Summary:  Limericks written for T'Pat's birthday party at TrekSmut University (TSU).  Mild to rude.  

T'Pat!  T'Pat!  Come out and play! 
At TSU, it is your day! 
   We're here to party 
   Long and most hearty, 
So grab your cap and swim this way! 

* * * * * * * * * * 

Happy Birthday from old TSU! 
You're another year wiser it's true, 
   But don't start to fret 
   And have no regret; 
Just come out for a brew with the crew! 

In your honor, a cake's been procured -- 
A most temptingly luscious reward; 
   It is sugar-based 
   And cinnamon-laced, 
So your pleasure is likely assured! 

Good stories both wholesome and lewd, 
Your party will surely include; 
   Some TOS friends are there 
   In great underwear, 
While others, quite frankly, are nude! 

Well, tradition requires a spanking 
For all those whom the years are outflanking; 
   So drop 'em and smile -- 
   We'll be here a while; 
Doctor Birch is the one you'll be thanking! 

If there's anything that you be lacking, 
Or you tire of all that duck's quacking, 
   Just speak up, my dear, 
   And never you fear, 
We'll hop to it sans any wisecracking! 

If it's slashing and K/S you crave, 
Or an Ensign as personal slave, 
   You've come to the spot 
   To get it red hot -- 
It's all here in our dark, cozy cave! 

Go slip into your sexiest duds, 
And pull up a big bucket of suds; 
   Now get a good grip -- 
   Spock's promised to strip! 
So, sit back and relax with your buds. 

* * * * * * * * * * 

Uhura has promised us fare 
That's certain to make smutters stare; 
   Her sultry fan dance 
   Will jiggle your pants, 
'Cuz, matey, she's practically bare! 

Well, our Scotty seems oh-so sedate, 
But, my friend, I am here to relate: 
   When deep in his cups, 
   The Engineer shtups 
And the Vulcan is his favorite mate! 

For Chekov, did Sulu repine: 
"My darling, I want you supine; 
   Position your lips 
   Near my thrusting hips -- 
I promise a taste treat divine!" 

Now out in the cold is poor Rand; 
Perhaps Chapel will lend a hand? 
   You never can tell... 
   Oh, damn!  What the hell?! 
They've made slash a bland ampersand! 

Black velvet is Spock's best attire; 
My lust it will always inspire. 
   Oh!  What excitement 
   And true incitement; 
His body is my one desire! 

Black velvet is Spock's best attire; 
My lust it will always inspire, 
   And hard as a rock 
   Grows my aching cock, 
His body is my one desire!