down the gun barrels for a second or two, and then cut to the cafeteria at San Quentin State Penitentiary. There's a sign up--"Thank you for not going insane and killing your fellow inmates!"--written in what appears to be dried blood. The Warners are here, in prison blues, along with the entire band. In addition, the cafeteria is full of other inmates and guards. The band immediately starts playing.] [As the song continues, the inmates start dancing on tables, much to the guards' amusement. However, just as the song ends, a massive explosion under the stage rocks the entire prison. Once the smoke clears, we can see that, although stunned, none of the prisoners who were on the tables are injured, nor are the guards, and the walls are all completely intact. However, the Warners and the band are all badly scorched and battered. Yakko, in fact, is smoking--literally. Smoke is rising from his singed body. Slappy sticks her head into the shot from the side, grinning.] SLAPPY: What? Ya didn't actually think I'd let 'em get away with treatin' me like they did, did ya? [She grins again, and ducks her head out of the shot. Iris out on Yakko's nose as his skull continues to smolder. Roll credits.] CAST: ------------------------ (In order of appearance) PRISON GUARD, PAROLE OFFICER................................Ralph PRISON CLERK............................................Paul Rugg YAKKO WARNER..............................................Himself WAKKO WARNER..............................................Himself DOT WARNER................................................Herself SISTER MARY CARCINOGEN................................Hello Nurse LAWYER 1...........................................Robert Shapiro LAWYER 2..........................................Johnnie Cochran FLAVIO....................................................Himself ANDREA ROMANO.............................................Herself TOM RUEGGER...............................................Himself OFFICER WOLF......................................Wilford B. Wolf OFFICER WOLF..........................................Walter Wolf TOYS 'R' US CASHIER......................................Jane Doe THE MIME..................................................Himself OFFICER SLAKMER.....................................Willy Slakmer SLAPPY SQUIRREL...........................................Herself HOTEL MANAGER..........................................Don Knotts VLASIC PICKLES......................................Andy Griffith MS. STONER..........................................Sherri Stoner JOHN.............................................John Larroquette MATT "THE CAPTAIN".....................................Matt Kurth BUTTONS "DEAD".......................................Buttons Dogg ELVIS "THE PELVIS"..................................Elvis Presley SAM "OUTTA TIME"......................................Sam Beckett MR. SKIPSTER......................................Skippy Squirrel WAITER.............................................Pee Wee Herman MINDY'S DAD...............................................Himself MINDY.....................................................Herself HEAD NAZI.....................................Otto Scratchansniff BULL......................................................Himself ROZ.......................................................Herself NAZI LIEUTENANT..............................................Newt RITA......................................................Herself RUNT "VAL"...................................................Runt "SWEET" LOU............................................Lou Dunbar BOO CHARLES...............................................Himself DR. RAY STANTZ........................................Dan Aykroyd WAITRESS.........................................Shirley The Loon BOB.....................................................Bob Saget BUBBA BO BOB BRAIN......................................The Brain PINKY.....................................................Himself PLUCK DUCKMAN.........................................Plucky Duck GAS STATION ATTENDANT..................................Ted Danson WOMAN AT GAS STATION................................Jennette Owen MUSIC PUBLISHER.......................................Jay Maynard POLICE DISPATCHER 1..................................Lenny Neeboy SACRAMENTO POLICEMAN.................................Joe Doughnut PUBLIC ADDRESS ANNOUNCER...............................Tom Bodett ASSISTANT DIRECTOR....................................Joe Q. Clod DIRECTOR.........................................Jack J. Six-Pack POLICE DISPATCHER 2..................................Bryan Chaney GENERIC FRONT-DESK INFO-GEEK....................Mike X. Geekazoid BABY PLUCKY...............................................Himself COP AT FRONT DESK..............................Frank Z. Coffeecup ASSESSOR'S OFFICE EMPLOYEE.......................Steven Speilberg ANIMATION SERVICE BY: ------------------------- TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA, LTD. CHARACTER LAYOUT: -------------------------------------- LEONARD RHOMBUS WEENA MERCATUR [Suddenly, the soundtrack squeals to a halt as the film slides off the side of the reel.] FIFI LA FUME: [really pissed off, off-screen] WHAT?!?!?!? You cut mon scene?!? [We hear a punch land, and a loud crash. Zip-pan to an editing room in Sherman Oaks. Richard Manning's sitting in an office chair, back to the wall. Fifi is stomping towards him menacingly. A young lady is lying unconscious on the floor.] FIFI: [royally pissed] Mon contract says zat I do not get paid unless my scene ees eencluded een ze feelm! I need zat money to pay ze rent! [starts growling] RICHARD: [frantic, looking for a way out] Um... um... it wasn't my fault! The orders came from the top! FIFI: [surprised] Ze top? RICHARD: [enthusiastic--he just saved his own butt] Yeah, yeah! The top! [Fifi turns on her heel and storms out of the booth.] FIFI: [furious, as she exits] Ooh, zat Roogaire ees a DEAD man zees time! [Richard waits a full ten seconds after the door slams, then wipes his brow, sighs, and goes over to the now-comatose woman on the floor, and starts gently shaking her, trying to wake her.] RICHARD: Hey, Kathy? You all right? [Cut back to the credits. The cast list has expanded.] ASSESSOR'S OFFICE EMPLOYEE.......................Steven Speilberg FIFI LA FUME.........................Her bankrupt, dangerous self LADY ON CUTTING ROOM FLOOR...........................Kathryn Page ANIMATION SERVICE BY: ------------------------- TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA, LTD. CHARACTER LAYOUT: ------------------------------------------------ LEONARD RHOMBUS WEENA MERCATUR [etc., etc., credits go on for the next six months, blah blah blah, yackity shmackity, at the end, a card is held up, reading, "Next time you're in Acme Acres, take a tour of Acme Looniversity! (Ask for Babs)"] THE END CAUTION! 68-LINE LEGAL DISCLAIMER FOLLOWS! DISCLAIMER: This fanscript is a work of fiction and is not to be construed as real. With the exceptions of Paul Rugg, Robert Shapiro, Johnnie Cochran, Andrea Romano, Tom Ruegger, Rob Paulsen, Jess Harnell, Tress MacNeille, Brendan Dunn, Mel Gibson, Don Knotts, Andy Griffith, Sherri Stoner, John Larroquette, Matt Kurth, Elvis Presley, Peter Shickele, "Sweet" Lou Dunbar, Dan Aykroyd, Bob Saget, Kevin Pezzano, Richard Manning, John Friedrich, Andrew Rysavy, Ron O'Dell, Ted Danson, Jennette Owen, Jay Maynard, Tom Bodett, Bryan Chaney, Steven Speilberg, and Kathryn Page, all characters and events in this story are fictional and solely the creations of the writer's overactive imagination. Any similarity to actual events or persons, living, dead, undead, or yet to be born or conceived, for that matter, or persons or events in the world of fiction, without parodic intent, is purely coincidental. All portrayals of actual persons are not intended to be accurate depictions of their actual personalities, and are instead written to fill in the roles of characters from the film The Blues Brothers. As such, the author requests that any persons who feel they have been unfairly portrayed in this story not pursue any legal action against him. It's just a fanscript, anyway, and obvious fiction. After all, he laughed at "Hard Day's Warner" and "Please, Please, Please Get-A-Life Foundation," rather than get angry over them. It's only fair that you give him that same license to make you laugh at yourself as he gave you. Animaniacs characters, slogans, and all related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros., a Time Warner Entertaiment Company, and are used without permission. Tiny Toon Adventures characters, slogans, and all related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros., a Time Warner Entertainment Company, and are used without permission. The Blues Brothers, characters, names, slogans, and all related indicia are trademarks of Universal Pictures, and are used without permission. Ghostbusters, characters, names, slogans, and all related indicia are trademarks of Columbia Pictures, and are used without permission. Donald Duck and all related indicia are trademarks of Disney, and are used without permission. The use of Animaniacs, Tiny Toon Adventures, Blues Brothers, and/or Ghostbusters characters, names, slogans, and any or all related indicia are not intended to challenge, and should not be interpreted as challenging, the validity of any and all applicable trademarks. The use of Donald Duck and any and all related indicia is not intended to challenge, and should not be interpreted as challenging, the validity of any and all applicable trademarks. The songs "Think," "Minnie the Moocher," and "Jailhouse Rock" are trademarks of their respective publishers, and are used without permission. This story is Copyright 1995 by Richard Manning. The right to freely distribute this story in unaltered form by electronic media is granted, so long as no compensation is requested for such distribution. Distribution of this story in any compilation of stories, computer programs, or other items, in return for some compensation, or distribution of this story alone, in return for some compensation, without the express written consent of Richard Manning, is strictly prohibited. (Walnut Creek and other CD-ROM distributors, take note!) Any such distribution in return for some compensation shall be considered acceptance of any and all license and rights fees that may be demanded in return for the right to such distribution by Richard Manning; Warner Bros., A Time Warner Entertainment Company; Universal Pictures; Columbia Pictures; Disney; and/or the publishers of the songs "Think," "Minnie the Moocher," and "Jailhouse Rock." Such fees charged by Richard Manning may include, but are not limited to, cash payment of $100,000 or more, 10% of gross revenues from sales of copies of this story in royalties, and other considerations. However, should consent be requested, such fees may well be far less than the sample fees listed. All other rights are reserved. In addition, this story is protected by United States and international copyright laws, and any unauthorized duplication or public exhibition may result in civil or criminal action. -- ****************************************** A! JW2 WAR+++ PI++ BR+++ SL+++ SK+ Yakko: "Well it's been fun friend, R&R++ GDF++ GP+++++ B&M++ HIP- SN+ but we've got to get back to HN+++! MS+ ME+ CB~ MM++! KK-- CO++ planet reality now" (Baloney and Friends) GLF-- P++ $++ E26 Ee10 TSlappy A18 Justin McElhanon----------thorin@tamu.edu ******************************************