Click here to skip the editorials and get to the guts of this page.

We came here because we're blue water guys. And for the weather. And it's cheap living here too. Aside from that, theTampa Bay area is pretty much a backwater. They spend hundreds of millions of dollars for The Dome (Devil Rays), the Ice Palace (Lightning), Hoolihan Stadium (Bucs), and Legends Field (Yankees' spring training) and it's still a backwater. This in spite of the fact they have no books, pencils, paper, etc. for schools. They have 'portable' classrooms for the kids as they have no money to build new schools and there was a classroom shortage. I say was because the state legislature voted to count portable classrooms as real classrooms. Hence, there is no more classroom shortage. The Florida State Lottery was started in dedication to education. Turns out the hundreds of millions taken in over the years were spent on education. They simply took an equal amount out of the education budget and spent it on other things. But we've got the Gators, the Noles, and the Canes. And USF started a football team this year, the Bulls. Hell, money well spent. College football is serious business down here. During the season the Sunday St. Pete Times has TWO sports sections. One is College Football and the other is everything else. By the way, the St. Pete Times is a better paper than their web site would indicate (even though they never met a tax they didn't like). Conversely, the Tampa Tribune has a neat site but is a lousy paper. I really haven't spent any time at the Miami Herald site but I understand that the newspaper has gone down the tubes, the only good one left being Carl Hiaason.

Having said all that, Florida is a fascinating state. It has some really cool stuff. We should have started keeping track in July, 1995, when we first got here but, better late than never. I will add more cool stuff as I come across it. This page will therefore be under construction in perpetuity as I plan on living forever.

	Frank's Disclaimer
	If I sound unhappy in my new home, I am not. It's just that so much damned sillyness goes on down here I can't resist commenting on it. Given the lifestyle and the people in this area would I ever move back up north? No way, no how!
	Old Sparky	Henry and Deborah	Grady C. Irvin, Esq.
	Tampa Stadium	Jimmy and St Pete
	Top of Page		Return to Main Page

	"New" Old Sparky
	If I had to guess, I would say that this is probably the favorite of a certain large segment of this state's population. You know, the ones that can't screw standing up because someone might come in and think they're dancing. Old Sparky, Florida's 74 year old electric chair, has been out of use since March of '97. Seems the last guy sat in Sparky had flames shoot out of his head, thereby upsetting the egghead bleeding heart anti-death penalty pinkos here. Now Sparky's fixed. The coolest thing about this was that after they repaired Sparky they made Leo Jones, the 'on deck batter' as it were, watch the tests that verified Sparky was ready to go. So get set for the ride of your life Leo. As we sit here they're dusting off Old Sparky to accomodate your sorry ass! Governor Lawton Chiles complemented the Florida Supreme Court for ruling that Old Sparky was a 'humane, legal way to execute killers'. Childs, stated he would soon set death dates for convicted killers Leo Jones and Gerald Stano and lauded the ruling as 'appropriate and well-reasoned'. Pretty cool stuff, huh? UPDATE 3/99 - They pulled the switch on Stano March 23rd, and Jones on the 24th. Judy Buenoano (the Black Widow) is gone as of the 30th and Daniel Remeta on the 31st. ANOTHER UPDATE 5/8/99 - 76 year old Old Sparky has been replaced! Sparky,worn out by the execution of Ted Bundy and 237 others, developed structural problems and was replaced by a virtual replica. Sparky may end in a museum. Harry Singletary, former secretary of corrections, says that the new chair will inevitably get a nickname, possibly "Sparky II" or "Son of Sparky". A Florida Supreme Court justice once called Sparky "a dinosaur more befitting the laboratory of Baron Frankenstein". UPDATE 7/8/99 - Allen Lee Davis got the first ride in Son of Sparky. Part of the specs for the new chair were to beef up its strength and voltage in anticipation of Davis' 344 pounds. UPDATE - Florida now uses lethal injections.

Return to contents

	Henry and Deborah This picture shows the good Reverand Lyons leaving federal court with his wife Deborah.
	In an alcoholic haze the Reverend Henry J. Lyons' wife Deborah staggered into the seven hundred thousand dollar beach house he owns with convicted embezzler Bernice Edwards. Finding papers confirming her husband and Edwards' ownership, she flew into a rage and trashed the place. She set 5 fires in scattered areas of the house. Still half in the bag, she crashed her car and was nabbed by the cops. She confessed but upon sobering up claimed the fires were set accidently while she was lighting a cigarette. The St. Pete Times asked what brand she smoked and she stated she didn't know. Ultimately she pled guilty to arson and got five years probation. Since then a bunch of irregularities regarding the Reverend's finances have come to light. The good Reverend, in addition to owning or underwiting purchases for several residences and timeshares, is tooling about in a Mercedes and a Rolls Royce. Many junkets and jewelry purchases are also being questioned. In addition, loans acquired with the aid of alleged forgeries are being looked into. Not to worry. Reverend Lyon's congregation recently held a fund raising meeting for his legal fees. In addition the National Baptist Convention, of which he is the president, has given him a vote of confidence. Seems that the honkies and the St. Petersburg Times are engaged in a vendetta against this holy of holies. Amen, Brother. UPDATE: On July 2, 1998, a federal grand jury returned 56 counts in a 74 page indictment of the good reverend. The list of crimes includes wire fraud, bank fraud, mail fraud, tax evasion, extortion, money laundering, and conspiracy. Fortuitously for Lyons, a couple of weeks earlier the National Baptist Convention gave him another vote of confidence. At that time many individuals donated money for his defense. Hey guys, you wanna buy a bridge in Brooklyn?
	UPDATE: Lyons found guilty of grand theft (2 counts) and racketeering, gets five and a half years from state. Lyons and his two girlfriends cop pleas in Federal Court. PS - Lyons' wife can't visit him in the pokey because she's a convicted felon! Cool, huh?

UPDATE - A Worthy Successor

According to the St. Pete Times editions of December 5 and 11, 2000, Dr. Lyons' congregation finally elected a successor to the old crook on December 1. Turns out that the new pastor was sentenced to two years of community control in 1991 for forgery. He was also "arrested several times between 1986 and 1991 on charges of petty larceny, possession of crack and marijuana, shoplifting, assault, showing a weapon and violating probation". He currently has two outstanding warrents for his arrest dating back to 1991, both for parole violation. Said one of the congregation who voted against him, "we could have waited for Dr. Lyons".

Return to contents

	Grady C. Irvin, Esq.
		Grady C. Irvin Jr. is one of the good Reverend Lyons' attorneys. Allegedly seperated from his airline stewardess wife (he probably is now), the court recently refused to enjoin Irvin from stalking Carla Monroe, who dances topless at The Doll House nightclub under the name of "Lexus". He claims that he was NOT harassing her. He was simply concerned for her and her children. What a guy! This guy and Lyons are a couple of saints.

Return to contents

	Tampa Stadium
	Houlihan Stadium, aka 'The Old Sombrero'.				Raymond James Stadium, aka 'The Ripoff'.
	Our hero, Malcolm Glazer
	So anyway, this upstanding citizen, Malcolm Glazer, bought the moribund Bucs and threatened to move them away. I mean hell, the old stadium's like, 30 years old. The county commission, horrified at the thought, had a referendum as to whether Hillsborough County should build the Glazers a new stadium. Undiscouraged when it was voted down they had another referendum, which bundled more moneys for police and schools into the deal. The benighted denizens then voted "Yes". Now here are the cool parts. Having given away the ranch to Malcolm, the commissioners decided to ask for a meet with him to see if he would reconsider paying county taxes on this arena which was given to him along with all sorts of other perks. He did not deign to respond. They also asked to see the lease arrangements on the luxury boxes at the new stadium (as is their right, in writing). Malcolm, who's making additional big bucks on these boxes said, in essence, "Up yours!". The other cool thing is the latest ticket arrangement - In 1997 the Bucs were "embarrassed" by the hordes of Green Bay fans that poured into the stadium and drowned out the Tampa rooters. Cheeseheads like to come to Tampa. It's warmer than Wisconsin and Green Bay wins, right? So in 1998 tickets made available to travel agents and hotels were LIMITED TO 2500! Everyone was told that the new stadium would boost tourism, generate millions of dollars, etc., etc. And now these idiots want to limit the number of fans coming to town for the game! Absolutely amazing. And THIS for a team that finished 8 and 8. Cool, huh? UPDATE Dec. 2000 - The Bucs still stink on ice.

Return to contents

	Jimmy and St. Pete   Click here for some beefcake and other pictures of Jimmy.
	Our nephew, Jim Lucie, was here on a visit with his two brothers Anthony and Michael and sister-in-law Reagan (click to read about Reagan's hobby). Jim is a very nice lad, having overcome his upbringing by the dread Maureen. They came to see the Patriots thrash the Bucs. Didn't happen! Jim noticed an anomaly I should have mentioned, having been euchred by this Byzantine scheme on several occasions until I got used to it. But often things leap out at young eyes that escape those of an old fart like myself. St. Pete got it bass ackwards again! Jim notes that in St. Petersburg, streets run north to south and avenues east to west. Of course this is contrary to all rational and civilized thought. But what is to be expected of a city which over the past few years has bought out businesses and hotels just to raze them, only to have their 'business partner' in this 'revitalization project' bail out? This leaves the city's skyline looking like the mouth of a 120 year old Iraqi grandmother - more gaps than teeth. In a city with a waterfront that smarter burghers would kill for, life goes on it's indolent way. In this moribund town hoi polloi howl for a MULTIPLEX MOVIE THEATER , WITH PARKING, as if that will resuscitate this backwater. Such are the cultural aspirations in St. Petersburg. UPDATE: Now they've got the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The delicious irony is the media think that the Rays play in Tampa! I love it.

Return to contents

Click here to return to Main Page

 

		Jimmy in Bangkok
	An insouciant James at The Great Wall
		Jimmy meets the Dragon Lady
	Jimmy and his brother Mike at Mike's wedding
	Click here to return.