Note: We often used email to communicate between home and the hospital. We'd either sneak onto a PC at an unmanned nurse's station or send cryptic email messages via a two-way pager. March and April were the months Doris underwent intensive treatment to obtain a remission following her second relapse after her BMT. It was unsuccessful. In late April, one last attempt was made to obtain remission but it also failed. Following this, Doris received palliative care, which included chemotherapy, antibiotics, and pain medication.

3/12/99 5:43 pm Email home from CNMC

We waited 3 hours for Doris to get accessed, w/o the spray. Plus had bone marrow aspiration w/o anesth. Doris did fine. She's getting the B43-PAP, Vincristine and L- asparaginase. Waiting to see what the counts are and results of bone marrow. Darren

Date: Wednesday, April 07, 1999 5:45 PM Subject: ~Doris~Update~

Hi,

Some of you already know that I was in the hospital since Friday .... Here's how everything started and ended .... I went to MCV clinic Friday to get regular chemo. I found out that my platelets were only 10,000 (normal is 300,000) that's your clotting factor ... keeps you from bleeding and bruising .... so I was pretty low on that. They gave me a transfusion of platelets and pre-medicated me with Tylenol and Benadryl for any reactions to it. Apparently it didn't work. I started to feel cold and get the chills and shakes. Then I got a headache, Blood pressure was LOW and pulse was really high. And the worst part was breathing. I started to wheeze and it was hard to take a breath. I was getting pretty scared about it, I'm not sure what they gave me to stop it!? I was getting a temperature (low grade), and they said if I break 100.1 then I would be admitted. And I did and was admitted. I felt so much better when I went up onto the floor. Then I started to go downhill.

I got very sick feeling, like feeling achy everywhere and my muscles/skin was very sensitive and my joints were hurting. I only got up for the bathroom. The morning after that started happening my blood pressure dropped as low as 94/36 and pulse was around 146. Pretty scarey. They couldn't get it to come back up. They then decided to put me over into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU). So that I could be monitored better. I was on a pulse oxometer, EKG machine and my vital signs were being taken about every 5-10 minutes.

My pressure then went down to 74 over 21. (That's pretty low!!) And my heart was beating extremely fast and hard. They gave me this stuff that's suppose to increase blood pressure but I had the opposite effect, it brought it down even lower. They had to put me on oxygen and push fluids in at extremely high rates to get it up high enough. They monitored me through the night and most of the next day, then put back over into the regular unit.

Something really cool happened over there ... the nurse had to put an IV in my hand so she did, didn't hurt or bother me. And she tried to draw blood from it the next day and it wouldn't work. So she took it out. (may seem gross to sensitive people!) Blood started gushing out so we pushed on it with a big gauze for a while and saw that the blood was coming through the gauze ..... we took the nasty gauze off and blood went squirting out into the air!! It just so happens that when we took off the gauze, we took off the clot that was on top of it! It didn't even leave a bruise!!! I thought it was funny in the end but not in the beginning, it raised my pulse though!! he he

That's the story of my weekend! Wednesday we are going to D.C. for more of the B-PAP drug. We have decided to stay at the Ronald McDonald house, it's so much easier!! Please pray for me everyone!!

Love Always, Doris Gowen <3

4/7/99 Michelle's email to friends

We are home and semi glad to be here, when I got here I found out all kinds of things have been going on and kids pulling crap and I am into it with the neighbors again. I wish I had my acre in MS back, nothing much went on until these new people moved in.

Doris was in a pretty good mood when we got home, that was to Darren's relief. She had been giving him a lot of grief at the hospital, and gave me some too, all of it stemming from her food choices there. Nothing she wanted. She will be tapering the prednisone again and hopefully be completely off of it by the 14th. Doris had gained 10 pounds of water weight since last Friday, she looks really puffy. And while we were in the hospital she taped her head and got the rest of her hair out. She would miss patches and laugh at herself when she saw where she missed. It's funny the way she will amuse herself when she is bored. It is amazing.

I better go and get to bed, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Love Michelle

4/8/99 Doris' email to friends

Hi,

It's Doris. I am back from the hospital. Saturday I was running a little bit of a fever, so we called the doctor and told her about my fast heart rate and I just was feeling "sick" like the flu or something and told her I wanted to be admitted I felt so bad. So we went and my blood pressure was really low again!! So I went to the Intensive Care Unit from there and they pushed fluids in and put me on oxygen, I was in there for 2 nights. I finally got to go out to the regular floor, I was a lot more comfortable.

I have been having trouble lately with fatigue, weakness and getting winded from going up or down 2 steps! So we asked my docs about that: they did a Echo, and a chest x-ray. They found fluid around my lower left lung. And they saw that the left part of my heart has lost some of it's muscle to function and pump blood in and out of my heart that's why I've been having trouble catching my breathe and having to rest after doing little stuff. It's working extra hard.

So the cardiologists (heart doctors) looked everything over and gave me some pills to take.

I'm on a pill once a day called Lasix and it makes you pee alot. The reason I need it is because when I was weighed the first day in the hospital I was like 107 and now im 114!!!! I am on steroids but they told me most of it is water weight and BOY can you tell I've gained some weight!!!!! LOL

I was suppose to be getting Cytoxin and Ara-C Starting the 7th but my blood counts were too low and we want to give my heart and lungs and me some time off from the hospital. These Chemo's are probably going to make me pretty "pukey" sick. These are also much larger doses. Since the transplant didn't work we have to do whatever we can because we don't have much choices left. Please pray for me everyone, you can't ever get too many prayers!

Love Always,

Doris Gowen <3
Note: A search on Yahoo for Doris Gowen came back with a guestbook entry Doris had made at someone's personal web page.

I am 12 years old and I have Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. I've relapsed twice and had a Bone Marrow Transplant. It failed. My sister was my donor, perfect 6/6 match! I am very thankful for that. I have been confused lately about God and how he chooses people to get the disease, but everything is for a reason. I wish I could have known Melinda. I know she is in Heaven with the other Angels Sarah Bruce and everyone else that has suffered this disease. God Bless your family. Peace,Love and Happiness. Doris Gowen (email me anytime)

Fredericksburg, VA USA - Thursday, April 08, 1999 at 14:54:28 (PDT)

4/19/99 Doris' email to one of her nurse's

Cindy,

You better thank me for writing back to you. You said you only like replying but what's e-mail if you don't write too?? What do you do when you're home? Do you ever go shopping or any thing? What do you do for fun? Have you been to see any good movies, or are there any you want to see? I want to see Baby Geniuses.

So, I guess you heard that they're just giving me the Chemo to keep me comfortable and it's like my little life-line I until I go I guess. That's like the worst news you can hear don't you think?

Well, anyways I'm sad your moving. And I don't want you to go but ya have to. Write back.

Love,

Doris

[Email from Doris at hospital]

5/12/99 3:58pm

HI WHAT ARE YOU HAVING 4 DINNER? WRITE ME BACK PLEASE, I'M BORED!!!!!

[Email from Doris at hospital]

5/12/99 4:15pm

HEY DAD MY KNEES AND ANKLES ARE STARTING TO HURT. I HOPE IT DOESN'T GET TOO BAD!!!!! WBC: 27,000 HGB WAS GOOD, MAGNESIUM AND ALL OF THE ELECTROLYTES WERE GREAT. DID MOM LEAVE?? DORIS

5/12/99 10:07 pm

Hi Remember tomorrow Rosey's appointment is at 12 noon. Then you can fix the toilet and the bath drain.

Tonight when I got here Doris and I talked about the d word. While we were talking Dr Russell came in. Since we were on the subject I asked him about organ donation and he said that people who die of cancer are not eligible to donate. Doris was talking about her funeral and I told her she did not have to be buried. That there was cremation and she could go to all the places she loved then. She said that one was a hard decision. We were both bawling but I felt it was something that needed to be addressed asap. Especially when her counts were so high, she told me about them the first thing when I walked in the door and started crying. Hopefully they will improve slightly tomorrow. If we don't begin to see improvement it will be a short journey. She is still sad about all of this as we all are. The Dr thinks she may be able to get out by next Monday- that is not that far away.

Guess I better get off here before someone catches me. he he

Love you all

Michelle

May 13, 1999 12:37 pm

COUNTS WBC 34.2 RBC 4.15 HGB 12.1 HCT 36 PLT17 CREAT 1.6--THAT IS KIDNEY FUNCTION, IT IS BETTER. THE LOW PULSE AND HIGH BP MAY BE CAUSED FROM THE DIG. MED. THEY WILL RUN A LEVEL. ALSO CHEST XRAY IS FOR CRACKLES HEARD WHILE SHE IS LYING DOWN.

MICHELLE

PS CALL WHEN YOU GET BACK WITH ROSE!

May 14, 1999 11:03 am

MOVED AGAIN THE DR THOUGHT SHE WAS TO FAR AWAY. NEW NUMBER 804-649-5938. RM 200 FUN FUN MICHELLE

May 14, 1999 10:07 pm

Reply Message:

Reply from DARREN GOWEN is Thank you to Gowfam@worldnet.att.net|HEY|WHO IS ON THE PHONE WI

Original Message:

Gowfam@worldnet.att.net|HEY|WHO IS ON THE PHONE WITH YOU GUYS???

i HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU FARTNOCKERS!!!!!

CALL ME i GUESS

LOVE MOM (MICHELLE)

May 22, 1999

Do you care if I go ahead and let Rose go to her friends house today and just bring oliver and heidi? rose could come to visit tomorrow. Darren

From: michelle gowen gowen1266@yahoo.com

To: gowen house gowfam@worldnet.att.net

Sent: Saturday, May 22, 1999 12:36 AM

Subject: stuff to bring us

We need the CD player, a pillow for Doris' bed, SUDAFED, new BackStreet CD and any others you might want to bring. If I think of anything else I will try and get back on here. I had to fight with Blake to get this done.

Darren, Blake will be telling you some dirty jokes tomorrow. He is rattling them off now and I can't get them on here.

Love Michelle