MEMORANDUM FOR: Chief, Network Programming
SUBJECT: A New Network for a New Millennium
When you recently tasked our staff to develop programs with broad appeal for the hordes of aging baby boomers, we had hoped to develop one or two viable projects. However, I am delighted to announce that we have come up enough fresh, exciting new programming to justify launching an entire new network. We call it NH-1: the Nursing Home network.
With this incredible variety of senior-targeted programming, we will be poised to dominate the cable television industry for the next quarter century.
Here is the new lineup:
The Keel World. This reality-based half-hour builds on the proven appeal of MTV's Real World. Each season, we will pick six seniors from across the nation to live together in an assisted-living community for six months. A camera crew, disguised as caring health professionals, will film their interactions.
The Grueling Gourmet. Denture-friendly, low-cholesterol recipes will be presented by a reasonably lively and easy-to-hear retired chef.
Mutual of Omaha's Mild Kingdom. This unscripted nature series will document the bittersweet struggle of aged wild animals as they cope with the inevitable consequences of aging in a Darwinian environment.
The Ex-Lax Files. Two unorthodox retired FBI agents team up to investigate unexplained happenings in retirement communities across the world, and uncover a sinister, but hard-to-follow international counterfeit hearing-aid conspiracy.
Suddenly Sedated. A half-hour sitcom in which a perky columnist for Senior Living Magazine deals with a multi-cultural assortment of wacky elderly coworkers.
Walker, Texas Ranger with a Walker. Each season will dramatically depict the full arc, from detection to detention, of a single case of Medicare fraud.
Still under development: sports and public affairs. For example, we are attempting to develop a slightly less lively version of the Jim Lehrer Newshour, but this has proven to be more difficult than expected.I eagerly await your green light on NH-1.