var labels = new Array ( "llth Commandment: Covet not thy neighbor's new workstation", "A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord", "A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking", "A short cut is the longest distance between two points", "Access Denied - nah nan na nah nah!", "All computers wait at the same speed", "All generalizations are false", "All warrantiesexpire upon full payment of invoice/loan", "All wihyt. Rho writched mg kegtops awound?", "An error? Impossible - my memory is error correcting.", "As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.", "Backups? We don't NEED no stinking backups!", "Bargain: Something you don't need at a price you can't resist", "Be nice to your kids - they'll choose your nursing home", "Best disk defragger: del /*.* /s - 100% effective", "Breakfast.com halted - Cereal port not responding", "Budget: a method for going broke methodically", "Cannot find Reality.sys. Universe Halted.", "Car service: if it ain't broke, we'll break it.", "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine", "Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes", "Computer(n): A device designed to speed and automate errors", "Copywight 1999 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.", "COFFEE.EXE missing - insert cup and continue.", "CONGRESS.SYS corrupted. Reboot Washington, D.C.?", "Does fuzzy logic tickle?", "Don't look back, they might be gaining on you", "Don't use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice", "Email returned to sender - insufficient voltage", "Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...", "Error: Keyboard not attached, press Fl to continue", "Ethernet(n): Something used to catch the Etherbunny", "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?", "Every morning is the dawn of a new error...", "Everything east of the San Andreas fault will fall into the Atlantic", "Experience is the worst teacher - you get the test before the lesson", "File not found... Shall I fake it?", "For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord", "Gravity - it's not just a good idea, it's the law!", "Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional", "Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment", "He who laughs last thinks slowest", "Headline: Bear takes over Disney World in Pooh D'Etat", "Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.", "I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...", "I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem", "I used to be a Schizophrenic, but we're OK now", "I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead", "In case of doubt, make it sound convincing", "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you!", "If at first you DO succeed, don't look too surprised", "If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway", "If it's called Tourist Season, why can't we hunt them?", "If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the others have to drown, too?", "If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me", "If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen", "It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you!", "It is illegal to yell 'ambulance' in a crowd of lawyers", "It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything", "Madness takes its toll, please have exact change", "Mainframe(n): The largest PC/Workstation peripheral around", "My formula for success: rise early, work late, stike oil - J. Paul Getty", "'My Governor can beat up your Governor' - Minnesota native", "My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips", "My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.", "Never wrestle with a pig - you both get dirty, and the pig loves it!", "No good deed goes unpunished", "No such file or directory - go stand in the corner!", "OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?", "Press any key to continue, any other key to quit", "Press any key...no, no NOT THAT ONE!", "Proofread carefully to see if you any words out", "Remember, you're unique - just like everyone else", "Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark", "Sign on a baby's bib: Spit Happens", "Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...", "Success is the best revenge", "The beatings will continue until morale improves", "The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard", "There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't", "There cannot be a crisis today, my schedule is already full", "There is no crisis to which management will not respond with a meeting", "This computer is dain bramaged!", "To err is human, but it's against company policy!", "Tonight's forecast dark followed by more dark, followed by scattered light toward morning", "Ultimate office automation: networked coffee", "Windows tip 27: add c:\windows\fingercross to your autoexec.bat", "Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.", "Warning: dates in calendar are closer than they appear", "We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?", "Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department", "What if the Hokey-Pokey is really what it's all about?", "When all else fails, read the manual", "Where there's a will, I want to be in it", "Where's the Any key?", "Who's General Failure, and why is he reading my disk?", "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?", "Work is for people who don't know how to ski (or fish)", "'640k ought to be enough for anybody' - Bill Gates, 1981" ); // end array definition var entries = (labels.length -1); var indexl = Math.random(entries); indexl *= 100; indexl = Math.round(indexl); if (indexl < 0) indexl = 88; else if (indexl > entries) indexl = entries; document.write ("

" + labels[indexl]);