THE END and THE BEGINNING
by Doris, age 75
adoptee
It is mid-February, 1998, and within days I will again fly to Sacramento, CA,
this time to meet with my birthmother's remaining sister, age 88. On May 30, 1997,
I was in Sacramento to see and touch and speak to my birthmother for the first time
in my life of 74 years. I had found her at last and her age was 89. She passed
away in November, 1997.
I want to share my story because of the joy that came to me in this, the last segment
of my life. At the age of sixteen, from an outside source in my hometown of 40,000
people, I learned that I was adopted. After confronting my parents with such an
earthshaking discovery, I was told only that they felt I was still "too flighty" and
that I would better able to handle the knowledge that I was adopted at a more mature age.
They could tell me very little about my background - my Dad said he thought my name had been
Jean, but was not sure of the last name. My mother said that my natural parents had
been killed in an auto accident. They adopted me from a State adoption home in San
Fransisco when I was about six weeks old. They did not show me any legal papers they may
have had or signed, only my Certificate of Baptism which was made up and signed after my
adoption became final. My adoptive parents were Danish and German; my father was 44 and
my mother 37 at the time of my adoption. I was raised as an only child. I had a very
stable, secure upbringing with the best of care and attention. I lived with them in the
same house until the day I was married at the age of 23.
In 1964, after both parents were deceased, I was encouraged by my Godmother to seek information
about my birthfamily. Contact was made with the Secretary of the former adoption home, and,
although she was very empathetic to my quest, she was unable to give me any vital information
because the State adoption laws did not permit it. She suggested I contact the Social
Services Department in Sacramento, CA. Upon doing so, I received a lengthy, caring letter
from the Director stating the age, state of birth, education and place of residency of my
parents at the time of my birth. Both were teenagers, ages 15 and 17. I was told that when
a homeless child is placed for adoption that very little background was requested because it
wouldn't be needed or important when the child took it's place within the new family. Also,
that the State adoption laws were sealed to protect the adoptive parents and the
birthparent(s). No consideration, obviously, was deemed necessary for the well-being of
the adoptee.
In 1988, with my marriage still strong, our three children grown, married with their own
children, I decided to attempt to procure a copy of my adoption papers. I was told to
petition the court of adoption and to include a letter pleading my case. The decision
to release my papers would be up to the Judge of the Court. My adoption record was indeed
on file - I viewed it in a huge handwritten ledger in the Alameda County Courthouse in
Oakland, CA where I had journeyed to obtain the necessary petition papers. The moment
of viewing, I remember, brought tears to my eyes because it was the first time I had seen
anything written that stated I was a person on record in a book. At any rate, the particular
Judge at that time and his Clerk did not follow through for me on my petition and I lost heart
trying to contact them in Oakland, CA from Phoenix, Arizona where we had been living since
1961. Several years later I contacted the Court again - a new judge was in place, and I was
told to again petition the Court along with a letter showing due cause. This I did.
One day in 1994, I removed from my mailbox copies of my adoption papers and learned for the
first time my birthmother's name and the name she had given me before relinquishment. In
the heat of the Arizona summer of 1996, I was moved to look in the yellow pages of my local
phone book to see if there might be a source of help for searching adoptees. I found the
phone number for SEARCH TRIAD - and made contact. The friendly voice of Karen Tinkham
answered my call and questions and I decided at once to affiliate. I was enthused and the
search was on! Karen became my guide. I entered another world, a world of adoptees
searching for their birthparents and birthparents searching for a relinquished child,
adoptive parents supporting their adopted child in his/her search for birthparents. The
search progressed reasonably fast. We found my birthmother's name in a 1924 San Fransisco
Directory. Karen reasoned that she may have married while living there, so I wrote to the
Office of the State Registrar in Sacramento, CA to request a search for a marriage affidavit
and license in her name. Sacramento responded and within three months I received in the mail
my birthmother's marriage license. The excitement was so great I felt like I was floating
above the earth! My birthmother was married at the age of 18. Her husband was 11 years her
senior, so we reasoned he would be deceased. I had the names of my birthmother's parents and
where they were from. Through the Social Security Death Index, we learned that my mother's
husband was deceased and where he was residing when he died. The local cemetary confirmed
the burial and the local public library provided me with a copy of the obituary. Thus we
learned that at the time of his death in 1982 he was survived by his wife and two sons.
I actually had two half-brothers, and my heart was pounding. We found from the phone index
the names and addresses of three who we believed could be her sons and/or family.
Exploratory correspondence ensued with one of the names, who I learned was my brother, and
I learned that my birthmother was still living as well as her younger sister by two years.
I was ecstatic. My correspondant informed me that his Mother has Alzheimer's Disease and would
very likely be unable to communicate with me. I then revealed to him who I was and why I
had made the inquiry into the family. He was shocked and said he would do some checking
and get back to me. He did, and by the 29th of May, 1997, I, age 74, was on my way to
meet my frail, failing little birthmother - age 88, and one of my half-brothers! Our
daughter accompanied me on this journey as it was important that she meet her birth
grandmother and carry the memory with her always. It was difficult to communicate with
my birthmother, but I know in my heart that there was one moment in our two meetings when
she acknowledged that she remembered. She told me, her hands on my face, that I was very
beautiful and she did not want me to go. She died in November, 1997, and I believe that
surely God directed me to her before her departure.
At this point, I have met one of my brothers and corresponded with the other. I have made
contact with my birthmother's remaining sister, Florence, through one of her daughters.
Florence's memory is in tact and she will meet with me soon. She has revealed to her
daughter that she was present at the time of my birth and will tell me the story. My
birth was never spoken of within the family all of these years - it was never discussed.
My mother was one of seven children - five sisters and one brother, all deceased now except
Florence. My birthmother never revealed my birth to her sons. I find I belong to a long-
lived family - all living into their 90's. At this time, the family is learning of me, are
writing to me, sending pictures and tell me they eagerly await my coming visit. My whole
world has changed. I have ancestors, lots of family, a written history going back for
generations into the British Isles! I have experienced the exquisite joy and sudden
disappointments that are a part of every search. But now I KNOW !!!!!!
I know who I am . . . Doris, at the age of 75. A wonderful journey. A journey that was
almost too late. And there will be more to come, to enfold.
I will never be able to adequately thank our Search Triad Assistants who guided me, who
listened to my story, who advised me how to proceed with my search and who shared in the
excitement of my success. I will work within the group for as long as I am able as I want
to give back by helping and encouraging others in their searches.
It is never too late to make your journey.
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Check back soon for Part 2 of this continuing story!
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SEARCH TRIAD
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