ANIMANIACS STEW 2 Written by Sylvester Fox (sfox@wcat.com) Based on 'Steven Spielberg Presents Animaniacs' All characters appearing in this work are the property of Time Warner, Inc., and used without their permission. This story (C) 1997 Sylvester Fox. AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was inspired by Animaniacs episode 35, 'Animaniacs Stew', where the various characters are transposed and mixed. Here I use more recent characters to make a rather ugly mess of things. --------- [The Warners dance out in the standard Slappy introduction dance.] WARNERS: [singing] He's the crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world -- Our next cartoon features Bo-oo the Squirrel! [They dance to Slappy's tree. The door is opened angrily, and Chicken Boo, with a green derby on, glares at the camera.] CHICKEN BOO: Brraaak, buk buk b'kaw! [He slams the door shut.] WARNERS: That's C. B.! --------- [Close-up of Pinky's face as he looks to screen right.] PINKY: So ... what're we gonna do tonight? [Pan across until a chicken's leg is seen, then up to Chicken Boo's face. CHICKEN BOO: Brak buk buk bkbak buk ... braawk buk buk b'gawk! [Introduction sequence. Various scenes are shown as the Warners sing the theme.] WARNERS: [off-screen, singing] It's Pinky and the Boo Yes, Pinky and the Boo. One is a lab mouse, And the other is too. [At this point, the shot of Chicken Boo shows him in a very fake mouse disguise.] WARNERS: [continuing] They plo-ot ev'ry night, To ma-ake the wo-orld right, For Pinky Yes Pinky and the Boo Boo Boo Boo Boo ... <INTERIOR: Acme Labs, cage> PINKY: So, Boo ... what's the plan for tonight? [Chicken Boo pulls down a map showing Russia and various faces of Russian leaders. He taps the map with a pointer as he speaks.] CHICKEN BOO: B'k buk, bgaw buk buk bkbk. [taps Russia] B'k bwark, buk buk b'k bakbuk. [taps centre of Siberia] B'k buk, b'k bakbak buk b'kaw. [circles Siberia with pointer] B'k buk, buk b'k bk bakbukaw. [stabs map through Moscow] Buk b'k ... brk BWAWK! PINKY: Great plan, Boo! Sheer genius! No no, wait, no ... wouldn't their leader object to us taking all the oil from Siberia? [Chicken Boo blinks, then smiles.] CHICKEN BOO: B'kaw, bkbuk brakbrak buk kukbuk? PINKY: I think so, Boo, but 'Kentucky Fried Fish' doesn't have the same ring to it. [Chicken Boo looks panicked for a moment, then puts down his pointer.] CHICKEN BOO: Buk b'k bukbuk b'kbuk bak. Buk b'kbk, bwak bukbukbkbk b'kaw! PINKY: Splendid! Narf! And after we're done digging for oil, we can play 'Buried Treasure'! [Chicken Boo shakes his head, clucking to himself.] <EXTERIOR: Moscow, Red Square, day> [Chicken Boo steps out of a limousine and approaches the doors of the Kremlin. Pinky pokes his head from a pocket, dressed as a typical corporate spokesperson.] PINKY: Ooh, this suit is so *you*, Boo. Poit! [Chicken Boo nods and walks inside.] <INTERIOR: Kremlin corridors> [Chicken Boo passes amongst the various bureaucrats, then strides into a room. The door is marked in Russian, but translated in a subtitle as 'Cabinet Meeting Room. 4:30 -- Key Club Meeting'. <INTERIOR: Meeting room> [Chicken Boo is seated at the end of a long table. Pinky is standing on the table next to him with a set of notes in front of him. Along the table are arrayed various ministers. At the 'head' of the table sits someone looking much like Boris Yeltsin.] YELTSIN: Gentlemen, our country is in peril! MINISTER 1: Mr President, we must develop our resources in Siberia! MINISTER 2: But we don't have the technology to do so! YELTSIN: That is why I have brought these two here. Gentlemen? CHICKEN BOO: [nodding] B'k buk. [points to Pinky] B'k buk buk, brak buk b'kaw. PINKY: Hello! Narf! We represent ... uh, [peers at note in front of him] Acme Mining Corporation. [over-eager] I'm here to mine for YOU! MINISTER 3: How do we know you will do a good job? PINKY: Um, because we're cheap? MINISTER 2: He's right, he's the best man for the job. MINISTER 3: I agree. MINISTER 1: He's a mouse! [All the ministers turn to look at Minister 1. Pinky and Chicken Boo gasp slightly.] MINISTER 1: Can't you see? The white fur, the ears, the tail ... he's a lab mouse! YELTSIN: Old friend, you should ease off the vodka. Security? [Two guards help Minister 1 out of the room.] MINISTER 1: [screaming as he's dragged out] He's a mouse, I tell you! A furry mouse! [The doors close, leaving the remaining ministers to talk over the proposal.] MINISTER 2: Agreed, then: we contract out to Acme Mining. [Yeltsin reaches across the table to shake Pinky's hand. One of the rings on his fingers snags the cuff of Pinky's suit and tears it away when Yeltsin sits back down. The ministers gasp in shock as Pinky stands on the table, in his normal clothing (or lack thereof). Pinky looks down, shrieks, and tries to cover himself with his arms.] MINISTER 2: My God, he *is* a lab mouse! MINISTER 3: Bolshoi! [Minister 1 hops back into the room in a Muzzle-like rig.] MINISTER 1: I *told* you he's a lab mouse! [Yeltsin points an accusatory finger to Chicken Boo.] YELTSIN: You! You wanted me to contract mining our great Siberian frontier to a mouse! What do you think I am, drunk? Get out of my country! <EXTERIOR: Moscow, Red Square, sunset> [Chicken Boo and Pinky run out of the building, followed by a large crowd of bureaucrats yelling.] <EXTERIOR: Gorky Park, night> [The screaming mob rushes past, still screaming. Pan back until Pinky and Chicken Boo appear in the shot, sitting on a park bench, wearing common clothing and holding up newspapers printed in Russian. Pinky turns to Chicken Boo.] PINKY: So, what'll we do tomorrow night? CHICKEN BOO: Buk buk b'kbk bukaw ... braawk buk buk b'gawk! [Both hop off the bench and walk into the sunset as the Chicken Boo singers sing the end theme.] SINGERS: [off-screen] You wear a disguise To conquer human guys But you're not a man, you're a lab mouse, Boo. --------- <OPENING SEQUENCE: 'Godpigeon Time'> TOM BODETT: [narrating] It's Godpigeon time. <EXTERIOR: Park> [The Godpigeon waddles in during the narration.] TOM BODETT: Today on Godpigeon time ... ruling an imaginary flock. [The Godpigeon nods, then sticks out his toe. He then pulls his foot back.] GODPIGEON: Msuyampuptie papitumea. [He then waddles off. Fade to black, then 'The End' sweeps on.] TOM BODETT: The end. --------- <INTERIOR: Teenage girl's bedroom> [Dot dances in as the singers begin the theme.] SINGERS: [off-screen] It's Dottie Ka-boom, Dottie Ka-boom She lives in a water-tower-shaped room [Yakko and Wakko slide into the lounge scene showed in 'Wakko's Invention'.] SINGERS: [continuing] Her brothers know that anytime soon Their little sister Dottie goes ... DOT: [off-screen] DON'T CALL ME DOTTIE!!! [Yakko and Wakko wince in fear and impending doom.] <EXTERIOR: Water tower, day> [The lid of the tower is blasted off by a huge explosion. Various singers sail from the blast and plummet to the ground, then somehow get up.] SINGERS: [blastedly] Ka-boom ... ugh! --------- <TITLE CARD: 'Nuts Over Mindy'> <INTERIOR: Slappy's living room> [Slappy is angrily sweeping the floor.] SLAPPY: Eeh, razaflabbin' writers, puttin' some stupid chicken in here ... now I gotta get all these stupid feathers outta here. Skippy! Where's that vacuum? [No answer.] SLAPPY: SKIPPY! Skippy? [Still no answer. Slappy blinks, then snarls at the camera.] SLAPPY: Eeh, he's probably down at that arcade again. [Slappy keeps sweeping the debris toward her front door.] <EXTERIOR: Slappy's front door, day> [Close-up of the upper section. The door opens, showing Slappy. She is about to sweep the clutter out the door when she looks down. She looks back at the camera.] SLAPPY: Please. Not the 'baby in the basket' bit. [Pan down to see a basket at Slappy's feet holding a cute gurlging baby girl, and a note. Slappy's hand reaches down to snatch the note. Follow the note up to Slappy's face again.] SLAPPY: [reading note] 'Dear Friendly Family Full of Love.' Wrong address, bub. 'Please take care 'a my darlin' little girl until I can recover from my injuries. Yers truly, Buttons the Dog.' Eeh, 'bout time he dumped that kid, but not on my doorstep! [Mindy gargles and climbs out of the basket.] MINDY: Mommy! SLAPPY: Look kid, I've already hadda go through this once, I ain't yer ma. Call me Slappy. MINDY: OK, Mommy! [Slappy slaps her forehead in frustration.] SLAPPY: Listen, you, I'll let ya stay here fer a while. But no gettin' inta trouble, ya understand? MINDY: OK Mommy, I love ya bye-bye! [Mindy wobbles inside as Slappy shakes her head.] SLAPPY: I gotta get script approval. <EXTERIOR: Park path> [Skippy is walking down the path, not cha-cha-cha-ing. He is stopped by a loud noise from up the path.] SLAPPY: [far away] Don't go in there, that's where I got my gunpowder! [Skippy blinks in confusion, then shrugs and continues on until an explosion this time grabs his attention.] SLAPPY: [still far away] Stop tryin' ta suck on my detonators! They ain't candy! [Skippy starts hurrying back.] <INTERIOR: Slappy's house> [Centred shot on front door. It bursts open, revealing Skippy.] SKIPPY: I'm home, Aunt Slapp --- EEE! [Skippy's jaw drops as he sees the interior of the room. POV over Skippy's right shoulder as what was once a relatively neat and tidy living room is now little more than ruins. Crashes can be heard from the kitchen. Slappy staggers out of the kitchen, wearing a large pot over her head as a makeshift helmet. Skippy rushes over to her.] SKIPPY: What happened? SLAPPY: I got stuck babysittin' ... SKIPPY: Who, Katie Ka-Boom? SLAPPY: I wish. [Before anything else can happen, the Little Bluebird flies from the kitchen in a panic. He is followed by Mindy 'running' after.] MINDY: Birdie! Pretty birdie! [Both squirrels watch as the panicked bird flies all around the wreckage of the room. What few items are still undamaged are knocked over by the pursuing Mindy. Skippy then looks over Slappy, who is sporting several bandages.] SKIPPY: Don't tell me we're in an 'Animaniacs Stew' episode ... SLAPPY: 'Fraid so. SKIPPY: But what can we do about her? SLAPPY: Beats me. All my ideas'd wreck our rating. SKIPPY: Aunt Slappy! You wouldn't think of blasting a sweet innocent baby girl, would ya? SLAPPY: Me? Ask the writers, they keep puttin' her in these jams. [Both think for a moment, then Skippy tugs Slappy's arm.] SKIPPY: Isn't she heading straight for your anvil testing centre? SLAPPY: [smiling] Well, that solves that problem then. [Skippy stares at his aunt pleadingly.] SKIPPY: That poor *snif* innocent little girl ... about to be *snif* crushed by ... SLAPPY: Listen, it's always the same plot: Girl goes inta extreme danger, protector saves girl, protector gets pulped. I'm endin' this chain right here, right now. SKIPPY: But you can't let her walk in there! SLAPPY: Don't worry, I've taken precautions. [Skippy watches nervously. The screen shakes from off-screen anvil strikes. Slappy smirks as Skippy sniffs sadly.] SLAPPY: Dry up the tears, kiddo. [The Bluebird flies back and lands on Slappy's shoulder. Mindy walks over as well, quite frightened.] MINDY: Miss Slappy ... the anvils ... don't wanna leave yard anymore ... want to go home to my Mommy ... SLAPPY: See, Skippy? Hadda teach her sometime. [The scene starts rippling around. Skippy grabs Slappy for balance.] SLAPPY: Hold on, the dream sequence's endin'. [The scene fades into:] <INTERIOR: Doghouse> [Buttons smiles in his sleep. A giggle is heard, waking him from a well-deserved dream. He 'arf's a question, then pokes his head out the door.] <EXTERIOR: Back yard, day> [Buttons looks out the door of his doghouse. He looks at the large tree in the yard, then gasps. POV Buttons as he sees Skippy, in Mindy's clothing and harness, climbing the tree. Buttons yelps and races out of the doghouse, over to the tree, leans his paws against it, and starts barking. Skippy looks down.] SKIPPY: Silly puppy! [Skippy drops a walnut on Buttons's nose. Buttons keeps barking, until a woman's voice calls.] WOMAN: Buttons! Buuuu-ttons! [Buttons turns his head, then hops over to the source of the voice, a woman seen from the ankles up. Her face is off-screen.] WOMAN: Buttons! Stop barking and listen ... I agreed to watch Skippy while his aunt went to the conference in Los Alamos, so make sure he's out of trouble ... and no scraping up my tree! [The woman walks away. Buttons 'wurf's, then blinks. He turns back to the tree, which now has Skippy dangling in the harness from a branch and giggling. Buttons yelps and rushes over to the tree. He tries jumping up and catching one of Skippy's feet in his jaws, but each time Skippy giggles and moves his legs, thwarting Buttons.] SKIPPY: [giggling] Buttons jump up! Jump, doggie, jump! [Buttons eventually gives up and sits down, panting. He looks up.] SKIPPY: Good doggy! Have a treat! [Buttons yelps, then looks at the camera with an expression that Wile E. Coyote often used. He is then buried in walnuts. Skippy claps and bounces, giggling.] SKIPPY: Silly Buttons! [Clock wipe to later. Skippy is yo-yoing himself from the branch.] SKIPPY: Whee! Whoo! Wlaa! Whee! [Buttons trots in, dragging a sack marked 'Walnuts'. He sets it below and to the side of the bouncing squirrel, then whistles. Skippy looks down and sees the sack.] SKIPPY: Walnuts! [Skippy starts to struggle with his harness. Buttons gasps, then dives directly under him to catch him, just in case. Skippy continues, then gives up and climbs along the branch to the main trunk. Close-up on the strap of the harness as it slides along the 'root' of the branch, eventually cutting through it. Resume shot of Buttons, looking up, then POV Buttons as he sees the branch falling, then back to the prior shot as Buttons is smashed by the branch. Skippy, in the meantime, grabs hold of the trunk and starts sliding down, seriously damaging the bark. He then hops over to the bag of nuts and scatters them with wild abandon and glee. Buttons crawls out from under the branch with various bandages.] SKIPPY: Doggy huuuurt. [The woman walks back in and gasps, then walks to Buttons.] WOMAN: Look what you did to my tree! [Close-up of Buttons as he lifts his head to look at his owner. POV Buttons as he sees in front of him Marita.] MARITA: First you destroy my carpets, then the Mink Vase in the kitchen, and now this! Flavio will not be happy! [POV Marita as she looks down on Runt.] RUNT: Yeah, we've been bad dogs, definitely bad dogs. Let's go! [Normal view as Runt nudges Marita onto his back and runs off.] <EXTERIOR: Highway> [Runt dashes down with Marita bouncing on his back. After they pass, the Warners walk on and sing.] WARNERS: [singing] They're perfectly mis-matched, Marita and Runt! <EXTERIOR: Patio restaurant> [Marita is seated at the restaurant. As the final notes are sung, Runt pops from Marita's drink and hugs her. She reflexively hugs back, to the sound of Runt's bones crunching. Iris out.] --------- <INTERIOR: Villa, living room> [Flavio is sitting in the centre of the living room, leafing nervously through his script, while the director (not Mr Director) paces.] FLAVIO: But I always work with my darling Marita! Where can I find another woman of her qualities? DIRECTOR: We'll get you a female lead, Flavio. Mark! Run that filler footage! [Flavio sits back and sighs as fade to black.] --------- <EXTERIOR: Front yard> [Suburban home. The door opens, and the Brain sticks his head out, then quickly waddles to the foreground.] BRAIN: Very well. One time, Randy Beaman was sitting at his desk and pondered a plan for taking over the world. And are you pondering what I'm pondering? He succeeded. With a little 'help', of course. Good-bye, my loyal subjects. [The Brain heads back.] --------- <INTERIOR: Villa, living room> [The director yells from off-screen, waking Flavio.] DIRECTOR: Hey! Get ready! [Flavio hops up.] DIRECTOR: And ... roll! [Flavio strikes an open pose, arms spread, and gazes adoringly to his left.] FLAVIO: My darling! I am coming! [Flavio starts running. He leaps in a semi-graceful swan-dive, and pan across so the object of his 'affection' is visible: Rita. She looks miserably at the camera.] RITA: I hate my agent ... [Flavio lands heavily on Rita.] SINGERS: [off-screen] Flavio and-a Rita, The Hip Hippoes! --------- <INTERIOR: Lab cage> [Close-up on Pinky's face.] PINKY: So, what do you wanna do tonight? [Pull back so Slappy is seen inside the very large cage.] SLAPPY: Same thing I do every night, Pinky ... sleep. WARNERS: [hopping on-screen to sing] They're not dinky, They're Pinky and the squirrel, squirrel squirrel, squirrel, squirrel. --------- <INTERIOR: Tree> [Pan down as the Warners sing from off-screen, as per Slappy opening #2.] WARNERS: [singing] The chubbiest of creatures in the whole wide world, This short opening features Ralphie the Squirrel! [Pan completes when Ralph is seen in Slappy's red chair, with pink purse and flowered derby. He scratches himself, then stares slightly off-camera.] RALPH: Daaaa ... um ... youse can stop singing now. WARNERS: That's Ralphie! --------- <TITLE CARD: Warner Season> [The title card features a sillhouette of Elmer chasing a Warner-like shape.] <EXTERIOR: Forest> [Elmer Fudd is walking through the trees, crouching with his shotgun.] ELMER: Ssshhh, be vewy vewy qwiet ... I'm hunting wabbits. Hahahahaha. [He comes across pawprints in the ground.] ELMER: Wabbit twacks! [Elmer tiptoes over to a rabbit hole, then shoves his shotgun down the hole.] ELMER: Come on outta there, you pesky varmint! [Yakko reaches in from behind Elmer, off-screen, and taps his shoulder.] YAKKO: Aaaaah ... what'cha doin'? [Elmer remains focussed on the hole.] ELMER: I'm huntin' wabbits! YAKKO: And you're sure there's wabbits in that hole? ELMER: Positivewy. YAKKO: Well ... [Yakko suddenly pops up from the hole, and leans on the shotgun.] YAKKO: Not quite. [aside to camera] Bugs rented this place out to us. [Elmer looks down at Yakko.] ELMER: What awe you? YAKKO: We're the Warner brothers! I'm Yakko! [Wakko hops up behind Yakko, both still in the hole.] WAKKO: I'm Wakko! [Elmer swings his shotgun so one barrel each points at the Warners.] ELMER: And I'm Elmer J. Fudd, miwwionaiwe. I own a mansion and a yacht. YAKKO: Ooh! Can we go on a sea cruise? ELMER: Sure ... as twophies! [Elmer pumps his gun. Wakko shakes his head.] WAKKO: Our sister won't be happy about this ... ELMER: You have a sister? YAKKO: Yeah, but she's much smaller ... ELMER: Well, thwee aways makes a nice number ... where is she? [Yakko and Wakko move aside.] WARNERS: Introducing ... the Warner sister! [From between them flies up the Godpigeon, wearing a suitably-sized pink skirt and a flower on his head.] GODPIGEON: Msesyamurphemaya pupyamva. YAKKO: The Godpigeon says, 'I'm the cute one!'. ELMER: Hey, wait! How can you two be wewated to him? YAKKO: His idea. [The Godpigeon extends a foot. Yakko and Wakko kiss it.] WAKKO: Besides, we get all this great birdseed! [Wakko takes out a 50-kilogramme sack and dumps it in his mouth.] ELMER: This still doesn't make sense! YAKKO: Aaaah, GP ... isn't he defying your order? [The Godpigeon just looks at Elmer. Elmer smiles nervously, sweating.] ELMER: Aah ... Mister Godpigeon ... um, Miss Godpigeon ... aaah ... [The Godpigeon puts his other foot forward, which Elmer kisses. Elmer remains kneeling.] GODPIGEON: Meyasumbargha fyotateup. YAKKO: The Godpigeon says, 'You are forgiven, but it's really duck season.'. ELMER: Oh, yes, Mistew Godpigeon .. bye! [Elmer runs off. Yakko and Wakko turn to their 'sister'.] YAKKO: I think you'll make a welcome addition to our family. GODPIGEON: Aysayamuphami iwontwinya. WAKKO: I think the Godpigeon said, 'Boys: Go Fig!'. [Iris out, but hold on the smiling Godpigeon.] GODPIGEON: Iryanamu kysenyamufa. [Subtitle across the bottom: 'Some girls have it, some don't.'] --------- <INTERIOR: Dark room> [Close-up of Pinky's head. He turns to his left and speaks.] PINKY: So, what'cha wanna do tonight, Brain? [Pull back to show Pinky on a couch, then to his left to show Dr Scratchensniff.] SCRATCHENSNIFF: Ze same think ve do every night, Pinky ... try to get all zese delusions out of you. Und stop callink me 'Brain'. Now, tell me about zis fantasy about ze horse. PINKY: Well, me and Phar are running through this pasture filled with all sorts of flowers, narf ... WARNERS: [off-screen] They're kooky, They're Pinky and the shrink shrink shrink shrink shrink. --------- <EXTERIOR: City, sky, day> [Three shapes are seen flying.] SINGER: [to 'Goodfeathers' theme] When the kids hit the street Looking for food to eat, That's Goodwarners ... [The shapes resolve into Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, swooping down and landing in the street where a box of candy sits. They 'peck' at it, then are hit by a lorry.] SINGER: [continued] When I'm kooky to you, And you're kookier too, That's Goodwarners ... [Scene shift after the impact to sky and the three Warners in flight. Yakko hits Wakko with a safe, then Wakko whacks Yakko with a mallet, then Dot hits both of them with a door.] SINGER: [continued] Take no guff 'cos they're tough, But the just love cream-puffs, That's Goodwarners! [For the first line, Yakko shuns McGruff the crime-dog. The second, Wakko is demolishing a box of cream-puffs. For the third, all three land in front of a statue and wave. Pull back to show it to be a statue of Weed Memlo.] ---------