The remainder of this site assumes that the viewer is either an emotional cripple or has a double-digit (decimal) IQ. Note that these are Pre-existing Conditions, and you should have already exited this site. That you have not is construed as evidence for the previous assertion, as well as evidence that it will probably neither help nor harm you to continue. Your condition is not amenable to modification by any current legal means; and your befuddlement and tendency to obstinate progression will continue at about their current level, regardless of your sensory input. The above caveats don't apply to you. You're in CAFÉ NOIR. But you didn't know that. Did you?
Naturally, even such a place as CAFÉ NOIR has to obey the quaint and curious regulations of local government. I'm afraid there is no avoiding distasteful ceremonies. Here we have a form to execute for the agency that oversees establishments such as ours. Before you fill out the form, a few instructions are in order. First, it is not necessary to be truthful on any entry you make in the form. The State of California has determined that almost all of you are inveterate liars anyway, so they don't expect you to be truthful any more that you expect it to be truthful. The State also recognizes that, even were you to make a sincere effort to be truthful, you would probably fail badly due to your profound ignorance. Furthermore, even if your efforts were sincere and factual, the State realizes that it has no way of establishing this; so it is easier for all concerned to just assume that the whole form is a pack of lies and process it under that assumption.
Second, it is not necessary to even make entries in the form; 
because the State already knows who you are and is not concerned in the least with any real details of your squalid existence. The important thing for the State is the categories it has invented, into which you are forced by definition. But, of course, the State knows those categories because it invented them, and it doesn't matter whether any actual person really fits into any of them. Some bureaucrats have hypothesized that any actual entries into state forms are to be discouraged as potential category obfuscators (PCO's), but at present this is viewed as a somewhat radical position. For now it is best to either fill out or not fill out whatever entries one wishes without regard to the truth or falsity of your responses. The only hard requirement is to click on the "Form Completed" box so the Bureau of Permissions can begin processing your form.
