REDNECK HUMOR

ADVICE FOR YANKEES MOVING SOUTH!

1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later
   how to use it.

2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can.
   Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
   the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow
   chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay
   out of their way. This is what they live for.

4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
   store.

5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All
   y'all's" is plural possessive.

6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

7. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
   understand you either.

8. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their
   car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

9. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55mph zone,
   directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned
   to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is
   the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay
    out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.