HUMOR IN LETTER'S 

Dear Mom and Dad:

It has been six months since I left for college. I'm sorry 
I haven't written more often and I'm very sorry for my 
unthoughtfulness. I'm sure you have been worried about me. 
Let me bring you up to date, but before you read on, please 
sit down Ok? Don't read any further unless you're sitting down.
Ok?

Good.

I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and 
the concussion I got from jumping out of the window of my 
dormitory when it caught on fire several months ago, are pretty 
much healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital! Mom 
always said the girls in our family heal fast. In fact, I 
can almost see normally again and I only get headaches three 
times a day now.

Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were 
witnessed by a gas station attendant who immediately called 
911. He's so sweet. He even visited me in the hospital, and 
since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out
dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment 
with him. 

It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He really 
is a good person with a kind heart. We have fallen deeply in 
love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact
date yet, but I'm sure that it will be before I start to show.

That's right, Mom and Dad, I'm pregnant! I know how much you 
are looking forward to being grandparents, and I know that you 
will give that baby the same love, devotion and tender care you 
gave me when I was growing up. We would get married now but we 
both failed our premarital blood tests because of some minor 
infection. He told me about beforehand, but dumb me, I
carelessly caught it anyway. Not to worry, though, - the doctor 
said my daily penicillin injections should clear it up by 
next month.

I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. 
He is kind, and although not well educated, he is ambitious - 
just like Dad! Also, he is of a different race and religion 
than ours, but I know, after all your years of teaching me 
tolerance, that you won't mind the fact that he is somewhat
darker than we are. I'm sure you will love him as I do. His 
family background is good too! I am told that his father is 
an important gun bearer in his native African village. That's 
an important government position where he comes from. Well, I 
guess that's all! Now you know why I wanted you to
sit down when you read this letter.

Now that I've brought you up to date, I just wanted to let 
you know-There was no dormitory fire, I didn't suffer a 
concussion or a skull fracture, I wasn't in the hospital, 
I'm not pregnant, I'm not engaged, I don't have syphilis and 
there is no boyfriend of another race or religion in my life;
however, I DID vote for Gov. Bush, and I just wanted you both 
to see this in its proper perspective.

Your loving daughter,

Chelsea

P.S. Stanford is great... I love it, though I miss you both 
terribly..and Socks, too!