Interracial Diaries
hello grant..i love your website...i am 15 years old and i have been
raised around black peers all my life as far as school....i now go to a
magnet school which is a school to desegrate people...im in high
school...there are a lot of white guys at my school who i am very
attracted too.... 2 even asked to "go with" me...but i am just to scared
and i dont want to hear what people have to say...can u give me advice?
Wazzup,
Thanks for the compliment on my web site. Well, I have been broken up with
my g-friend, who inspired me to make this web site, for a little over 3
months, but I think it's ironic that a black girl should ask me a question
like this when I'm going through this same thing right now with another
black girl. I had talked to my friend about this girl before, and then,
behind my back he talked to this girl about me. I was talking to him last
night, and he told me all about their conversation, after which I ended up
talking to that girl later on that night. Some of the stuff she said, and
some of the stuff my friend said, sounds like a little bit of what your
fears are right now. She said she really likes me a lot, and she told my
friend that she would date a white person, even though she has never dated
one yet, but I think that one of the things that might be holding her back
is what other people might say about her. Especially in school since we hang
around the same type of people. As it is, my friend always jokes to her,
asking if he can watch us do stuff and what not. Even though she is joking,
I think she fears that other people will look differently at her. I don't
even know what the situation is with her mother. She was nice to me when I
met her the other day, but my ex girlfriend's father was cool to me when I
first met him too, and then he ended up acting like a jerk towards me
because he didn't want a white guy with his daughter. Other than that I
really don't know what's holding her back. I think her ideal situation would
be to date a white guy that didn't go to her school, or at least didn't hang
around with her friends. I really don't know what will come of this, but I
gotta keep hope alive I guess. This whole scenario is probably the same
thing you are dealing with. Anyway, this country has changed a lot in the
last 30-40 years, and we just celebrated a holiday because of a man who
greatly helped the black movement, and the desegregation movement. Even
still, there are still those people that hate or judge people based on the
color of your skin. If you were to go out with this white guy, he would get
teased a lot about the type of relationship he is in. I know that because
I've been down that road before. On the other hand, you might get harassed
too. Mostly what my ex girlfriend experienced was just comments from "pussy
hungry" black guys that wanted a piece of ass, and was upset she was with a
white guy, and not them. Of course out in public you will probably get
stares when holding hands or going into restaurants or stuff like that. I
really haven't noticed any stares lately when I've gone out in public with a
black female, but it still happens. Basically, it's like this. I live in
Chicago. There are black people everywhere!!! I live in the most black
populous county in the country. There are also a lot of white people too,
and a lot of them judge based on stupid things. When I was with my ex, the
only real problems I encountered was with white people being ignorant.
Except for some of those ignorant black guys that just wanna piece of ass,
black people loved that my girlfriend and I were together. I don't know what
the situation is like in your family, but that can determine your decision
too. In my family their philosophy is, if she's good enough for me, she's
good enough for them, regardless of color. All I can say is, you will get
some comments, or stares, but probably nothing too serious, but if you
really like a guy who happens to be white why hold back. You'll probably
think this is funny, but I read a L.L. Cool J's book, and one thing he wrote
in there is that he's glad that he didn't judge people or hold back on
dating people based on color, religion, or culture because if he did, he
would have lost out on some great friends. That really spoke to me. If you
like someone a lot, go for it regardless of color, religion, or what ever,
and don't worry about what other people say. It's not their life it's yours,
and you should run it how you want to. Chances are, those people that make
those comments, you probably wouldn't want as friends anyway. If they aren't
your friends why listen to them, you feel me? I think you should go for it,
and I would like to hear what happens. Oh well, I hoped I was able to help
you. If you need some more advice or whatever, please feel free to ask. I
always get e-mails about stuff like this, I'm practically an expert on this
now. Oh well, good luck!!!
Grant
im from dallas...thanks for the advice cause what the girl feels i feel right
now...my mom isn't racist cause she works for people who get discrminated but
she sometimes says things about white people. Not cracker and stuff like that
but how they are always trying to bring blacks down which is not true cause the
majority of the time we bring ourselves down and trying to blame someone else
for our faults is just wrong...but anyway thanks..sometimes me and that guy put
our arms around each other like friends but we know how we feel and we get a
lot of crap from black guys even some that dated interracially theirselves im
just confused...well thanks again..i will definitely keep you updated...bye :o)
I was not raised in a situation where there was any emphasis on race,
even though I live in Georgia. I am white and I'm interested in this
girl who is black. I'm not sure, however, if she is as open minded as I
am. I know for a fact that she is not a racist, but some people can be
open minded and still draw the line at romantic relationships. I don't
know if she is like this and I don't feel comfortable talking about
racial topics. I understand that you have experience in an interracial
relationship. Did you have any problems like this? Another thing: Did
you have any trouble with family members who no longer accepted you? I
am pretty sure that I love this girl enough to spend the rest of my life
with her. I am not sure that I should even care what others think. Do
you have some advice? Thank you for your time and cooperation.
Wazzup,
Well, to be honest with you, my "girlfriend" and I are no longer together.
However, I am kinda interested in a few other females. One I found out has a
boyfriend who is white, so that proves she dates white guys, so that won't
help ya. The other two, I think would date white guys, but seeing as I never
asked them or anything I wouldn't know for sure. My best advice to you is
make yourself known around this female. What I mean by this is that somehow
catch her eye or something, get her to notice you. Then just do what I do.
See I'm different, and lot's of people know that. Some people don't like it,
cuz I dress "preppy" listen to hip-hop, my best friend is black, and I've
dated black girls. Especially for white people, they don't like that because
I don't fit their stereotype to how I should be. Knowing this, I still act
myself, cuz this is me, I've been the same way since the 2nd grade. What I'm
doin is keepin it real!!! And because of this, I've never had anyone who's
gotten to know me that didn't like me. I don't really know a whole lot about
you, but the females, especially the black ones at school, like that style.
That's the main thing, don't front on a female, if you put on an act, she'll
find out eventually. The realer you are, the more they like that. As for me,
I play spades in the cafeteria with the black people every day. First off, I
went to school with a few of the guys, and secondly it's something I enjoy.
All the black females are always around, so they notice me obviously, cuz I
really stick out!! I have a great sense of humor, and I'm just a genuine
nice guy, and they notice that. Plus if you are a cool guy and a couple of
people know that, when you are around other people you don't know, those
people will let the other people know how cool you are. For instance, I
offered a kid a ride home one day, because he was stuck, the next day
everyone knew about it and told me how nice it was. This also works for
negative things, so watch out. When you slip up everyone will know about it.
Basically to put what I just said in a few words, I just act myself. As for
the female, what I always do when I find a female who has some potential is
I research her. I ask around about her, then from my chair in the cafeteria
or wherever, I observe her patterns, who she hangs out with and what not.
Basically she's doin all the work for me, because I'm not even getting up
from my chair. You can always find out a lot about females like this. Now
you never take someone's opinion at face value, but if you notice a common
theme from everyone else, i.e. she's bad news, don't mess with her or what
not, then you might wanna take a little more time researching a female, and
then evaluate the situation again. If you like what you see, and you aren't
already talking to her like you would a classmate, or someone you know, then
make your move. Like I said be honest with her. You can even use one of my
pick up lines. Try to get her alone too, don't put her on the spot in front
of her friends. Try to catch her on her way to class!!! If I haven't talked
to a female before, and I've been researching her and what not, all I do is
go up to her and say "Excuse me may I talk to you for a minute" I've never
had a female say no to that question before, then tell her, "Look I couldn't
help but notice how beautiful you are, and I've been doing my research on
you, and I've discovered that you have a whole lot more to offer on the
inside, and I wondered if I can call you sometime to go to a dinner and a
movie, or at least hang out." Keep in mind don't lie to her, if she's not
beautiful then don't tell her that she is!!! LOL!! But I bet you she is
beautiful, and women loved to be called beautiful, but especially if this is
the first time you've had a "real" conversation with her, she's gonna be
surprised. Actually she's gonna be suprised anyway. Now the reaction that
you will get from her, is that depending on how dark she is, she might be
blushing red or purple, and you will either get a response of "What" or
"Well I, uh" and after the first response, or if you a "Well I, uh" cut her
off right there and say "What am I too light skinned for you?" I'm sure you
know what that is a reference too. Black people always talk about what shade
people are, like that's a light skinned brutha, or that's a red bone, or
something like that. Since you aren't black she will think that question is
funny and start laughing or at least smile, which will ease the nervousness
created from the first thing you said to her. Now if she has a boyfriend or
is talking to someone, oh well, she would have said no anyway, regardless
of what color you are. Everytime I've used a line similar to that, it's
worked. I've dated black girls who swore they would never date a white guy,
and I've opened a few black girl's minds about dating white guys. I did this
all by acting myself, and I don't play any games. I won't cheat or anything
like that. Basically, if you date as friends, make her feel special all the
time, and then you will be boyfriend and girlfriend in no time. It takes
balls for a white guy to approach a black girl, and don't think they don't
notice it!!! As for my family members reactions, they really didn't care.
Everyone in my family, including cousins, aunt's uncles, great aunts and
uncles, grand parents, etc. (oh yeah don't panic, I don't have any brothers
or sisters) all have the same philosophy, color doesn't make you who you
are, what's inside makes you who you are. On top of that they feel if she's
good enough for me, she's good enough for them and they accepted her. The
only thing I guess that was wierd was that my mom was surprised that she was
black. She just assumed since I'm white, my girlfriends will be too, she
just had never thought of me dating black girls before. That's about as bad
as it got in my family, and that's nothing at all!! In my ex's family her
brother, sisters, cousins, grandparents on her mom's side, all her mom's
brothers and sisters , and all but one of their spouses, as well as her
dad's brother, had no problem with our relationship. However, her father,
one of her non-blood aunts, her mother, as well as her grandmother on her
dad's side, and her husband (she was re-married) really didn't like our
relationship. I even sat down and talked to her parents about it. Towards
the end her father at least pretended to care about me. It was like this,
I'd go over to her house with her cousin and our other friend Deon, and I'd
say Hi, Mr. Simmons, and he'd say hey, how you doin Deon? He totally was a
jerk to me about things like that, or if I called my ex, he'd tell her to
hang up after 2 minutes, if I went over there, her father would kick me out.
The last straw was when I made an X-mas present for them and I found it in
the garbage. That really hurt me, because someone else had wanted one, and I
told them I couldn't make one for them because I wanted to make one for
them. I was so hurt by this, and I brought my ex, actually I'll call her my
girlfriend at the time, that sounds more pleasant, anyway, I showed her
their present, and I told her to tell her parents that if they didn't want
it if I could have it back instead of them throwing it away, because I was
going to give it to someone who wanted it. She went in there and yelled at
her parents, which doesn't happen, made her mom cry, which changed her ways
towards me, and they both chewed out their father/husband. Basically there's
always going to be opposition either in the family, public, or both. What
you need to decide is whether or not you are prepared to deal with the
consequences, more good than bad, that this type of relationship brings. If
she means that much to you, go for it, if not, don't sweat it because it's
not worth it. I hope I've been of help to you!!! Please keep me updated on
how this goes!!!! Good Luck!!!!
Thank you for your advice, but I have a few things to ask. I
apologize in advance for the length of this letter. From the way
you describe your school life, I get the impression that you are in
high school. I on the other hand am a college student. I don't mind
if you are still in high school because if you have the wisdom that
I need, your age does not matter. Anyway, let me tell you a bit
about myself. I was born in South Africa. I lived there up until
four months ago. I came to the U.S. to go to college. Although my
grandmother was half black and half white, the rest of my family line
is very British. Though I am 1/8 black, I have no black ethnic
characteristics. I have a very thick British accent. I've been
made fun of about it so I rarely speak. I'm taking a few classes
with this beautiful black girl and I've associated with her as a
classmate. We were assigned a group project and she was in my group.
I hope that doesn't hurt my chances. Another thing, I'm not very
literate in American "hip-hop" culture. Do you have any suggestions
in this area? Also I've asked around and learned that spades is some
sort of card game. How do you play spades? I know this sounds
strange, but if you could teach me some useful slang terms I would
be much appreciative!! I have no idea about American slang. For
example: What is fronting a girl? How does one front another
person? And I'm not sure, but I'm guessing that "keeping it real"
has something to do with being yourself. I suppose that I stick out
because I am from Africa and I have a different accent. I have only
met three other Africans on campus but they are all black and male
and not from South Africa. I think that my insecurity is from my
home country. My country was racially segregated up until about
1991. Even though the government does not condone segregation, there
is still great tension between the different groups. I knew a few
black girls back home that I though I liked but even if we liked each
other we would not be romantically involved. We literally might have
been killed!! I know that in America things are different, but not
perfect like with your "ex"s father. I'm glad that I have someone to
help me in these matters. I thank you for your support and
cooperation. Peace out <<<(p.s.-I learned this slang term today!)
Hey wazzup. First off I am in college, I am a sophmore in college, but this
relationship I was in started in high school. Wow, I had no idea where you
were from, I use a lot of slang, but I just kinda picked it up as I went
along. Fronting on a female means that you are putting up an act or not
being yourself, don't do that. You were correct about "keeping it real"
means keeping yourself real. Act yourself because that is the best way to
be, females don't like games or game players. As for learning a few more
slang terms and being down with tthe american hip hop culture, I'm not gonna
tell you because then you would try to be someone you aren't, at least for
now. You can't just change that quickly. Just act yourself that's all. Being
a part of the hip hop culture isn't anything special, people respect you
more, and tend to like you more if you are yourself. As for spades, if you
go to games.yahoo.com you can play spades on line, and learn how to play.
This is the best way I can tell you how to play. It's to complicated to just
explain i guess. As for the girl being in your group for class, that's
great, she can get to know you, and know about you, that is definately a
plus, use it to your advantage. As for your accent, don't worry about it,
just be yourself. About half the people will make fun of you, half will love
it, and half won't care. I know it doesn't add up, but you get what I'm
saying I hope. Anyway, if you learn how to play spades, you can invite her
to your dorm or something sometime to play, but it's better with 4 people
instead of two. If you really want to get her though, just let her take
notice of you, especially since you are in the same group. Then if you see
her every day, after a week or two, if things are going good, then pull her
aside one day after class and let her know what you think. Use the group
time not only to study, but also to evaluate everything she says, so that
you can put the pieces of her puzzle together to find out who she is.
Remember,honesty is the best policy. I suggest you write down what you wanna
say, or at least plan it out, and practice saying it until you get it right.
Then when you approach her, remembering honesty is the best policy, just be
honest, tell her how nervous you are, and how you've gone about preparing
what to say to her. If they see that you are vulnerable, that's a god thing.
Just be like, I'm really nervous about doing this, and I've been trying to
prepare and perfect this, but i think you're very beautiful, and I enjoy the
time we are together in class, and I was hoping that maybe we could spend
some time together away from class too. Basically just be genuine, and do
what your heart tells you to do and say. That's God's way of telling you
that you are right!! Let me know if you need any more help or advice!!! Good
Luck!!!
Thanks again for keeping up with my e-mails. It is a big help. The
reason I ask about the slang is that I wish to understand others who
use it, not necesarily use it myself. Also sorry about the high
school thing. It's just that at my college the cafeteria is rarely
used. Everyone buys food, but then they take it home or somewhere
else. The only other place I could think of where the cafeteria has
a busy schedule was in high school. That was my mistake. Anyway,
thanks again for the advice. If you like I can keep you posted on my
progress.
Wazzup!!! It's cool about the high school thing!!! I go to a community
college, even though it's got 35,000 students, it still has no dorms.
Anyway, let me know about the slang thing then. There are so many slang
words, and i'm sure there are words I'm not even thinking of because I use
them so often, I forget they are slang!! Anyway, if you wanna know what some
words mean, feel free to ask, I'll hook you up!!! Oh yeah, I would like you
to keep me updated too!!!! All right I gotta go!!! Talk to you later, and
good luck!!!
Grant
Hi
I'm really excited. I followed your advice and I talked to her after
one of our classes. I found out that we have a lot in common! We
talked for almost an hour and she had to go. I said that if she
wanted to talk some more, then maybe we could exchange phone numbers.
She agreed! We talked later on the phone for what seemed to be all
night. We decided to meet over the weekend at a little cafe near the
college. W discovered that we both do not like coffee and we drank
orange juice! We had a great time and we are going to meet again
this Thurday for dinner! I could not believe how easy it was!
Thanks again for all of your help and advice. I don't know if I
could have done it alone.
Thanks again
Hey,
Wow!!! That's great, see I told you it wasn't that hard. You didn't need to
know about the slang and the american hip hop culture, all you had to do was
be yourself!!!! I never guessed that you guys would hit it off so well
though, that's great that it happened that way. See she isn't one of those
people that makes fun of your accent, she likes you the way you are, so
that's great. This might last for a while. You crack me up though. After you
talked for an hour or so, apparently you got over your jitters because you
showed you got yourself a little game!!! "If you want to talk some more,
then maybe we could exchange phone numbers." That's a good line, I gotta use
that some time!!! Where you planning on taking her for dinner? Oh well, I'd
still like to get updated on everything!!! I'm happy for you, that's a big
step you took right there!! GOOD LUCK!!!!
Grant
Thanks for the reply. I just have one question though. What does it
mean when you say I got a little game? I don't recall any games. If
you are talking about spades, we never played. I do like her though
and, yes, I do intend to take her to dinner. I think that she is
great. She makes me smile just by being near me. Sometimes I
don't even know that I am smiling, it just happens automatically! She
is one of the nicest people I have met since I got to this country.
You are one of them too. I'm glad to meet someone nice even if I
didn't meet them in person. Thanks again. I will try to email you
again after Thursday.
Wazzup!!?? You make me laugh, it's probably not funny to you but it is to
me. You really have no idea about american slang, but I'd probably be the
same way with South African English. First off to know what game means, you
have to know what a playa is. A playa is someone who plays the game. This
means that a guy will have more than one girlfriend at a time, so that if
one doesn't work out, he has a back up plan. The game is what you say to get
the girl to like you. You don't have to be a playa to have game. I'm not a
playa but I have game. Basically what it means when I say you got a little
game is that you are smooth with your words, original with them, and what
not. Simply put, it's not what you say, but how you say it, that's what I
meant by you having a little game. You didn't just ask for her phone number,
you said if you would like to talk some more, maybe we can exchange phone
numbers. The way you said it is a lot more friendly, sweet sounding, and
original. You were just being yourself so that means that you have some
natural game and you don't even know it. Oh well, thanks for the compliment
about me being one of the nicest people you've met in the Americas. Oh yeah,
if you already haven't done so, let her know how she makes you feel, like
the smiling thing and what ever else. Good luck on Thursday!!!!
Grant
Hows it going?
Thanks for explaining. Some of these thing are pretty comfusing.
She had an exam on Friday morning, so we postponed the date until
Saturday. When we met that evening, I did tell her how I felt about
her. I told her how I felt and she said that no one had ever talked
to her like that before. I told her that it was hard to believe that
because she is so nice and beautiful. When I said this she gave me a
kiss! I think that she is amasing. We spent a long time talking.
She said that I was a really nice guy and that she would like to see
me again. We agreed that we should go to see a film called The Green
Mile after class on Monday night. She said that she liked the book
and would like to see the film with me. I agreed. We were about to
leave and she gave me another kiss! When she left I practically
leaped in the air. I immediately went to the library. I checked out
The Green Mile. It was a collection of books, but I read them in one
night! I can't wait to see her again. Thanks again. I'll try to
keep you posted
Hey!!! Things seem to be going great between you too!!! See I told you that
honesty is the best policy, and if you let her know how you feel about her,
she will be very flattered, especially since most guys don't say anything
like that to females!! I heard The Green Mile is supposed to be a great
movie, my parents saw it and recommend it highly!!! I can't believe that you
read all those books in one night though!! I don't know how many books there
were, or how many pages were in each book, but I couldn't imagine doing that
much reading in one night!!! That's dedication!!! Well I'm sure you know
where your guys relationship is right now!!! You'll be getting many more of
those kisses!!! Good Luck man!!!! Please keep me updated, I think I might
write a story on this!!! Oh well, now it's Tue. so I hope the movie was
good, and if I don't hear from ya, have a good rest of the week!!!