January 2000

Wednesday morning:

Natalie lay on the stretcher, trying to relax before the doctors took the biopsy. Her head swam with all the possibilities, but in the end, she knew it boiled down to either she had cancer or she didn't. And then if she did, she would have to decide if she would use traditional treatments or become a creature of the night.

Wednesday night:

The doorbell startled Natalie out of her pacing. She looked through the peep hole and saw Diane. She knew before she opened the door that she had cancer.

Natalie opened the door. "It's cancer, isn't it?"

Diane looked at her friend and nodded. "I wanted to tell you in person."

"Thank you." Natalie stepped away from the door, leaving it open. She called for Sydney. He ran toward her and into her arms. She hugged him to her as she started to sob.

Diane closed the door behind her and put her arms around Natalie. "It'll be ok, Natalie. You know the survival rates are astounding when it is caught early. And you may only need to have a lumpectomy--if you choose."

"I know, Diane. It's just all the mess..." Natalie allowed her head to drop onto Diane's shoulder as Sydney escaped to the floor.

"Natalie, you know as well as I do that woman can live full lives filled with passion, love, sex and even children after breast cancer. It isn't a death sentence."

The door to Natalie's apartment flew open and the two women screamed.

Nick decided to stop by Natalie's on his way into work. He knew it was her day off and that she hadn't been feeling well. He thought maybe some flowers would help her mood. His fist had frozen mid-knock as he heard the conversation that transpired inside. He stood in shock and disbelief, but the sound of Natalie's tears forced him into action.

Natalie took one look at Nick and the flowers in his hand. "I just dropped by to give you these." Nick looked at Natalie until her eyes locked with his. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Diane looked back and forth between Nick and Natalie. "I think I should be going. Natalie, I set up an appointment for you tomorrow at my office so we can talk about your options. I'll see you around four." Diane hugged her friend and quickly exited the tension-filled room.

Nick took Natalie by the arm and guided her to the sofa. He pulled her into an embrace and held her tightly against him as she cried. Nick kissed the top of Natalie's head, gently rocking back forth trying to soothe her. "I'll be here, Natalie. I won't let you go through this alone. I'll take care of you."

Natalie stopped crying and dried the tears off her face. "How will you take care of me, Nick? Will you hold my head as I vomit after chemotherapy? Will you do my shopping after radiation has stolen all my energy from me?"

"Yes, I said I will take care of you, and I will, Natalie."

"You'll hold me and make love to me after I lose part or all of my breast to remind me that I'm still a whole woman?"

"I can't do that, Natalie--you know it is too risky."

"Too risky? I'm getting ready to lose my breast, do things to my body that no one was ever meant to do--and you think that making love to you is too risky?"

Nick paused, reminding himself that Natalie was striking out at him because she was scared--she had to have somewhere to direct her anger, and he was the best target.

"And I know what you are thinking, Nicholas Knight--I am not directing my anger at you--I am angry about YOU. I can't believe you would let me go through all that without ever offering to bring me across."

Nick looked at Natalie in shock. "Natalie, you should know you don't want to be what I am. Damned, soulless...it isn't a life." Nick went to the window and stared at the streets below.

"And you have decided this for me? At least LaCroix offered to take care of me. He didn't want to see me sick."

Nick turned abruptly at Natalie's words. "LaCroix?!"

"Yes, and before you ask--I went drinking at the Raven the other night, and he tasted my blood--without asking. He has called every day to check on--" The phone rang before Natalie could finish.

Nick flew to the phone, his hand beating Natalie's. "Hello," Nick said as he put the receiver to his ear.

"Nick? Is that you?"

"Yeah, Grace, it's me. I assume you would like to speak to Nat." Nick handed the phone to Natalie and walked into the kitchen to find his emergency supply of blood hidden there.

"Hi, Grace."

"Nat, I hate to bother you on your day off, but where did you put the MacLeod report? They are having trouble locating the body, and I can't find the preliminary report."

"It should be in my out bin. If it isn't there, then it must have been picked up to be filed."

"Ok, I'll have another look around. You have a good time, Nat!"

As soon as Natalie hung up the phone, it rang again. She picked up the receiver.

"Hello, Natalie. Have you heard the results yet?"

Natalie swallowed hard, "Yes. It wasn't good news. Nick found out by accident, and he is here now."

"Good, then he will take care of the situation. I will send over some of my finest stock for you. Miklos should be there in about an hour."

"There doesn't appear to be a need to do that at this moment. Nick is not accepting that solution to my problem."

LaCroix growled. "My son is a buffoon. If you need me, my offer still stands. And regardless, I will always have a table ready for you."

"Thank you, Luc--"

"There is no need. I must be on the air in a few minutes. I will call you before I retire for the day. Good night, Doctor."

"Good night."

"So, you and LaCroix are on a first-name basis." Nick took a long swig from the bottle he had found in the back of Natalie's refrigerator.

"I got tired of being called Doctor Lambert. He can be too formal at times."

"He has offered to bring you across?"

"Yes. But it isn't he whom I love." Natalie turned and walked toward her bedroom. She turned back to Nick and firmly said, "Stay here. I'll be back." Natalie closed the door to her bedroom and headed toward her closet.

Twenty minutes later, Natalie opened the door again. She was now dressed in a short, black lace dress. The dress was tight with a square neckline, leaving little to the imagination. Nick stared at Natalie--then turned away, downing the rest of his bloodwine.

"I haven't seen you wear that dress before."

"You have never taken me anywhere I could wear it. It's not exactly dinner and video material."

"I didn't know you wanted--"

"Wanted to be wined and dined, wanted to be shown off, wanted to be treated like a woman instead of a friend--No, Nick, I guess you didn't know. Have you learned anything about women in the eight centuries you have been on Earth? I believe most of us like to be pampered at times."

"I do know that about women, Natalie. I just didn't know that about you."

Natalie picked up her purse and headed toward the door. She turned back to look at Nick. "I guess you don't know me as well as you think." Natalie opened the door and started to walk down the hall.

Nick locked the apartment, then jogged to catch up with Natalie. "Where are we going?"

"You are taking me to the Raven."

Nick and Natalie walked into the Raven. Miklos stared at the air, entranced by Natalie's open sexuality. He had their drinks fixed by the time they arrived at the bar.

"Nick, your regular, and a double vodka tonic for the lady. I believe your table in the back is open, Natalie. Just remove the reserved sign."

"Thank you, Miklos."

Nick felt like an outsider in his community's home and toward Natalie. He followed Natalie over to the table.

Miklos slipped out from behind the bar and headed toward the radio booth. He reached LaCroix as he exited the booth.

"I assume they have arrived?"

"Yes."

"I'll take my drink at the bar in a few minutes. I need to put in a tape."

Nick looked at Natalie. "Why are we here, Natalie?"

"I wanted you to see something, or, more accurately, someones." Natalie scanned the dance floor looking for the couple she had seen dancing the last time she was there. She spotted them as they danced to the edge of the dance floor. They were entwined with each other again, enjoying the pleasures of the flesh.

Natalie leaned toward Nick. "That couple...the one dancing on the edge--pressed together."

"I see them."

"They are both part of the community, aren't they?"

"Do you see their passion--why can't we have that, Nick? Why can't we express it as they are?"

"Because one of us still has our humanity, Natalie--and until we can find a way to recapture mine, we can't do what they are doing."

"Nick, can you tell me something more 'human' than making love? The ability to choose and love our partners, to be faithful and loyal--to make love out of choice, not out of the need to procreate? There is nothing more human, Nick, nothing." Natalie watched as the couple drifted off into the recesses of the Raven.

"Dance with me, Nick. Please."

Nick stood, taking Natalie's hand in his own. He led her off to the dance floor. They swayed together, Nick pressing Natalie up against him. He kissed her temples. Nick's mind was racing--he didn't know what to do. Natalie was making it very clear what she wanted--he just didn't know if he could give that to her.

Natalie ground her hips against Nick's. Her lips drifted from his neck up to his lips. She tried parting his lips with her tongue, but Nick pulled away. "Nat, please, I don't know if I will be able to control myself."

"I don't want you to control yourself. I want you to take me to your place, my place, the back hall--I don't care where--and make love to me."

"Nat, I can't."

"On the contrary, Nicholas, you can. The fact is you will not make love to this beautiful woman." LaCroix took Natalie's hand in his own and wrapped it around his neck. He pulled her into his embrace, hard--their bodies colliding together. One of his hands drifted to the small of her back, while the other wrapped in Natalie's hair.

Natalie was startled by LaCroix's hands on her body. She looked into his eyes as she felt him pressing up against her.

"This new side of you that is finding expression has me quite entranced. And unlike my foolish son, I do not find it necessary to restrain myself from expressing my desires." LaCroix kissed Natalie on the lips, his tongue gently caressing hers.

Natalie leaned into LaCroix's kiss, losing herself in the hope he offered her.

Nick had walked away from the couple, disgusted with Natalie's behavior and at being pressured to do something he felt was wrong. Miklos was waiting for him at the bar. Nick drank the bloodwine that was put in front of him.

"Nick, I don't mean to pry into your business--but I know you love her--we all do, so why don't you act?"

"I can't do what she is asking of me."

"You brought Janette back across--and against her will. How is Natalie different?"

"I wasn't ready to let Janette die--and she never was like Natalie."

"You mean she was a whore, don't you?" "No, it's not--"

"Janette was forced into a life she did not want before she was immortal--and then you forced her back into a life that she did not want."

Nick hung his head and took a long sip of his drink. "You are right, Miklos."

"And now you are denying a woman who wants to join you. Why?"

"I don't want her to change, to stop being the Natalie I love."

"People--immortal or mortal--change, Nick, otherwise they are truly dead." Miklos wiped the bar and left Nick to brood.

Nick looked at the dance floor and saw LaCroix cradling Natalie in his arms. Tears ran down her face. He could barely make out the words of comfort that LaCroix was whispering to her.

Nick stood, downing the rest of his bloodwine. He walked toward his father and Natalie. "Natalie, I think it's time we went home. We need to tal k--and you aren't acting like yourself. We can face this together."

LaCroix flashed his anger-filled red eyes at his son before regaining his composure. "In my quarters, NOW, Nicholas." LaCroix took Natalie's hand and guided her toward the stairs leading to his rooms above the Raven.

LaCroix turned to Nicholas as he shut the door to his private rooms. "It's time you grew up, Nicholas, and took care of things."

"I don't think that by helping Natalie to avoid dealing with her cancer that I would be helping her."

"It isn't about me avoiding dealing with the cancer. It IS about us dealing with what is between us. I know who you are, what you are about, what you have done and what you are capable of doing. I'm ready to join you--are you ready to love me?"

"Natalie, what has he done to you? You never wanted to be one of us before now."

"How would you know? You've never asked me how I felt! You've only turned me down when I have suggested we try. I'm tired of being alone. This experience has just brought that to a head. There is so much missing from my life, and I am tired of it."

Nick walked over to Natalie, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Natalie, this isn't the life for you--you are better than that. You are too precious to me. I won't let you ruin your life just because you are scared. We will face this together, but in the right way."

"Take your hands off me, Nick. I'm tired of being your angel on a pedestal. I wanted to be loved, like a woman should be."

"I can't do that, not yet. It's too risky."

Nat slapped Nick across the face. "Too risky for whom? For you? For me? Afraid you couldn't live with yourself if you made me your daughter? It didn't stop you from bringing Janette back across."

"Natalie, you are different, can't you see that?"

"All I can see is a hypocrite. Leave, Nick. Go back to your loft where it is safe."

Nick took one last look at Natalie and turned toward LaCroix. "If you hurt one hair on her body, I will kill you."

LaCroix chuckled at Nick's bravado. "I doubt you are capable of that, but I will do nothing to the good doctor that she does not request."

Nick slammed the door behind him. Natalie ran into LaCroix's arms--tears streaming down her face. "It will be alright, dear Natalie. I won't desert you." Natalie put her hands on LaCroix's face and kissed him.

"Make love to me, Lucien. "

"Not tonight, my love. If you are to be mine, I want you to choose to be--I do not want you to decide while you are in pain. Tomorrow. We will

decide together tomorrow." "Hold me?"

"All night, I promise."