"Getting To The Beatle Of It All" Animaniacs fan-fict 2/8/97 - 2/12/97 revised: 2/19/97, 2/28/97, 3/1/97. By: Suzanne "wAkKo" Smiley Before you read this story, I feel I should tell you a little about it. It wasn't until after I began writing this fan-fict that I discovered an Animaniacs episode entitled "A Hard Day's Warners" (ep. 73). It is apparently a parody on the Beatles' first movie, "A Hard Day's Night", although I have never seen the episode. I WAS happy to discover that all the songs I parodied were NOT featured in the episode. I wrote this story because of the obvious relationship between Beatle, Ringo Starr and our beloved Wakko Warner. I HAD considered using "A Hard Day's Warners" as the title before I had discovered the name was already taken. This fan-fict is not a parody of the movie, "A Hard Day's Night", but more of a meeting between the Beatles and the Warners in the same era, 1964, when Beatlemania was near its peak... "Getting To The Beatle Of It All" THE INTRODUCTION --- part 1 They were pushing and squeezing through a long, dark, very narrow, tunnel. "Are we there yet?" whined Dot to her oldest brother, Yakko who was crawling right in front of her. "Almost, sibs!" laughed Yakko. "I sure hope so," muttered Wakko, bringing up the rear, "I REALLY have to potty!" Dot grimaced at Wakko's remark, she yanked on Yakko's tail to get his attention, "I REALLY hope you're right. You know how Wakko can get at times like this" she told him. Wakko frowned, "Say, where's that music coming from?" "Yeah, Dot answered, "I hear it too." "Shhhhh!" Yakko whispered, "Look up ahead." The tunnel seemed to be getting brighter. Small pinprick-size specks of light seemed to grow in their surroundings now, as they crawled along. The music suddenly stopped . . . >>=0 ) England, 1964 "Let's try it again," said an unseen voice, "Take 2!" "1, 2, 3, 4 ...." A single guitar chord started them off. "It's been a haaard day's night. And I've been working like a dohog. It's been a haaard day's night. I should be sleeping like a lohog. But when I get home to you, I find the things that you do, Will make me feeheel ahalright. You know I worrrk aaaall day, To get you moneey to by you thihings, And it's worth it just ta hear you say..." The four musicians were all too busy singing and banging on their instruments to notice that something odd was happening with one of the microphone cords inside the sound booth. It wiggled and writhed a little, then from where it was plugged into the wall, a bulge appeared, a rather large bulge. It traveled along the length of the cord until it was almost at the microphone itself. And they kept on singing, "When I'm hooome, Everything seems to be righ-hight. When I'm hooome, Feeling you holding me tight, tight, yeah! It's been a haaard day's..." "We're here siblings!" yelled Yakko, popping out of the mouth of the microphone, practically into the lead singer's face. He surprised the musicians who stopped playing. The lead singer, toppled backwards, tripping over a cord and falling into the drummer behind him. Wakko and Dot were not far behind Yakko who grinned a wide toothy grin, "Corny Park and Wildrapids Kingdom!" "Uh, Yakko," said Dot, glancing at their surroundings, "This sure doesn't look like the Corny Park from the TV commercials." "Sure it is!" Yakko exclaimed while helping the singer to his feet, "We're just at a backstage rehearsal for one of those musical performances that they give year 'round!" he then looked at the guy who he helped up, "Ya got a show schedule on ya, pal?" Wakko stood on the lead singer's sheet music stand, "A Hard Day's Night," he read the song's title out loud, "Hmm," he frowned, "I don't know why people don't understand this title. It makes perfect sense to me!" Dot turned to the television audience, "Squeeze cheese in a can makes sense to him." "What is Corny Park?" asked one of the musicians in a cockney accent not that foreign to the Warners. "Uh-oh," sighed Dot, "I don't like the sound of this," she pulled a folded map out of Yakko's back pocket and examined it, 'So if we aren't at Corny Park, where the HECK are we?" "Crabby Road Studios in London." offered one of the four musicians. "LONDON!?!?!" Dot and Wakko yelled. Yakko only winced. "London, ENGLAND?" Dot asked, for conformation. She seethed through her teeth, trying to remain calm. Maybe there was a London, Pennsylvania. "No, London, Pennsylvania, silly Americans," the lead singer remarked with a smile,"Of COURSE London, England." Dot glared at her oldest sibling, who only shrugged and laughed nervously. She hit him with the folded map over his head. "We're trying to record a song." said one of the singers, putting down his guitar, "What ARE you children doing in here?" "We have a brother with the navigational instincts of a rock." explained Dot. Yakko sighed and set his gaze toward the ceiling. "Who are you anyway?" asked another, curiously, examining Wakko who stood panting on the sheet music stand, "Are you supposed to be dogs, or something?" "We're not DOGS!" answered Dot, who then added modestly "But we ARE cute." Wakko excitedly bounced down from the music stand to join his brother. "We're the Warner brothers!" said Yakko and Wakko in unison. "AND the Warner sister." added Dot, trying to look cute. She was still mad at Yakko, but decided they could have fun with these people for the time being, "And you might be??" "You don't know who we are?" asked a singer. The Warners shook their heads. "We just figured you were some crazed fans," said another. "No," said Yakko, "NOW we're fans!" The three Warners sat back on their haunches and suddenly, they actually did resemble electric fans. Their arms began to twirl like fan blades, blowing some of the sheet music off of the stands. The singers rushed to hold the rest of the sheets before they lost them all. The Warners abruptly stopped. "Well, we're the Beatles," said the lead singer, a little cautiously, not sure what these strange looking children would do next, "I'm John," he pointed out his companions, "This is Paul, George, and Ringo's the one on the drums." "Well, pleased to meet you," said the oldest Warner, "I'm Yakko, this is Wakko, and..." "I'm in LOVE!" Dot exclaimed, leaping energetically into Paul's arms. Paul leaped as well. About a foot off the ground, in surprise. "She's Dot." said Wakko. "Say," Yakko frowned at Wakko, "Didn't YOU have to potty, or somethin'?" Wakko's face turned red a little, "Too LATE," he sighed, bowing his head in shame, pointing towards the sheet music stand which he had been perched on a few moments prior. Skippy Squirrel suddenly poked his head on the screen "Speeyooooo!" he grimaced, disappearing just as soon as he'd appeared. "Look what he's done." remarked John to the others, matter of factly, pointing to the sheet music, "What a bad doggie." Wakko grinned, "I'd say I deserve a spanking, right on my fanny!" "He's not BAD," Yakko said to John. He then turned to Wakko, "You used the paper, GOOD FOR YOU!!!" Yakko patted his brother on the head who smiled, let his tongue roll out of his mouth, and wagged his tail. Yakko turned back to their present company, "Gotta say it's been swell!" said Yakko, "But then I'd be lying. If you'd all be so kind as to point us in the direction of Dorney Park, we'll be out of your hair..." Wakko smiled while sitting on George's shoulders, picking through George's long haired head, chimpanzee style. He found something, munched on it, made a face, and spit it out. Yakko continued, "And you can get on with recording your Roaches song." "Beatles!" The four Beatles corrected, Yakko. George shook his head around a little, knocking Wakko off. Yakko shrugged, "Whatever." "'Roaches'," pondered George, "I sort of like that." John frowned at his fellow Beatle, "You WOULD, George." "You mean, you REALLY 'aven't 'eard of us?" asked Ringo, the drummer. The Warners shook their heads. "We sing a lot of gear music." said Paul, "Only the most popular stuff." "Songs like AND I LOVE HER, SHE LOVES YOU, Surely you've heard of them," said John. Wakko and Dot shook their heads. "Can't say that I have, pal," said Yakko to John, " And the name is Yakko, not Shirley," he pulled onto the screen, a white female duck with blonde hair and a pink turtleneck. "Like, what's going on?" asked the duck in a 'valley girl' accent. "THIS is Shirley!" said Yakko as the TINY TOONS theme played briefly. The Beatles looked at each other for a moment. "We should have an Accent Day on the show," Wakko suggested to his brother, "We seem to have all kinds in this episode." "So talk with the WB Execs," Yakko said coolly to his little bro, "Although I'm not sure how crazy they'd be about the idea of an Accident Show." "ACCENT SHOW," Dot hissed, poking Yakko in the ribs with her elbow, "not ACCIDENT!" "Say," said George to Wakko," Where ARE you from? I couldn't quite place your accent." "Burbank, California, USA," replied Wakko. "I think what Georgie means," explained John slyly, placing his hand on George's shoulder, "is where are you ORIGINALLY from?" Wakko looked at his siblings for help, they looked back, just as confused, "Burbank," Wakko repeated, shrugging. "Oh," Paul nodded his head, "Spend much time in England, then?" "Umm, no," Wakko counted on his fingers, "Ten minutes, now, maybe?" "But he talks like us," said John, "It doesn't make sense." "Stick around a while," Yakko suggested, "You'll find that a lot of things about us don't make much sense." Ringo, who had remained quiet for some time, suddenly laughed out loud, "'Shirley'! It was a joke! I get it!" he played the classic 'punch line' drumbeat. Yakko, wide-eyed, leaned over to his siblings, "Now, THAT was scary," he whispered to them. "LOVE ME DO," Paul said, thinking of another of their songs. "Don't mind if I do," replied Dot, who was still in Paul's arms. She gave him a big smooch right on the kisser. Paul made a face, "Hey, that's enough. Get off!" He pushed the Warner sister to the floor. "Aw, what's the matter, Paul," John kidded, "Can't handle a single bird out of the entire fanatic, female, populous?" "Ah, Shut your mouth, John," replied Paul, "You wouldn't be saying that if it were YOUR neck she was hangin' off, slobberin' all over you." "I don't slobber!" objected Dot, " And for your information, we're not BIRDS either." John only smiled, "Alright let's give 'em the song." The Beatles took up their instruments and John his mouth organ. The Beatles: "Love, love me do, You know I love you, I'll always be true, So pleeeease love me do, Whoa, oh, love me do," Getting the gist of the song, the Warners decided to make up their own verse, The Warners: "Love, love us do, You know Dot loves you, Be our special friend too, Or we'll seeeee that you do. Whoa, oh, that you do." The Beatles: "Someone to love, Somebody new," The Warners: "Someone to kiss, Someone like Lou!"* The Beatles: "Love, love me do," The Warners: "You know we love you," The Beatles: "I'll always be true," Wakko: "Eat tooooo much cheese..." The Beatles: "Love me do," Wakko: "Too much cheese and you'll..." Yakko: "Goodnight everybody!!!" "Ehhhhhhh," hesitated Yakko, after that truly odd song, "pardon me for asking, but why do every one of these songs have to do with LOVE? I mean, where are all the gross and obnoxious songs? Where are all the educational songs like..." Wakko, dressed as a clerk, quickly brought out an adding machine to tabulate all the titles as Yakko spoke them... "THE NATIONS OF THE WORLD, ALL THE WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, MULTIPLICATION, THE FIFTY U.S. STATES AND THIER CAPITALS, THE SENSES, and ALL THE PRESIDENTS!?!" "Sounds rather like a major drag," frowned John, "We don't sing anything like that." "Oohhooo!" said the Warners in unison. "Well, THAT explains why no one's ever heard of you!" said Yakko. Dot and Wakko nodded their heads in agreement. Besides, the Warners couldn't stand having anyone sing more than them in their own cartoon, "Let's give these guys OUR song," Yakko smiled mischievously. The Warners assembled themselves, similarly to the way the Beatles had done, but with their own instruments. Dot was on drums, Yakko on guitar with Wakko singing lead. Wakko: "Be cool and smell a flower, Make love, not war, and shower. Kiss the world and be groovy, Go ahead and make a gookie!" Yakko&Dot: "Bad, dabba, dabba, dabba, Make a gookie!" The Warners: "Bad, dabba, dabba, dabba, MAKE A GOOKIE!!!" "THAT little ditty, my friends," said Yakko, "got us a guest stint on The Ed Sullyman Show a while back. Don't feel too bad," he added, "You could get there someday!" "Here's one we've been currently working on!" said Dot. She promptly switched places with Yakko from drums to guitar who then switched places with Wakko, producing his own guitar. "I like the drums the best." said Wakko, seating himself behind the drum set, "'Cause they're the NOISIEST!" He then gave a dramatic demonstration which not only nearly made everyone in the room deaf, but practically brought the building down on top of them. A few large cracks formed in the ceiling and some plaster fell. When his brother was through with his drum solo, Yakko asked, "Shall we begin?" And they did. Wakko&Dot: Heart! Yakko: I need somebody's, Wakko&Dot: Heart! Yakko: Give me anybody's. Wakko&Dot: Heart! Yakko: You know I need someone's, Wakko&Dot: Heaart! Yakko: "When I was younger, so much younger than today, Never needed anybody's heart, mine was okay. And now these days are gone, I'm not so self-assured, My heart's unkind, one I gotta find, before I keel down on the floor!" All: Help me doctor, 'cause I'm feelin' down, And I do appreciate you bein' 'round, Gotta get my ticker feelin' sound, Find a heaaart for me! With a final guitar chord, the Warners finished their song. "That'll really rock the geriatric crowd," said Dot. "And we're gonna add some stuff in there about how the heart works so it can be obnoxious AND educational!" Wakko added. The Beatles just stood and stared. HELP! It was HORRIBLE. They suddenly thought of how some people thought the BEATLES music was bad. Well, considered John and Paul, maybe with some better lyrics... "I see you're all stunned," smiled Yakko, "I know, I know, How do we do it? I'll promise to teach you all the basics of writing good songs, so you can be big, like us." "But we ARE big," objected George. "Uh-huh," Yakko replied sarcastically, "I DO like your spunk though. Keep up that attitude and you'll be famous in no time, fella." The Beatles looked at each other again and rolled their eyes. It was no use in trying to explain anymore. "Until then, "Yakko added, "if you Beatles people aren't educational-oriented, maybe you'd better amscray from the show we're tryin' to do here," he closed his eyes and started to recite like a dictionary definition, "WB will not allow ANYTHING on its network which isn't highly educational programming." With that, the Warners tried to look at each other and keep straight faces. They couldn't help it. They suddenly burst into thunderous laughter and rolled all around the floor in a giggle fit. John only groaned. He was beginning to get a little fed up with these Warners, "George," He called to their producer, George Martin, who would be in the adjacent recording booth, "We could use a little help in here" A reply from the recording booth followed, "So unhappy, I am. These CUTE KIDS that are so CRAZY with these ears and tails. Stop it now with the bouncing and annoying! FLAMIEL!" "Who or WHAT was THAT?" asked Paul. "Sounded a little like that American, Jerry Lewis chap," said George. "That's Mr. Director," said Dot, "He's on our side in this cartoon, for the exchange of this small cameo." "Thank you, oh so much, Dot Warner." said a very formal voice, but then, "Oh thanks, little GIRL with the weird flower on her HEAD all SMALL, so NICE it could smell! HOYLE, FROINLEVEN!!" replied Mr. Director who never spoke a word after that, for that was the end of his 'small cameo'. Yakko went on to explain to John and George the importance of the lyric placement in an obnoxious song as Dot busied herself by making goo-goo eyes at Paul. Wakko snaked his way over to where Ringo was still seated behind the drums. He noticed a brown leather bag on the floor behind the drummer, "Got any food in there?" he asked Ringo, "How 'bout some candy, Mister, I'm starving!" "Well," said Ringo, "it's just me lunch, but..." It was too late. Before Ringo could blink, let alone finish his sentence, Wakko had devoured the entire bag! "'Ey!" barked Ringo, "You ate me 'ole bag!" Wakko grinned, "Deeeelicious!" He didn't know what it was about this guy, but he liked him. Suddenly, Wakko didn't feel so good. He belched and up came Ringo's bag, now empty, but at least in one piece, "Excuse me," apologized Wakko. John had enough, "Since we're not getting anything done here, why don't we go get something for lunch?" Wakko's eyes lit up, "Lunch? Yeay! I'm STARVING!!" "STARVING?" Ringo blinked at Wakko in disbelief, "You already ate me lunch. 'Ow much can you eat?" Wakko smiled, "Trust me, Mister, you don't wanna know." "Oh no," said John, staring at the expectant Warners, "You can't come with us." "Oh yeah?" replied Dot, hands on her hips, "Who's gonna stop us?" Yakko crossed his arms, nodded his head and smiled. The Beatles all looked at each other. These kids weren't fans, they'd NEVER heard any of their music. So why were they so obsessed with sticking around? John asked this question of the Warners. Their reply was simple. "Because we LIKE you!" they exclaimed as a group, Yakko hopping up between John and George, Wakko leaping into Ringo's arms, and Dot back onto Paul. "Will you be our SPECIAL friends?" asked Wakko, licking Ringo on the face who dropped the middle Warner sibling to the floor to wipe off the slobber. The Beatles all gathered in a huddle to converse. In the end they decided that maybe they were crazy, but what could it hurt? >( |>=0 )> THE ADVENTURES --- part 2 Once at a nice, but not overly fancy English restaurant, a prime rib entree, a roast beef sandwich with pickles and tomatoes, a cheeseburger and fries, a steak dinner with onions, a breaded swordfish platter, batter fried chicken, three salads, two glasses of water, three colas, a milk and an orange juice were ordered. After Wakko's turn, everyone else ordered their own meals. And THAT was the exciting ordeal at the nice English restaurant. >*>=0 ) After a filling meal, the group decided to take a walk. They headed out of the restaurant. In an alleyway across the street stood two white mice. "EGAD, Brain," said the taller mouse, the one with buck teeth and a huge red nose similar that annoying Disney chipmunk. What was his name? Oh, anyway, back to the story... "EGAD, Brain," repeated the taller mouse, because he had been previously interrupted by the writer, "Aren't those the Beatles over there!?!" He was hopping up and down, clasping his paws in glee, pretty excited to see the Fab Four in person. "YYYES!" Replied the tall mouse's companion, Brain, "The Beatles, the four most influential individuals to the world's youth today," Brain suddenly had a thought, "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Pinky thought for a moment. He brought his pink paw up to his chin, "Ummm, I think so, Brain," he began, still staring across the street, "but George and Me, I--I don't think we'd make a cute couple after all." Brain sighed, "Silence Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you." "Oh, sorry, Brain," Pinky apologized, "NARF!" "What I meant, Pinky," Brain continued, "is if we could only control what the Beatles said and did, their impact on the youth of this planet would be so great, we could TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" His eyes glimmered as he spoke the words. "Um, POIT, one small technical problem with that, Brain," Pinky said slowly. "And what is that?" asked Brain. "ZORT! We'd have to find them again." Brain looked out into the street. It was true. While trying to explain his plan to his dim- witted sidekick, the Beatles had traveled somewhere down the street and out of site. "Drat," Brain muttered, "I guess then you know what we'll be doing tomorrow night, Pinky." "No," Pinky replied, confused, "What are we going to do tomorrow night, Brain?" "Brain smacked his paw to his head in disgust, "Why do I even bother?" >>=0 ) "Could you stop following me like that?" Paul asked of Dot, who pursued him down the street as the group walked along. Yakko still hadn't given up his discussion of proper song lyrics, "Now you see, you start out with United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru. Republic Dominican, Cuba, Caribbean, Greenland, El Salvador, too... and so on and so forth. If you're careful and clever enough, you can make every single one rhyme! See? Puerto Rico, Columbia, Venezuela, Honduras, Guinea, and still, Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina, and Ecuador, Chile, Brazil..." Yakko went on and on. "It's surprising that people listen to him at all," muttered John. "You can leave me out of this," George finally said to Yakko, "I haven't written any songs." Yakko turned to John. He smiled deviously at him and raised his eyebrows a few times. John, truly a lyricist and songwriter, could only glare at George for his betrayal. George shrugged at John, frowning, "I just couldn't take it anymore!" Wakko was keeping good pace along side Ringo by holding onto his feet and bouncing along the sidewalk on his bottom. Meanwhile Dot had become a little bewildered at the way the current victim of her passions had just treated her. She glanced at Wakko and upon not finding any intelligence, Dot looked up at Ringo, "I think I'm gonna be sad. REAL sad," she informed him, "I think it's today, SIGH!" Paul looked at her as Dot continued her single-sided conversation with Ringo, "The guy who's driving me mad, is going away!" Dot's conversation perked up John's attention. He'd listen to ANYTHING as opposed to the rambling of the oldest Warner sibling. "Well, more like RUNNING away from me all the time," Dot continued, "Ya know what I mean, Mr. Sad-Eyes?" "The name's Ringo, luv," the drummer replied. Just then Wakko let out a huge burp, "Excuse me, again!" After a meal like Wakko's, who wouldn't burp? Then again, who could EAT one of Wakko's meals other than an elephant, or some large dinosaur? "I know that," Dot replied to Ringo, "But why do you look so sad all the time? Smile!" "You should see him when he's playin' his drums," laughed John, "He NEVER stops smiling!" Ringo frowned, "That's not true." "Aw, why don't you leave him be, John," said Paul, "You know we're ALL much happier when we're up on stage." George agreed, "It sure beats the runnin' away from screamin' ladies in between." "Richard STARKEY?!?!" Everyone looked at Wakko. He was staring at a small white piece of material that he just burped up. "What have you got there, Wakko?" asked Yakko. "I think this is the name tag from Ringo's bag!" The Warners all looked at Ringo in horror. "You mean, THAT'S your REAL NAME?" asked Wakko. He had a disgusted look on his face and was on verge of making a gookie. Not a pretty site. The Warners looked at each other, "Ehheewwghhh," they remarked, making faces. The three other Beatles glanced at each other, knowingly. John covered his mouth to keep from laughing at the Warner's reaction to their discovery. "Umm, NO!" replied Ringo, shifting his gaze around nervously. Besides, if they didn't know, then why tell them? "That must 'ave been the name of the bloke who owned that bag before me!" "Wheeeewwww!" The Warners let out a sigh of relief. That's good," Yakko remarked, "We wouldn't have wanted any of you really swell guys to go weird on us or anything." "And why is that?" asked George. "'Cause," replied Yakko, "We may have been forced to make ourselves leave!" "UH-HUH, UH-HUH!" added Wakko and Dot, nodding their heads wildly. George and Paul groaned and shot daggers at Ringo, who could only shrug and sigh. John suddenly had an idea. He slipped his hand halfway inside his jacket flap and crossed his eyes, "Sac creble!" he yelled out, attempting to 'go weird' on the Warners, "I am Napoleon!" "Cute," said Dot, "but we're not falling for it." "Yeah," added Yakko, "mainly because we've met Napoleon, and quite frankly, you're a HECK of a lot funnier than he was." John smiled, "Why thank you." "You're welcome," replied Yakko. Just then, a mass of screaming female fans came charging toward the four Beatles and the three Warners. "Uh-oh" said Yakko, smiling, "My fans, they've found me! Ahh, HELLOOOOOO NURSES!!!" "PAUL!! JOHN!!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!" screamed the swarm. "I don't think YOUR fans," Dot said to Yakko, beginning to get scared. Paul glanced at the rest of the Beatles, "Get ready to run." "Oh, my favorite part," John commented sarcastically. The crowd kept on coming, "EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! PAUL!!! PAUL!!!!" Dot's face suddenly grew red in rage. She gritted her teeth together and bounded to the rescue, standing her ground before Paul, "Oh no you don't girls," she growled, "He's MINE!!" "She's got a whole lot of backbone, now, doesn't she?" remarked John. George nodded, "A whole lot of SOMETHING." The mob never slowed. The thunderous sound of running feet was becoming overwhelming. Uuum," Wakko said, beginning to fear for his sister's life, "They're not slowing down." "Okay," Dot said to her brother, calmly, "Then DO SOMETHING!!!" Wakko pondered the problem for a second and then his face lit up with an idea. He reached under his shirt, producing his mallet. Wakko waved the huge wooden mallet over his head ferociously and started swinging it in the direction of the oncoming girls. He growled viciously. John, Paul, George, and Ringo watched in astonishment as the crowd came to a screeching halt and with almost the same intensity that they had arrived, the hoard of fans ran screaming in the other direction. When the girls were gone, the Beatles smiled at Wakko who stood tall and very proudly. For good reason, too. He had just saved seven lives. "Thank you!" said Paul and George. "A job well done, lad," Ringo commented, patting Wakko on his hatted head. "Yeah," John smiled, "He's pretty handy for an odd looking child with no pants." "Faboo," grinned Wakko, his long tongue lolled out of his mouth. Ringo laughed at Wakko's comment, "Yes, it WAS pretty fabulous, wasn't it, now?" Yakko and Dot's mouths dropped straight to the ground, simultaneously. They stared at each other, then up at Ringo. "You UNDERSTOOD that?" Dot asked Ringo, "Yakko and I could NEVER figure out what that catch phrase of Wakko's meant!" "Yeah," agreed Yakko, "It all makes sense now!" "Well, you could have just asked me," remarked Wakko to his siblings. He then smiled up at Ringo admirably. Someone who UNDERSTOOD him for once! He momentarily considered replacing his longtime idol, Don Knotts, with this Beatle, but after a moment or two, decided against it. Even really swell British pop stars could NEVER be placed in his heart over the immortal Don Knotts. >( |>=0 )> A disgruntled looking alley cat and a large dumb expressioned dog ran away from a furious grocer holding a broom. The ran down the street until the grocer got tired and gave up. "Jeeze," complained the cat, stopping at the street corner to wash herself, "We're not even good enough for their GARBAGE." "Yeah," barked the dog, who spoke in mannerisms that only Rainman would understand, "We're definitely, definitely, two stray unwanted dawgs, Rita." "They respect their TRASH more than our hunger," Rita went on, ignoring her companion's remark of her being a dog. She was used to it, "Y'know Runt, I really wouldn't mind napping in the lap of luxury right about now." "I dunno about dat," Runt panted, "I think I'd just like a home, yeah. Definitely a home. Dat sure would be swell." Rita stared at the television audience and shrugged, "Not too bright, but eh, you gotta love him anyway." That's when Rita spotted the Beatles. They'd nearly been mauled by those girls. Luckily, that strange little kid with the mallet had scared the insane fans off. The Beatles were now headed this way. "I wonder how it feels to be THAT wanted," remarked Rita. "I bet it's nice," said Runt. "Wouldn't mind being THEIR pets," Rita said, fantasizing, "Pets of big stars like the Beatles NEVER have to worry about where their next meal is coming from. It's probably dished out to them on a silver plate, too." Runt smiled and circled Rita in a puppy-ish trot, "Silver is pretty." Rita stared up at the blue sky. "I can see the headlines now, Runt: Rita, Famed Cat of the Fab Four," She proceeded by expressing her thoughts in the only way she felt truly comfortable, through song: Rita: "Beatles, Rita; Those are names that go together well." Runt: "Yeah, real, real, swell." Rita: "John, Paul, Ringo, and George too, they are the way to go, Living on gold. "I love you, I love you, I love you, That's what I want them to say. Wish I could find a way. Give me a snack and scratch my back, then sing a song to me." "Aw, sounds nice," Runt panted. Rita: "Beatles, Rita, And if he won't screw it up, Runt too," Runt: "Yeah, definitely, definitely Runt too!" Rita: "I need you, I need you, I need you, To share your lives with me. Just gotta make them see, That I need a home, don't want to roam indefinitely." "Definitely, Defiantly!" Runt ran around in circles, "Gee Rita, dat sure was a pretty sawng. A pretty sawng from a pretty dawg." Rita looked up. The Beatles were less than ten feet away! She and Runt did their best to look cute. Runt barked playfully and ran in circles, wagging his tail. Rita strode right up to John Lennon and brushed against his legs. It was real. He was really there. It wasn't some dream. "What a cute doggie," said George, who began patting Runt. Ringo followed George's lead, touching Runt's sruffy Beatle-like haired head, "Fab, 'airdo," he complimented of the dog. Rita closed her eyes and purred contently accepting John as he reached down to scratch her head, "Aw, pretty kitty," he whispered. Rita nearly died. It was absolute heaven. "Can't we take 'em home with us?" asked George, innocently. Ah! Rita thought, The guy is a SAINT! Paul shook his head, "We'd better not. They might belong to someone." "Yeah," agreed John, standing up straight, "Animals THIS nice certainly must have a home." Rita, deeply disappointed, gazed longingly after the group as they departed. She never took her eyes away as they disappeared from sight, "John said I was pretty," she sighed. "You ARE pretty," Runt was feeling bad too, "Aw Rita, don't be so sad." Rita couldn't help it. She finished her song with tears in her big green eyes: Rita: "And I need a home, can't bare to roam indefinitely, My Beatles." With a sigh, she looked at her friend, who was staring at her expectantly. Rita tried to compose herself, "Easy come, easy go, right? C'mon Runt," she smiled at him, "Let's get back to the States and bug Elvis or something." Runt's sad expression became one of pure joy, as he hopped up and down, "Oh-boy, oh- boy, oh-boy!" he barked. >*>=0 ) Paul hated to say it. He feared even opening his mouth, but being a gentleman, he knew he had to, "You were very brave back there little girl," he said to Dot. Dot swirled on him, "You REALLY think so?" A HUGE grin formed on her face. Paul sighed, "Yes, thank you. You truly are a fan. Even -- if you've never heard any of our songs." Dot jumped up into Paul's arms, "You can call me Dot! Unless you just want to call me 'your girl'," with that, she put her head on his shoulder. Yakko and Wakko looked at each other upon viewing a little too much mushiness and made sickened faces. Yakko shrugged, "Girls." "Now, about our relationship," Dot continued to Paul, "Try to see it my way. Or do I have to keep on talking 'til I can't go on? While you see it your way, we run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone!" Wakko frowned at Dot, "How come you always speak in rhyme when you talk to him?" His question was left unanswered, however. "It wouldn't work out," Paul objected. "We CAN work it out," Dot smiled, lovingly. John butted in, "Hey, I kind of like that." he told Dot. Dot and Paul frowned at John, "What?" "Nothing," John muttered, not knowing what had come over him, "Never mind, crazy idea, anyway." >>=0 ) Across the street from where the Warners and Beatles were walking, high up on the ledge of a building, perched three pigeons: the Goodfeathers. "Look Pesto," said the grey, toothy-beaked, pigeon, in a very DiNero type voice, "It's the Beatles!" "Hah!" squawked Pesto, who's plumage was purple-ish, "Wassa matta wit you, Squit? Your birdbrain a balla linguini?" he sounded very much like Joe Pesci, "Do ya think the Beatles would justa go walkin' around in the wide open so that any psycho could come along an' maul 'em? Those are NOT the Beatles!" "Think I should fly down an ask for their autographs?" asked Squit, ignoring Pesto, "Sasha would love it if I got them all to sign something. Coooooo!" Pesto quickly turned on Squit, "Are you cooin' at me?" "What?" asked Squit. Pesto turned to the third pigeon, taller and blue colored, who beared a slight resemblance to Ray Liotta, "Bobby, was HE cooin' at me?" Not wanting to get into it, Bobby only shrugged. "Naw, I'm not cooin' at you, Pesto!" Squit objected. "You were cooin' at me! I KNEW it!" "Naw Pesto," Squit tried to explain, "I NEVER cooed at you!" Pesto was now in a fit of rage, "THAT'S IT!!!" He jumped on Squit and a fight ensued, kicking up so much dust the two pigeons could only be heard and not seen. Squit kept yelling for Pesto to stop while Pesto yelled numerous things in Italian. Bobby just stood perched on the roof ledge, laughing. >( |>=0 )> "What now?" asked Dot, she was still in Paul's arms because he finally gave up on trying to remove her. The ensemble had made their way back to the Crabby Road Studios and no one was sure what to do next. Yakko looked up at the sky's oranges, reds, and purples. It was late afternoon and the sun had begun to set. "Well sibs, " he said, "I HATE to spoil the fun, but it IS gettin' late." Wakko was holding onto Ringo's hand, "Let's stay JUUUUUST a while longer," he said, looking up at the drummer. "I KNOW! Let's have a SLEEP OVER!" suggested Dot, "YEEEAAH!!" Paul's head was still ringing after Dot had screamed right in his ear, "Let's not," he said. "We REALLY gotta go, guys," said Yakko to his siblings, "We're gonna run over our half-hour timeslot and suddenly find ourselves in some WB rescued sitcom which bombed in less than half a season on network TV, like, Sister, Sister or Brotherly Love." Dot an Wakko cringed. "Okay then, let's end in a SONG!" yelled Wakko. Paul, thinking about the 'Heart!' song from earlier, gave Wakko the same response he had given Dot, "No, l-let's not." "Yes!" Yakko smiled, "LET'S!!" The Warners lined up in a row and started to sing: We are the Warner Brothers, We like to sing a lot! I am Yakko, I am Wakko, Our guests they all stayed bright and cheerful, Even though they got an earful, Our friend, John Lennon, smart and witty, Paul McCartney, Dot thinks is pretty, George Harrison is always truthful, Wakko idolized Ringo Starr, uncouthful, Hope you liked the mindless plot, And here's our sister, DOT!! The Warners then spotted a drainpipe on the side of the building, waved one last goodbye, and squeezed into it, at last, leaving the four Beatles alone. >*>=0 ) California, 1967 Once again, the Warners found themselves crawling through a dark tunnel, this time Wakko was leading, seeing as how Yakko hadn't much luck finding their destination the last time. "Here we are!" Wakko exclaimed. "Yeay, we're home!," Dot cheered, "Good old Burbank, 199 --" Something was wrong. The Warners had just popped out of a television camera, during the filming of a TV show, but it didn't look like 1997. In fact it looked like they were still back in the sixties. Yakko stared momentarily at the four longhaired musicians with their instruments standing before them, "Whoa, Deja Voodoo." "Who are you?" asked one of the young singers. His voice was decidably British. "Ehhhhhhhhhh, we're the Warners," said Yakko, glancing at his siblings, deeply confused, then back to the singers, "Who are YOU?" "We're the Monkees," said one of the singers. "And people say we monkey around," added another, as a joke which the Warners obviously did not get. "People say that we're CUTE!" Dot offered, she was grinning at one of the Monkees intently. She hopped up in his arms, "What's you name?" "I'm Davy," said the musician. "Pleased to meet you Davy. I'm --- developing a huge crush," replied Dot, her arms wrapped around his neck. Davey's face began to turn blue,"I can tell," he gasped, trying to remove himself from the Warner sister's death grip, "I can't breathe!" Yakko winked at the television audience, "Here we go again!" >>=0 ) Meanwhile, Back in 1964 The Beatles, worn out from the afternoon, and glad to finally have some peace, headed into the recording studio, to find the recording booth vacant and in shambles and their producer, George Martin locked in a supply closet. Mr. Martin insisted that a crazy man with an terribly annoying voice, claiming to be a director, put him there. The rest of the studio staff were bound and gagged in the bathroom, with the same convincing story. Mr. Martin headed for the large recording reels to see if ANYTHING from their song, A HARD DAY'S NIGHT, could be salvaged. Upon playing it back, the only thing on the tape was the instrumental recording of the Warner's HEART! song. "What is this?" asked Martin, "Did you record this today?" The four Beatles looked at each other, not sure what to say. "Because, I LIKE it!" Martin concluded. George and Ringo stared at one other. John and Paul both smiled, "Hmmmm," was all they said. >( |>=0 )> FINALLY, in 1997 The Warners found themselves in a public park. Ralph the guard had found them once again. They lost him for just a moment so Yakko and his siblings came to a dramatic halt, "It's that time again," said Yakko. "Time to chase Paul McCartney, and tell him how cute he is?" asked Dot. "Time to play dueling drums with Ringo?" asked Wakko. Yakko smiled suavely, "Keeeep guessing!" "Time to chase DAVY JONES, and tell him how cute he is?" Dot offered. "Time to make scary sounds with my armpit?" Wakko suggested. "CLOSE!" exclaimed Yakko, "It's time to turn to the Wheel of Morality!" He reached off the screen an pulled up an enormous spinning wheel, with numbers on it, like you'd find in one of those game shows. Yakko gave it a good spin. "Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn." He recited the line as though he had said it so many times already that he didn't care if it sounded interesting anymore. I wonder why? The wheel stopped on #5. "Moral number five," said Yakko, taking the computer printout from the front of the Wheel of Morality contraption and reading it, "Sometimes you feel like a nut." Wakko frowned, "I think the Wheel of Morality is broken!" he complained. "Yeah," agreed Dot, "When was the last time we only SOMETIMES felt like nuts?" Just then, Paul McCartney ran by the Warners. "HELOOOOOO, PAUL!!!!" exclaimed Dot who ran after him. Yakko and Wakko looked at each other and shrugged. "Heys yooze!" yelled a voice. It was Ralph! The Warner brothers scooted out too, just as fast, trying to catch up with Paul and Dot. BUM, BUM, BUM, BUUUUM!!!!! BUM!! The End >>=0 ) >( |>=0 )> >*>=0 ) *Author's note about "LOU", Don't ask!! "Trust me, mister, you don't wanna know." Disclamer Stuff: Songs: "A Hard Day's Night" copyright 1964 Northern Songs Ltd., John Lennon & Paul McCartney, the Beatles "Love Me Do" copyright 1962 MPL Communications Ltd., John Lennon & Paul McCartney, the Beatles; alternate lyrics, copyright 1997, Suzanne Smiley "Make A Gookie" (a parody of "Feelin' Groovy") alternate lyrics copyright 1995, Animaniacs "Heart!" (a parody of "Help!") copyright 1965 Northern Songs Ltd., John Lennon & Paul McCartney, the Beatles; alternate lyrics, copyright 1997, Suzanne Smiley "Yakko's World" copyright 1993, Stephen Speilberg. "Ticket To Ride" copyright 1965 Northern Songs Ltd., John Lennon & Paul McCartney, the Beatles "Beatles, Rita" (a parody of "Michelle") copyright 1965 Northern Songs Ltd., John Lennon & Paul McCartney, the Beatles; alternate lyrics, copyright 1997, Suzanne Smiley "We Can Work It Out" copyright 1965 Northern Songs Ltd., John Lennon & Paul McCartney, the Beatles "The Warners Say Goodbye" copyright 1997, Suzanne Smiley Any other song titles mentioned are copyright either Apple Corps Ltd. or Warner Bros. Other Copyrights: Animaniacs are copyright 1993, Stephen Speilberg The Beatles are copyright Apple Corps Ltd. This is to be disributed freely with absolutely nothing given to the author, Suzanne "wAkKo" Smiley --- except maybe a little pat on the back. It took some time, y'know? A! JW223 WK+++!^i WAR++ SQ+ RI+ MD+ KK-- HIP-- P I+ Dpfw $+++ T141/Slappy H2a XFanny A18 F