The Sunday New York Times does not have enough space to announce all the significant nuptuals that occur during the week. We are pleased to publish the overflow.
Janet Reno, a daughter of George Reno and Evangeline Thomas of Dunedin, Fla., was married yesterday to Ted Williams, a son of Arthur Williams and Esther Martz of San Diego, Ca. The ceremony was performed in the chapel of the West Haven Cryogenic Center, where the bride and groom have been cryogenically preserved.
It was the first marriage for Ms. Reno, the former Attorney General of the United States, who is running for the Florida Governorship as the first cryogenically-preserved candidate for public office. Mr. Williams, who has been elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame, has been married several times, and was cryogenically preserved after his recent demise.
It was a quiet and unusual ceremony. Since they are immobile, the couple opted to forego the usual exchange of vows and rings. However, Ms. Reno was spotted beaming through the frosted glass of her freezer case. A brief power outage in the chapel was a cause for considerable concern, but the back-up generator kicked in after a few minutes. The couple plans to reside on Level Two of the West Haven Cryogenic Center until reanimation.
Linda Tripp, a daughter of Homer Tripp and Elly Mae Porcelline of Hog Haven, Neb., was married yesterday to Harry Potter, a son of James Potter and Lily Nelson of Brighton, England. The Honorable Albus Dumbledore performed the double-toad ceremony in the Wiccan Chapel at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft in Brighton.
Ms. Tripp, 50 if she is a day, is giving up her surname and one of her chins. She is the recipient of a cash stipend from the Department of Defense, and operates her own free-lance recording studio. She was educated in Nebraska, graduating from Hog Haven High School, and receiving a certificate of merit from Swine County Community College. Her parents are currently in hiding, and were unable and unwilling to attend the ceremony.
Mr. Potter, 21, is a self-employed wizard and a part-time professor of spells at Hogwarts, his alma mater. He has received several certificates of appreciation for his single-handed efforts to Save The Universe From The Forces Of Implacable Evil. His late father was a prominent wizard until his untimely liquidation in a dispute over a parking spot. His mother was a best-selling author of a series of self-help books for the recently-deceased.
Following a honeymoon in the another dimension, the couple plans to reside in a mysterious cave.
Mary Elizabeth Flopcastle, a daughter of Fortney F. Flopcastle, III, and Sandra Dee Flopcastle of Upper Crust, N.J., was married yesterday to Alexander R. Forthstrummer, X, a son of Alexander R. Forthstrummer, IX, and Shirley Booth Forthstrummer of no fixed address. The Rev. Aloysius Redpants performed the ceremony at the First United Nondenominational Methodist Church in Upper Crust.
Ms. Flopcastle, 27, is known as Tootie and is keeping her surname. She is a customer service associate at a well-known escort service in lower Manhattan. She graduated from Edna Mae's Beauty School in Lumpton, N.J. with a degree in Rinsing. Her father is a founding partner of Flopcastle, Hardbargain, and Knitwhit, a law firm in Upper Crust. Her mother is the associate treasurer of the Marilyn Manson Fan Club.
Mr. Forthstrummer, 25, is known as Sting. He is an attending anesthesiologist at Marv's House of Really Big Tattoos in Roundbottom, N.J. He received a medical degree from the Warren County Medical School in Myfavorite, Idaho. His father is currently a plaintiff in several civil suits. His mother is writing a memoir of her stint as a personal trainer to the Amish.
Following a honeymoon in Newark, the couple plans to reside in Ms. Flopcastle's bedroom.
Hortense Delirium, a daughter of Radney Delirium and Leticia Prozaca Delirium of Sedation, Wis., was married yesterday to Radko Milosevic, a son of Slobodan Milosevic and Anya Murderova Milosevic of Belgrade, Yugoslavia. The Rev. Depravo Dimwitovicz performed the ceremony at the First Serbian Church of the Holy Massacre in Belgrade.
Ms. Delirium, 32, had intended to keep her surname, but inadvertently misplaced it during the ceremony. She is a freelance photographer specializing in portraits of victims of genocide. She graduated from the London School of Economics with a degree in Home Economics. Her father is currently a hostage negotiator with the Courtney County school system. Her mother is a past-president of the Sedation chapter of the Weasel Club of America.
Mr. Milosevic, 37, is known as The Serbian Avenger. He serves as an advisor to his father, and is the Acting Minister of Torture in the Yugoslav Cabinet. He received a degree in military history from the Serbian Institute of Mayhem in Vrsac. His father is currently a war criminal and mass murderer in Belgrade. His mother is a home maker and amateur funeral director.
Following a honeymoon on the run from UN forces, the couple plans to reside in an underground bunker.