• Edmund G. "Jerry" Brown: click here for nicknames. The Son Also Rises. Local crank. Rumored to be Satan's private attorney, which explains strong odor of brimstone accompanying Mayoral appearances. Has mistaken pipedreams for sound public policy. Likes to point to actions taken 30 years ago as proof that he's still progressive. Bet he looked pretty hot in swim trunks 30 years ago, too. Does that mean he looks good in them now? We think not. We saw that famous 60 Minutes "titty shot" of him running around Lake Merritt. Wobbita wobbita wobbita....
• Jacques Barzaghi: AKA Kermit le Frog, the French Tickler, the Illustrated Man, the Other Weird Bald Guy in the Mayor's Office. Overpaid Mayoral Aide and Hanger-on. Has "girl trouble." Claims to have been on film crews in France, yet searches on the Internet Movie Database come up empty (except for an appearance in the documentary "Feed"). Was said to have shot a man in Marseilles once, just to watch him die, but we don't believe it. May have served in the French Foreign Legion as the World's Most Mysterious Potato Peeler.
• Robert "Bob" Bobb: Peripatetic City Manager, who is apparently about to wander once again. Fondness for cowboy boots bring up memories of the late Cleavon Little in "Blazing Saddles." We can hardly wait for the crap to fly once he walks out of City Hall for the last time. Adios, amigo. Vaya con Dios.
• Anne "GAP Girl" Gust: As the San Francisco Chronicle once infamously put it, the Mayor's "social companion." Attorney and Chief Administrative Officer for deeply troubled national clothing chain. Makes waaaaay more money than the Mayor. Run, woman, run while you still have a chance!
• John Protopappas and Phil Tagami: Local Real Estate Developers and Mayoral Minders (according to a recent Chronicle column). Oakland's own Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Or Mutt and Jeff. Or Frick and Frack. Are we showing our age here or what?
• John Russo: Oakland City Attorney who, between dealing with Raiders, Riders, Warriors and sexual harassment suits, probably wishes he was doing pro-bono work for farm workers in Salinas.
• Assorted City Council Members: Larry Reid, Nancy Nadel, Ignacio De La Fuente, Jane Brunner, Henry Chang, Danny Wan, Moses Mayne (for a while, yet) -- we'll be getting to you in good time. Sleep well....
• Don Perata: State Senator. Practicing his Mayoral Inauguration speech as we write this. Et tu, Don?

About The KIJE Project

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