HUMOR IN LETTER'S 

Dear Mr. President:

I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, 
I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on
that and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done, 
specifically:

1.      Thank you for introducing us To Gennifer Flowers, 
PaulaJones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen
Willey, and, of course, Juanita Broaddrick, who told NBC that 
you raped her. Are there any others that we should know about?

2.      Thank you for teaching my 8-year-old about oral sex. I
had really planned to wait until he was about 10 or so to discuss 
it with him, but now he knows more about it than I did as a senior 
in college...The cigar thing was also neat for the kids...

3.      Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the
work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, 
and all you have to know is what the meaning of "IS" is. It 
really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex and
one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT 
have sex. Monica said frequently while you were on the phone, 
she would work at one end, and you at the other...
What productivity!

4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to 
a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot 
of the movie "Wag The Dog" could be plausible after all. The 
people of the Sudan, Afghanistan and Serbia are all running to
rent the video, now that you made them part of the story...

5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford 
look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look 
truthful, andJohn Kennedy look moral...

6. Thank you for the 72 House and Senate witnesses who have 
pleaded the 5th
Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid
testifying about Democrat campaign fund raising...

7. Thank you for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 
imprisonment from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal 
charges and32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other 
"Clinton" scandals...

8. Thanks for remembering the families of many deceased 
people who once were your friends, who served you and died 
so suddenly:

Vince Foster, Jerry Parks, Ron Brown, Admiral Boorda, 
Les Aspin, Barbara Alice Wiese, Mary Mahoney, Jim McDougal et al.

9. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" 
much of our foreign policy, and for providing no real missile
defense system for the American people. Thank you for sharing 
with our Chinese friends all of our nuclear weapon designs, 
the supercomputer technology to build such weapons, the ballistic 
missile technology so they can have more accurate missiles, and 
the encryption technology so they can keep it all secret too...

10. You are amazing visiting all those countries! Thank you for 
flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as 
necessary trips.  It's wonderful, too, how you have surpassed every 
other president in the  size of your entourage on these trips: 
75 jumbo jets, 2000 guests to China alone.
Your Africa entourage also was remarkable and it was nice of you to
take Betty Currie. She needed a break from testifying before the 
grand jury...

11. Thank you for reminding us that the government that gave us
the Internal Revenue Service and welfare also lusts for control 
of the greatest healthcare system in the world...

12.     Here are a few more things to thank you for:
938 overnight stays at the White House for Clinton donors...
$40 million-cost of your trip to China...
62 House of Representative seats that have changed from Democrat
to Republican. 12 Senate seats that have changed from Democrat 
to Republican. 13 Governorships that have changed from Democrat 
to Republican 1,200 state legislative seats that have changed 
from Democrat to Republican 353 elected Democrats who have 
switched parties since Clinton took office...

Please give my regards to Hillary, when/if you see her. Tell 
her I'm working on a "Thank You" letter for her.

Looking forward to January 2001,