Fave - March 1969

Bobby Sherman Says:  Do Your Own Thing Today!
as told to Rosetta Stone, Fave Reporter

When you see groovy Bobby Sherman performing on "Here Come the Brides" every week, it's hard to imagine that this handsome guy ever had any doubts about himself!   But the truth is that Bobby had to work very hard to overcome a deep-rooted shyness.  In this exclusive Fave interview, you'll find out the secret of how his outasite strength of character has made Bobby one of the most super-sensational Faves on the scene today!  Read on, because what he has to say may be just what YOU want to know about your shyness!

A SELFISH PERSON - Shyness can take many forms in a person's life.  It can give you stage fright or make you embarrassed to talk with boys or girls.  It can make you unwilling to stand up and talk in class at school, and it can make you uncertain about what you should talk about with a person you've just met.  It sometimes will make you be cold or avoid talking to someone you really like in an extra special way, just because of the way you feel about yourself.  And that's the first clue to understanding what shyness really is.  I had to understand that shyness really is the very most selfish of feelings!  Yes, that's right!  The shy person is the most selfish person of all!

Hard to believe?  I know it is, because when I first had this pointed out of me, I was indignant!  I had always tried to go out of my way to be extra nice to others, hoping they would like me.  How could that be selfish?  I was sure I was shy for some other reason.

SEEKING APPROVAL - But after I thought about it for awhile, I started to see what part selfishness really does play in being shy.   And everyone knows that the selfish person really has an awful lot of growing up to do!

It all begins when we're very little babies.  Whenever we'd do something that our parents approved of, we got praised and hugged and a big fuss was made over us.  When we'd do something they didn't like, they wouldn't give us that praise, and before long we developed the habit of trying to do everything we could to win that approval and praise.   This developed into a habit, a habit that become so much a part of us that after awhile we'd do it without even knowing it!

This habit of thought becomes the way we act with others even after we start school, and so the habit of seeking others' approval in everything we do grows and grows right along with us.

Behaving in a way that makes our parents happy is fine, but it's no way to live when it comes to our relationships to other people in the world outside of our family!  This way of thinking always makes you wonder:  "Now if I say this, or do that, what will this person or all these people think of me?  Will they approve or disapprove of me?  Will they think I am groovy?  Will they include me in or shut me out?   What will they think?

It's right here that the trouble starts in one's thinking that leads up to shyness, self-consciousness, and all the pain and unhappiness they bring.  The shy person has become so concerned over what others are going to say or think, that he or she has really forgotten one very important truth: each person in this world is a groovy individual and is every bit as good in every way as everybody else! The shy person has allowed herself to actually depend so much on the opinions of others about herself, that she believes everything about herself that others say!  If others disapprove of her or don't include her in their activities and parties and things, the shy person actually believes they're right and she's wrong about everything!  A person like this is really no person at all because she has given up the precious individuality without which no happiness can be possible.  In a very real sense, this person, as a person, is dead.

YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY - How can someone with this heartbreaking problem do something about bringing themselves back to life?   It isn't easy because it means you have to do the hardest thing a human being can do, and that's break the strongest kind of habit, a habit of thinking!  You have to start to understand that your shyness is really a way of saying to everyone you meet:   "Hello, I want to put my personal responsibilities on your shoulders.  I want you to tell me how to think, what to wear, what to say about everything, and what to do every minute of every day!  I don't want to  make any of those decisions myself because someone might disapprove, and I'm so afraid of that, so sure that I couldn't possibly be right and someone else couldn't possibly be wrong for a change, that I'm going to be a little baby inside and try to get others to do everything for me!"

How, if someone actually came out and said that to you, you'd run the other way at a hundred miles an hour, wouldn't you?  Sure, so would I.  But that's really what shyness is all about.  It's the shy person's refusal to take her own responsibility for herself.  It's her being so selfish and lazy that she wants to force those personal responsibilities and decisions on everybody else!

The first step to overcoming shyness, then, is to realize what shyness really is.   The next step is to promise yourself that you'll never let what you've learned about shyness slip out of your mind.  You'll watch everything you do every day, and keep asking yourself, even before you do it:  "Am I taking my own responsibility for my own life, or by thinking this way or feeling this way, am I still trying to make others make all my decisions for me, trying to load all my responsibilities on their backs?{  If you answer yourself truthfully, then you're ready for the next step, which if you really learn to use it, will free you from the prison of shyness 4-ever!

YOUR OWN THING - Start looking at yourself in the mirror a lot, as many times as possible, every day.  Not to become conceited, just to start to really get to know, and most important, to accept yourself just as you are.  Accept what you look like, what you think and especially what you feel and believe about things, knowing that you have a right to your own opinion just as much as others do.  The truth is that every person has been given their own unique ways of looking at things and their own way of thinking for a very good reason:   God's reason, which will show itself when his planned time comes about.  It's another way of saying that God has given you Your Own Thing, and He intends for you to do your Own Thing every day, the best you know how.  And if others don't understand or approve, then it just has to be too bad about them!

Actually, Your Own Thing is you, your individual self, your soul.  It has nothing to do with what others think, nor with their opinions about you or about anything you do.   Your Own Thing must be sincerely you, that's the only condition there is.  You must be true to what you think and feel, then go ahead and DO Your Own Thing.  Do it every minute of every day, without thinking of what others will think or say.  I know what I'm recommending is not easy.  I know because I went through the pain of it myself.  But I also know that the sooner you start, the easier and groovier it gets!   So start right now.  Do Your Own Thing Today! And once you start, you'll never stop!